JWOWW of “Jersey Shore” was patted down by TSA agents at an airport in Fargo, North Dakota. Not surprisingly, the patdown lasted over nine hours.
Parents are sending away for lollipops that have been licked by a child who has the chicken pox so their own children can get the disease. I miss the old days when young parents would just kill their kids.
Newt Gingrich has risen to the top in the polls of potential GOP presidential nominees. Congratulations, Barack.
A survey says that 12% of employees worldwide are optimistic. The other 88% have a boss.
A study says that nice guys make better dancers. You know what this means? White people are the meanest people on Earth.
A study says that male spiders that offer their mates useless gifts get turned down for sex. And by "spiders", I mean "people".
A study says that cleaning teeth can cut the risk of heart attack. Sorry about your luck, England.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Bosses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bosses. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, October 11, 2010
"Three Errors"
GOP strategist Karl Rove says the Obama White House has developed an “enemies list”. Okay, Karl, let's be fair. It's not like Dick Cheney didn't do the same thing.
A new study says living under a flight path may be bad for your heart. The best place to live: the runways where airplanes are actually supposed to land.
A survey in Britain found that people over the age of 52 are grumpy. Especially when people tell them that they should go to the dentist.
Atlanta Braves second baseman Brooks Conrad’s three errors Sunday against the Giants cost the Braves the game. The last person with that many errors within a span of three hours: President George W. Bush.
Wal-Mart is ending their profit sharing plan with employees. This marks the first time in history that "Wal-Mart", "profit", and "employees" have all been used in the same sentence.
A Michigan man is planning to ride a Harley-Davidson motorcycle 300 miles with no hands. Funeral arrangements have been set for Thursday.
Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman were downing shots of Tequila at a Hispanic award gala. Apparently it was a drinking game. They would take shots for every time they saw one of Meg Whitman's employees.
A study says that poverty is growing in American suburbs. Who knew poverty could get worse?
The PBA is planning to start using instant replay in its matches. This is expected to have a profound effect on both people who still watch the PBA.
A survey by Fidelity Investments says that one quarter of investors would now be happy to break even. Isn't that called "playing in a casino"?
A study says that 18% more people are taking painkillers at work. Apparently these people just found out what it's like to have a boss.
That's all I have for now! More later!
A new study says living under a flight path may be bad for your heart. The best place to live: the runways where airplanes are actually supposed to land.
A survey in Britain found that people over the age of 52 are grumpy. Especially when people tell them that they should go to the dentist.
Atlanta Braves second baseman Brooks Conrad’s three errors Sunday against the Giants cost the Braves the game. The last person with that many errors within a span of three hours: President George W. Bush.
Wal-Mart is ending their profit sharing plan with employees. This marks the first time in history that "Wal-Mart", "profit", and "employees" have all been used in the same sentence.
A Michigan man is planning to ride a Harley-Davidson motorcycle 300 miles with no hands. Funeral arrangements have been set for Thursday.
Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman were downing shots of Tequila at a Hispanic award gala. Apparently it was a drinking game. They would take shots for every time they saw one of Meg Whitman's employees.
A study says that poverty is growing in American suburbs. Who knew poverty could get worse?
The PBA is planning to start using instant replay in its matches. This is expected to have a profound effect on both people who still watch the PBA.
A survey by Fidelity Investments says that one quarter of investors would now be happy to break even. Isn't that called "playing in a casino"?
A study says that 18% more people are taking painkillers at work. Apparently these people just found out what it's like to have a boss.
That's all I have for now! More later!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
"Kicked The Habit"
Joke of the Day: A NASCAR reality show will be coming to BET. That's like having a porno series on the Disney Channel.
The maker of Botox settled a federal investigation into its marketing practices. They did this by keeping a smile on their face the entire time; mainly because they couldn't help it.
An 18-year-old South Dakota student who stockpiled bombs in his bedroom wanted to be “the world’s most infamous sociopath.” Yes, every teenage boy's dream is to be a sociopath.
Tiger Woods has reportedly taken out a $54 Million mortgage on his house to pay off his ex-wife Elin. For once, Tiger Woods paid off a woman for a reason other than hush money.
