"The Kama Sutra"

Jennifer Aniston says “The Rachel” was the “ugliest haircut she’s ever seen”. Has she seen what I look like?

A computer virus is being spread through a downloaded PowerPoint presentation on the Kama Sutra. The virus is called "Karma Sutra".

New Alabama Governor Robert Bentley says that people who are not Christians are not his "family". And we all know what happens when someone in Alabama is considered family.

A new study says that ESP is real. Called it!

A pair of twins on The Biggest Loser gained a combined 18 pounds in the past week. Now, the term "Loser" takes on a whole new meaning.

Regis Philbin is reportedly retiring. Hey Regis, is that your final answer?

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says that the U.S. wants "win-win" relations with China. And believe me, if anybody knows how to keep a good relationship, it's Hillary Clinton.

A new survey says that three in ten Americans commit financial infidelity, where people lie to their spouses about how their money is spent. The other seven don't have any money to begin with.

Former “American Idol” finalist Adam Lambert says he is now homeless in California. At least he's more successful than "American Idol".

A study says that sports fans are surprisingly sober when leaving pro games. Have they been to Wrigley Field?

A study says that college students are not really learning that much. Unless you count learning sexual positions.

A study says that sleeping with a pet may be dangerous. Especially when you fall asleep in a Michael Vick jersey.

Simon Cowell reportedly turned down $130 Million to stay on at “American Idol”. When he heard the offer, he told FOX, "What the bloody hell was that?".

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Diseased Lungs"

The federal government has proposed placing graphic images of diseased lungs on packages of cigarettes. They could also just ban cigarettes.

Researchers say Neanderthals had a raucous and promiscuous sex life. In fact, it was reported that Regis Philbin had seven mistresses.

The new French fries at Wendy’s now have sea salt. Unfortunately, so does their water.

The tuberous bushcricket has the largest testicles in relation to its body size of any known creature. That's ironic for a creature with "bush" in its name.

Two sisters in Oklahoma playing for their school golf team got holes-in-one during the same round. And they also kicked ass on the golf course, too.

Sears stores will stay open on Thanksgiving Day for the first time in their 124 year history. In fact, every Sears store combined is expected to get at least two customers.

Presumptive House Speaker John Boehner says he will travel between home and Washington, D.C. on commercial flights. I'm not sure Joe Biden got the message when he heard "Boehner coming and going".

A sex shop in Alabama offers a drive through window to buy sex toys. What do you get when you cross a drive thru with a sex shop? "Would you like fries ... with this shake?".

President Bush says he has a “clean conscience” when it came to recognizing the problems that led to the financial crisis. No, Mr. President, it wasn't your conscience that was clear. It was your brain.

Former NFL quarterback Jim McMahon says he is suffering memory loss at age 51. The real question is: how does he know what he's suffering from?

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Concerns About Skin Cancer"

Joke of the Day: In their latest efforts to stop the oil leak, BP is trying to build a mile-long tube. This is another step in the right direction in Operation "We're Running Out Of Terrible Ideas".

Despite significant concerns about skin cancer, a majority of Americans nevertheless think that having a tan is an attractive, desirable and healthy look, a new national survey finds. The survey was taken entirely by Jersey Shore fans.

An American rights group is suing the police in Pennsylvania for issuing tickets, which carry a jail sentence, to people for swearing. The rights group is calling this new law "f***ing ridiculous".

Former Olympic sprinter Marion Jones has made the roster for the WNBA's Tulsa Shock. No, the Shock in this case is that Marion Jones still has athletic ability.

California police say the former host of a Food Network show is accused of soliciting homeless people to commit a murder. What's worse, the chef's apparent motive was that he was running low on food.

Talk-show host Regis Philbin will have a blood clot in his calf removed Tuesday, but he anticipates a speedy recovery. Regis, are you sure? Is that your final answer?

That's all for today! More tomorrow!