"An Elk Hunter"

A grizzly bear attacked an elk hunter armed with a bow and arrows near Yellowstone Park. He went to the hospital, and while there, he was reminded by doctors that this is not the 14th century.

A 50-year-old man known as the “Toe Suck Fairy”, because of his fetish for sucking women’s toes, was arrested in Arkansas. And right now, I'm sitting here thinking, "Yeah, women...".

A study says that sleepy teenagers are more likely to engage in risky behavior. (yaaaaaawn...) Scalpel.

Justin Bieber took Selena Gomez to the Staples Center where they were allowed to watch a showing of “Titanic” in an empty arena. Hopefully next time, someone will put them on the actual boat.

A lesbian actress was kicked off of a Southwest Airlines flight for kissing a girl. It wouldn't have been much of a problem, had there not been so many people cheering them on.

A study says that men who do not have children in their lifetime are more likely to die of heart disease. I guess the coroners can finish my autopsy ahead of time.

That's all I have for today. Well, tomorrow's the big day! My first standup gig at a club! I have to rehearse for it. Anyway, more coming soon!