Joke of the Day: A study says that Americans with kids 18 and under are less likely to get exercise and more likely to be overweight. Just like their kids.
The US Air Force is thinking about retiring the B-1 Bomber fleet in an effort to save money. The cause of this Bomber fleet's retirement is that every time somebody mentions it, George Bush thinks he has BINGO. (Punchline inspired by a joke from Jerry Perisho from yesterday)
Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan began Monday. Unfortunately for Elena, the Senate has turned it into a beauty contest.
Apple says it sold 1.7 million units of its new iPhone 4 in just 3 days. Which is approximately the amount of time it took for Apple to announce a prototype of the iPhone 5.
The Apple iPhone has several new Twilight-themed apps. In a related story, the number of teenage girls with iPhones has skyrocketed.
I don't think it was a good idea for President Obama to fire General Stanley McChrystal for criticizing him. Why? Because now when McChrystal criticizes Obama, it's not against the rules.
The FDA is urging that less antibiotics be used in meat products. "Don't worry, we'll cut down", said Viagra.
Lance Armstrong says this will be his last Tour de France. Of course, it raises suspicion when you have Brett Favre as your speechwriter.
A study says that left handed pitchers are more prone to injury than other baseball players. Well, to be fair, Ken Griffey Jr. pitched in high school.*
President Obama says the U.S. can’t borrow and buy the world its way to prosperity. One thing's for sure: Oprah certainly disagrees.
The Alaska Distillery in Wasilla has unveiled its new spirit - Smoked Salmon Flavored Vodka. It also goes by its other name: alcoholic ocean water.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
*A little side note: Ken Griffey Jr. went to high school in my hometown of Cincinnati at Moeller High School.
Showing posts with label Ken Griffey Jr.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ken Griffey Jr.. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
"Reliance On Fossil Fuels"
Joke of the Day: A study says that 40% of all teenagers have had sex at least once. The other 60% of teenagers are too busy texting to have sex.
California may ban plastic bags from grocery stores. That's because California is running out of plastic for all the plastic surgery that everyone gets.
May brought lower ratings for Larry King at CNN. This adds to the extensive list of things that have been lower for Larry King.
Ken Griffey, Jr. is retiring from baseball after a 22 year career. Now, it's okay for him to nap during games.
Actress Kristen Stewart says that fame is like being raped. You enjoy it at first, but in the end, you end up getting screwed and pregnant with illegitimate children.
President Obama says reliance on fossil fuels must end. He's saying this because BP is pouring all of them into the Gulf of Mexico.
Biologists say the Gulf oil spill won’t wipe out shrimp in the Gulf. If the shrimp die due to ingesting oil, they'd be perfect for Joe's Crab Shack.
A French man with no arms or legs will attempt to swim across the English Channel. Key word: attempt.
A survey says that talk therapy works as well as taking anti-depressants. In other words, neither one works at all.
A study says that nighttime urination is linked to a higher death risk. That's because people who do this are "older".
Mark McGwire’s wife has given birth to triplets. I thought steroids made McGwire's you-know-what smaller.
While cutting away a piece of the pipe on the Gulf floor, BP’s diamond-tipped saw blade became stuck. How about we work on getting the oil stuck?
That's all for now! More tomorrow!
California may ban plastic bags from grocery stores. That's because California is running out of plastic for all the plastic surgery that everyone gets.
May brought lower ratings for Larry King at CNN. This adds to the extensive list of things that have been lower for Larry King.
Ken Griffey, Jr. is retiring from baseball after a 22 year career. Now, it's okay for him to nap during games.
Actress Kristen Stewart says that fame is like being raped. You enjoy it at first, but in the end, you end up getting screwed and pregnant with illegitimate children.
President Obama says reliance on fossil fuels must end. He's saying this because BP is pouring all of them into the Gulf of Mexico.
Biologists say the Gulf oil spill won’t wipe out shrimp in the Gulf. If the shrimp die due to ingesting oil, they'd be perfect for Joe's Crab Shack.
