Joke of the Day: The Gateway Arch in St. Louis was found to be showing signs of rust and decay. It's big, in St. Louis, and showing signs of rust and decay. Kind of like the Rams.
North Dakota has the lowest unemployment rate in the country at 3.6%. Who knew it would be easy to find a job in the middle of nowhere?
Lindsay Lohan’s dad is defending the behavior of Mel Gibson. That brings the total number of people on Mel Gibson's side to two.
Lindsay Lohan’s dad is defending the behavior of Mel Gibson. Of all people...
California is suing “Tax Lady” Roni Lynn Deutch for $34 Million, saying she swindled thousands of customers. They do realize she is a "Tax" Lady right?
Ham that was distributed to Walmart delicatessens nationwide and sold in sandwiches has been recalled because it might be tainted with potentially harmful bacteria. Considering all the food recalls, the unnamed character in "Green Eggs and Ham" was right to refuse the meal.
House Republican leader John Boehner on Tuesday urged President Barack Obama to support an extension of tax cuts and to fire key economic advisers, arguing that 19 month of "government as community organizer" hasn't worked. Well gee, thanks John Boehner. I'm sure everybody has figured that out by now.
Amsterdam police have found 7,000 kg of marijuana and hashish in a warehouse near Schiphol Airport in the Netherlands. The warehouse door read the initials A.W., for Amy Winehouse.
A newly discovered type of oil-eating microbe is suddenly flourishing in the Gulf of Mexico. To which BP said, "Yes. That was totally our idea. You can thank us.".
That's all I have for today. More coming tomorrow on my first day of school.
Showing posts with label St. Louis Rams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label St. Louis Rams. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
"Negotiating A Blockbuster Deal"
There are reports that the St. Louis Rams and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are negotiating a blockbuster deal. That is, Tampa Bay trades their starting quarterback for a Blockbuster gift card.
A man who is only 22 inches (56 centimeters) tall left his home country of Nepal on Sunday in a quest to be recognized as the world's shortest man. It's not a matter of whether he'll be recognized, I think he has to be seen.
A governor who once led national Democrats say President Barack Obama's White House needs to change its political strategy. Oh NOW this guy speaks up.
For tech-savvy singles who are unlucky in love, Twitter has come up with a new dating site to make those singles even more unlucky.
Tiger Woods said in his apology yesterday, "I'm sorry for everything that I have done." Everything? More like "Everyone"...
This obesity epidemic is getting out of hand. It's so bad that even fat people are too lazy to drive to McDonalds.
Many experts are saying that "The Biggest Loser" pushes contestants too hard. I agree. It's hard enough for them to get off the couch to make microwave burritos, now they have to exercise?
I wonder what police officers do if they find marijuana in someone's pocket. It would either be classified as evidence of why the guy should be arrested or why they eat so many donuts.
Free-agent slugger Carlos Delgado is expected to be sidelined for four months after undergoing hip surgery in Colorado. I think he's old enough to be having hip replacement surgery now.
The hit squad that killed a senior Hamas official in Dubai may have entered the country using diplomatic passports. It's also the first time that Dubai has had anything diplomatic.
That's it for now! More tomorrow!
A man who is only 22 inches (56 centimeters) tall left his home country of Nepal on Sunday in a quest to be recognized as the world's shortest man. It's not a matter of whether he'll be recognized, I think he has to be seen.
A governor who once led national Democrats say President Barack Obama's White House needs to change its political strategy. Oh NOW this guy speaks up.
For tech-savvy singles who are unlucky in love, Twitter has come up with a new dating site to make those singles even more unlucky.
Tiger Woods said in his apology yesterday, "I'm sorry for everything that I have done." Everything? More like "Everyone"...
This obesity epidemic is getting out of hand. It's so bad that even fat people are too lazy to drive to McDonalds.
Many experts are saying that "The Biggest Loser" pushes contestants too hard. I agree. It's hard enough for them to get off the couch to make microwave burritos, now they have to exercise?
