Donald Trump has been elected President of the United States. It's already improving the economy, as cyanide and Kool-Aid sales have skyrocketed.
Donald Trump came under fire for saying that he likes to "grab women by the pussy". If that comment taught me anything about Donald Trump, it's that he sucks at foreplay.
3 Doors Down is playing at Donald Trump's Inauguration. They've gone crazy, which begs the question: will you still call them Superman?
Joe Biden received an honorary Presidential Medal of Freedom. He was very disappointed when he found out it didn't have chocolate in the center.
Bengals HC Marvin Lewis may stop coaching after 2016. This is strange, because he usually stops coaching during the first round of the playoffs.
Alan Thicke has died at the age of 74. This means that in five months, Robin Thicke will release an album trying to bring him back to life.
During a TD celebration, Cowboys RB Ezekiel Elliott jumped in a Salvation Army kettle. Oh sure when he does it it's fine, but when I do it people "frantically search for a lid to trap me in".
Donald Trump has been selecting members of his cabinet, and his choices have been very controversial. But to his credit, it's the first time he's had a cabinet that wasn't full of stuff made in China.
The Bengals have released K Mike Nugent. He kicked himself to the curb, which proved the Bengals right because he was aiming for the sidewalk.
Old tablets with the Ten Commandments on them are up for auction in Beverly Hills. This is ironic since Beverly Hills' official slogan is "Thou shalt commit adultery".
Tila Tequila has been kicked off of Twitter for supporting Nazism. The only thing crazier than the fact that Tila Tequila is a Nazi is the fact that I'm saying any of those words in 2016.
Donald Trump's national security advisor said that "Islam is like cancer". That makes no sense, because Islam has never inspired me to run a 5k.
The Chinese media is praising Donald Trump for his "experience and ideology". Wow, he's even outsourcing his compliments to China.
Universal is opening a Jimmy Fallon themed ride. The one catch: instead of putting your hands in the air, you put them in Donald Trump's hair.
The Chicago Cubs won the 2016 World Series. It's crazy to think that the last time the Chicago Cubs were World Series champions, David Ross was just 13 years old.
Vine is shutting down. This means that Vine stars will have to resort to YouTube to show people how painfully unfunny they are.
RB Arian Foster is walking away from football. In typical Arian Foster fashion, he's doing so on one leg while being assisted by a coach and a trainer.
Legendary golfer Arnold Palmer has died at the age of 87. Due to his death, other caskets will put a nickel on the ground so they don't lose their burial plot.
Well, that's it for right now. So I forgot to post on New Year's Eve, so I figured I'd make up for it by posting on the final day of Barack Obama's presidency (which, in all honesty, flew the fuck by). Anyway, 2016 was the craziest year of my life. I hit even more milestones, met a bunch of new people, worked a couple of killer weekends at Go Bananas, and, unfortunately had my driver's license suspended (I'm in the clear now). I'm expecting even crazier things to happen in 2017, and so far it hasn't disappointed, as I have already changed my so-called iconic Twitter handle (I'm now @bigschubes), met new friends and worked an amazing weekend at Go Bananas. If I interacted with you at all in 2016, thank you for being a part of it. I love you and you're the best. Anyway, more jokes coming soon!
Showing posts with label China. Show all posts
Showing posts with label China. Show all posts
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Saturday, March 17, 2012
"Stealing Tide Detergent"
Bear Grylls was fired from "Man vs. Wild". This was a result of him taking a piss and actually flushing it down the toilet.
More than 52 percent of Republican voters in Mississippi think President Obama is a Muslim. But don't worry, Barack. The opinions of Republicans don't matter.
A study says ambitious, successful people live longer and are happier. This study was conducted by reading horoscopes.
A poll says 18% of Facebook users blocked, unfriended or deleted someone based on politics. I belong in the other 82% who was deleted because of shitty and offensive jokes.
An ex-porn actor in Florida was allowed to seek getting a teaching certificate. Basically, he's going from one sex industry to another.
Police say there has been a dramatic increase in people stealing Tide detergent. Talk about a "clean getaway".
A nine-year old girl in China gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Combine the fact that there's a nine year old girl is in labor, and the fact that it was in China, driving to the hospital must have been a fucking nightmare.
A Pittsburgh Arena football coach fired all 24 members of his team at a dinner at the Olive Garden. Hey, for taking his team to the Olive Garden, the coach deserves to be fired.
Justin Bieber's newest single is called "Boyfriend". Let the jokes begin!
That's all I have for today! More coming later!
More than 52 percent of Republican voters in Mississippi think President Obama is a Muslim. But don't worry, Barack. The opinions of Republicans don't matter.
A study says ambitious, successful people live longer and are happier. This study was conducted by reading horoscopes.
A poll says 18% of Facebook users blocked, unfriended or deleted someone based on politics. I belong in the other 82% who was deleted because of shitty and offensive jokes.
An ex-porn actor in Florida was allowed to seek getting a teaching certificate. Basically, he's going from one sex industry to another.
Police say there has been a dramatic increase in people stealing Tide detergent. Talk about a "clean getaway".
A nine-year old girl in China gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Combine the fact that there's a nine year old girl is in labor, and the fact that it was in China, driving to the hospital must have been a fucking nightmare.
A Pittsburgh Arena football coach fired all 24 members of his team at a dinner at the Olive Garden. Hey, for taking his team to the Olive Garden, the coach deserves to be fired.
Justin Bieber's newest single is called "Boyfriend". Let the jokes begin!
That's all I have for today! More coming later!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
"Knighted In England"
Singer Kelly Clarkson endorsed Ron Paul for President. Trust me, she is known for making bad decisions. Just ask her nutrition coach.
China is pushing to have an astronaut on the Moon by 2020. Well hey, at least we're beating China at SOMETHING.
The owner of the Bunny Ranch is opening a brothel for fans of Star Wars. This is for nerds looking to get Leia'd.
Jon Huntsman calls Ron Paul “unelectable”. Which is strange, because I have that nickname for all the GOP candidates.
Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced. I can't believe anyone would want to marry that annoying woman. And Katy Perry isn't that great, either.
Kelly Clarkson reportedly lost Twitter followers after she endorsed Ron Paul for President. I would've thought it was because of her music.
The designer behind Apple's products was knighted in England. I didn't know you could knight a casket.
And that's all I have for 2011! Let me sum up 2011 with one tweet:
2011 disappeared faster than Osama bin Laden, Moammar Qaddafi, and Kim Jong Il combined.
It's been a crazy as hell year. Let's hope 2012 is much better than 2011!!!!!!!
