Actor Richard Dean Anderson, TV’s MacGyver, celebrated his 61st birthday on Sunday. For his birthday, he received a paper clip, a rubber band, and a thumbtack.
“No Strings Attached” was #1 at the box office this weekend. I'm surprised it was #1, especially since everyone who went didn't think about the movie after they saw it. (think about it)
South Carolina prison officials took a cell phone from an inmate who’d been updating his Facebook page from prison. Of course, since he was in prison, his relationship status was "It's complicated".
New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez was caught on live TV wiping a booger on a teammate’s jacket. He tried to flick the booger off, but it was intercepted by a Pittsburgh defensive back.
Pope Benedict XVI says that not everyone has a right to marry. He was talking specifically to Charlie Sheen.
Apple has sold its 10 Billionth app. To put that in perspective, that's about one app per hour that Americans waste on their iPhones.
MTV “Teen Mom 2” star Leah Simms says she has learned from her mistakes. She learned that it's possible for a whore to become a celebrity at such a young age. (just ask Britney Spears)
A Minnesota bar owner roasted a bear to support the Green Bay Packers on Sunday. I don't think it was necessary. The Packers defense already did that.
A Scottish study says that eating fruits and vegetables gives the skin a healthier glow than tanning. In response, the cast of Jersey Shore said, "Like hell it does".
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label iPhone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label iPhone. Show all posts
Monday, January 24, 2011
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
"A Black Eye"
Actor Hugh Jackman got a black eye while doing a stunt on the Oprah Show taping in Australia. In fact, Oprah was feeling generous that day, so she gave everyone in the audience a black eye.
Media mogul Ted Turner says he’s “almost to the edge of poverty”. Gosh, give one red-haired crazy guy a show on your network and this happens.
The wife of Cliff Lee, who just signed a big contract with the Phillies, said she was insulted by rude Yankees fans while in New York. If she didn't know Yankees fans were rude, she must be from another planet.
The game show “Jeopardy” will pit two human contestants against an IBM computer. You know how to beat that computer? Forget to program the words "what is" into the computer.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time Magazine's Person of the Year. To which Zuckerberg said, "Umm... Like!".
Elin Nordegren reportedly has a new boyfriend. Fortunately for the new boyfriend, he doesn't golf.
Cincinnati Bengals WR Terrell Owens is blaming the coaches for their 2-11 start. Here's my question: are the coaches the ones on the field?
The Minnesota Vikings are hoping that Brett Favre can return this season. So are all of his opponents.
Chicago Cubs legend Ron Santo has died at the age of 70. "Chicago Cubs legend" is one of those ironies, like "Charlie Sheen's sobriety".
Larry King is in his final week of his show at CNN. That's what his viewers have been thinking for years.
There's a new iPhone app that helps report “suspicious behavior”. It's called "Your Internet History".
French authorities have seized 354 fake Faberge eggs. They knew the eggs were fake when they didn't have any salmonella.
A global study says that money doesn't buy happiness. Try telling that to the people on MTV Cribs.
Less education and income is linked with obesity in women and not men. Also linked with less educaation and income: an appearance on COPS.
A study says that wearing ugly underwear can ruin a woman's day. Especially when they meet men.
A study says that lack of sleep can hurt a person's looks. You know what that means? I haven't had a wink of sleep in months.
That's all for right now! More later!
Media mogul Ted Turner says he’s “almost to the edge of poverty”. Gosh, give one red-haired crazy guy a show on your network and this happens.
The wife of Cliff Lee, who just signed a big contract with the Phillies, said she was insulted by rude Yankees fans while in New York. If she didn't know Yankees fans were rude, she must be from another planet.
The game show “Jeopardy” will pit two human contestants against an IBM computer. You know how to beat that computer? Forget to program the words "what is" into the computer.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time Magazine's Person of the Year. To which Zuckerberg said, "Umm... Like!".
Elin Nordegren reportedly has a new boyfriend. Fortunately for the new boyfriend, he doesn't golf.
