A 10,000 square foot medical marijuana growing emporium is set to open in Sacramento. Don't we usually call those "farms"?
A poll says that Mississippi is the most conservative state in the U.S. They are so conservative, they don't take the time to look outside their families for dating.
A poll says that phone etiquette in the U.S. is getting worse. When I heard this, I was like, "WTF R U TALKIN BOUT?!?".
7-Eleven has opened its 40,000th store. And still, not a single one of them has any class.
A new iPhone app counts down the time to the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Using the app tells people, "I have absolutely nothing better to do".
It's a Saturday, it's late, and I'm tired. That's all I have for right now!
Showing posts with label Texting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Texting. Show all posts
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Saturday, November 27, 2010
"Quidditch Lingerie"
English turkey tycoon Bernard Matthews died on Thanksgiving Day at age 80. That's like Santa Claus dying on Christmas.
A Florida man was killed on a golf course after being hit by a golf ball. His last words were "Four what?".
Jobless flight attendants in Mexico are getting attention after posing for a sexy calendar. The calendar was called, "Twelve months of going through the TSA".
Doctors are warning of the dangers of possible infections spread during TSA patdowns. Didn't they used to be called "STDs"?
A Florida lesbian resort is welcoming men guests because of the bad economy. In fact, every single male guest that went to that resort had a video camera.
A Spanish woman claims to own the sun and says she will charge everyone for its use. What's she going to do if nobody pays? Is she going to just take it away?
A Michigan man will stand trial in the sodomy of his pet pit bull. And Michael Vick was doing so well.
A survey says that 9 in 10 students admit to texting while in class. The other student does not own a cell phone.
Apple has put a stop to a company making dolls in the likeness of Steve Jobs. Mainly because they haven't come out with a newer doll of him in three months.
Fran Drescher says she is considering a run for Congress. Who knew Congress could get more annoying?
An Australian entrepreneur has developed odor trapping underwear. Isn't that called a diaper?
Warner Brothers is trademarking "Quidditch lingerie". To which most Harry Potter watchers ask, "What's lingerie?".
Reports are saying that a San Diego drug tunnel had a railcar and tons of pot. It bore a striking resemblance to Willie Nelson's tour bus.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A Florida man was killed on a golf course after being hit by a golf ball. His last words were "Four what?".
Jobless flight attendants in Mexico are getting attention after posing for a sexy calendar. The calendar was called, "Twelve months of going through the TSA".
Doctors are warning of the dangers of possible infections spread during TSA patdowns. Didn't they used to be called "STDs"?
A Florida lesbian resort is welcoming men guests because of the bad economy. In fact, every single male guest that went to that resort had a video camera.
A Spanish woman claims to own the sun and says she will charge everyone for its use. What's she going to do if nobody pays? Is she going to just take it away?
A Michigan man will stand trial in the sodomy of his pet pit bull. And Michael Vick was doing so well.
A survey says that 9 in 10 students admit to texting while in class. The other student does not own a cell phone.
Apple has put a stop to a company making dolls in the likeness of Steve Jobs. Mainly because they haven't come out with a newer doll of him in three months.
Fran Drescher says she is considering a run for Congress. Who knew Congress could get more annoying?
An Australian entrepreneur has developed odor trapping underwear. Isn't that called a diaper?
Warner Brothers is trademarking "Quidditch lingerie". To which most Harry Potter watchers ask, "What's lingerie?".
Reports are saying that a San Diego drug tunnel had a railcar and tons of pot. It bore a striking resemblance to Willie Nelson's tour bus.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Friday, September 3, 2010
"Agreed To Sell Itself"
Burger King agreed to sell itself for $3.26 billion. Or, as Burger King calls it, "One billion whoppers".
A new study in LA County says that 98% of restaurants pass health inspections. The other 2% are named, "The Sizzler".
A survey says that 72% of adults are texting now. The other 28% of adults do not own a cell phone.
A study says that 25% of the people working now were unemployed at some point during the recession. The other 75% of people are what scientists call "a kiss-ass".
A new study finds that some users of the weight-loss pill Meridia may have an increased risk of heart attack or stroke. Isn't that what it's supposed to prevent?
People who take bone-strengthening drugs for several years may have a slightly higher risk of esophageal cancer, a new study suggests. Patients on those drugs find this concept difficult to swallow.
Ben Roethlisberger's suspension has been reduced from six to four games. And all this time he liked hearing, "You've been very bad".
Canadian parents are more lenient with their children than mothers and fathers in France and Italy, according to a new study. Especially when it comes to dating advice.
A Japanese man drove the wrong way down an expressway for 55 miles. In related news, Asia has given him "Driver of the Year Award".
That's all I have for today! More coming later!
A new study in LA County says that 98% of restaurants pass health inspections. The other 2% are named, "The Sizzler".