China is pushing to have an astronaut on the Moon by 2020. Well hey, at least we're beating China at SOMETHING.
The owner of the Bunny Ranch is opening a brothel for fans of Star Wars. This is for nerds looking to get Leia'd.
Jon Huntsman calls Ron Paul “unelectable”. Which is strange, because I have that nickname for all the GOP candidates.
Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced. I can't believe anyone would want to marry that annoying woman. And Katy Perry isn't that great, either.
Kelly Clarkson reportedly lost Twitter followers after she endorsed Ron Paul for President. I would've thought it was because of her music.
The designer behind Apple's products was knighted in England. I didn't know you could knight a casket.
And that's all I have for 2011! Let me sum up 2011 with one tweet:
2011 disappeared faster than Osama bin Laden, Moammar Qaddafi, and Kim Jong Il combined.
It's been a crazy as hell year. Let's hope 2012 is much better than 2011!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
"Older Dads"
Steve Jobs has died at the age of 56. His headstone is the first to come with a crappy camera.
The IRS has hit an Oakland medical marijuana dispensary with a $2.4 Million tax bill. A marijuana dispensary with that big of a debt? It has to be run by Willie Nelson.
Sesame Street has introduced Lily, an impoverished Muppet who suffers from hunger. I guess the Cookie Monster has to learn about sharing.
A study says that embarrassing moments make people more likable. Then why is President Bush's approval rating so low?
Guinness says the new rage in China is breaking world records. Like the world's shittiest drivers.
The Post Office plan for recovery involves delivering more junk mail. Nigerian princes are already writing their fake letters.
Tiger Woods has signed his first endorsement in two years, with Rolex. Really? I would've guessed Trojan.
A study says that football players who cry after a game have higher self esteem than those who don’t. I didn't know it helped your self-esteem to have people who see you cry call you a pussy.
A study says that older dads have a higher chance of having less intelligent children. "That's a straight up lie," said Snooki's 104-year old dad.
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
The IRS has hit an Oakland medical marijuana dispensary with a $2.4 Million tax bill. A marijuana dispensary with that big of a debt? It has to be run by Willie Nelson.
Sesame Street has introduced Lily, an impoverished Muppet who suffers from hunger. I guess the Cookie Monster has to learn about sharing.
A study says that embarrassing moments make people more likable. Then why is President Bush's approval rating so low?
Guinness says the new rage in China is breaking world records. Like the world's shittiest drivers.
The Post Office plan for recovery involves delivering more junk mail. Nigerian princes are already writing their fake letters.
Tiger Woods has signed his first endorsement in two years, with Rolex. Really? I would've guessed Trojan.
A study says that football players who cry after a game have higher self esteem than those who don’t. I didn't know it helped your self-esteem to have people who see you cry call you a pussy.
A study says that older dads have a higher chance of having less intelligent children. "That's a straight up lie," said Snooki's 104-year old dad.
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
"Sexual Prime"
An Ohio man was arrested for having sex with an inflatable raft. Oh, he's going to make a lot of friends in prison.
George Clooney says he is not interested in running for president. What a shame. He had locked up the cougar vote.
Afghan President Hamid Karzai says he wants a permanent U.S. presence in Afghanistan. To which China said, "NO YOU DON'T".
A human foot washed ashore on a beach in Vancouver, B.C., the eleventh one since 2007. It looks like Rex Ryan is going to have a very merry Christmas this year.
44-year old singer Sinead O'Connor says she is "in her sexual prime". I believe she spelled "past" wrong.
Oscar de la Hoya revealed that he used to be a crossdresser. Forget boxing. He should be the ring girl.
Katt Williams apologized for a racist rant against a Mexican heckler. That's right, she should be sorry.
That's all I have for today! Gotta go participate in a Demi Lovato twitter meme. She cuts herself! I would too if I were Demi Lovato. Well anyway, more tomorrow!
George Clooney says he is not interested in running for president. What a shame. He had locked up the cougar vote.
Afghan President Hamid Karzai says he wants a permanent U.S. presence in Afghanistan. To which China said, "NO YOU DON'T".
A human foot washed ashore on a beach in Vancouver, B.C., the eleventh one since 2007. It looks like Rex Ryan is going to have a very merry Christmas this year.
44-year old singer Sinead O'Connor says she is "in her sexual prime". I believe she spelled "past" wrong.
Oscar de la Hoya revealed that he used to be a crossdresser. Forget boxing. He should be the ring girl.
Katt Williams apologized for a racist rant against a Mexican heckler. That's right, she should be sorry.
That's all I have for today! Gotta go participate in a Demi Lovato twitter meme. She cuts herself! I would too if I were Demi Lovato. Well anyway, more tomorrow!
Friday, July 29, 2011
"Gaining Weight"
In San Diego, Comic-Con closed after 4 days. This is great news if your computer is broken.
Brett Favre’s agent said, “Brett is retired, period.” Apparently his agent is Rafael Palmeiro.
A South African man awoke after being inside a morgue refrigerator for 21 hours. Somewhere, Jeffrey Dahmer is thinking, "What refrigerator isn't a morgue refrigerator?
Scientists say that time travel is impossible. If it was possible, I would have kicked some serious ass at my March Madness brackets.
A survey says that half of all men say they would dump a woman for gaining weight. I mean it would be much easier to dump her if he had a forklift and a giant hill.
New data says that Texas has added half the nation's jobs over the past two years. They credit this to the fact that they're so close to Mexico.
Casey Anthony is seeking $1.5 million for a TV interview. Hopefully she uses the money to buy herself a heart.
Hugh Hefner’s ex-fiancé Crystal Harris says the 85-year-old Playboy founder lasted “like two seconds” during sex. That's two seconds longer than most women can tolerate.
The New York State Fair has introduced a 1,500 calorie donut burger that uses a glazed donut for the bun in a cheeseburger. If I buy it, I hope it comes with a free funeral.
A misplaced surgical clamp gave a Chinese man a 37 year stomach ache. He also blames it on the fact that he eats Chinese food.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Brett Favre’s agent said, “Brett is retired, period.” Apparently his agent is Rafael Palmeiro.
A South African man awoke after being inside a morgue refrigerator for 21 hours. Somewhere, Jeffrey Dahmer is thinking, "What refrigerator isn't a morgue refrigerator?
Scientists say that time travel is impossible. If it was possible, I would have kicked some serious ass at my March Madness brackets.
A survey says that half of all men say they would dump a woman for gaining weight. I mean it would be much easier to dump her if he had a forklift and a giant hill.
New data says that Texas has added half the nation's jobs over the past two years. They credit this to the fact that they're so close to Mexico.
