Showing posts with label Betty White. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Betty White. Show all posts

Thursday, March 24, 2011

"Away From Soccer"

ABC’s “Good Morning America” invited singer Chris Brown back to their show after he angrily trashed his dressing room and broke a window. Hopefully to clean all that mess up.

New research says sex and exercise can trigger heart attacks in people who get little of either one. How about people like me, who get none of either?

A 92-year-old Florida woman fired four shots at a man’s house after the 53-year-old neighbor refused to kiss her. Hey, Betty White, go for men your own age.

Inspired by Jerry Perisho: "Tiger Woods is offering a new mobile phone app that provides golf lessons. The problem is that every four swings it loudly blurts out “Fuck”." But considering Tiger's past, could "Fuck" have a double meaning?

NFL star Chad Ochocinco says his grandmother is the one who pointed him toward football and away from soccer. As a Bengals fan, I have to ask his grandma, "Why?".

Frank Neuhauser, the first National Spelling Bee champ has died at age 97. His last words were, "B-E-E-P BEEEEEEEEEEP".

A study says that sleep deprivation makes people more hungry. All those years of failed diets, and all Kirstie Alley needed was a nap.

A gym in Houston is offering “pole dancing for Jesus” classes. Because nothing goes together like pole dancing and Christianity.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

Monday, May 17, 2010

"Another Player's Shoe"

Joke of the Day: An immigrant won Sunday night's Miss USA pageant. One thing's for sure: She wasn't Miss Arizona.

A mile-long tube installed by BP is sucking away the oil that has been gushing out of the broken pipeline in the Gulf of Mexico. BP is also sucking money out of our wallets by raising gas prices by $2.00 a gallon.

The current flight of the space shuttle Atlantis is scheduled to be its final flight. It will land underwater where it will stay for the rest of eternity.

A 94-year-old California woman graduated from Mills College in Oakland, finally earning her college degree. The other thing that woman just crossed off her bucket list: host Saturday Night Live.

A California high school girl’s softball coach forced 8 players who struck out during a recent game to drink soda from another player’s shoe. Their choices were to drink soda from the shoe or drink Diet Coke from the can.

Rumors on the Internet say that one of LeBron James’ Cavaliers teammates has been sleeping with his mother. Even more reason for him to leave Cleveland.

A new study says that burgers and fries worsen asthma. The conductors of the study apparently made the participants walk to and from McDonald's.

BP says the Gulf oil spill cleanup has cost the company $450 Million so far. Or, as BP calls it, one fill-up.

Las Vegas is reacting to the housing bust by building thousands of new homes. That's like trying to cure the obesity epidemic by doubling production at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

The Kansas City Royals have fired third base coach Dave Owen. The Royals didn't think he was necessary because, of course, nobody on the Kansas City Royals can get to third base.

A survey says small business owners are more upbeat about the economy. That's because they are still among the very few Americans who actually has a job.

A group of unhappy Facebook users are promoting a “Quit Facebook Day” on May 31 to protest the latest changes to the Facebook privacy policy. To those unhappy Facebook users, there's this crazy thing called "Deleting Your Account".

Some scientists are estimating that the oil leak in the Gulf has sent a miles-long underwater plume of oil heading straight for the Florida Keys. In a related story, the Cubans have found a shortcut to Miami.

That's all I have for right now. More later!