A survey says that 72% of adults are texting now. The other 28% of adults do not own a cell phone.
A study says that 25% of the people working now were unemployed at some point during the recession. The other 75% of people are what scientists call "a kiss-ass".
A new study finds that some users of the weight-loss pill Meridia may have an increased risk of heart attack or stroke. Isn't that what it's supposed to prevent?
People who take bone-strengthening drugs for several years may have a slightly higher risk of esophageal cancer, a new study suggests. Patients on those drugs find this concept difficult to swallow.
Ben Roethlisberger's suspension has been reduced from six to four games. And all this time he liked hearing, "You've been very bad".
Canadian parents are more lenient with their children than mothers and fathers in France and Italy, according to a new study. Especially when it comes to dating advice.
A Japanese man drove the wrong way down an expressway for 55 miles. In related news, Asia has given him "Driver of the Year Award".
That's all I have for today! More coming later!
Monday, April 26, 2010
"Mayberry With A Beach"
Joke of the Day: A Detroit strip club manager was arrested for employing a 14 year old female dancer who was making up to $350 a day. Still yet to be discovered, the dancer's seven-year-old brother was employed by the Catholic Church.
George W. Bush’s book “Decision Points” is set to be released on Nov. 9. It's the first book by a President to be entirely in pictures.
George W. Bush’s book “Decision Points” is set to be released on Nov. 9. May I suggest a title? It's a book about his presidency. It should be called "Zero Points".
George W. Bush’s book “Decision Points” is set to be released on Nov. 9. One-thousand signed copies are available for $350 each. And for an extra $100, George will let you keep the crayon he used to sign it.
World-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking says we should stop sending broadcast signals into space to contact alien life forms. Here's a good idea for a start: Get Stephen Hawking a translator.
A North Carolina town called “Mayberry with a beach” has banned swimmers from wearing thongs. And yet, still no word on Grandpa and his Speedo.
In Scotland, a man was accused of weighing his penis on a grocery store’s produce scale. The man became seriously embarrassed when the scale voice told him, "Object not detected, please try again."
A poll says that 60% of Americans support a National Day of Prayer. Of those 60%, 100% of them want to designate April 15 as the National Day of Prayer.
China may ease its long hated one child rule for couples. China is demanding that if a family was to have two children, at least one of them must be employed.
A doorman strike was narrowly averted in New York City. NYC citizens were extremely upset. They actually had to open doors all by theirselves.
A study says genetics determine at what age a child learns to read. It's unknown whether they learn to text before they learn to read.
Joe Paterno says he favors the Big Ten expanding from eleven to fourteen teams. Even though the conference is clearly called the Big Ten.
The USOC has ended their plan for an Olympics network. It's not anybody's fault. They just didn't want to over-advertise crappy NBC programming.
That's it for now. By the way, congratulation to me! This is my 100th blog post! Come on, celebrate with me faithful reader!
George W. Bush’s book “Decision Points” is set to be released on Nov. 9. It's the first book by a President to be entirely in pictures.
George W. Bush’s book “Decision Points” is set to be released on Nov. 9. May I suggest a title? It's a book about his presidency. It should be called "Zero Points".
George W. Bush’s book “Decision Points” is set to be released on Nov. 9. One-thousand signed copies are available for $350 each. And for an extra $100, George will let you keep the crayon he used to sign it.
World-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking says we should stop sending broadcast signals into space to contact alien life forms. Here's a good idea for a start: Get Stephen Hawking a translator.
A North Carolina town called “Mayberry with a beach” has banned swimmers from wearing thongs. And yet, still no word on Grandpa and his Speedo.
In Scotland, a man was accused of weighing his penis on a grocery store’s produce scale. The man became seriously embarrassed when the scale voice told him, "Object not detected, please try again."
A poll says that 60% of Americans support a National Day of Prayer. Of those 60%, 100% of them want to designate April 15 as the National Day of Prayer.
China may ease its long hated one child rule for couples. China is demanding that if a family was to have two children, at least one of them must be employed.
A doorman strike was narrowly averted in New York City. NYC citizens were extremely upset. They actually had to open doors all by theirselves.
A study says genetics determine at what age a child learns to read. It's unknown whether they learn to text before they learn to read.
Joe Paterno says he favors the Big Ten expanding from eleven to fourteen teams. Even though the conference is clearly called the Big Ten.
The USOC has ended their plan for an Olympics network. It's not anybody's fault. They just didn't want to over-advertise crappy NBC programming.
That's it for now. By the way, congratulation to me! This is my 100th blog post! Come on, celebrate with me faithful reader!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
"The Cause Of Earthquakes"
Joke of the Day: A senior Iranian cleric says women who dress scantily and who have adulterous sex are the cause of earthquakes. In that case, why is Maury Povich's studio still intact?