Casey Anthony is seeking $1.5 million for a TV interview. Hopefully she uses the money to buy herself a heart.
Hugh Hefner’s ex-fiancé Crystal Harris says the 85-year-old Playboy founder lasted “like two seconds” during sex. That's two seconds longer than most women can tolerate.
The New York State Fair has introduced a 1,500 calorie donut burger that uses a glazed donut for the bun in a cheeseburger. If I buy it, I hope it comes with a free funeral.
A misplaced surgical clamp gave a Chinese man a 37 year stomach ache. He also blames it on the fact that he eats Chinese food.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
"Mentally Incapable"
Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted he fathered a child with a member of his household staff. It turns out, the kid hit puberty at age 3.
Willie Nelson endorsed GOP Presidential candidate Gary Johnson. Unfortunately for Republicans, he had a joint in his hand when he said this.
Casino mogul Steve Wynn says his operation is now a “Chinese company”. And when he says that, he means that the casino actually has money.
A Utah woman was arrested trying to trade a salad for drugs. In other words, she traded leaves.
A Wisconsin man has eaten his 25,000th Big Mac. His funeral is on Saturday.
Britney Spears is still under conservatorship of her father, which means she is “mentally incapable” of getting married. At this point, she's "mentally incapable" of walking.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Willie Nelson endorsed GOP Presidential candidate Gary Johnson. Unfortunately for Republicans, he had a joint in his hand when he said this.
Casino mogul Steve Wynn says his operation is now a “Chinese company”. And when he says that, he means that the casino actually has money.
A Utah woman was arrested trying to trade a salad for drugs. In other words, she traded leaves.
A Wisconsin man has eaten his 25,000th Big Mac. His funeral is on Saturday.
Britney Spears is still under conservatorship of her father, which means she is “mentally incapable” of getting married. At this point, she's "mentally incapable" of walking.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Monday, April 25, 2011
"Not Running For President"
A poll says that 6% of Americans are following the royal wedding closely. The other 94% of Americans have a life.
“The Paul Reiser Show” was cancelled after two episodes after posting the lowest ratings in NBC history. You know you suck when your ratings are too low for NBC.
Earth Day organizers are encouraging people to take part in an effort called “A Billion Acts of Green”. This is not to be confused with Wall Street, who takes part in "A Billion Acts of Greed".
Mississippi Republican Governor Haley Barbour says that he (yes, he) is not running for President. This would be terrible news, if only I knew who the hell he was.
This is National Scoop the Poop Week. Man, I'm tired of that crap.
The White House Easter Egg Roll is on Monday. That's when you know China is taking over this country: when egg rolls are a part of the White House.
That's all I have for today! Well, I'm starting to plan my graduation party! I graduate only a month from TODAY! One month left in my whole high school career and I get to leave Turpin! Well, more tomorrow!
“The Paul Reiser Show” was cancelled after two episodes after posting the lowest ratings in NBC history. You know you suck when your ratings are too low for NBC.
Earth Day organizers are encouraging people to take part in an effort called “A Billion Acts of Green”. This is not to be confused with Wall Street, who takes part in "A Billion Acts of Greed".
Mississippi Republican Governor Haley Barbour says that he (yes, he) is not running for President. This would be terrible news, if only I knew who the hell he was.
This is National Scoop the Poop Week. Man, I'm tired of that crap.
The White House Easter Egg Roll is on Monday. That's when you know China is taking over this country: when egg rolls are a part of the White House.
That's all I have for today! Well, I'm starting to plan my graduation party! I graduate only a month from TODAY! One month left in my whole high school career and I get to leave Turpin! Well, more tomorrow!
Friday, March 25, 2011
"Dark Chocolate"
China is pushing to ban indoor smoking in most places by May 1. The only place that allows indoor smoking will now be your grandparents' house.
According to the latest census statistics, one-sixth of all Americans is Hispanic. The other five don't live in Los Angeles.
Phillies right-hand pitcher Roy Oswalt said he felt good a day after being hit in the head by a line drive. But to be fair, he did announce in the locker room that he was the best pitcher named Roy in baseball.
Ralph Nader is calling for an end to athletic scholarships in college. And you thought he couldn't get anyone to vote for him before.
A man in China reportedly bought 6.5 tons of salt. To put that in perspective, 6.5 tons of salt accounts for one french fry at Wendy's.
A group of transgender New Yorkers are suing because they are being forced to change the gender on their birth certificate. I say that next to gender on their birth certificate, they put a question mark.
Authorities in Mali have arrested four people after an aircraft loaded with 10 tons of cocaine crashed in 2009. By force of habit, Paris Hilton said that she had 10 tons of chewing gum.
A Chinese news agency that more than 100 eastern Chinese villagers have suffered lead poisoning. Chinese officials are calling this horrible, while Americans call this a stereotype.
A new study says that children with Tourette syndrome have better motor control than kids who don't. How bad is it when a kid who twitches 24/7 has better motor control than you do?
That's all I have for right now! More later!
According to the latest census statistics, one-sixth of all Americans is Hispanic. The other five don't live in Los Angeles.
Phillies right-hand pitcher Roy Oswalt said he felt good a day after being hit in the head by a line drive. But to be fair, he did announce in the locker room that he was the best pitcher named Roy in baseball.
Ralph Nader is calling for an end to athletic scholarships in college. And you thought he couldn't get anyone to vote for him before.
A man in China reportedly bought 6.5 tons of salt. To put that in perspective, 6.5 tons of salt accounts for one french fry at Wendy's.
A group of transgender New Yorkers are suing because they are being forced to change the gender on their birth certificate. I say that next to gender on their birth certificate, they put a question mark.
Authorities in Mali have arrested four people after an aircraft loaded with 10 tons of cocaine crashed in 2009. By force of habit, Paris Hilton said that she had 10 tons of chewing gum.
A Chinese news agency that more than 100 eastern Chinese villagers have suffered lead poisoning. Chinese officials are calling this horrible, while Americans call this a stereotype.
A new study says that children with Tourette syndrome have better motor control than kids who don't. How bad is it when a kid who twitches 24/7 has better motor control than you do?
That's all I have for right now! More later!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
"Cold Weather"
Today at sunset the traditional Chinese Lunar New Year 4709 begins; it is the Year of the Rabbit. In a related story, Elmer Fudd hates China.
CNN's Anderson Cooper was beaten up in Egypt. Usually, if someone from CNN is beaten up, it's by a guy from FOX News.
An Italian researcher says it was an effeminate male who posed for Leonardo da Vinci’s famous “Mona Lisa” painting. I didn't know Clay Aiken was that old.