Cincinnati Bengals WR Terrell Owens is blaming the coaches for their 2-11 start. Here's my question: are the coaches the ones on the field?
The Minnesota Vikings are hoping that Brett Favre can return this season. So are all of his opponents.
Chicago Cubs legend Ron Santo has died at the age of 70. "Chicago Cubs legend" is one of those ironies, like "Charlie Sheen's sobriety".
Larry King is in his final week of his show at CNN. That's what his viewers have been thinking for years.
There's a new iPhone app that helps report “suspicious behavior”. It's called "Your Internet History".
French authorities have seized 354 fake Faberge eggs. They knew the eggs were fake when they didn't have any salmonella.
A global study says that money doesn't buy happiness. Try telling that to the people on MTV Cribs.
Less education and income is linked with obesity in women and not men. Also linked with less educaation and income: an appearance on COPS.
A study says that wearing ugly underwear can ruin a woman's day. Especially when they meet men.
A study says that lack of sleep can hurt a person's looks. You know what that means? I haven't had a wink of sleep in months.
That's all for right now! More later!
Monday, October 18, 2010
"Mental Disorders"
“Jackass” pulled in $50 million over the weekend. A jackass hasn't pulled in this much money since Joe Biden's campaign dinner.
Sen. John McCain’s daughter Meghan called Delaware GOP Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell a “nut job”. You know you're messed up when your dad's running mate is Sarah Palin and you're the nut job.
Switzerland has successfully created the world’s longest tunnel. In fact, it was such a long tunnel that Super Mario almost got lost.
A study shows that Americans take 5,117 steps every day, about half that of people in other countries. What's worse: Americans gets twice as winded.
A study says one in five U.S. teens suffer mental disorders. The other four teens are called "not teens".
A Vermont man has settled a suit with Burger King after claiming he found a condom in a Whopper. But chances are that if you eat at a Burger King, you won't be needing the condom.
The FDA has approved Botox to treat migraine headaches. No wonder Joan Rivers has never purchased Advil.
The Chilean miners were freed after being trapped for 69 days. What do Chile and Priests have in common? They both have "miners" and "69" in the same sentence.
Keith Richards’ new book about his life is 527 pages long. One for every year he has been alive.
A British designer has created the world's most expensive mobile phone – an iPhone 4 covered with over 500 diamonds worth almost $8 million. No, it's not the diamonds that make it so valuable. This iPhone actually can make calls.
Barbara Soper of Rockford, Michigan, has three children born on 10/10/10, 09/09/09 and 08/08/08. Unfortunately, she got married on 06/06/06.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Sen. John McCain’s daughter Meghan called Delaware GOP Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell a “nut job”. You know you're messed up when your dad's running mate is Sarah Palin and you're the nut job.
Switzerland has successfully created the world’s longest tunnel. In fact, it was such a long tunnel that Super Mario almost got lost.
A study shows that Americans take 5,117 steps every day, about half that of people in other countries. What's worse: Americans gets twice as winded.
A study says one in five U.S. teens suffer mental disorders. The other four teens are called "not teens".
A Vermont man has settled a suit with Burger King after claiming he found a condom in a Whopper. But chances are that if you eat at a Burger King, you won't be needing the condom.
The FDA has approved Botox to treat migraine headaches. No wonder Joan Rivers has never purchased Advil.
The Chilean miners were freed after being trapped for 69 days. What do Chile and Priests have in common? They both have "miners" and "69" in the same sentence.
Keith Richards’ new book about his life is 527 pages long. One for every year he has been alive.
A British designer has created the world's most expensive mobile phone – an iPhone 4 covered with over 500 diamonds worth almost $8 million. No, it's not the diamonds that make it so valuable. This iPhone actually can make calls.
Barbara Soper of Rockford, Michigan, has three children born on 10/10/10, 09/09/09 and 08/08/08. Unfortunately, she got married on 06/06/06.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
"Related To Sarah Palin"
In an effort to be bio-friendly, Walmart will sell pet products made from trash. Don't they already do that?