US and Iraqi officials say they killed al-Qaida’s top two officials in air and ground assaults. And yet, still no word on Osama bin Laden.
The best-selling relationship book, “Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus”, will soon be on the big screen. The tagline: "Either way, they come from my... you know."
Twenty Nepali climbers are on a mission to clean up the area on Mt. Everest known as the “death zone”. Which is strange, because I thought Los Angeles was in California.
A set of quadruplets from New York have all chosen to attend the same college. In a related story, Kate Gosselin has just been inspired.
A suburban school district secretly captured at least 56,000 webcam photographs and screen shots from laptops issued to high school students, And those were just in the showers.
Returning from Mexico, Michelle Obama made a brief stop Thursday in San Diego to visit a community garden farmed by international refugees. She is calling this journey, "A day in the life of an illegal Mexican immigrant".
A gene variant that may help protect memory and thinking skills in elderly people has been identified by U.S. researchers. It's called a notepad.
A new study has found that almost six out of 10 child-care centers in Wisconsin send home children who have minor illnesses. That means that six out of 10 child-care centers in Wisconsin have really good liars.
High school students attending a prom in Oklahoma say they watched as a repo man drove away a limousine they had rented. At least one person said they thought the limo was being stolen. It was a repo man, so that person was right.
A new study says that one third of U.S. teenagers with cell phones send more than 100 texts per day. The same study has found that 99 of these texts were gramatically incorrect.
Jay Leno says he knew that Conan O'Brien would land on his feet. That's weird. Conan usually says he lands on his hair.
A 9 year old boy in Georgia is raising money for his own heart surgery by selling manuscripts of his life online. A 9-year old selling his life story? And you thought the book called "Jewish Sports Legends" was short.
A study says that tanning is as addictive as drinking, with one third of all college students hooked. To both tanning and drinking.
A study says that people grow to dislike diet foods after a period of time. Actually, these people just try diet food once and they hate it.
Joe Biden is set to make an appearance on "The View". And you thought the panel for The View never shuts up.
A U.N. report says that India has more cell phones than toilets. Conveniently enough, the US has exactly as many cell phones as they do cars.
GM is teaming up with a Detroit church to try to sell more cars. That's right, America. GM needs a prayer to get their cars on the road.
Bill Clinton says the world sees too much infighting in the U.S. And his marriage.
That's all for right now! More upcoming!
US and Iraqi officials say they killed al-Qaida’s top two officials in air and ground assaults. And yet, still no word on Osama bin Laden.
The best-selling relationship book, “Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus”, will soon be on the big screen. The tagline: "Either way, they come from my... you know."
Twenty Nepali climbers are on a mission to clean up the area on Mt. Everest known as the “death zone”. Which is strange, because I thought Los Angeles was in California.
A set of quadruplets from New York have all chosen to attend the same college. In a related story, Kate Gosselin has just been inspired.
A suburban school district secretly captured at least 56,000 webcam photographs and screen shots from laptops issued to high school students, And those were just in the showers.
Returning from Mexico, Michelle Obama made a brief stop Thursday in San Diego to visit a community garden farmed by international refugees. She is calling this journey, "A day in the life of an illegal Mexican immigrant".
A gene variant that may help protect memory and thinking skills in elderly people has been identified by U.S. researchers. It's called a notepad.
A new study has found that almost six out of 10 child-care centers in Wisconsin send home children who have minor illnesses. That means that six out of 10 child-care centers in Wisconsin have really good liars.
High school students attending a prom in Oklahoma say they watched as a repo man drove away a limousine they had rented. At least one person said they thought the limo was being stolen. It was a repo man, so that person was right.
A new study says that one third of U.S. teenagers with cell phones send more than 100 texts per day. The same study has found that 99 of these texts were gramatically incorrect.
Jay Leno says he knew that Conan O'Brien would land on his feet. That's weird. Conan usually says he lands on his hair.
A 9 year old boy in Georgia is raising money for his own heart surgery by selling manuscripts of his life online. A 9-year old selling his life story? And you thought the book called "Jewish Sports Legends" was short.
A study says that tanning is as addictive as drinking, with one third of all college students hooked. To both tanning and drinking.
A study says that people grow to dislike diet foods after a period of time. Actually, these people just try diet food once and they hate it.
Joe Biden is set to make an appearance on "The View". And you thought the panel for The View never shuts up.
A U.N. report says that India has more cell phones than toilets. Conveniently enough, the US has exactly as many cell phones as they do cars.
GM is teaming up with a Detroit church to try to sell more cars. That's right, America. GM needs a prayer to get their cars on the road.
Bill Clinton says the world sees too much infighting in the U.S. And his marriage.
That's all for right now! More upcoming!
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