"Briefly Interrupted Play"

New Mexico is using Billy The Kid as a tourist draw because he was shot there. They used a murder to attract people? It's like America's version of Abbottabad.

The San Francisco Giants will visit President Obama at the White House. Of course, "Giants" is the nickname of President Obama's ears.

LA Laker forward Lamar Odom was in an automobile accident in New York. He was so disoriented that he was sexually attracted to Khloe Kardashian.

A man wearing a wedding dress ran onto the field during a Braves game in Atlanta and briefly interrupted play. I knew he was in Atlanta because he threw a bouquet in the air and nobody caught it.

A report says that British troops that were serving in Afghanistan were “unacceptably weak”. Like their toothpaste.

A study says that educators who mentor young doctors miss opportunities to teach them about medical ethics. Mainly because the educators are too busy sleeping with the young doctors.

A poll says that “Jersey Shore” does not hurt the image of New Jersey. When Jersey Shore doesn't negatively affect your reputation, it's time to make some changes.

Scientists say that Neanderthals bred with early humans and that some people could still have their DNA. Apparently scientists are huge fans of Larry King.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"A Big Parade"

President Obama says everyone in Washington, including himself, needs to do a better job. He's just figuring this out now?

A giant panda at the Atlanta Zoo gave birth to a cub for the third time. To which people in Chicago said, "Please tell me this cub can play baseball".

The Giants had a big parade in San Francisco. And then they realized that they won the World Series.

The price of sugar is at a 30 year high. And do you think obese Americans care?

A woman in Spain says she is “delighted” her ten year old daughter gave birth along with the 13 year old father. The woman added that it's nice to be a 21-year old grandmother.

A Los Angeles man says he stayed awake 40 straight days with no sleep. He stayed awake by being forced to watch attack ads.

Forbes has named Chinese President Hu Jintao as the world’s most powerful person. Let's be fair. His country has their own jobs. And American jobs.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"A Free Joint"

Sarah Palin said she would run for president in 2012, “if there’s nobody else to do it”. To be honest, Sarah, I would rather have nobody do it.

The earliest photographic images of humans, from around 1838, have been found. They are pictures of Brett Favre's penis.

The Internet is now available at the base camp of Mt. Everest. And you thought your computer froze up before.

China now owns the fastest computer in the world; it does 2.5 quadrillion calculations per second. Just what Americans need: the Chinese to be better at math.

Carmelo Anthony of the Denver Nuggets says it’s “time for a change”. Gee, since when did President Obama become his speechwriter?

A study says the Internet accounts for 7.2% of the British economy. Of that 7.2%, 99.7% of that involves porn subscriptions.

A San Francisco pot shop is offering a free joint to customers after each Giant home run. Considering their offense, it's going to be a sense of false hope.

A report says six in ten Hispanics say they feel more discrimination. Apparently six in ten Hispanics live in Arizona.

James MacArthur, who played “Danno” on the original “Hawaii Five-0” has died at age 72. His funeral director has chosen not to bury him or cremate him, but instead has decided to book him.

A gunman alert during a visit by President George W. Bush to Texas A&M was claimed to be a “misunderstanding” by the University. Like everything President Bush says.

Chicago Cubs owner Todd Ricketts was fired from his job as a maintenance employee on “Undercover Boss”. You know you suck as a worker when you aren't even good enough for the Chicago Cubs.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!