The Giants beat the Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI by a score of 21-17. This shows how bad the Patriots are. Bill Belichick couldn't even cheat his way to victory.
The TSA has been training hot dog vendors at the Super Bowl to spot possible terrorists. The TSA and hot dog vendors: Two groups of people who work extensively with wieners.
Researchers say that the best way to avoid eating junk food is to just put it off until later. I'm no scientist, but I think the best way to avoid junk food is to not fucking buy it.
A study says that people using drugs like cocaine, amphetamines and opiates into their 50s are more common than previously thought. The study is entitled, "Whitney and Bobby".
A 9 year old boy in a Catholic school in Minnesota was suspended for performing Michael Jackson’s crotch grabbing dance. Finally! A 9 year old boy's crotch grabbed by somebody other than a priest.
Newt Gingrich’s campaign is now $600,000 in debt. Just like the all-you-can-eat buffet he went to last night.
A study says that Mars is too dry to sustain life. Like the average MILF's vagina.
A new blood test may be able to diagnose people with depression. Is that where "negative" blood types come from?
Research says that more teens are turning to Twitter as their primary source of communication. Mainly because all our parents found out about Facebook.
President Obama says he deserves to be reelected. I don't think I can handle another four years of Republicans not allowing him to do anything.
President Obama says he deserves to be reelected. Considering his competition, his reelection pretty much a guarantee.
A former White House intern says she had an 18-month affair with John F. Kennedy. However, I find this woman to be a sick human being. She said the affair ended in 1965.
The New England Patriots were offered an all-expenses paid vacation to Aruba after yesterday's loss to the Giants. Everyone in Indianapolis hopes Joran Van Der Sloot is still there.
That's all I have for today! Sorry I rarely post, everybody. I'm just extremely busy on Twitter and stuff. Follow me on there (@GroperCleveland)! Anyway, more coming later!
Showing posts with label Newt Gingrich. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Newt Gingrich. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2012
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
"Better Dancers"
JWOWW of “Jersey Shore” was patted down by TSA agents at an airport in Fargo, North Dakota. Not surprisingly, the patdown lasted over nine hours.
Parents are sending away for lollipops that have been licked by a child who has the chicken pox so their own children can get the disease. I miss the old days when young parents would just kill their kids.
Newt Gingrich has risen to the top in the polls of potential GOP presidential nominees. Congratulations, Barack.
A survey says that 12% of employees worldwide are optimistic. The other 88% have a boss.
A study says that nice guys make better dancers. You know what this means? White people are the meanest people on Earth.
A study says that male spiders that offer their mates useless gifts get turned down for sex. And by "spiders", I mean "people".
A study says that cleaning teeth can cut the risk of heart attack. Sorry about your luck, England.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Parents are sending away for lollipops that have been licked by a child who has the chicken pox so their own children can get the disease. I miss the old days when young parents would just kill their kids.
Newt Gingrich has risen to the top in the polls of potential GOP presidential nominees. Congratulations, Barack.
A survey says that 12% of employees worldwide are optimistic. The other 88% have a boss.
A study says that nice guys make better dancers. You know what this means? White people are the meanest people on Earth.
A study says that male spiders that offer their mates useless gifts get turned down for sex. And by "spiders", I mean "people".
A study says that cleaning teeth can cut the risk of heart attack. Sorry about your luck, England.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
"A Slime Highway"
Joke of the Day: A Chicago-area high school is claiming the world record for high fives after a superintendent wearing a purple costume gave high and low fives to 1,363 students and teachers. The superintendent then celebrated by doing the exact same thing.
Newt Gingrich is sticking to his comment that President Obama may follow a “Kenyan anti-colonial” worldview. While Newt Gingrich follows an "anti-everything good" worldview.
A 5-year-old boy won a moose calling contest at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage. His award: being shot by Sarah Palin.
Singer Lady Gaga wore a dress made out of raw meat at the VMA awards, Sunday night. In related news, "Paparazzi" was changed to "Pepperoni".
Singer John Mayer has closed his Twitter account that has 3.7 million followers. Now, if they want to hear someone say stupid things in magazine interviews, they could just follow General McChrystal.
A Texas woman with the world’s largest breast implants has had them removed after they made her sick. She was a size 38KKK. This marks the first time ever that a white person in Texas wanted to get rid of KKK.
Researchers who spy on people using public restrooms say we’re washing our hands more. This is a good news bad news report. The good news is that people are washing their hands more often. The bad news is that having people who spy on other people in public restrooms is actually a job.