A French man with no arms or legs will attempt to swim across the English Channel. Key word: attempt.
A survey says that talk therapy works as well as taking anti-depressants. In other words, neither one works at all.
A study says that nighttime urination is linked to a higher death risk. That's because people who do this are "older".
Mark McGwire’s wife has given birth to triplets. I thought steroids made McGwire's you-know-what smaller.
While cutting away a piece of the pipe on the Gulf floor, BP’s diamond-tipped saw blade became stuck. How about we work on getting the oil stuck?
That's all for now! More tomorrow!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
"Too Fat By 2020"
A study of King Tut's body has shown that he probably died due to complications stemming from malaria and a broken leg. Now I'm still not sure how Ken Griffey Jr. didn't die in Cincinnati.
The Cleveland Cavaliers acquired Antawn Jamison from Washington on Wednesday night in exchange for Zydrunas Ilgauskas, a 2010 first round pick, and ten unloaded handguns.
NBC is hoping the Olympics brings back some of the audience they have lost in recent years. As a matter of fact, they will show reruns of the Olympics at 11:35 once they finish.
A plane crashed into an office building housing nearly 200 federal tax employees on Thursday, setting off a raging fire that sent workers fleeing as thick plumes of black smoke poured into the air. It's nice how these people get a little preview of hell before they die.
A southwestern Pennsylvania woman was charged with hitting her adult son with a Louisville Slugger after she allegedly came home drunk. The woman has been charged with assault while the son was charged with a baseball bat.
Bill Clinton says his "lack of sleep" added to his health problems. Of course he didn't sleep. He had so many late night plans it was hard to catch up.
Bill Clinton says his "lack of sleep" added to his health problems. That's because Hillary kept waking him up at 3 A.M. to answer the phone for her.
A study says that happy people are less likely to develop heart problems. The study was conducted once Bill Clinton received his diagnosis.
A study says that happy people are less likely to develop heart problems. This study has made happy people even happier and sad people even sadder.
A study says that eight in ten British men will be "too fat" by 2020. This marks the first time in history that 2020 was worse on BBC than on ABC.
A study says that eight in ten British men will be "too fat" by 2020. And you thought their teeth were unhealthy...
A study says that young Americans are less religious than their parents. Especially since the hit song when parents were young was "Livin' On A Prayer".
That's it for right now! Hopefully they get better tomorrow.
The Cleveland Cavaliers acquired Antawn Jamison from Washington on Wednesday night in exchange for Zydrunas Ilgauskas, a 2010 first round pick, and ten unloaded handguns.
NBC is hoping the Olympics brings back some of the audience they have lost in recent years. As a matter of fact, they will show reruns of the Olympics at 11:35 once they finish.
A plane crashed into an office building housing nearly 200 federal tax employees on Thursday, setting off a raging fire that sent workers fleeing as thick plumes of black smoke poured into the air. It's nice how these people get a little preview of hell before they die.
A southwestern Pennsylvania woman was charged with hitting her adult son with a Louisville Slugger after she allegedly came home drunk. The woman has been charged with assault while the son was charged with a baseball bat.
Bill Clinton says his "lack of sleep" added to his health problems. Of course he didn't sleep. He had so many late night plans it was hard to catch up.
Bill Clinton says his "lack of sleep" added to his health problems. That's because Hillary kept waking him up at 3 A.M. to answer the phone for her.
A study says that happy people are less likely to develop heart problems. The study was conducted once Bill Clinton received his diagnosis.
A study says that happy people are less likely to develop heart problems. This study has made happy people even happier and sad people even sadder.
A study says that eight in ten British men will be "too fat" by 2020. This marks the first time in history that 2020 was worse on BBC than on ABC.
A study says that eight in ten British men will be "too fat" by 2020. And you thought their teeth were unhealthy...
A study says that young Americans are less religious than their parents. Especially since the hit song when parents were young was "Livin' On A Prayer".
That's it for right now! Hopefully they get better tomorrow.
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