"50 Pound Breast Implants"

A study says the memories of musicians are better than other people’s. Unless, of course, you are Christina Aguilera during the Super Bowl.

A U.S. dancer has revealed her 50 pound breast implants. Man, her back must be in serious pain right now.

In El Paso Tuesday, President Obama said the border with Mexico is more secure than ever. Isn't it kind of ironic that he said this in a city named El Paso?

Justin Bieber puked during his concert in the Philippines. This may be a cause of him listening to his own music.

Lindsay Lohan posed as a vampire for a photographic exhibit. The weird part: she didn't even need a costume.

STD rates have increased in Alaska. Looks like Levi Johnston has returned.

That's all I have for today! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've had a shitload of HW. Anyway, more tomorrow!

"The New Voice"

Donald Trump doesn’t think President Obama was qualified to attend an Ivy League school. And Yale graduate George W. Bush was?

The title of Levi Johnston’s new memoir is “Deer in the Headlights”. He chose this title because "Despicable Me" was already taken.

Michael Vick has condemned a new cell phone app featuring fighting dogs. I guess "condemned" is a new word for "sponsored".

Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, who left his wife and office after having a gay affair has been denied a request to join the Episcopal priesthood. I mean, this guy had a gay affair, and now, he wanted to become a priest. What could possibly go wrong?

A poll says that Baby Boomers say work gets better as they get older, and that age is seen as an asset. Case and point: Hugh Hefner.

A father of three from Minnesota has been chosen as the new voice of the Aflac Duck. His says his name is Schmilbert Schmottfried.

Paul Reiser slammed his treatment by NBC on the “Tonight Show”. Imagine if Conan O' Brien was sitting right next to him.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"His Final Round"

It was on this date in 1950 that the popular and long-running game show “What’s My Line” premiered on television. It was created in honor of the on-the-set acting by the cast of Baywatch.

A homeless couple won a free trip to the Super Bowl in Dallas. In fact, the husband is going to do the play-by-play.

Justin Bieber will be a part of the NBA All-Star Celebrity game at Staples Center in LA. The NBA wanted to give women a reason to watch basketball.

Levi Johnston’s younger sister Mercede will pose nude for an upcoming edition of Playboy magazine. This is a bad idea. Now, everybody will think that the Johnstons are a family of whores.

The controversial miniseries “The Kennedys” that was dropped by the History Channel will air on the Reelz Channel instead. Both people who watch the Reelz Channel could not be more excited.

Tom Brady beat out Michael Vick for the NFL’s Offensive Player of the Year. Vick is upset that he lost, but said that it was a real dogfight.

“Cake Boss” baker Sal Picinich has died at 63. His body will be put into a casket, and then cut into 16 equal pieces.

PGA rookie Brendan Steele says that Tiger Woods didn’t seem to be giving 100% in his final round at the tournament in San Diego. To which Tiger responded, "I always give 100%. And I tried pretty hard in that tournament, too".

A physics team in England says they are close to creating an invisibility cloak. If they make one for Americans, they should consider the obesity rate and call it an invisibility bedsheet.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Paid Less"

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange suggests that President Obama should resign from office. That's like Mel Gibson calling you a racist.

Kate Gosselin and her brood made a very special visit to “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” cable show. Gosselin is glad to know that her show isn't the only piece of crap on TLC.

The Supreme Court will consider throwing out a case against Wal-Mart claiming women are paid less than men. Wal-Mart workers were stunned upon hearing the fact that women get paid.

Walmart has teamed up with the Department of Homeland Security to implement a program called "if you see something say something" which is aimed at reporting suspicious or terrorist activities. If you ask the terrorists about it, they are going to defend themselves by saying, "Don't ask, and don't tell".

The Census Bureau projects the population of the U.S. to be between 305-312 Million people. That's not even counting the number of Levi Johnston's children.

A study says that country boys are more well endowed than city boys. How would you like to be one of the city boys who participated in that study?

A private school in Florida is letting students set their own agenda with no teachers, lesson plans or homework. In other news, student enrollment at that school has gone up 97%.

A musical production of “American Psycho” is in the works for a run on Broadway. In fact, Mel Gibson has already sent in an audition tape.

AOL is planning a possible merger with Yahoo!. Apparently these people haven't realized that when you mix crap with crap, it's still crap.

An Australian study says that one in five men approaching 100 still consider sex important. The Australian University credited: the Tasmanian Medical Institute, or T.M.I.

President Obama says the U.S. is facing a new “Sputnik moment” in the world of science. What does that mean? Is Russia beating us again?

A study says that men become nicer after they are married. This study was not conducted by married women.

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has undergone surgery for a broken nose. Women all across America were excited to hear "Ben Roethlisberger has a broken bone" until they found out it was just his nose.

A study says that organized sports don’t give kids enough exercise. The participants in this study included benchwarmers.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!