A study says that a simple blood test may be able to detect Alzheimer’s Disease. It's not related to science at all. It's actually more about them forgetting what they got.
A survey says that Americans are spending more time reading the news. In that case, how come everyone says my jokes are awful?
U.S. economic forecasters are having an unusually tough time reading the economy and predicting its path, according to experts. Is it that hard to know what a downhill slope is?
The Senate has opened an impeachment trial for a Louisiana judge accused of taking payoffs, kickbacks and lying under oath. To which Senators at the trial said, "Oh, he does it too?".
Researchers say there is a “slime highway” from the BP oil spill covering the floor of the Gulf. No, it's not oil. It's just an array of BP executives scuba diving.
A study says that antibiotics can cause stomach problems in some people. What? Our stomachs can look worse?
The NFL is going to investigate the behavior of New York Jets players who reportedly made a female reporter feel “uncomfortable”. She felt uncomfortable when they all put on Ben Roethlisberger jerseys.
“The Jerry Springer Show” is celebrating its 20th anniversary. Over the past 20 years, there have been 3,500 episodes, 30,000 guests, and one million sissy fights.
The recession has caused the prices of used cars to go up. That's like the obesity rate causing food prices to drop tremendously.
Snooki from “Jersey Shore” has gotten rid of her hair pouf. Now what will Bobby Moynihan ask Seth Meyers to touch during Weekend Update?
Researchers say that kids’ brain injuries from playing basketball may be rising. Is it truly that hard to catch a pass?
FINALLY FROM COMEDY WRITER FRIEND JIM BARACH
Astronauts are training for a journey to Mars in the Arizona desert. The one difference is that Mars would actually be receptive to aliens.
That's all I have for today! Another great day of jokes!
Newt Gingrich is sticking to his comment that President Obama may follow a “Kenyan anti-colonial” worldview. While Newt Gingrich follows an "anti-everything good" worldview.
A 5-year-old boy won a moose calling contest at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage. His award: being shot by Sarah Palin.
Singer Lady Gaga wore a dress made out of raw meat at the VMA awards, Sunday night. In related news, "Paparazzi" was changed to "Pepperoni".
Singer John Mayer has closed his Twitter account that has 3.7 million followers. Now, if they want to hear someone say stupid things in magazine interviews, they could just follow General McChrystal.
A Texas woman with the world’s largest breast implants has had them removed after they made her sick. She was a size 38KKK. This marks the first time ever that a white person in Texas wanted to get rid of KKK.
Researchers who spy on people using public restrooms say we’re washing our hands more. This is a good news bad news report. The good news is that people are washing their hands more often. The bad news is that having people who spy on other people in public restrooms is actually a job.
A study says that a simple blood test may be able to detect Alzheimer’s Disease. It's not related to science at all. It's actually more about them forgetting what they got.
A survey says that Americans are spending more time reading the news. In that case, how come everyone says my jokes are awful?
U.S. economic forecasters are having an unusually tough time reading the economy and predicting its path, according to experts. Is it that hard to know what a downhill slope is?
The Senate has opened an impeachment trial for a Louisiana judge accused of taking payoffs, kickbacks and lying under oath. To which Senators at the trial said, "Oh, he does it too?".
Researchers say there is a “slime highway” from the BP oil spill covering the floor of the Gulf. No, it's not oil. It's just an array of BP executives scuba diving.
A study says that antibiotics can cause stomach problems in some people. What? Our stomachs can look worse?
The NFL is going to investigate the behavior of New York Jets players who reportedly made a female reporter feel “uncomfortable”. She felt uncomfortable when they all put on Ben Roethlisberger jerseys.
“The Jerry Springer Show” is celebrating its 20th anniversary. Over the past 20 years, there have been 3,500 episodes, 30,000 guests, and one million sissy fights.
The recession has caused the prices of used cars to go up. That's like the obesity rate causing food prices to drop tremendously.
Snooki from “Jersey Shore” has gotten rid of her hair pouf. Now what will Bobby Moynihan ask Seth Meyers to touch during Weekend Update?
Researchers say that kids’ brain injuries from playing basketball may be rising. Is it truly that hard to catch a pass?
FINALLY FROM COMEDY WRITER FRIEND JIM BARACH
Astronauts are training for a journey to Mars in the Arizona desert. The one difference is that Mars would actually be receptive to aliens.
That's all I have for today! Another great day of jokes!
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