Medical researchers have trained a Labrador retriever to sniff out colon cancer in their patients. This only adds to the stereotype of dogs sniffing butts.
Conan O'Brien accidentally walked into Jennifer Aniston's dressing room while she was half-naked. This just in, every guy over 40 in America wishes they were Conan.
A new study says that college isn't for everyone. Especially people who have a dream of working at Walmart.
A golf tournament in Arizona was canceled because of cold weather. In fact, Arizona officials say that it was so cold, temperatures reached as low as 50 degrees.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
CNN's Anderson Cooper was beaten up in Egypt. Usually, if someone from CNN is beaten up, it's by a guy from FOX News.
An Italian researcher says it was an effeminate male who posed for Leonardo da Vinci’s famous “Mona Lisa” painting. I didn't know Clay Aiken was that old.
Medical researchers have trained a Labrador retriever to sniff out colon cancer in their patients. This only adds to the stereotype of dogs sniffing butts.
Conan O'Brien accidentally walked into Jennifer Aniston's dressing room while she was half-naked. This just in, every guy over 40 in America wishes they were Conan.
A new study says that college isn't for everyone. Especially people who have a dream of working at Walmart.
A golf tournament in Arizona was canceled because of cold weather. In fact, Arizona officials say that it was so cold, temperatures reached as low as 50 degrees.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"Fatty Acids"
The American preacher who once threatened to burn the Koran was barred from entering Britain. No, it's not because of the Koran burnings, but it's because Britain found out that he brushes his teeth.
The GOP-controlled house voted to repeal the health care law that was signed last year. To celebrate, they had a tea party.
Researchers found a 9,400-year-old bone fragment from what they believe is the earliest known domesticated dog. This is the oldest dog in history, besides Hugh Hefner.
A study says that vitamin E and fatty acids may ease PMS. In a related story, men's purchases of vitamin E and fatty acids have risen 97%.
Chinese President Hu Jintao refused to respond to initial questions about human rights in a news conference at the White House, blaming technology and translation problems. This is due to the fact that China doesn't have a Chinese word for "human rights".
Hospitals across the country are trying to find ways to cut back on emergency room crowding. They are telling people to not get hurt.
Dick Cheney opened the door to tighter gun restrictions in a recent interview. That's like President Obama asking for a ban on smoking.
A government proposal is calling for nutritional labels to be put on alcoholic beverages. Isn't "contains alcohol" enough?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
The GOP-controlled house voted to repeal the health care law that was signed last year. To celebrate, they had a tea party.
Researchers found a 9,400-year-old bone fragment from what they believe is the earliest known domesticated dog. This is the oldest dog in history, besides Hugh Hefner.
A study says that vitamin E and fatty acids may ease PMS. In a related story, men's purchases of vitamin E and fatty acids have risen 97%.
Chinese President Hu Jintao refused to respond to initial questions about human rights in a news conference at the White House, blaming technology and translation problems. This is due to the fact that China doesn't have a Chinese word for "human rights".
Hospitals across the country are trying to find ways to cut back on emergency room crowding. They are telling people to not get hurt.
Dick Cheney opened the door to tighter gun restrictions in a recent interview. That's like President Obama asking for a ban on smoking.
A government proposal is calling for nutritional labels to be put on alcoholic beverages. Isn't "contains alcohol" enough?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
"A Garbage Can"
John Boehner was elected the new Speaker of the House, replacing Nancy Pelosi. You know, these two are very different. One is an old man who is known for doing a good job at giving Obama a bad reputation. The other one is John Boehner.
“Jersey Shore” star Snooki says she often drinks until she blacks out and about once a month wakes up in a garbage can. That happens to be the one day a month that Jersey Shore is taping.
Starbucks updated its logo. It's a cup of overpriced coffee.
Pennsylvania State Police will stop issuing disorderly conduct citations to people who use profanity. This is great news for Philadelphia Phillies fans.
A Bluefin tuna weighing 754 pounds sold in Tokyo for nearly $396,000. Try putting THAT in a can.
Ted Williams, the homeless guy with the golden voice, has been offered a job by the Cleveland Cavaliers. As their starting guard.
28 children in China have been hospitalized for lead poisoning. They should be back to work at the factories in no time.
In a tell-all book, former Playmate, Isabella St. James described sex with Hugh Hefner as being with a dead fish. I don't know which is more gross: Sex with Hugh Hefner, or a dead fish.
That's all for right now! More later!
“Jersey Shore” star Snooki says she often drinks until she blacks out and about once a month wakes up in a garbage can. That happens to be the one day a month that Jersey Shore is taping.
Starbucks updated its logo. It's a cup of overpriced coffee.
Pennsylvania State Police will stop issuing disorderly conduct citations to people who use profanity. This is great news for Philadelphia Phillies fans.
A Bluefin tuna weighing 754 pounds sold in Tokyo for nearly $396,000. Try putting THAT in a can.
Ted Williams, the homeless guy with the golden voice, has been offered a job by the Cleveland Cavaliers. As their starting guard.
28 children in China have been hospitalized for lead poisoning. They should be back to work at the factories in no time.
In a tell-all book, former Playmate, Isabella St. James described sex with Hugh Hefner as being with a dead fish. I don't know which is more gross: Sex with Hugh Hefner, or a dead fish.
That's all for right now! More later!
Monday, January 3, 2011
"A Muslim Version"
CNN’s Anderson Cooper admits he took two Valium before interviewing Kathy Griffin for a New Year’s Eve special. He also admitted that he took two Viagra before interviewing Sarah Palin.
The sun shone brightly on the Rose Parade on New Year’s Day in Pasadena. Unless you are a fan of the Wisconsin Badgers.
Katie Couric says we need a Muslim version of “The Cosby Show”. And you think Joe Biden doesn't make any sense.
Iran says it has shot down two western unmanned drones. If you don't know what unmanned drones are, they are NBA stars playing against the Clippers.
The Navy is investigating whether an aircraft carrier’s executive officer broadcast lewd videos throughout the ship’s closed-circuit TV system. Since they were lewd videos, I'm not sure they were broadcast on a "closed" circuit system.
Actress Lindsay Lohan quoted Gandhi in her latest message on Twitter. She's obviously still drunk out of her mind.
Paula Abdul recently said that she's never been drunk in her life. Good luck finding someone who agrees with her.
China’s online population has increased to 450 Million people. In a related story, their child labor factories have shut down due to lack of work.
A Chinese government worker has been executed after taking $4.5 million in bribes. Or, as the US calls it, an amateur.
