Qatar has beaten the U.S., Australia, Japan and South Korea to host the 2022 World Cup. That's like having The Situation audition for a Bowflex ad and they end up choosing me.
A New York Times article says that babies are being given exercises starting when they are born to help make them into athletes when they are older. I was stunned when I heard this. There are children exercising?
A study says that cheating and promiscuous behavior may be genetic. In other words, marrying Brett Favre's children is risky.
President Obama said that LeBron James should expect a “brutal” reception on his return to Cleveland. He's more hated in Cleveland than Mel Gibson is at a Hanukkah church service.
Amish romance novels are making it into the mainstream. Wait, how do they get typed?
Former Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell will write a book sharing her frustrations. Isn't that called a diary?
The federal government wants to cut obesity and smoking by the year 2020. However, I am in favor of cutting obesity and smoking by right now.
A study says that pollution makes birds gay. In fact, they are so gay, songbirds are now starting to sing Ricky Martin songs.
Johnson & Johnson have recalled 12 Million bottles of Mylanta. Oh Mylanta!
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Ricky Martin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ricky Martin. Show all posts
Friday, December 3, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
"Trapped In Her Bathroom"
Facebook is about to trademark the word “face”. In an unrelated story, I am trademarking the word "fatass".
South Korea’s Defense Minister resigned following North Korea’s surprise artillery attack. He is now working for the Cincinnati Bengals.
Michigan Congressman John Conyers was caught on video reading a Playboy Magazine on an airplane. It turns out, it was just the guide to the TSA.
A French woman was rescued after being trapped in her bathroom for three weeks. Even more stunning: someone put the seat down.
A survey says that 40% of Americans cut back on their Thanksgiving meal. The other 60% are obese.
Bristol Palin says that God was on her side at “Dancing With The Stars”. To be fair, it was a miracle that she made it to finale night.
President Obama pardoned a pair of turkeys from, as he called it, a November shellacking. It turns out, one of them was John Boehner.
A village in India has banned unmarried women from using cell phones. Of all countries to have a place that bans cell phones from people, it's the country that gives us tech support.
Disney has a new 3-D movie coming out called “Tangled”. It's about those headphones you left in your pocket all day.
AND FINALLY, SOME INTERESTING BALLOONS AT THE MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE
-The Ricky Martin balloon was not there because it was in the closet
-The TSA balloon rubbed up on all the other balloons
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
South Korea’s Defense Minister resigned following North Korea’s surprise artillery attack. He is now working for the Cincinnati Bengals.
Michigan Congressman John Conyers was caught on video reading a Playboy Magazine on an airplane. It turns out, it was just the guide to the TSA.
A French woman was rescued after being trapped in her bathroom for three weeks. Even more stunning: someone put the seat down.
A survey says that 40% of Americans cut back on their Thanksgiving meal. The other 60% are obese.
Bristol Palin says that God was on her side at “Dancing With The Stars”. To be fair, it was a miracle that she made it to finale night.
President Obama pardoned a pair of turkeys from, as he called it, a November shellacking. It turns out, one of them was John Boehner.
A village in India has banned unmarried women from using cell phones. Of all countries to have a place that bans cell phones from people, it's the country that gives us tech support.
Disney has a new 3-D movie coming out called “Tangled”. It's about those headphones you left in your pocket all day.
AND FINALLY, SOME INTERESTING BALLOONS AT THE MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE
-The Ricky Martin balloon was not there because it was in the closet
-The TSA balloon rubbed up on all the other balloons
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
"Door To The Afterlife"
Larry King’s audience on CNN has dropped 43%. Seriously, when it comes to Larry King, what hasn't dropped?
Google CEO Eric Schmidt’s compensation in 2009 fell 52%. This is a valuable lesson to all business people: Don't take China out of the picture.
A study says that job stress can cause weight gain in some people. Who knew being host of "The Price Is Right" was the most stressful job in the world?
A new study confirms that consumption of chocolate can help to reduce the risk of heart attacks. That's because your heart will be too fat and lazy to attack you.
Ricky Martin has admitted that he is gay. That's what happens when you live la vida loca.
President Obama will throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Washington Nationals this year. Remember how poorly he threw the first pitch at the All-Star game last year? It was bad enough to make him the team's ace.
CEO pay in major corporations dropped 8.6% in 2009. However, unearned bonuses evened the bar.
When actress Lindsay Lohan left a friend’s house in LA Saturday, her shoes were covered in a white powder. Lindsay Lohan with white powder? I'm sure it's not anything illegal...
The chief executive of the New Jersey Nets will have a brown bag lunch with the Nets fan who recently wore a bag over his head during a game to protest the team’s terrible season. He had a brown bag lunch most likely because that's all he could afford.
A guest host filling in for Glenn Beck said that the new health care reform program is racist because it imposes a tax on tanning salons. This statement was complete bull, which made him the perfect substitute for Glenn Beck.
Heavy rain storms this week may cause flooding on the east coast and threaten to establish new rainfall records. And yet, the Knicks and Nets can't be farther underwater.
Archaeologists in Egypt have uncovered a 3,500-year-old door to the afterlife. Even more amazing, Larry King was a founding member.
FROM MY WRITER FRIEND JIM BARACH
A study says that binging on high calorie foods can be as addictive as nicotine or cocaine. The only question is whether you want your addiction to make you skinny or fat.
That's it for today! And this week has been amazing! Monday, I met Jay Leno and today Craig Ferguson called me a "little douchebag", but not in a bad way.
Anyway, more jokes tomorrow!
Google CEO Eric Schmidt’s compensation in 2009 fell 52%. This is a valuable lesson to all business people: Don't take China out of the picture.
A study says that job stress can cause weight gain in some people. Who knew being host of "The Price Is Right" was the most stressful job in the world?
A new study confirms that consumption of chocolate can help to reduce the risk of heart attacks. That's because your heart will be too fat and lazy to attack you.
Ricky Martin has admitted that he is gay. That's what happens when you live la vida loca.
President Obama will throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Washington Nationals this year. Remember how poorly he threw the first pitch at the All-Star game last year? It was bad enough to make him the team's ace.
CEO pay in major corporations dropped 8.6% in 2009. However, unearned bonuses evened the bar.
When actress Lindsay Lohan left a friend’s house in LA Saturday, her shoes were covered in a white powder. Lindsay Lohan with white powder? I'm sure it's not anything illegal...
The chief executive of the New Jersey Nets will have a brown bag lunch with the Nets fan who recently wore a bag over his head during a game to protest the team’s terrible season. He had a brown bag lunch most likely because that's all he could afford.
A guest host filling in for Glenn Beck said that the new health care reform program is racist because it imposes a tax on tanning salons. This statement was complete bull, which made him the perfect substitute for Glenn Beck.
Heavy rain storms this week may cause flooding on the east coast and threaten to establish new rainfall records. And yet, the Knicks and Nets can't be farther underwater.
Archaeologists in Egypt have uncovered a 3,500-year-old door to the afterlife. Even more amazing, Larry King was a founding member.
FROM MY WRITER FRIEND JIM BARACH
A study says that binging on high calorie foods can be as addictive as nicotine or cocaine. The only question is whether you want your addiction to make you skinny or fat.
That's it for today! And this week has been amazing! Monday, I met Jay Leno and today Craig Ferguson called me a "little douchebag", but not in a bad way.
Anyway, more jokes tomorrow!
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