A new vaccine is being developed to fight Alzheimer’s disease, and could be on the market soon after successful tests on mice. After the tests on mice brains, they plan to test the vaccine on people with equally sized brains: anti-vaxxers.
Dr. Phil is selling his Beverly Hills home for $5.75 million dollars, and the home includes a staircase that’s covered in metallic snakes. Man, if Dr. Phil wanted to decorate his staircase with things that hiss loudly and scare anyone that comes near it, he should’ve just decorated it with pictures of himself.
Allee Willis, who co-wrote the theme song for Friends, has died at the age of 72. After her funeral, the cast of the show will gather by a fountain and give her a four-clap salute.
The Houston Texans defeated the Buffalo Bills 22-19 in overtime in the first round of the playoffs. After the game winning field goal, a jubilant Will Fuller engaged in a celebration where he jumped up and down, during which he tore both of his ACLs.
A National Security Analyst referred to Donald Trump's threatening tweets regarding retaliation against Iran as "preschool-level deterrence". This is due to him blaming his decision to strike Iran on Dopey Dora the Explorer and Crooked Elmo.
A report says some men sleep with their long distance girlfriends over video chat to keep them company. Though the hardest part of this for the men is making sure the camera shot doesn't show the other girl in their beds.
An Instagram model sold nude pictures to anyone who donated at least $10 to the relief efforts of the Australian wildfires. Not to be outdone, the bunnies in the Playboy Mansion just released a rendition of “We Are The World”.
Amazon mistakenly shipped a man a waffle iron with an old waffle still inside. If anything, I'm just glad they didn't ship him a coffin.
A report says that electronic scooter injuries have jumped 222% in the last four years. Upon hearing the news from the researchers, angry scooter riders who want to continue their hobby put up their middle fingers at them, which wasn't the only time that they had flipped a Bird.
The Ohio medical marijuana board is considering making “being a Bengals fan” a qualifying condition for obtaining medical marijuana. The best part of this is, if it’s accepted, the cashier at each dispensary will put the marijuana products in paper bags, and follow that up by cutting eye holes in the bags so Bengals fans can wear them to games.
Gwyneth Paltrow released a vagina-scented candle that sold out in stores almost immediately. Man, it must have been quite the snatch.
The Kansas City Chiefs defeated the Houston Texans 51-31 in their playoff matchup. The Texans defense got torn up so badly, I almost mistook it for Will Fuller’s ACL.
January 13th's TV options included the NCAA football national championship and the Bachelor. It was an epic night of TV that featured a bunch of people pursuing the same dude, and the Bachelor.
Former President George W. Bush once allegedly described rapper Eminem as “The biggest threat to American youth since polio”. And if polio was still a thing, it would make it impossible for the real Slim Shady to stand up.
NASA says smoke from the Australia bush fires will travel around the world. This is unique, as people finally get to see a disaster go on a world tour without having to purchase a ticket that says "Limp Bizkit" on it.
Well, that's part one of 24 of my yearly project to write a monologue joke every single day. I enjoy this exercise, as it takes me back to my roots of being a comedian. I've had this blog for over ten years now, and I feel like some people would be shocked and/or concerned to hear the fact that I still run this SOB. But yes. I've managed to write a joke every day so far this year. It keeps my comedy brain active, and I'm glad it does, as I want to improve on writing and being a better punchline guy. Thanks for tolerating my BS, and I'll see you at the end of the month!
Showing posts with label Vaginas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vaginas. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Sunday, March 1, 2015
"Mini Versions Of People"
President Obama has a proposed budget of $4 trillion. At least half of it will be used to pay for Game of War ads.
A Redskins fan paid $1,522 for a cast worn by Robert Griffin III. Who knows about overpaying for a useless item more than RGIII and the Redskins?
A survey says the most popular Valentine’s date meal is sushi. Yep, men spend Valentine's Day eating raw fish, and then they go on a sushi date.
Brian Williams has come under fire for fabricating a story about a chopper he was in during the Iraq War. I'm not saying Brian Williams has lost his credibility, but his most recent story was about me going on a date last Saturday night.
RadioShack filed for bankruptcy. So now if I want the newest electronics, I'll go to the place I was already going to instead of RadioShack.
Bruce Jenner is reportedly transitioning to become a woman. Apparently this news left Bobbi Kristina Brown speechless.
A Chinese developer has created a video game controller that's controlled by the vagina. Also controlled by the vagina: men.