The surge in oil prices is paving the way for $4 a gallon gasoline. Or, as oil companies call them, "The good ol' days".
A new book claims it costs people $6,454 to be obese each year. It's sad that many Americans are willing to pay that much.
A study says that alcohol craving is linked to obesity. Isn't that link called a bar?
A New Jersey woman was arrested after setting her boyfriend on fire on New Year’s Eve. That's a hard title to get. I mean, the most orange person in New Jersey?
That's all for right now! More later!
The sun shone brightly on the Rose Parade on New Year’s Day in Pasadena. Unless you are a fan of the Wisconsin Badgers.
Katie Couric says we need a Muslim version of “The Cosby Show”. And you think Joe Biden doesn't make any sense.
Iran says it has shot down two western unmanned drones. If you don't know what unmanned drones are, they are NBA stars playing against the Clippers.
The Navy is investigating whether an aircraft carrier’s executive officer broadcast lewd videos throughout the ship’s closed-circuit TV system. Since they were lewd videos, I'm not sure they were broadcast on a "closed" circuit system.
Actress Lindsay Lohan quoted Gandhi in her latest message on Twitter. She's obviously still drunk out of her mind.
Paula Abdul recently said that she's never been drunk in her life. Good luck finding someone who agrees with her.
China’s online population has increased to 450 Million people. In a related story, their child labor factories have shut down due to lack of work.
A Chinese government worker has been executed after taking $4.5 million in bribes. Or, as the US calls it, an amateur.
The surge in oil prices is paving the way for $4 a gallon gasoline. Or, as oil companies call them, "The good ol' days".
A new book claims it costs people $6,454 to be obese each year. It's sad that many Americans are willing to pay that much.
A study says that alcohol craving is linked to obesity. Isn't that link called a bar?
A New Jersey woman was arrested after setting her boyfriend on fire on New Year’s Eve. That's a hard title to get. I mean, the most orange person in New Jersey?
That's all for right now! More later!
Friday, December 31, 2010
"They Will Kiss At Midnight"
Nearly 500,000 people will cram themselves into Times Square on New Year’s Eve. It will be more crowded than NYC's unemployment lines.
Snooki will be dropped inside a ball on New Year’s Eve, but in New Jersey and not in NYC. And you thought the air in New Jersey couldn't get any worse.
Lindsay Lohan is due to leave rehab next Tuesday. She will then return on Thursday.
Octomom can avoid being evicted from her southern California home if the mortgage is sold to the founder of a porn film company. Gosh, the two people most well known for making babies will have lived in the same house.
Florida conservationists say the way to repair the overabundance of invading lionfish is to eat them. Don't get any ideas, China.
China has shut down 60,000 porn sites in a censorship crackdown. Who knew anyone could get sick of Asian porn?
A study says that most people’s New Year resolutions only last a week. Isn't that called a relapse?
CNN had its worst Prime Time ratings since 1996. They were so bad that they considered giving Jay Leno the 10PM time slot.
The U.S. has approved a testosterone gel for men with low hormone levels. They were so successful that Justin Bieber's voice started getting deeper.
BP is readying beaches in time for Spring Break. I'm sure most Americans are tired of hearing "BP" and "Break" in the same sentence.
Ben Roethlisberger won the “Chief Award” from the Pittsburgh media for his cooperation. If any normal person rapes someone but cooperates, they get decades in prison. But if Roethlisberger does the same, he gets an NFL contract and an award.
Doesn't IHOP sound like a SmartPhone app for people with one leg?
Facebook has passed Google as the most popular Internet site. The least popular Internet site: my blog.
Ryan Seacrest and his New Year’s co-host Jenny McCarthy say they will kiss at midnight. When asked what it will be like to kiss a beautiful woman, McCarthy said she isn't sure yet.
Army beat SMU for their first Bowl win in 25 years. Since Army won, they will have to face an opponent they have never beaten: The University of Iraq.
That's it for 2010! It has been an extremely memorable year for me! I was on iPhunny, the New York Times blog, I met Leno, Ferguson (indirectly), I was a regular comic on Dailycomedy, and I performed my first stand-up show! Ah, the memories. In fact, today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of my blog. I'm gonna miss everything about 2010!
Snooki will be dropped inside a ball on New Year’s Eve, but in New Jersey and not in NYC. And you thought the air in New Jersey couldn't get any worse.
Lindsay Lohan is due to leave rehab next Tuesday. She will then return on Thursday.
Octomom can avoid being evicted from her southern California home if the mortgage is sold to the founder of a porn film company. Gosh, the two people most well known for making babies will have lived in the same house.
Florida conservationists say the way to repair the overabundance of invading lionfish is to eat them. Don't get any ideas, China.
China has shut down 60,000 porn sites in a censorship crackdown. Who knew anyone could get sick of Asian porn?
A study says that most people’s New Year resolutions only last a week. Isn't that called a relapse?
CNN had its worst Prime Time ratings since 1996. They were so bad that they considered giving Jay Leno the 10PM time slot.
The U.S. has approved a testosterone gel for men with low hormone levels. They were so successful that Justin Bieber's voice started getting deeper.
BP is readying beaches in time for Spring Break. I'm sure most Americans are tired of hearing "BP" and "Break" in the same sentence.
Ben Roethlisberger won the “Chief Award” from the Pittsburgh media for his cooperation. If any normal person rapes someone but cooperates, they get decades in prison. But if Roethlisberger does the same, he gets an NFL contract and an award.
Doesn't IHOP sound like a SmartPhone app for people with one leg?
Facebook has passed Google as the most popular Internet site. The least popular Internet site: my blog.
Ryan Seacrest and his New Year’s co-host Jenny McCarthy say they will kiss at midnight. When asked what it will be like to kiss a beautiful woman, McCarthy said she isn't sure yet.
Army beat SMU for their first Bowl win in 25 years. Since Army won, they will have to face an opponent they have never beaten: The University of Iraq.
That's it for 2010! It has been an extremely memorable year for me! I was on iPhunny, the New York Times blog, I met Leno, Ferguson (indirectly), I was a regular comic on Dailycomedy, and I performed my first stand-up show! Ah, the memories. In fact, today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of my blog. I'm gonna miss everything about 2010!
Friday, November 5, 2010
"A Big Parade"
President Obama says everyone in Washington, including himself, needs to do a better job. He's just figuring this out now?
A giant panda at the Atlanta Zoo gave birth to a cub for the third time. To which people in Chicago said, "Please tell me this cub can play baseball".
The Giants had a big parade in San Francisco. And then they realized that they won the World Series.
