"Bob Dylan's Lyrics"

Joke of the Day: A college professor in New York is teaching Bob Dylan's lyrics as literature. That's like recommending Kirstie Alley's diet in health class.

A study says that video gamers can control their dreams. Like they wish they could be that soldier in Call of Duty.

British Petroleum admits that their decision to proceed with a flawed oil rig was a “fundamental mistake”. You know, like all their other methods of stopping the oil spill.

Researchers say that playing in the dirt can make people smarter because of bacteria in the environment. Hopefully it will make them smart enough to take a bath once their done.

President Bush’s new book will begin with his decision to quit drinking. Why didn't he quit drinking when he got into the White House?

Country singer Willie Nelson cut off all his hair. This is a terrible idea. Where can he hide all his drugs?

A “carpet of frogs” shut down a major highway in Greece for two hours. And no, Andy Dick has not taken a European vacation.

Recently fired Cleveland Cavaliers coach Mike Brown thanked the team for letting him coach there the last 5 years. Strangely enough, LeBron James said the exact same thing.

That's all for today! More tomorrow!

"Their First Gay Character"

Joke of the Day: Detroit is looking to reclaim its agricultural past as people are growing community gardens in abandoned lots. In a related story, flowers were spotted in the Detroit Lions' end zone.

88 year old Prince Philip of England injured his ankle while driving a carriage. It could be worse. At least he wasn't driving a Toyota.

A survey says that one in five Americans is worried about losing their job in the next twelve months. The other four Americans are sleeping with their boss.

A study says that laughter brings the same effects as exercise. This explains why fans of "Two and a Half Men" are so fat.

A pregnant Massachusetts woman has been arrested for stabbing three people. Police were seriously concerned when the woman said, "Well, I was going to have triplets".

Archie Comics will introduce their first gay character, named Kevin Keller. However, he is nowhere near as important as his great-great-great grandmother, Helen.

The biggest study ever about the effects of cell phones on health is taking place in Europe. It's so big that the study area includes a race track for texting.

Joni Mitchell says that Bob Dylan is a plagiarist. Bob Dylan couldn't be a plagiarist. There weren't any other white non-racists in the 1960's.

The Boy Scouts have been ordered to pay an Oregon man $18.5 Million in an abuse case. The Boy Scouts paid $18.5 million dollars? They must have sold an awful lot of popcorn.

German researchers have developed technology that can allow people to drive where there eyes are looking. I must ask, how can somebody drive into the back of their eyelids?

A White House Adviser has recently said that President Obama loves pie. Here's how much he loves it: Obama eats more pie than our government eats our tax dollars.

A Riverside County man was arrested for allegedly stealing dozens of fire hydrants. I don't know about anybody else, but I think his dog is going to have one hell of a Christmas.

Well, a great day for my writing! More tomorrow!!!!!!

"Arrested In A Pot Bust"

Yesterday was Easter Sunday. Still no word on how the Catholic Church celebrated.

President Obama says the nation would go bankrupt without Health Care Reform. Republicans are saying that the nation will go bankrupt because of health care reform. Either way, we're screwed.

Teenagers found a body while on an Easter egg hunt in Iowa. Those teens had to explain to police what they saw, and they had to explain to their friends why they were still Easter egg hunting.

Outdoor writer Tom Stiensra was arrested in a pot bust at his home in Weed, California. Stiensra now gets to write how he got arrested with pot in a city named Weed.

Shaquille O’Neal’s mother has written about herself. Someone related to Shaq wrote about themself? I'm extremely shocked!

A study says that adolescence in humans actually ends at age 28. Apparently these people forgot to study Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, and Jesse James.

Today is Opening Day in the MLB. As a matter of fact, the Washington Nationals have already started to make vacation plans for October.

The New York Mets have placed Jose Reyes and Daniel Murphy on the 15-day disabled list. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I could pay both of their salaries.

Republican Party chairman Michael Steele says he won’t step down because of the controversy caused by his staffers meeting at a sex-themed Hollywood nightclub. This is because staffers at a sex-themed nightclub is the Republican way.

Bob Dylan canceled his tour of Asia after the Chinese government blocked his concerts in Shanghai and Beijing. After all, he does sing protest songs.

That's it for today! More tomorrow!