Oscar’s co-host actress Anne Hathaway described her evening as “an amazing experience”. Viewers of the Oscars will certainly beg to differ.
Google has confirmed they’ve had experienced missing emails from some Gmail accounts. And at least three of them didn't say that we had a hard time getting erections.
Entertainment Weekly said Anne Hathaway and James Franco were "marvelous" calling them "funny, poised, relaxed, and smart." Five things people have never called me.
Charlie Sheen, who is the highest paid actor in television, wants a raise. Well who could blame him?
Former coach Bobby Knight will be inducted into the National Collegiate Basketball Hall of Fame. Someone better check out that speech of his.
Baron Davis will wear number 85 on his jersey with the Cleveland Cavaliers. He better not change his name to Ochocinco.
Bernard Madoff says the government’s financial reform is a joke and that the government is just a Ponzi scheme. And then he said, "But enough about my business strategy".
Charlie Sheen’s publicity agent has resigned. His reason for quitting: his workload was too much.
A sociologist says that hookers are going to Facebook to find clients since the crackdown on Craigslist. When speaking of their methodology, he said, "It's complicated".
An Alabama man accidentally shot himself, and then his wife was shot by their small child who picked up the gun. And they were still Alabama's "Family of the Year".
Charlie Sheen says he is tired of pretending he isn’t a rock star from Mars. Maybe it was a bad idea for his publicist to resign.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Bernie Madoff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bernie Madoff. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Saturday, December 11, 2010
"Residency Status"
A Burger King customer in Detroit was killed after being punched by a counter worker. This is an odd twist. Usually, the food gives you a heart attack and then you die.
A cable released by WikiLeaks says that Cuba will be insolvent within two to three years. Who does Cuba think they are? The United States?
Rahm Emanuel is facing a residency status hearing for his run for Mayor of Chicago. God, is anybody in the Obama Administration from here?
A study says that men who cycle five hours a week or more may have less healthy sperm. I have a gut feeling this is due to the bicycle seat.
Bernie Madoff's son has committed suicide. He killed himself when he realized his dad was Bernie Madoff.
That's all for today! Definitely more soon!
A cable released by WikiLeaks says that Cuba will be insolvent within two to three years. Who does Cuba think they are? The United States?
Rahm Emanuel is facing a residency status hearing for his run for Mayor of Chicago. God, is anybody in the Obama Administration from here?
A study says that men who cycle five hours a week or more may have less healthy sperm. I have a gut feeling this is due to the bicycle seat.
Bernie Madoff's son has committed suicide. He killed himself when he realized his dad was Bernie Madoff.
That's all for today! Definitely more soon!
Monday, November 22, 2010
"Local Taverns"
November 19 is the 147th anniversary of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. In other words, it was "Four score and 147 years ago".
November 19 is Larry King’s birthday. He turns 77. Thousand.
Airports are thinking of booting out TSA in favor of private security firms. This would be a change from the TSA, which favored firm privates.
Bernie Madoff has written a new children’s book. The title of the book: Fonzie Steemer the Ponzi Schemer.
An Idaho woman was jailed for pretending to be a doctor and conducting breast exams in local taverns. All signs point to her being a lesbian.
Scientists in Idaho found a seismic fault in the Rockies that could unleash a 7.5 earthquake. They are called "Jumping Exercises on the Biggest Loser Ranch".
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
November 19 is Larry King’s birthday. He turns 77. Thousand.
Airports are thinking of booting out TSA in favor of private security firms. This would be a change from the TSA, which favored firm privates.
Bernie Madoff has written a new children’s book. The title of the book: Fonzie Steemer the Ponzi Schemer.
An Idaho woman was jailed for pretending to be a doctor and conducting breast exams in local taverns. All signs point to her being a lesbian.
Scientists in Idaho found a seismic fault in the Rockies that could unleash a 7.5 earthquake. They are called "Jumping Exercises on the Biggest Loser Ranch".
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
"Wine Grape Crop"
US Marshals will auction off some of Bernie Madoff’s personal items, including his velveteen slippers with the “BLM” embroidery. That's weird; I didn't know snakes wore shoes period.
In France, a woman woke up after being declared “clinically dead”. Isn't that called "a coma"?
Magic Johnson sold his 105 Starbucks locations back to the company for about $100 million. He can finally afford a cup of Starbucks coffee.
In Peru, a soccer team claims its opponent snuck a depressant drug into their water bottles. In fact, the water made the Peru soccer team as depressed as the average Detroit Lions fan.
The U.K. is reportedly going to cut 500,000 government jobs over the next few years in a plan to cut spending by $131 Billion. The U.S. has responded, "What does it mean when you cut spending?".
A report says the California marijuana crop is worth $14 Billion, which is more than the wine grape crop value of $2 Billion. In a related story, the car that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan share has been valued at $16 Billion.