The price of sugar is at a 30 year high. And do you think obese Americans care?
A woman in Spain says she is “delighted” her ten year old daughter gave birth along with the 13 year old father. The woman added that it's nice to be a 21-year old grandmother.
A Los Angeles man says he stayed awake 40 straight days with no sleep. He stayed awake by being forced to watch attack ads.
Forbes has named Chinese President Hu Jintao as the world’s most powerful person. Let's be fair. His country has their own jobs. And American jobs.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A giant panda at the Atlanta Zoo gave birth to a cub for the third time. To which people in Chicago said, "Please tell me this cub can play baseball".
The Giants had a big parade in San Francisco. And then they realized that they won the World Series.
The price of sugar is at a 30 year high. And do you think obese Americans care?
A woman in Spain says she is “delighted” her ten year old daughter gave birth along with the 13 year old father. The woman added that it's nice to be a 21-year old grandmother.
A Los Angeles man says he stayed awake 40 straight days with no sleep. He stayed awake by being forced to watch attack ads.
Forbes has named Chinese President Hu Jintao as the world’s most powerful person. Let's be fair. His country has their own jobs. And American jobs.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
"A Pink Wig"
Today, November 2nd, is "Day of the Dead". Today is a day that we celebrate the playoff hopes of the Dallas Cowboys.
At this year’s Miami Book Fair International, the featured country is Mexico. This came as a shock to all the Cubans living in Miami.
Brazil elected its first woman president. The next closest Brazilian woman to be their president: Ronaldo.
Rapper Lil Wayne is the second recording artist to release a No. 1 album while serving a sentence. If only Lil Wayne knew what the other kind of sentence is.
A new British study says alcohol is more dangerous than heroin, crack, marijuana and ecstasy. Let's be fair. Lindsay Lohan has overdosed on all these and she's still alive.
One of the now-famous Chilean miners will run in the New York City Marathon. Expect him to be interviewed by Oprah within the next week.
A survey says 75% of Americans feel things are going badly, the highest number since the mid 70s. The other 25% have been medically diagnosed as "crazy".
A survey says that 52% of Americans say the economy is the most important issue. The other 48% of people are stoners living in California.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez says that golf courses should be destroyed and used for other purposes. Expect this to be in an attack ad by tonight.
Randy Quaid and his wife Evi say they are on the run from “Star whackers” who are out to get them. They are perfectly safe. Neither one of them are stars.
China is holding the world’s largest census which will cover ten days to count all the people who live there. I saw the census. The box for number of children:
0 - [ ]
1 - [ ]
2+ - [ ]
If you answered "2+": What would you like to happen to you (you must choose at least one):
Die - [ ]
Die - [ ]
Die - [ ]
The owner of the National Enquirer is filing for bankruptcy. This is a sad ending for both people that still believe what they write.
A study says people are what they watch. This is terrible news for people who watch Jerry Springer.
A transsexual wearing a pink wig and a dress won Britain's national Scrabble championship. Congratulations, Lady Gaga.
The British big-and-tall retailer High & Mighty has introduced a size XXXXL suit for men with a 64-inch chest and 60-inch waist. In fact, they give customers a basketball court for a dressing room.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
At this year’s Miami Book Fair International, the featured country is Mexico. This came as a shock to all the Cubans living in Miami.
Brazil elected its first woman president. The next closest Brazilian woman to be their president: Ronaldo.
Rapper Lil Wayne is the second recording artist to release a No. 1 album while serving a sentence. If only Lil Wayne knew what the other kind of sentence is.
A new British study says alcohol is more dangerous than heroin, crack, marijuana and ecstasy. Let's be fair. Lindsay Lohan has overdosed on all these and she's still alive.
One of the now-famous Chilean miners will run in the New York City Marathon. Expect him to be interviewed by Oprah within the next week.
A survey says 75% of Americans feel things are going badly, the highest number since the mid 70s. The other 25% have been medically diagnosed as "crazy".
A survey says that 52% of Americans say the economy is the most important issue. The other 48% of people are stoners living in California.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez says that golf courses should be destroyed and used for other purposes. Expect this to be in an attack ad by tonight.
Randy Quaid and his wife Evi say they are on the run from “Star whackers” who are out to get them. They are perfectly safe. Neither one of them are stars.
China is holding the world’s largest census which will cover ten days to count all the people who live there. I saw the census. The box for number of children:
0 - [ ]
1 - [ ]
2+ - [ ]
If you answered "2+": What would you like to happen to you (you must choose at least one):
Die - [ ]
Die - [ ]
Die - [ ]
The owner of the National Enquirer is filing for bankruptcy. This is a sad ending for both people that still believe what they write.
A study says people are what they watch. This is terrible news for people who watch Jerry Springer.
A transsexual wearing a pink wig and a dress won Britain's national Scrabble championship. Congratulations, Lady Gaga.
The British big-and-tall retailer High & Mighty has introduced a size XXXXL suit for men with a 64-inch chest and 60-inch waist. In fact, they give customers a basketball court for a dressing room.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Friday, October 29, 2010
"A Free Joint"
Sarah Palin said she would run for president in 2012, “if there’s nobody else to do it”. To be honest, Sarah, I would rather have nobody do it.
The earliest photographic images of humans, from around 1838, have been found. They are pictures of Brett Favre's penis.
The Internet is now available at the base camp of Mt. Everest. And you thought your computer froze up before.
China now owns the fastest computer in the world; it does 2.5 quadrillion calculations per second. Just what Americans need: the Chinese to be better at math.
Carmelo Anthony of the Denver Nuggets says it’s “time for a change”. Gee, since when did President Obama become his speechwriter?
A study says the Internet accounts for 7.2% of the British economy. Of that 7.2%, 99.7% of that involves porn subscriptions.
A San Francisco pot shop is offering a free joint to customers after each Giant home run. Considering their offense, it's going to be a sense of false hope.
A report says six in ten Hispanics say they feel more discrimination. Apparently six in ten Hispanics live in Arizona.
James MacArthur, who played “Danno” on the original “Hawaii Five-0” has died at age 72. His funeral director has chosen not to bury him or cremate him, but instead has decided to book him.
A gunman alert during a visit by President George W. Bush to Texas A&M was claimed to be a “misunderstanding” by the University. Like everything President Bush says.
Chicago Cubs owner Todd Ricketts was fired from his job as a maintenance employee on “Undercover Boss”. You know you suck as a worker when you aren't even good enough for the Chicago Cubs.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
The earliest photographic images of humans, from around 1838, have been found. They are pictures of Brett Favre's penis.