I wonder what police officers do if they find marijuana in someone's pocket. It would either be classified as evidence of why the guy should be arrested or why they eat so many donuts.
Free-agent slugger Carlos Delgado is expected to be sidelined for four months after undergoing hip surgery in Colorado. I think he's old enough to be having hip replacement surgery now.
The hit squad that killed a senior Hamas official in Dubai may have entered the country using diplomatic passports. It's also the first time that Dubai has had anything diplomatic.
That's it for now! More tomorrow!
Friday, January 29, 2010
"Pork Will Spice Up Your Sex Life"
Hello everyone! Here are my monologue jokes from January 29, 2009.
Joan Rivers says that Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien are not funny. Look, Jay and Conan can easily make funny faces. Joan just tries to.
John Edwards reportedly made a sex tape with his mistress. We know it's John because at the end, he walks up to the camera and says, "I'm John Edwards, and I approved this message."
Argentina’s President Cristina Fernandez says eating pork will spice up your sex life, even more than Viagra. The possible titles of her speech have been narrowed down to: "Bigger is Better", "More to Love", and "Viva McDonald's".
In an interview on a Cincinnati radio station this morning, rocker Ozzy Osbourne said that if he were a character in a movie, he would like Denzel Washington to play his character. Really? I was thinking Dick Clark... (ZERO insensitivity intended WHATSOEVER)
Terrorists are now trying to buy Botox because the key ingredient in Botox can be used to kill people. This forever justifies the saying, "Looks can kill".
New York City's transit agency is investigating a video posted online that shows a man kissing and snuggling a live chicken aboard a subway. The investigation has come to the following conclusion: They have never seen someone in a Subway treat a chicken with kindness.
A marijuana megastore has opened in Oakland. The weird thing about that: The Raiders were customers of the month, and they weren't even open.
Singer and guitarist Willie Nelson canceled a North Carolina concert because of a bum hand. Right after he got off the stage, he began the grueling process of not filing his taxes.
St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson has been accused of beating his girlfriend who was nine months pregnant with the couple's child at his Las Vegas home last year. This is the first time that you can put "St. Louis Rams" and "Beating" in the same sentence in that order.
Steven said that these rumors were "hurtful" and "untrue". His girlfriend agreed with the first part.
Joan Rivers says that Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien are not funny. Look, Jay and Conan can easily make funny faces. Joan just tries to.
John Edwards reportedly made a sex tape with his mistress. We know it's John because at the end, he walks up to the camera and says, "I'm John Edwards, and I approved this message."
Argentina’s President Cristina Fernandez says eating pork will spice up your sex life, even more than Viagra. The possible titles of her speech have been narrowed down to: "Bigger is Better", "More to Love", and "Viva McDonald's".
In an interview on a Cincinnati radio station this morning, rocker Ozzy Osbourne said that if he were a character in a movie, he would like Denzel Washington to play his character. Really? I was thinking Dick Clark... (ZERO insensitivity intended WHATSOEVER)
Terrorists are now trying to buy Botox because the key ingredient in Botox can be used to kill people. This forever justifies the saying, "Looks can kill".
New York City's transit agency is investigating a video posted online that shows a man kissing and snuggling a live chicken aboard a subway. The investigation has come to the following conclusion: They have never seen someone in a Subway treat a chicken with kindness.
A marijuana megastore has opened in Oakland. The weird thing about that: The Raiders were customers of the month, and they weren't even open.
Singer and guitarist Willie Nelson canceled a North Carolina concert because of a bum hand. Right after he got off the stage, he began the grueling process of not filing his taxes.
St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson has been accused of beating his girlfriend who was nine months pregnant with the couple's child at his Las Vegas home last year. This is the first time that you can put "St. Louis Rams" and "Beating" in the same sentence in that order.
Steven said that these rumors were "hurtful" and "untrue". His girlfriend agreed with the first part.
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