A New Jersey toll worker made an annual salary of $321,000 after bonuses and payouts. Most of that money came from people who wanted to leave New Jersey.
A prosecutor in Detroit is proposing that parents who do not attend at least one parent-teacher conference during the year will serve jail time. Or at least a time out.
A Belgian skydiver was convicted of tampering with a romantic rival's parachute which resulted in the rival's death. As a result, the skydiver's career will hit the ground harder than his opponent.
The Federal Reserve says the U.S. economy is expanding at a "modest pace". Prove it.
The Federal Reserve is planning to buy $500 Billion in U.S. debt. Considering our crappy economy, where do they get the money?
A survey says that one in six students reports being bullied. The other five are at least five feet tall.
An eleven year old teenager in Nebraska was kicked off her cheerleading squad for refusing to "shake her booty" in a routine. The question is, what coach would actually force an eleven year old to shake their booty?
A study says a child’s waist size can indicate their future health risks. Experts have just discovered this? Really?
Starbucks is introducing their own digital network that will greet customers as they connect with their Wi-Fi system. This system is called the "We-Are-Too-Lazy-To-Actually-Greet-You-In-Person-omatic 5000".
NPR fired longtime analyst Juan Williams after he said on Fox News that, when he is on a plane with Muslims, “I get nervous". Aren't these the same people that were attacking President Obama for potentially being a Muslim?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
In France, a woman woke up after being declared “clinically dead”. Isn't that called "a coma"?
Magic Johnson sold his 105 Starbucks locations back to the company for about $100 million. He can finally afford a cup of Starbucks coffee.
In Peru, a soccer team claims its opponent snuck a depressant drug into their water bottles. In fact, the water made the Peru soccer team as depressed as the average Detroit Lions fan.
The U.K. is reportedly going to cut 500,000 government jobs over the next few years in a plan to cut spending by $131 Billion. The U.S. has responded, "What does it mean when you cut spending?".
A report says the California marijuana crop is worth $14 Billion, which is more than the wine grape crop value of $2 Billion. In a related story, the car that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan share has been valued at $16 Billion.
A New Jersey toll worker made an annual salary of $321,000 after bonuses and payouts. Most of that money came from people who wanted to leave New Jersey.
A prosecutor in Detroit is proposing that parents who do not attend at least one parent-teacher conference during the year will serve jail time. Or at least a time out.
A Belgian skydiver was convicted of tampering with a romantic rival's parachute which resulted in the rival's death. As a result, the skydiver's career will hit the ground harder than his opponent.
The Federal Reserve says the U.S. economy is expanding at a "modest pace". Prove it.
The Federal Reserve is planning to buy $500 Billion in U.S. debt. Considering our crappy economy, where do they get the money?
A survey says that one in six students reports being bullied. The other five are at least five feet tall.
An eleven year old teenager in Nebraska was kicked off her cheerleading squad for refusing to "shake her booty" in a routine. The question is, what coach would actually force an eleven year old to shake their booty?
A study says a child’s waist size can indicate their future health risks. Experts have just discovered this? Really?
Starbucks is introducing their own digital network that will greet customers as they connect with their Wi-Fi system. This system is called the "We-Are-Too-Lazy-To-Actually-Greet-You-In-Person-omatic 5000".
NPR fired longtime analyst Juan Williams after he said on Fox News that, when he is on a plane with Muslims, “I get nervous". Aren't these the same people that were attacking President Obama for potentially being a Muslim?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
"The Shootout At The OK Corral"
Joke of the Day: A study says that many sick airlines passengers are not reported. Wouldn't it be a little easier just to count how many passengers are served food?
Today is Earth Day. People all over the world celebrate a movement to go green. Or, as Irish people call it, "We already celebrated St. Patrick's Day."
A hand-written transcript of the shootout at the OK Corral in Tombstone, Arizona has turned up 125 years after the event took place. In fact, it was written by Larry King.
The FDA has issued a reminder that it is unsafe to give your dog a large bone, like those from a ham or a roast. Especially if it's covered in chocolate.
The FDA has issued a reminder that it is unsafe to give your dog a large bone, like those from a ham or a roast. Especially if your dog is a chihuahua.
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was suspended for 6 games by the NFL for violating the league’s personal conduct rules. This is strange, because I didn't know the NFL had personal conduct rules.
A survey says the main form of communication between children ages twelve to seventeen is texting. Coming in a distant last place, face-to-face conversations.
Heather Locklear was cited for hit and run after knocking over a parking sign in Los Angeles. Strangely enough, she wasn't in a car.
A study says that male monkeys hold babies to make friends. Won't that be an awkward pose for the evolution of man picture?
A study says that many sick airlines passengers are not reported. That's because the flight attendants lost count years ago.