Google is investing $5 billion in an offshore wind project. Isn't Google blowing this out of proportion?
The Wall Street Journal reports that Wall Street companies will pay employees $144 billion this year, breaking a record for the second year in a row. And that money is just to the CEOs.
Members of the Cherokee Nation who have access to iPhones can now text each other in their native language. Now, their newest problem: finding someplace that has service.
The Chinese company making Apple’s iPhones is being criticized with allegations of worker abuse. Chinese workers are looking for ways to heal their boo-boos.
A new study says that if California legalizes marijuana it won’t hurt the drug cartels because Californians already grow their own pot. Do you want proof that pot is actually grown? Look in Lindsay Lohan's shoe and Paris Hilton's mouth.
A New Zealand TV host resigned after mocking the name of Indian official Sheila Dikshit. He should have resigned. After all, he had no right to mock the name "Sheila".
A former sports agent says he paid Ryan Leaf $10,000 when he was still in college. You know who represents this guy now? Reggie Bush.
Genealogy reports say that Barack Obama is related to Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. Somebody better put the President under suicide watch.
Snooki from "Jersey Shore" is going to do some community service. Hopefully it involves her not being on TV.
A set of John Lennon's fingerprints being auctioned for at least $100,000 was seized by the FBI. The creepy part about all this: the only place they could find fingerprints were on Yoko Ono's skin.
Warren Buffett says that "Pain will be felt for a long time" as the economy recovers. Unless you are Warren Buffett.
The Supreme Court will rule on a case that asks if terrorist laws apply to when a wife attacks her husband. Who would have thought that Elin Nordegren would have been worse off than Tiger Woods?
House Minority Leader John Boehner says if the GOP takes control of Congress they will cut spending weekly. Exactly what is the problem with that?
A man who tried to streak in front of President Obama was doing it to cash in on an offer of a million dollars from a British website. The speech involved a guy who made himself look like an idiot and didn't care what anybody thought. And a naked guy was there, too.
Twitter is targeting one billion users. One billion people have used it; kind of like Paris Hilton.
A study says the fastest growing areas in the country show a big income drop. Mainly because of people we call "illegal immigrants".
The coach of the Detroit Lions is denying his team tried to run up the score in a 44-6 win over the Rams. Football fans were shocked. The Lions know how to score touchdowns?
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
Google is investing $5 billion in an offshore wind project. Isn't Google blowing this out of proportion?
The Wall Street Journal reports that Wall Street companies will pay employees $144 billion this year, breaking a record for the second year in a row. And that money is just to the CEOs.
Members of the Cherokee Nation who have access to iPhones can now text each other in their native language. Now, their newest problem: finding someplace that has service.
The Chinese company making Apple’s iPhones is being criticized with allegations of worker abuse. Chinese workers are looking for ways to heal their boo-boos.
A new study says that if California legalizes marijuana it won’t hurt the drug cartels because Californians already grow their own pot. Do you want proof that pot is actually grown? Look in Lindsay Lohan's shoe and Paris Hilton's mouth.
A New Zealand TV host resigned after mocking the name of Indian official Sheila Dikshit. He should have resigned. After all, he had no right to mock the name "Sheila".
A former sports agent says he paid Ryan Leaf $10,000 when he was still in college. You know who represents this guy now? Reggie Bush.
Genealogy reports say that Barack Obama is related to Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. Somebody better put the President under suicide watch.
Snooki from "Jersey Shore" is going to do some community service. Hopefully it involves her not being on TV.
A set of John Lennon's fingerprints being auctioned for at least $100,000 was seized by the FBI. The creepy part about all this: the only place they could find fingerprints were on Yoko Ono's skin.
Warren Buffett says that "Pain will be felt for a long time" as the economy recovers. Unless you are Warren Buffett.
The Supreme Court will rule on a case that asks if terrorist laws apply to when a wife attacks her husband. Who would have thought that Elin Nordegren would have been worse off than Tiger Woods?
