"A Flash Mob"

During the full lunar eclipse, the moon turned a pale orange color. It was so pale orange that it joined the cast of Jersey Shore.

A sewage backup caused parts of the United Nations to be evacuated. By force of habit, BP workers went on break.

Retired talk show host Larry King says he was in love with only 3 of his 7 wives. He didn't even meet the other 4 face-to-face.

A flash mob at a mall in northern California resulted in the entire shopping area being evacuated. And no, these moons did not cause any lunar eclipses.

Tiger Woods got a shot in his right ankle. Yes, because it's his ankle that's giving him problems.

Ernst & Young is accused of hiding much of Lehman Brothers’ financial troubles. Wait, Lehman Brothers could get in more trouble? You've gotta be kidding me.

A study says that Christmas Day is the deadliest day of the year. Especially when Grandpa is the one cooking.

Paris Hilton was evacuated from a plane at LAX after a serrated knife was found in a seat pocket. Of course, since it was Paris Hilton, she went straight to the cockpit.

Oprah has offered Bono a TV show on new her network. When Oprah gave Bono the show, she told him, "First I have a show on my network, and now you too?".

Reese Witherspoon says she was advised not to sing early in her career. Where were these advisors in Britney Spears' early career?

That's all for today! More tomorrow!

"A London Jail"

Members of the US Senate will be working in Washington through the holidays. It marks the first time that US Senators will actually be working.

The Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi has an $11 million Christmas tree in the lobby. Even nature worshippers are saying, "Come on. Trees aren't that valuable.".

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was released from a London jail on bail of $312,000. I found out about it two days before he was released. Don't ask me how...

President Obama says the U.S. is on track in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Yes, because nothing says "making progress" like taking two years to pull out.

A study says the people say that stress causes them to overeat. This is true because my life is extremely stressful.

A brain damaged woman has a condition that leaves her with no sense of fear. So a woman messed up in the head isn't afraid to do anything. Isn't her name "Snooki"?

A Florida woman was arrested after lighting the crotch of her boyfriend on fire. I'm not sure that's what the man meant by "Nuts roasting over an open fire".

Facebook ad sales could reach $2 Billion for the year. To put that in perspective, that's approximately $20 dollars per Facebook user that abandoned MySpace.

A study says that children with ADHD symptoms have a higher risk of obesity. Apparently I was the only person that scientists studied.

A judge has ordered the arrest of boxer Floyd Mayweather for reportedly poking a security guard in the face several times. Um, Mr. Mayweather, poking is only allowed on Facebook.

Brett Favre says he is unsure if he will ever play again. That's Brett Favre talk for "I'm coming back next year".

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Quidditch Lingerie"

English turkey tycoon Bernard Matthews died on Thanksgiving Day at age 80. That's like Santa Claus dying on Christmas.

A Florida man was killed on a golf course after being hit by a golf ball. His last words were "Four what?".

Jobless flight attendants in Mexico are getting attention after posing for a sexy calendar. The calendar was called, "Twelve months of going through the TSA".

Doctors are warning of the dangers of possible infections spread during TSA patdowns. Didn't they used to be called "STDs"?

A Florida lesbian resort is welcoming men guests because of the bad economy. In fact, every single male guest that went to that resort had a video camera.

A Spanish woman claims to own the sun and says she will charge everyone for its use. What's she going to do if nobody pays? Is she going to just take it away?

A Michigan man will stand trial in the sodomy of his pet pit bull. And Michael Vick was doing so well.

A survey says that 9 in 10 students admit to texting while in class. The other student does not own a cell phone.

Apple has put a stop to a company making dolls in the likeness of Steve Jobs. Mainly because they haven't come out with a newer doll of him in three months.

Fran Drescher says she is considering a run for Congress. Who knew Congress could get more annoying?

An Australian entrepreneur has developed odor trapping underwear. Isn't that called a diaper?

Warner Brothers is trademarking "Quidditch lingerie". To which most Harry Potter watchers ask, "What's lingerie?".

Reports are saying that a San Diego drug tunnel had a railcar and tons of pot. It bore a striking resemblance to Willie Nelson's tour bus.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!