The Internet is now available at the base camp of Mt. Everest. And you thought your computer froze up before.
China now owns the fastest computer in the world; it does 2.5 quadrillion calculations per second. Just what Americans need: the Chinese to be better at math.
Carmelo Anthony of the Denver Nuggets says it’s “time for a change”. Gee, since when did President Obama become his speechwriter?
A study says the Internet accounts for 7.2% of the British economy. Of that 7.2%, 99.7% of that involves porn subscriptions.
A San Francisco pot shop is offering a free joint to customers after each Giant home run. Considering their offense, it's going to be a sense of false hope.
A report says six in ten Hispanics say they feel more discrimination. Apparently six in ten Hispanics live in Arizona.
James MacArthur, who played “Danno” on the original “Hawaii Five-0” has died at age 72. His funeral director has chosen not to bury him or cremate him, but instead has decided to book him.
A gunman alert during a visit by President George W. Bush to Texas A&M was claimed to be a “misunderstanding” by the University. Like everything President Bush says.
Chicago Cubs owner Todd Ricketts was fired from his job as a maintenance employee on “Undercover Boss”. You know you suck as a worker when you aren't even good enough for the Chicago Cubs.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
"Broke His Collarbone"
Afghan President Hamid Karzai says he accepts bags of cash from Iran. To which the U.S. said, "What's his secret?"
A Seaside city in Italy wants to ban miniskirts for being indecent. Nobody would think this is a problem until they realize that the men are the ones wearing them.
A study out of Syracuse University has concluded that falling in love takes .2 seconds and its effect is like cocaine. This is very true. In both cases, it lasts one night, and the very next day, you go out looking for more.
Brett Favre now admits leaving voicemails for the former New York Jets game hostess but denies sending lewd photos. To be fair, these are Brett Favre's only balls to not be intercepted.
Mel Gibson is furious that he was replaced by Liam Neeson for a cameo in the sequel to “The Hangover.” A furious Mel Gibson? I have never heard of such a thing...
A new study in Holland found that shy, introverted students are more likely to choose science subjects at school. These people are called "geeks".
Chile’s president apologized for writing a Third Reich slogan “Germany above all” on a guest book during a Berlin visit. Who knew the Chilean President's last name was Hitler?
A candidate for governor in Rhode Island said President Obama could “shove it” after learning Obama would not endorse him. Usually, the only ones telling Obama to "shove it" are Republicans.
A north Georgia man told his wife that there was a buffalo in their swimming pool. Of course, his wife thought that claim was complete bull. (Yes, I just made that pun).
Pitt basketball coach Jamie Dixon rescued two people from a late night auto accident. There hasn't been this big of a late night accident since The Tonight Show with Conan O' Brien.
A group of four German high school students took first prize in the final of the Ugly Dance World Cup held in Hamburg this weekend. Coming in a close second: the cast of "Dancing With The Stars".
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo broke his collarbone. Now, the Cowboys are searching for the next person to be their overpaid, overrated quarterback.
BP CEO Bob Dudley slammed the media for its “rush to judgment” over the Gulf Oil Spill. What's not to judge? It's your fault, your ex-CEO couldn't care less, and the cleanup took several months.
China is planning on sending an orbiter to Mars as early as 2013. Who says there aren't any more American jobs?
The CEO of Google says if people don’t like their home being on Street View, they can move. They will be forced to move to a house that was on Street view in the first place.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
A Seaside city in Italy wants to ban miniskirts for being indecent. Nobody would think this is a problem until they realize that the men are the ones wearing them.
A study out of Syracuse University has concluded that falling in love takes .2 seconds and its effect is like cocaine. This is very true. In both cases, it lasts one night, and the very next day, you go out looking for more.
Brett Favre now admits leaving voicemails for the former New York Jets game hostess but denies sending lewd photos. To be fair, these are Brett Favre's only balls to not be intercepted.
Mel Gibson is furious that he was replaced by Liam Neeson for a cameo in the sequel to “The Hangover.” A furious Mel Gibson? I have never heard of such a thing...
A new study in Holland found that shy, introverted students are more likely to choose science subjects at school. These people are called "geeks".
Chile’s president apologized for writing a Third Reich slogan “Germany above all” on a guest book during a Berlin visit. Who knew the Chilean President's last name was Hitler?
A candidate for governor in Rhode Island said President Obama could “shove it” after learning Obama would not endorse him. Usually, the only ones telling Obama to "shove it" are Republicans.
A north Georgia man told his wife that there was a buffalo in their swimming pool. Of course, his wife thought that claim was complete bull. (Yes, I just made that pun).
Pitt basketball coach Jamie Dixon rescued two people from a late night auto accident. There hasn't been this big of a late night accident since The Tonight Show with Conan O' Brien.
A group of four German high school students took first prize in the final of the Ugly Dance World Cup held in Hamburg this weekend. Coming in a close second: the cast of "Dancing With The Stars".
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo broke his collarbone. Now, the Cowboys are searching for the next person to be their overpaid, overrated quarterback.
BP CEO Bob Dudley slammed the media for its “rush to judgment” over the Gulf Oil Spill. What's not to judge? It's your fault, your ex-CEO couldn't care less, and the cleanup took several months.
China is planning on sending an orbiter to Mars as early as 2013. Who says there aren't any more American jobs?
The CEO of Google says if people don’t like their home being on Street View, they can move. They will be forced to move to a house that was on Street view in the first place.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
"Drove Off A Cliff"
There are several highly recognized species on the endangered list. One of the endangered species: straight Republican senators.
President Obama was upset he didn’t get to blow anything up while appearing on TV’s “MythBusters”. Let's be fair, Mr. President. You blew up the economy.
Sarah Palin hinted to a crowd in Reno that she may run for president in 2012. As a comedian, she certainly has my vote.
Former Patriots linebacker Junior Seau drove off a cliff on Monday, but was unhurt. I guess he didn't have to Seau.
China moved into the lead of team qualifying Tuesday at the world gymnastics championships. The gymnasts will be disappointed when they find out that the gold medals they receive will not be filled with chocolate.
A man is under arrest after allegedly stealing a bag of Cheetos and some Ho Hos from a Hess gas station and stuffing them down his pants. I knew all along that Cheetos and Ho Hos go right to your thighs.
Sir Elton John says that songwriters today are "awful". He got this idea after listening to Fergie.
A Vatican minister says that Homer Simpson is a Catholic. Bart is praying that he doesn't become a priest.
There are rumors surfacing that Mel Gibson is going to make a cameo in "Hangover 2". I guess it's going to be footage of him in real life.