House Minority Leader John Boehner says if the GOP takes control of Congress they will cut spending weekly. Exactly what is the problem with that?
A man who tried to streak in front of President Obama was doing it to cash in on an offer of a million dollars from a British website. The speech involved a guy who made himself look like an idiot and didn't care what anybody thought. And a naked guy was there, too.
Twitter is targeting one billion users. One billion people have used it; kind of like Paris Hilton.
A study says the fastest growing areas in the country show a big income drop. Mainly because of people we call "illegal immigrants".
The coach of the Detroit Lions is denying his team tried to run up the score in a 44-6 win over the Rams. Football fans were shocked. The Lions know how to score touchdowns?
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
"Twilight-Themed Apps"
Joke of the Day: A study says that Americans with kids 18 and under are less likely to get exercise and more likely to be overweight. Just like their kids.
The US Air Force is thinking about retiring the B-1 Bomber fleet in an effort to save money. The cause of this Bomber fleet's retirement is that every time somebody mentions it, George Bush thinks he has BINGO. (Punchline inspired by a joke from Jerry Perisho from yesterday)
Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan began Monday. Unfortunately for Elena, the Senate has turned it into a beauty contest.
Apple says it sold 1.7 million units of its new iPhone 4 in just 3 days. Which is approximately the amount of time it took for Apple to announce a prototype of the iPhone 5.
The Apple iPhone has several new Twilight-themed apps. In a related story, the number of teenage girls with iPhones has skyrocketed.
I don't think it was a good idea for President Obama to fire General Stanley McChrystal for criticizing him. Why? Because now when McChrystal criticizes Obama, it's not against the rules.
The FDA is urging that less antibiotics be used in meat products. "Don't worry, we'll cut down", said Viagra.
Lance Armstrong says this will be his last Tour de France. Of course, it raises suspicion when you have Brett Favre as your speechwriter.
A study says that left handed pitchers are more prone to injury than other baseball players. Well, to be fair, Ken Griffey Jr. pitched in high school.*
President Obama says the U.S. can’t borrow and buy the world its way to prosperity. One thing's for sure: Oprah certainly disagrees.
The Alaska Distillery in Wasilla has unveiled its new spirit - Smoked Salmon Flavored Vodka. It also goes by its other name: alcoholic ocean water.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
*A little side note: Ken Griffey Jr. went to high school in my hometown of Cincinnati at Moeller High School.
The US Air Force is thinking about retiring the B-1 Bomber fleet in an effort to save money. The cause of this Bomber fleet's retirement is that every time somebody mentions it, George Bush thinks he has BINGO. (Punchline inspired by a joke from Jerry Perisho from yesterday)
Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan began Monday. Unfortunately for Elena, the Senate has turned it into a beauty contest.
Apple says it sold 1.7 million units of its new iPhone 4 in just 3 days. Which is approximately the amount of time it took for Apple to announce a prototype of the iPhone 5.
The Apple iPhone has several new Twilight-themed apps. In a related story, the number of teenage girls with iPhones has skyrocketed.
I don't think it was a good idea for President Obama to fire General Stanley McChrystal for criticizing him. Why? Because now when McChrystal criticizes Obama, it's not against the rules.
The FDA is urging that less antibiotics be used in meat products. "Don't worry, we'll cut down", said Viagra.
Lance Armstrong says this will be his last Tour de France. Of course, it raises suspicion when you have Brett Favre as your speechwriter.
A study says that left handed pitchers are more prone to injury than other baseball players. Well, to be fair, Ken Griffey Jr. pitched in high school.*
President Obama says the U.S. can’t borrow and buy the world its way to prosperity. One thing's for sure: Oprah certainly disagrees.
The Alaska Distillery in Wasilla has unveiled its new spirit - Smoked Salmon Flavored Vodka. It also goes by its other name: alcoholic ocean water.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
*A little side note: Ken Griffey Jr. went to high school in my hometown of Cincinnati at Moeller High School.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
"Six Cups Of Tea"
Joke of the Day: Former NBA star Manute Bol, who was 7 feet and 7 inches tall, has died at the age of 47. His casket came with a note that read, "Good Luck".