A poll says that Americans think that American cars are better than those made in Asia. Asia calls this poll, "Thanks for ruining it, Toyota".
Taco Bell has opened up their first restaurant in India. However, since cows are sacred in India, the can't use regular beef. In other words, the Taco Bell recipe will not change.
A study says that a single dose of aspirin can relieve the pain in about half of all migraine headaches. Apparently half of the migraine patients received pills labeled Aspirin, while the other half received pills labeled Miley Cyrus.
The government is going high tech to redesign the $100 bill. Redesign? I didn't know America had a single $100 bill to its name.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian, aka Dr. Death, says he thinks Al Pacino does a great job playing him in the new movie, “You Don’t Know Jack.” Wait, Al Pacino? Sounds like Al Capone would have been a better fit.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is defending the actions of Wall Street bankers. To which Wall Street said, "We don't want him defending us. We have somebody better. Mr. Madoff, the floor is yours."
The Hotel Normandie in Los Angeles is trying to become the country’s first marijuana friendly resort. The hotel has begun their quest by staying in Los Angeles.
That's all for today! Thanks to my faithful reader for all his support.
Today is Earth Day. People all over the world celebrate a movement to go green. Or, as Irish people call it, "We already celebrated St. Patrick's Day."
A hand-written transcript of the shootout at the OK Corral in Tombstone, Arizona has turned up 125 years after the event took place. In fact, it was written by Larry King.
The FDA has issued a reminder that it is unsafe to give your dog a large bone, like those from a ham or a roast. Especially if it's covered in chocolate.
The FDA has issued a reminder that it is unsafe to give your dog a large bone, like those from a ham or a roast. Especially if your dog is a chihuahua.
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was suspended for 6 games by the NFL for violating the league’s personal conduct rules. This is strange, because I didn't know the NFL had personal conduct rules.
A survey says the main form of communication between children ages twelve to seventeen is texting. Coming in a distant last place, face-to-face conversations.
Heather Locklear was cited for hit and run after knocking over a parking sign in Los Angeles. Strangely enough, she wasn't in a car.
A study says that male monkeys hold babies to make friends. Won't that be an awkward pose for the evolution of man picture?
A study says that many sick airlines passengers are not reported. That's because the flight attendants lost count years ago.
A poll says that Americans think that American cars are better than those made in Asia. Asia calls this poll, "Thanks for ruining it, Toyota".
Taco Bell has opened up their first restaurant in India. However, since cows are sacred in India, the can't use regular beef. In other words, the Taco Bell recipe will not change.
A study says that a single dose of aspirin can relieve the pain in about half of all migraine headaches. Apparently half of the migraine patients received pills labeled Aspirin, while the other half received pills labeled Miley Cyrus.
The government is going high tech to redesign the $100 bill. Redesign? I didn't know America had a single $100 bill to its name.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian, aka Dr. Death, says he thinks Al Pacino does a great job playing him in the new movie, “You Don’t Know Jack.” Wait, Al Pacino? Sounds like Al Capone would have been a better fit.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is defending the actions of Wall Street bankers. To which Wall Street said, "We don't want him defending us. We have somebody better. Mr. Madoff, the floor is yours."
The Hotel Normandie in Los Angeles is trying to become the country’s first marijuana friendly resort. The hotel has begun their quest by staying in Los Angeles.
That's all for today! Thanks to my faithful reader for all his support.
Friday, March 19, 2010
"Planning to Reinvent Itself"
Conan O’Brien is reportedly talking with the Fox network about a new talk show. Thankfully, there will not be a time slot issue with Fox. Wanda Sykes works weekends.
A study says that U.S. children are even fatter than previously believed. 6% of American kids are extremely obese. It really says something when even the U.S. calls you "extremely obese".
Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan says the organization is struggling to keep up with new technology and to field a qualified work force. To which Michelle and Tareq Salahi said, "Ain't that the truth".
A study says that men who are involved in child care at home may damage the mother’s self esteem. That same study says that men who are involved in child care have no dignity.
A report says that Bernard Madoff was attacked in prison in December, suffering several injuries. And those serious injuries were by his clients.
The Smithsonian has opened a $21 Million Evolution Hall. This evolution hall will show how Smithsonian Magazine evolved from bad to worse to just plain awful.
An NBC poll says only 17% of Americans approve of Congress. That same day, another NBC poll was released saying that 83% of Americans believe in fidelity.
AOL is planning to reinvent itself with an online news operation. AOL users were unable to hear about this because, of course, they have AOL.
A rehab center is opening in England for people hooked on the Internet and other technology. The center is called, "Amish Paradise".
Pres. Obama canceled his trip to Australia so he could be present for the health care overhaul vote. Obama says he wanted to go "down under" without leaving the country.
The Pennsylvania woman who calls herself “Jihad Jane” pleaded not guilty to terrorism charges. Because, after all, how could a woman who calls herself "Jihad Jane" be a terrorist?