Cincinnati Bengals QB Andy Dalton made the Pro Bowl this year. He's great for the Pro Bowl because it allows him to showcase his greatest strength: throwing to players who play for other teams.
Cincinnati Bengals QB Andy Dalton made the Pro Bowl this year. Pro Bowl officials decided to let him in after 36 other quarterbacks, six rocks, and a Denny's manager were deemed unavailable.
The Mueller Report says NFL didn't investigate into the Ray Rice domestic violence situation enough. Meanwhile, the Schubert Report says Ray Rice shouldn't have hit his wife in the first place.
Police in KY killed the first cougar seen there since the Civil War. It's a shame the cougar died before it got the chance to blow George Clooney.
A store in Paris uses 3D printing to sell mini versions of people. They're selling a mini version of me, and it comes with a mini girl that runs from it.
On NPR, Bill Cosby refused to deny the rape allegations against him. This proves once and for all that he doesn't see any value in the word "no".
Black Eyes Peas singer Fergie is pregnant. She knew she might have been pregnant when her period was so two thousand and late.
That's all I have for right now. Well, I don't know what else to say about my comedy grind except for the fact that it's been going well. No, I haven't been booked yet, but I'm working on that. All my club sets have gone really really well as of late, and I'll be going to more clubs as time goes on. In March alone, I'll be performing in at least two clubs (Go Bananas in Cincy on the 4th and Wiley's in Dayton on the 22nd). I'm really excited for how everything is going to turn out, because I feel as if I'm starting to hit a groove with this thing. As for the diet, for the first time since my junior year of high school, I'm under 200 pounds (194 as of right now)! That means that I've lost a total of 60 pounds so far. I know, that weight is gonna seem real shitty in a few months as I'm still losing more and more weight. I feel better about myself than I have in a long time. Anyway, enough of the petty bullshit. I'll have a new batch of dick jokes soon for you guys. More to come later!
A Redskins fan paid $1,522 for a cast worn by Robert Griffin III. Who knows about overpaying for a useless item more than RGIII and the Redskins?
A survey says the most popular Valentine’s date meal is sushi. Yep, men spend Valentine's Day eating raw fish, and then they go on a sushi date.
Brian Williams has come under fire for fabricating a story about a chopper he was in during the Iraq War. I'm not saying Brian Williams has lost his credibility, but his most recent story was about me going on a date last Saturday night.
RadioShack filed for bankruptcy. So now if I want the newest electronics, I'll go to the place I was already going to instead of RadioShack.
Bruce Jenner is reportedly transitioning to become a woman. Apparently this news left Bobbi Kristina Brown speechless.
A Chinese developer has created a video game controller that's controlled by the vagina. Also controlled by the vagina: men.
Cincinnati Bengals QB Andy Dalton made the Pro Bowl this year. He's great for the Pro Bowl because it allows him to showcase his greatest strength: throwing to players who play for other teams.
Cincinnati Bengals QB Andy Dalton made the Pro Bowl this year. Pro Bowl officials decided to let him in after 36 other quarterbacks, six rocks, and a Denny's manager were deemed unavailable.
The Mueller Report says NFL didn't investigate into the Ray Rice domestic violence situation enough. Meanwhile, the Schubert Report says Ray Rice shouldn't have hit his wife in the first place.
Police in KY killed the first cougar seen there since the Civil War. It's a shame the cougar died before it got the chance to blow George Clooney.
A store in Paris uses 3D printing to sell mini versions of people. They're selling a mini version of me, and it comes with a mini girl that runs from it.
On NPR, Bill Cosby refused to deny the rape allegations against him. This proves once and for all that he doesn't see any value in the word "no".
Black Eyes Peas singer Fergie is pregnant. She knew she might have been pregnant when her period was so two thousand and late.
That's all I have for right now. Well, I don't know what else to say about my comedy grind except for the fact that it's been going well. No, I haven't been booked yet, but I'm working on that. All my club sets have gone really really well as of late, and I'll be going to more clubs as time goes on. In March alone, I'll be performing in at least two clubs (Go Bananas in Cincy on the 4th and Wiley's in Dayton on the 22nd). I'm really excited for how everything is going to turn out, because I feel as if I'm starting to hit a groove with this thing. As for the diet, for the first time since my junior year of high school, I'm under 200 pounds (194 as of right now)! That means that I've lost a total of 60 pounds so far. I know, that weight is gonna seem real shitty in a few months as I'm still losing more and more weight. I feel better about myself than I have in a long time. Anyway, enough of the petty bullshit. I'll have a new batch of dick jokes soon for you guys. More to come later!
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