Canadian police are investigating a case of assault at an arcade that involved teen idol Justin Bieber. Police knew something was up when they saw Bieber hiding in the crane machine.
A woman whose home was destroyed by a fire last month won $80,000 Thursday in the Kentucky Lottery. This takes "I have good news and bad news" to a whole new level.
A woman arrested in Florida told police officers she was “too rich” to go to jail. Ironically, she couldn't post bail.
That's all I have for right now! More later!
President Obama was upset he didn’t get to blow anything up while appearing on TV’s “MythBusters”. Let's be fair, Mr. President. You blew up the economy.
Sarah Palin hinted to a crowd in Reno that she may run for president in 2012. As a comedian, she certainly has my vote.
Former Patriots linebacker Junior Seau drove off a cliff on Monday, but was unhurt. I guess he didn't have to Seau.
China moved into the lead of team qualifying Tuesday at the world gymnastics championships. The gymnasts will be disappointed when they find out that the gold medals they receive will not be filled with chocolate.
A man is under arrest after allegedly stealing a bag of Cheetos and some Ho Hos from a Hess gas station and stuffing them down his pants. I knew all along that Cheetos and Ho Hos go right to your thighs.
Sir Elton John says that songwriters today are "awful". He got this idea after listening to Fergie.
A Vatican minister says that Homer Simpson is a Catholic. Bart is praying that he doesn't become a priest.
There are rumors surfacing that Mel Gibson is going to make a cameo in "Hangover 2". I guess it's going to be footage of him in real life.
Canadian police are investigating a case of assault at an arcade that involved teen idol Justin Bieber. Police knew something was up when they saw Bieber hiding in the crane machine.
A woman whose home was destroyed by a fire last month won $80,000 Thursday in the Kentucky Lottery. This takes "I have good news and bad news" to a whole new level.
A woman arrested in Florida told police officers she was “too rich” to go to jail. Ironically, she couldn't post bail.
That's all I have for right now! More later!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
"Related To Sarah Palin"
In an effort to be bio-friendly, Walmart will sell pet products made from trash. Don't they already do that?
Google is investing $5 billion in an offshore wind project. Isn't Google blowing this out of proportion?
The Wall Street Journal reports that Wall Street companies will pay employees $144 billion this year, breaking a record for the second year in a row. And that money is just to the CEOs.
Members of the Cherokee Nation who have access to iPhones can now text each other in their native language. Now, their newest problem: finding someplace that has service.
The Chinese company making Apple’s iPhones is being criticized with allegations of worker abuse. Chinese workers are looking for ways to heal their boo-boos.
A new study says that if California legalizes marijuana it won’t hurt the drug cartels because Californians already grow their own pot. Do you want proof that pot is actually grown? Look in Lindsay Lohan's shoe and Paris Hilton's mouth.
A New Zealand TV host resigned after mocking the name of Indian official Sheila Dikshit. He should have resigned. After all, he had no right to mock the name "Sheila".
A former sports agent says he paid Ryan Leaf $10,000 when he was still in college. You know who represents this guy now? Reggie Bush.
Genealogy reports say that Barack Obama is related to Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. Somebody better put the President under suicide watch.
Snooki from "Jersey Shore" is going to do some community service. Hopefully it involves her not being on TV.
A set of John Lennon's fingerprints being auctioned for at least $100,000 was seized by the FBI. The creepy part about all this: the only place they could find fingerprints were on Yoko Ono's skin.
Warren Buffett says that "Pain will be felt for a long time" as the economy recovers. Unless you are Warren Buffett.
The Supreme Court will rule on a case that asks if terrorist laws apply to when a wife attacks her husband. Who would have thought that Elin Nordegren would have been worse off than Tiger Woods?
House Minority Leader John Boehner says if the GOP takes control of Congress they will cut spending weekly. Exactly what is the problem with that?
A man who tried to streak in front of President Obama was doing it to cash in on an offer of a million dollars from a British website. The speech involved a guy who made himself look like an idiot and didn't care what anybody thought. And a naked guy was there, too.
Twitter is targeting one billion users. One billion people have used it; kind of like Paris Hilton.
A study says the fastest growing areas in the country show a big income drop. Mainly because of people we call "illegal immigrants".
The coach of the Detroit Lions is denying his team tried to run up the score in a 44-6 win over the Rams. Football fans were shocked. The Lions know how to score touchdowns?
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
Google is investing $5 billion in an offshore wind project. Isn't Google blowing this out of proportion?
The Wall Street Journal reports that Wall Street companies will pay employees $144 billion this year, breaking a record for the second year in a row. And that money is just to the CEOs.
Members of the Cherokee Nation who have access to iPhones can now text each other in their native language. Now, their newest problem: finding someplace that has service.
The Chinese company making Apple’s iPhones is being criticized with allegations of worker abuse. Chinese workers are looking for ways to heal their boo-boos.
A new study says that if California legalizes marijuana it won’t hurt the drug cartels because Californians already grow their own pot. Do you want proof that pot is actually grown? Look in Lindsay Lohan's shoe and Paris Hilton's mouth.
A New Zealand TV host resigned after mocking the name of Indian official Sheila Dikshit. He should have resigned. After all, he had no right to mock the name "Sheila".
A former sports agent says he paid Ryan Leaf $10,000 when he was still in college. You know who represents this guy now? Reggie Bush.
Genealogy reports say that Barack Obama is related to Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. Somebody better put the President under suicide watch.
Snooki from "Jersey Shore" is going to do some community service. Hopefully it involves her not being on TV.
A set of John Lennon's fingerprints being auctioned for at least $100,000 was seized by the FBI. The creepy part about all this: the only place they could find fingerprints were on Yoko Ono's skin.
Warren Buffett says that "Pain will be felt for a long time" as the economy recovers. Unless you are Warren Buffett.
The Supreme Court will rule on a case that asks if terrorist laws apply to when a wife attacks her husband. Who would have thought that Elin Nordegren would have been worse off than Tiger Woods?
House Minority Leader John Boehner says if the GOP takes control of Congress they will cut spending weekly. Exactly what is the problem with that?
A man who tried to streak in front of President Obama was doing it to cash in on an offer of a million dollars from a British website. The speech involved a guy who made himself look like an idiot and didn't care what anybody thought. And a naked guy was there, too.
Twitter is targeting one billion users. One billion people have used it; kind of like Paris Hilton.
A study says the fastest growing areas in the country show a big income drop. Mainly because of people we call "illegal immigrants".
The coach of the Detroit Lions is denying his team tried to run up the score in a 44-6 win over the Rams. Football fans were shocked. The Lions know how to score touchdowns?
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
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