A songwriter who claims he helped launch Lady Gaga’s career is suing her for the $30.5 million he thinks he’s owed. In other words, he wants money to buy four outfits for Lady Gaga.
In North Carolina, Time Warner Cable accidentally broadcast two hours of the Playboy Channel over a children’s station. People first became suspicious when they saw naked men, naked women, and a better plot.
A 52-year-old Boulder, CO woman prompted calls to police when she did some gardening in her yard topless. Who else thinks that sounds like a really gross idea for a Viagra commercial?
Toyota may put a logo sign above the left field bleachers at Chicago’s Wrigley Field. Writing below the Toyota logo said, "If you hit this sign, you probably don't play for the Cubs".
Toyota may put a logo sign above the left field bleachers at Chicago’s Wrigley Field. After all, Wrigley Field wants something in the stadium that runs away faster than the Cubs' playoff chances.
New York Gov. David Paterson’s press secretary resigned, making her the fourth top staffer to recently quit. The other three top staffers worked for Eric Massa.
A New York City physician is credited with discovering the city’s taxi meter scam when he was charged $7 for a $5 ride. The taxi driver is thankful that Naomi Campbell wasn't the first one to find out.
Officials are reviewing security tapes of a New Jersey Wal-Mart store to see who said over the store’s PA system that all black people should leave. Now I know why David Paterson hates New Jersey so much.
Players from Georgia Tech are turning in their cell phones before starting the NCAA tournament. I guess no need to call them Georgia TECH anymore.
Michael Jordan became the first former NBA player to be a majority owner of an NBA team, the Charlotte Bobcats, who have never gone to the playoffs. In other news, Michael Jordan is now the majority owner of Toyota, Apple, and Citibank.
A study says that U.S. children are even fatter than previously believed. 6% of American kids are extremely obese. It really says something when even the U.S. calls you "extremely obese".
Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan says the organization is struggling to keep up with new technology and to field a qualified work force. To which Michelle and Tareq Salahi said, "Ain't that the truth".
A study says that men who are involved in child care at home may damage the mother’s self esteem. That same study says that men who are involved in child care have no dignity.
A report says that Bernard Madoff was attacked in prison in December, suffering several injuries. And those serious injuries were by his clients.
The Smithsonian has opened a $21 Million Evolution Hall. This evolution hall will show how Smithsonian Magazine evolved from bad to worse to just plain awful.
An NBC poll says only 17% of Americans approve of Congress. That same day, another NBC poll was released saying that 83% of Americans believe in fidelity.
AOL is planning to reinvent itself with an online news operation. AOL users were unable to hear about this because, of course, they have AOL.
A rehab center is opening in England for people hooked on the Internet and other technology. The center is called, "Amish Paradise".
Pres. Obama canceled his trip to Australia so he could be present for the health care overhaul vote. Obama says he wanted to go "down under" without leaving the country.
The Pennsylvania woman who calls herself “Jihad Jane” pleaded not guilty to terrorism charges. Because, after all, how could a woman who calls herself "Jihad Jane" be a terrorist?
A songwriter who claims he helped launch Lady Gaga’s career is suing her for the $30.5 million he thinks he’s owed. In other words, he wants money to buy four outfits for Lady Gaga.
In North Carolina, Time Warner Cable accidentally broadcast two hours of the Playboy Channel over a children’s station. People first became suspicious when they saw naked men, naked women, and a better plot.
A 52-year-old Boulder, CO woman prompted calls to police when she did some gardening in her yard topless. Who else thinks that sounds like a really gross idea for a Viagra commercial?
Toyota may put a logo sign above the left field bleachers at Chicago’s Wrigley Field. Writing below the Toyota logo said, "If you hit this sign, you probably don't play for the Cubs".
Toyota may put a logo sign above the left field bleachers at Chicago’s Wrigley Field. After all, Wrigley Field wants something in the stadium that runs away faster than the Cubs' playoff chances.
New York Gov. David Paterson’s press secretary resigned, making her the fourth top staffer to recently quit. The other three top staffers worked for Eric Massa.
A New York City physician is credited with discovering the city’s taxi meter scam when he was charged $7 for a $5 ride. The taxi driver is thankful that Naomi Campbell wasn't the first one to find out.
Officials are reviewing security tapes of a New Jersey Wal-Mart store to see who said over the store’s PA system that all black people should leave. Now I know why David Paterson hates New Jersey so much.
Players from Georgia Tech are turning in their cell phones before starting the NCAA tournament. I guess no need to call them Georgia TECH anymore.
Michael Jordan became the first former NBA player to be a majority owner of an NBA team, the Charlotte Bobcats, who have never gone to the playoffs. In other news, Michael Jordan is now the majority owner of Toyota, Apple, and Citibank.
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