About 1,300 parishioners of a Catholic Church in New York may have been exposed to hepatitis A through communion on Christmas day. I'm not sure a good Christmas gift is "the gift that keeps on giving".
In an effort to protect children, the latest version of the American classic “Huckleberry Finn” does not contain the “N-word”. They have replaced it with "Non-Caucasian young man".
Elderly people who lose their teeth may be at increased risk for dementia. In other words, elderly people are at increased risk of dementia.
A suicidal New York man jumped from a nine story window on Monday, but he was saved by a pile of full trash bags. That's absurd. NYC trash actually in trash bags?
A ten-year old astronomer was recently been declared the youngest person to ever see an exploding star. He saw Pamela Anderson's breasts.
A new report says that nearly one in three adults could own an iPad by 2015. The other two thirds are grandparents who still think an iPad is a beauty product.
The Cleveland Browns are reportedly looking for a coach who will "lead them to a championship". In other words, they are looking for a man with magical powers.
This just in from the world of technology: the popular iPhone app "Angry Birds" has a new unlockable bird: you launch it, then while it's in its path, you touch it, and it just falls to the ground and dies.
Myspace is planning to lay off up to a half of their 1,100 employees. To put that in perspective, that's 1,100 employees per Myspace user.
A company says it has developed a “less harmful” tobacco. How about a tobacco that isn't harmful at all?
Ranchers are pushing to a return to slaughtering horses for food. Like they say, "You are what you eat".
A study says that nine in ten Americans say their diet is healthy. Of those nine, eight of them followed with, "Hold on. I need to check my blood sugar.".
That's all for right now! More to come later!
Showing posts with label Birds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birds. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Saturday, February 6, 2010
"That Hopey Changey Thing"
Hello to my limited supply of readers! These are my jokes for February 6, 2010!
Sarah Palin is saying the policies of President Barack Obama and Democratic leaders in Congress will be short-lived. Actually, she had to say that. That was part of her contract with FOX News.
A Louisiana high school student was sent home for wearing an Indianapolis Colts jersey to school. No, not because it was a Colts jersey, but because the shoulder had a "Super Bowl Champions 2010" patch.
Sarah Palin had some pointed advice to President Barack Obama on Saturday night: "Stop lecturing and start listening." To which Obama said, "Right back atcha".
Sarah Palin also told Obama, "How's that hopey changey thing working out for you?" Sadly, that was the most intelligent grammar she had all night.
A 13 year old football player has committed to play at USC starting in 2015. He has to wait until 2015? USC would be better off if he came now.
NASCAR driver Kyle Busch proposed to his girlfriend on the track at Daytona International Speedway. To which NASCAR fans said, "Awww... Now they ain't just cuzins no more are they?"
Washington DC was hit by three feet of snow today. No wonder Chris Matthews forgot that President Obama was black. He was covered in snow.
Pete Wentz says talk of Fall Out Boy's demise has been blown out of proportion — but he isn't sure when the rock band will performing together again. Now I know where "Fall Out" came from.
Eagle protection agencies have been seeing eagles that are oddly sick because of food they ate. It's gotten so bad that instead of bird poop landing on people, it has been bird puke.
Jersey Shore is all about fake boobs, drunk people, abs, and hookups. Jersey Shore? Why not call it "Jersey Whores"?
Well that's it everyone! Thanks for reading!
Sarah Palin is saying the policies of President Barack Obama and Democratic leaders in Congress will be short-lived. Actually, she had to say that. That was part of her contract with FOX News.
A Louisiana high school student was sent home for wearing an Indianapolis Colts jersey to school. No, not because it was a Colts jersey, but because the shoulder had a "Super Bowl Champions 2010" patch.
Sarah Palin had some pointed advice to President Barack Obama on Saturday night: "Stop lecturing and start listening." To which Obama said, "Right back atcha".
Sarah Palin also told Obama, "How's that hopey changey thing working out for you?" Sadly, that was the most intelligent grammar she had all night.
A 13 year old football player has committed to play at USC starting in 2015. He has to wait until 2015? USC would be better off if he came now.
NASCAR driver Kyle Busch proposed to his girlfriend on the track at Daytona International Speedway. To which NASCAR fans said, "Awww... Now they ain't just cuzins no more are they?"
Washington DC was hit by three feet of snow today. No wonder Chris Matthews forgot that President Obama was black. He was covered in snow.
Pete Wentz says talk of Fall Out Boy's demise has been blown out of proportion — but he isn't sure when the rock band will performing together again. Now I know where "Fall Out" came from.
Eagle protection agencies have been seeing eagles that are oddly sick because of food they ate. It's gotten so bad that instead of bird poop landing on people, it has been bird puke.
Jersey Shore is all about fake boobs, drunk people, abs, and hookups. Jersey Shore? Why not call it "Jersey Whores"?
Well that's it everyone! Thanks for reading!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
"Sexual Encounters With Other Men"
Hello everyone! Here are my jokes for today!
J.D. Salinger, author of "Catcher in the Rye" and also known to be a recluse, died at the age of 92. If a recluse dies, how do people find out?
J.D. Salinger, author of "Catcher in the Rye" and also known to be a recluse, died at the age of 92. He asks that nobody show up to his funeral.
The son of a well-known Alcoa pastor has taken out an order of protection against his father, claiming he was threatened with a gun during an argument. Talk about a "son of a gun".
In a far-fetched Internet rumor, 15-year-old singer Justin Bieber was shot dead in a New York nightclub. To make the rumor more believable, the killer was reported to have a strong hatred for really bad music.
Taylor Lautner was rumored to be dead because of strippers and cocaine. He was saved by the millions of teenage girls who really wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth.
U.S. wages in 2009 at the smallest rise on record at only 1.5%. Well, the wages of the worker on Main Street dropped dramatically, but undeserving SOB's at the insurance companies evened the bar.
Officials say a bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since it was first reported Nov. 20. Nobody knows why, but the chicken said he still doesn't know the answer to "Why did the chicken cross the road".
Eleven inmates at an Arizona prison were injured after a fight broke out at a complex west of Phoenix Saturday afternoon. Here's the scary part: the fight only involved three people.
Tiger Woods was reported to have sexual encounters with other men. I guess it wasn't just his green jackets that were in the closet...
J.D. Salinger, author of "Catcher in the Rye" and also known to be a recluse, died at the age of 92. If a recluse dies, how do people find out?
J.D. Salinger, author of "Catcher in the Rye" and also known to be a recluse, died at the age of 92. He asks that nobody show up to his funeral.
The son of a well-known Alcoa pastor has taken out an order of protection against his father, claiming he was threatened with a gun during an argument. Talk about a "son of a gun".
In a far-fetched Internet rumor, 15-year-old singer Justin Bieber was shot dead in a New York nightclub. To make the rumor more believable, the killer was reported to have a strong hatred for really bad music.
Taylor Lautner was rumored to be dead because of strippers and cocaine. He was saved by the millions of teenage girls who really wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth.
U.S. wages in 2009 at the smallest rise on record at only 1.5%. Well, the wages of the worker on Main Street dropped dramatically, but undeserving SOB's at the insurance companies evened the bar.
Officials say a bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since it was first reported Nov. 20. Nobody knows why, but the chicken said he still doesn't know the answer to "Why did the chicken cross the road".
Eleven inmates at an Arizona prison were injured after a fight broke out at a complex west of Phoenix Saturday afternoon. Here's the scary part: the fight only involved three people.
Tiger Woods was reported to have sexual encounters with other men. I guess it wasn't just his green jackets that were in the closet...
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