BP CEO Tony Hayward is being relieved of the day to day responsibilities of managing the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. How does that make things different from before?
A 27 year old woman drinking a beer in a Maryland bar was mistaken for Justin Bieber. Apparently the other people in the bar had way to much to drink.
A study says that six cups of tea and two to four cups of coffee a day can be good for your heart. This is also called, "The average daily drink consumption of a senior citizen".
A study says that smoking marijuana can worsen a person’s schizophrenia. Trust me, I know that. No, I don't. Yes I do. There's no way. Wait, what?
Apple says iPhone sales could top the 100 Million mark by 2011. Little did most Americans know he was talking about the iPhone 8.
Many stock experts still believe that British Petroleum is still a good investment. Yeah, if you want to become completely broke.
The Obama Administration is setting up a “do not pay” list to keep shady contractors from getting paid when they haven’t earned it. In a related story, players for the New York Mets have filed for bankruptcy.
Jesse James has reportedly moved to Texas to be closer to Sandra Bullock. He wants to be closer to Sandra Bullock? That's a first.
A Kentucky man credits a state revenue employee with saving his life when he had a heart attack during a phone call about his income tax bill. Apparently the cause of the heart attack was his discovery about how much he owed.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
BP CEO Tony Hayward is being relieved of the day to day responsibilities of managing the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. How does that make things different from before?
A 27 year old woman drinking a beer in a Maryland bar was mistaken for Justin Bieber. Apparently the other people in the bar had way to much to drink.
A study says that six cups of tea and two to four cups of coffee a day can be good for your heart. This is also called, "The average daily drink consumption of a senior citizen".
A study says that smoking marijuana can worsen a person’s schizophrenia. Trust me, I know that. No, I don't. Yes I do. There's no way. Wait, what?
Apple says iPhone sales could top the 100 Million mark by 2011. Little did most Americans know he was talking about the iPhone 8.
Many stock experts still believe that British Petroleum is still a good investment. Yeah, if you want to become completely broke.
The Obama Administration is setting up a “do not pay” list to keep shady contractors from getting paid when they haven’t earned it. In a related story, players for the New York Mets have filed for bankruptcy.
Jesse James has reportedly moved to Texas to be closer to Sandra Bullock. He wants to be closer to Sandra Bullock? That's a first.
A Kentucky man credits a state revenue employee with saving his life when he had a heart attack during a phone call about his income tax bill. Apparently the cause of the heart attack was his discovery about how much he owed.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
"Her Luggage Was Lost"
AT&T is now charging people who terminate their iPhone contracts nearly $325. Or, for $325 dollars less, you could throw your iPhone in a lake.
Yao Ming has become a father for the first time. His child will look up to him. Literally.
A study says that depression can affect children as young as three. Uh yeah, it's called "crying".
A survey ranks South Korea’s Asiana as the best airline in the world. Apparently North Korea was not allowed to take this survey.
A study says that entrepreneurship may be in a person’s genes. To which Levi Strauss' son said, "Yeah. Literally".
Sarah Palin had to borrow an outfit for a political rally after her luggage was lost. Well seriously, because somebody had a $150,000 outfit just laying around.
Movie tickets in some cities for the new “Shrek” movie have gone up to $20. Or, for about five dollars less, you could buy the DVD.
Arizona is threatening to cut off electricity to Los Angeles if LA continues its boycott of the illegal immigration law. And they are threatening all the Mexicans who live in LA back to Mexico.
Half of all American parents polled say they would like to be able to communicate with their child's physician via the Internet, a new survey reveals. The other half would like their doctor to get off the computer and actually do their job.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Yao Ming has become a father for the first time. His child will look up to him. Literally.
A study says that depression can affect children as young as three. Uh yeah, it's called "crying".
A survey ranks South Korea’s Asiana as the best airline in the world. Apparently North Korea was not allowed to take this survey.
