I have been invited to the Royal Wedding. Unfortunately, I have to sit between Levi Johnston and Donald Trump's barber.
Apple says its long-awaited white iPhone 4 will go on sale today. I bought one, and I will always remember where I made my first call. Unfortunately, so will Apple.
Recently, Barack and Michelle Obama went to tape an appearance at the Oprah Winfrey show. When asked what it was like to be with the leader of the free world, Barack said that it was very exciting.
A 91-year-old San Diego woman is selling suicide kits online for $60. It consists of a picture of the woman, and a gun to shoot yourself with when you look at it.
A former Miss USA pageant winner says she felt "violated" during a TSA patdown. Well gosh, I wonder what would incline someone to want to violate a former Miss USA.
Libyan dictator Moammar Qaddafi says that he has increased sexual violence, and has even issued some of his troops Viagra. And if they don't obey his orders, they will have to deal with some stiff penalties.
Lindsay Lohan says she may teach acting classes at a homeless shelter for her community service. And you thought homeless people were miserable before.
A study says that steering wheels have more germs than a toilet seat. God, whose cars did they study?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Royal Wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Royal Wedding. Show all posts
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
"Not Running For President"
A poll says that 6% of Americans are following the royal wedding closely. The other 94% of Americans have a life.
“The Paul Reiser Show” was cancelled after two episodes after posting the lowest ratings in NBC history. You know you suck when your ratings are too low for NBC.
Earth Day organizers are encouraging people to take part in an effort called “A Billion Acts of Green”. This is not to be confused with Wall Street, who takes part in "A Billion Acts of Greed".
Mississippi Republican Governor Haley Barbour says that he (yes, he) is not running for President. This would be terrible news, if only I knew who the hell he was.
This is National Scoop the Poop Week. Man, I'm tired of that crap.
The White House Easter Egg Roll is on Monday. That's when you know China is taking over this country: when egg rolls are a part of the White House.
That's all I have for today! Well, I'm starting to plan my graduation party! I graduate only a month from TODAY! One month left in my whole high school career and I get to leave Turpin! Well, more tomorrow!
“The Paul Reiser Show” was cancelled after two episodes after posting the lowest ratings in NBC history. You know you suck when your ratings are too low for NBC.
Earth Day organizers are encouraging people to take part in an effort called “A Billion Acts of Green”. This is not to be confused with Wall Street, who takes part in "A Billion Acts of Greed".
Mississippi Republican Governor Haley Barbour says that he (yes, he) is not running for President. This would be terrible news, if only I knew who the hell he was.
This is National Scoop the Poop Week. Man, I'm tired of that crap.
The White House Easter Egg Roll is on Monday. That's when you know China is taking over this country: when egg rolls are a part of the White House.
That's all I have for today! Well, I'm starting to plan my graduation party! I graduate only a month from TODAY! One month left in my whole high school career and I get to leave Turpin! Well, more tomorrow!
Friday, April 8, 2011
"National Beer Day"
Today is National Beer Day. Isn't that called "St. Patrick's Day"?
A husband and wife playing golf together in Brazil made holes-in-one on the same hole within seconds of each other. A husband and wife playing on the same hole at the same time. Isn't that called a threesome?
A man in Maryland was apparently glued to a toilet seat at Walmart. He was in Walmart, angry, and nowhere to be found. Just like their greeter.
Archaeologists say that the story of a gay caveman was overblown. Could you possibly find a more poor choice of words?
Prince William's bride, Kate Middleton, is reportedly still a virgin. I'm sure there are a lot of guys that would LOVE to change that.
Eight people died as a result of a bomb that hit an election office in Nigeria. The bomb was so devastating, Nigerian ambassadors stopped sending us spam emails for a whole two hours.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A husband and wife playing golf together in Brazil made holes-in-one on the same hole within seconds of each other. A husband and wife playing on the same hole at the same time. Isn't that called a threesome?
A man in Maryland was apparently glued to a toilet seat at Walmart. He was in Walmart, angry, and nowhere to be found. Just like their greeter.
Archaeologists say that the story of a gay caveman was overblown. Could you possibly find a more poor choice of words?
Prince William's bride, Kate Middleton, is reportedly still a virgin. I'm sure there are a lot of guys that would LOVE to change that.
Eight people died as a result of a bomb that hit an election office in Nigeria. The bomb was so devastating, Nigerian ambassadors stopped sending us spam emails for a whole two hours.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
"Phone Etiquette"
A 10,000 square foot medical marijuana growing emporium is set to open in Sacramento. Don't we usually call those "farms"?
A poll says that Mississippi is the most conservative state in the U.S. They are so conservative, they don't take the time to look outside their families for dating.
A poll says that phone etiquette in the U.S. is getting worse. When I heard this, I was like, "WTF R U TALKIN BOUT?!?".
7-Eleven has opened its 40,000th store. And still, not a single one of them has any class.
A new iPhone app counts down the time to the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Using the app tells people, "I have absolutely nothing better to do".
It's a Saturday, it's late, and I'm tired. That's all I have for right now!
A poll says that Mississippi is the most conservative state in the U.S. They are so conservative, they don't take the time to look outside their families for dating.
A poll says that phone etiquette in the U.S. is getting worse. When I heard this, I was like, "WTF R U TALKIN BOUT?!?".
7-Eleven has opened its 40,000th store. And still, not a single one of them has any class.
A new iPhone app counts down the time to the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Using the app tells people, "I have absolutely nothing better to do".
It's a Saturday, it's late, and I'm tired. That's all I have for right now!
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