"Relaxed And Smart"

Oscar’s co-host actress Anne Hathaway described her evening as “an amazing experience”. Viewers of the Oscars will certainly beg to differ.

Google has confirmed they’ve had experienced missing emails from some Gmail accounts. And at least three of them didn't say that we had a hard time getting erections.

Entertainment Weekly said Anne Hathaway and James Franco were "marvelous" calling them "funny, poised, relaxed, and smart." Five things people have never called me.

Charlie Sheen, who is the highest paid actor in television, wants a raise. Well who could blame him?

Former coach Bobby Knight will be inducted into the National Collegiate Basketball Hall of Fame. Someone better check out that speech of his.

Baron Davis will wear number 85 on his jersey with the Cleveland Cavaliers. He better not change his name to Ochocinco.

Bernard Madoff says the government’s financial reform is a joke and that the government is just a Ponzi scheme. And then he said, "But enough about my business strategy".

Charlie Sheen’s publicity agent has resigned. His reason for quitting: his workload was too much.

A sociologist says that hookers are going to Facebook to find clients since the crackdown on Craigslist. When speaking of their methodology, he said, "It's complicated".

An Alabama man accidentally shot himself, and then his wife was shot by their small child who picked up the gun. And they were still Alabama's "Family of the Year".

Charlie Sheen says he is tired of pretending he isn’t a rock star from Mars. Maybe it was a bad idea for his publicist to resign.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Cures For Jet Lag"

Joke of the Day: A researcher has infected himself with a computer virus. The first sign of this: every six seconds, the researcher thinks he's won a free XBOX360.

May 28 is South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s 50th birthday. He celebrated with a trip to the Appalachian Mountains, and then another trip to Argentina.

At his press conference, President Obama related a story where his daughter Malia asked him one morning, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”. To which President Obama said, "No, Malia, you have it all wrong. I said plug the damn hole, not just the hole."

At his press conference, President Obama related a story where his daughter Malia asked him one morning, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”. To which President Obama said, "Well, not yet Malia, I have time. Biden doesn't have to give a speech until next week".

A new fad with young people in England has them pouring vodka directly into their eyes. Apparently a lot of young people in England prefer torture in their spare time.

Willie Nelson has cut his waist long braids off in favor of a shorter hair style. This marks the first time in history that Willie Nelson's bong has been longer than his hair.

Researchers say that cures for jet lag include coffee and sunlight. This is also known as "not flying Southwest".

President Obama’s border plan is said to be similar to that of President Bush’s. Let me be the first to say, "Oh God!".

A Chinese factory is asking for employees to sign a “no suicide” vow after twelve people have thrown themselves off buildings. This plan is expected to backfire. Six-year-olds probably don't know what the word "Suicide" is.

A study says that heavier girls are more likely to have early unprotected sex. That's because the heavy girls are too fat and lazy to get a condom.

A two year old Sumatran child smokes two packs of cigarettes a day. The child will most likely reunite with their British twin on "The Parent Trap".

That's all for now, my faithful reader! More coming up tomorrow!