A study says that entrepreneurship may be in a person’s genes. To which Levi Strauss' son said, "Yeah. Literally".
Sarah Palin had to borrow an outfit for a political rally after her luggage was lost. Well seriously, because somebody had a $150,000 outfit just laying around.
Movie tickets in some cities for the new “Shrek” movie have gone up to $20. Or, for about five dollars less, you could buy the DVD.
Arizona is threatening to cut off electricity to Los Angeles if LA continues its boycott of the illegal immigration law. And they are threatening all the Mexicans who live in LA back to Mexico.
Half of all American parents polled say they would like to be able to communicate with their child's physician via the Internet, a new survey reveals. The other half would like their doctor to get off the computer and actually do their job.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
"The iPhone Is Addicting"
Last week was National Procrastination Week. Isn't it ironic that I'm telling you this now?
Last week was National Cheerleading Week. This week is National Celebrate An Actual Sport Week.
Voter turnout in Iraq for the country’s parliamentary elections over the weekend came in at 62%. Strangely, only 120% those votes went to Mahmoud Ahmadenijad.
A new Stanford Univ. study confirmed that use of the iPhone is addicting. Stanford students were quick to react. "OMG IM ADICTID TO DIS TING?!?"
Today was the first day that gay couples could legally marry in Washington. In fact, Senator Roy Ashburn and former Senator Larry Craig have announced a bathroom wedding.
A television producer has pleaded guilty to trying to shake down David Letterman over the comic's sexual affairs. I should have seen this coming. I saw the guy writing Letterman's confession on cue cards.
Andy Richter, Conan O'Brien's sidekick on "The Tonight Show," is acknowledging some ill will toward NBC and Jay Leno in the wake of the network's late-night upheaval. Richter was frustrated when he found out that he wasn't going to get $30 million.
The Oklahoma City council has unanimously approved a proposal that could bring an American Le Mans Series Grand Prix race to the city as soon as next year. It will likely replace the one in Seattle.
The Cincinnati Bengals have admitted "some interest" in Terrell Owens. No, not as a wide receiver, but as Chad Ochocinco's dancing partner.
A clinical trial has been announced for a drug that helps with gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GERD. Those who go and can spell gastroesophageal will win a lifetime supply of the drug.
About 16 percent of Americans between the ages of 14 and 49 are infected with genital herpes, U.S. health officials said on Tuesday. The other 84 percent of Americans are not politicians.
Federal officials are sending two investigators to California to determine what caused a Toyota Prius to race out of control on a San Diego-area freeway. Or, America could save money and see that the Prius is made by Toyota.
Senator Orrin Hatch says if Democrats try to push the health care bill through it will destroy our government's bipartisanship. Hatch then realized that you can't destroy something that doesn't exist.
Today is National Panic Day. AAAAAAH!!! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS EARLIER"?
That's it for today! I'll be back tomorrow. Become my follower!
Last week was National Cheerleading Week. This week is National Celebrate An Actual Sport Week.
Voter turnout in Iraq for the country’s parliamentary elections over the weekend came in at 62%. Strangely, only 120% those votes went to Mahmoud Ahmadenijad.
A new Stanford Univ. study confirmed that use of the iPhone is addicting. Stanford students were quick to react. "OMG IM ADICTID TO DIS TING?!?"
Today was the first day that gay couples could legally marry in Washington. In fact, Senator Roy Ashburn and former Senator Larry Craig have announced a bathroom wedding.
A television producer has pleaded guilty to trying to shake down David Letterman over the comic's sexual affairs. I should have seen this coming. I saw the guy writing Letterman's confession on cue cards.
Andy Richter, Conan O'Brien's sidekick on "The Tonight Show," is acknowledging some ill will toward NBC and Jay Leno in the wake of the network's late-night upheaval. Richter was frustrated when he found out that he wasn't going to get $30 million.
The Oklahoma City council has unanimously approved a proposal that could bring an American Le Mans Series Grand Prix race to the city as soon as next year. It will likely replace the one in Seattle.
The Cincinnati Bengals have admitted "some interest" in Terrell Owens. No, not as a wide receiver, but as Chad Ochocinco's dancing partner.
A clinical trial has been announced for a drug that helps with gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GERD. Those who go and can spell gastroesophageal will win a lifetime supply of the drug.
About 16 percent of Americans between the ages of 14 and 49 are infected with genital herpes, U.S. health officials said on Tuesday. The other 84 percent of Americans are not politicians.
Federal officials are sending two investigators to California to determine what caused a Toyota Prius to race out of control on a San Diego-area freeway. Or, America could save money and see that the Prius is made by Toyota.
Senator Orrin Hatch says if Democrats try to push the health care bill through it will destroy our government's bipartisanship. Hatch then realized that you can't destroy something that doesn't exist.
Today is National Panic Day. AAAAAAH!!! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS EARLIER"?
That's it for today! I'll be back tomorrow. Become my follower!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
"PETA Has Nixed A Plan"
The IOC may take back a bronze medal won by the Chinese Gymnastic team in 2000. Apparently one of the team members was too young. To which the 2008 Olympics stood up and said, "Just one? Amateurs."
Barry Bonds' wife has filed for divorce after twelve years of marriage. Talk about a shot in the arm that he didn't want.
Joe Biden was overheard at the Health Care Summit saying that it is easy to be Vice President because "You don't have to do anything." Strangely enough, George Bush said the exact same thing about being President.
Bill Clinton reportedly called Tiger Woods before his news conference. During the phone conversation, Clinton asked Tiger, "Hillary isn't here. Can I borrow one of your mistresses?"
Gatorade has dropped Tiger Woods as a spokesman. When asked why, Gatorade said, "Tiger thought the slogan was "Is it in somebody else?"".
I think the NCAA Basketball plumbing system is finally working. How do I know? Number 1 and Number 2 went down the crapper on Saturday.
Wide receiver Terrell Owens will not be offered a new contract by the Buffalo Bills. Wait, he got paid last year?!?!? In Buffalo?!?!?
Dominican pitcher Maximo Nelson has been arrested by Japanese police after a live bullet was found in his bag at an airport in Okinawa. In his defense, Nelson claimed that the bullet in his bag was just his fastball.
Their is a new iPhone app that stops people from snooping through your iPhone. I came up with that app the day the iPhone came out. It's called "My Pocket".
PETA has nixed a plan to use Tiger Woods' image on a billboard urging people to spay and neuter their pets. The billboard will say, "If your dog has as much sex as this person, odds are that your dog is going to be a daddy".
Barry Bonds' wife has filed for divorce after twelve years of marriage. Talk about a shot in the arm that he didn't want.
Joe Biden was overheard at the Health Care Summit saying that it is easy to be Vice President because "You don't have to do anything." Strangely enough, George Bush said the exact same thing about being President.
Bill Clinton reportedly called Tiger Woods before his news conference. During the phone conversation, Clinton asked Tiger, "Hillary isn't here. Can I borrow one of your mistresses?"
Gatorade has dropped Tiger Woods as a spokesman. When asked why, Gatorade said, "Tiger thought the slogan was "Is it in somebody else?"".
I think the NCAA Basketball plumbing system is finally working. How do I know? Number 1 and Number 2 went down the crapper on Saturday.
Wide receiver Terrell Owens will not be offered a new contract by the Buffalo Bills. Wait, he got paid last year?!?!? In Buffalo?!?!?
Dominican pitcher Maximo Nelson has been arrested by Japanese police after a live bullet was found in his bag at an airport in Okinawa. In his defense, Nelson claimed that the bullet in his bag was just his fastball.
Their is a new iPhone app that stops people from snooping through your iPhone. I came up with that app the day the iPhone came out. It's called "My Pocket".
PETA has nixed a plan to use Tiger Woods' image on a billboard urging people to spay and neuter their pets. The billboard will say, "If your dog has as much sex as this person, odds are that your dog is going to be a daddy".
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