A NASCAR reality show will be coming to BET. Why? Was Larry The Cable Guy not available?
President Obama says that peace in the Middle East is doable in a year. Then Paris Hilton interrupted President Obama and said, "Like hell it is".
A study says that CEOs who laid off more people made more money since the economy crashed. The study was coordinated at the Lehman Brothers headquarters.
A study says that young women make more money than their male co-workers. They do the same amount of work. I wonder how they earn that...
A study says that coffee may combat high blood pressure. In the end, both of these things lead to the same thing: going absolutely crazy.
Stephen Hawking said that God did not create the universe. Excuse me, my bad. Stephen Hawking's speech synthesizer said that God did not create the universe.
A two-year-old Indonesian boy who smoked about 40 cigarettes a day has kicked the habit after receiving intensive specialist care. Intensive care? How about a key and lock?
Older people prefer to read negative news stories about the young, possibly because it makes them feel better about themselves, a new study suggests. Based on what has happened recently, the older people should feel like children again.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
The maker of Botox settled a federal investigation into its marketing practices. They did this by keeping a smile on their face the entire time; mainly because they couldn't help it.
An 18-year-old South Dakota student who stockpiled bombs in his bedroom wanted to be “the world’s most infamous sociopath.” Yes, every teenage boy's dream is to be a sociopath.
Tiger Woods has reportedly taken out a $54 Million mortgage on his house to pay off his ex-wife Elin. For once, Tiger Woods paid off a woman for a reason other than hush money.
A NASCAR reality show will be coming to BET. Why? Was Larry The Cable Guy not available?
President Obama says that peace in the Middle East is doable in a year. Then Paris Hilton interrupted President Obama and said, "Like hell it is".
A study says that CEOs who laid off more people made more money since the economy crashed. The study was coordinated at the Lehman Brothers headquarters.
A study says that young women make more money than their male co-workers. They do the same amount of work. I wonder how they earn that...
A study says that coffee may combat high blood pressure. In the end, both of these things lead to the same thing: going absolutely crazy.
Stephen Hawking said that God did not create the universe. Excuse me, my bad. Stephen Hawking's speech synthesizer said that God did not create the universe.
A two-year-old Indonesian boy who smoked about 40 cigarettes a day has kicked the habit after receiving intensive specialist care. Intensive care? How about a key and lock?
Older people prefer to read negative news stories about the young, possibly because it makes them feel better about themselves, a new study suggests. Based on what has happened recently, the older people should feel like children again.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
"Touchdown Jesus"
Joke of the Day: The Situation has recorded his own rap song. It's guaranteed to have less hits than a tennis racket with no strings.
CNN news host Anderson Cooper attacked executives from BP for staying away from his news broadcasts. Cooper also stated that BP stayed away from his broadcasts just like they stayed away from the Gulf of Mexico.
North Korea has threatened military action in response to any United Nations censures regarding the sinking of a South Korean ship. However, the North Koreans are going to respond with something not very threatening: their soccer team.
The system designed to accommodate orders for the new 4G iPhone was so overwhelmed Tuesday that calls could not go through. There's AT&T for ya.
A six-story statue in Cincinnati known as "Touchdown Jesus" was struck by lightning and the foam components burned to the ground. This is a sad ending. This statue was the closest Cincinnati has ever come to a touchdown.
A restaurant in Pittsburgh is now selling food from countries that don't like the U.S. Because when I think of a way to unwind, it's a steaming plate of Iraqi food.
The Indonesian boy who is addicted to smoking has now cut down from 40 cigarettes a day to just 15. Probably because the factory he works at limited his smoke breaks.
The longest traffic light has been discovered in New Jersey, and it's 5 minutes long. It's so long and boring, you almost feel like you're at a Nets game.
Researchers at the University of Minnesota have linked tanning beds to brain damage. Otherwise known as "Jersey Shore".
In a recent USA poll, only 58% of Americans would give CPR to their boss. The other 42% of Americans already feel like they have given mouth to mouth to their boss.
On E! News, Ryan Seacrest was talking about Kim Kardashian frolicking with Justin Bieber. Of course, Seacrest was heartbroken.
Police in New York are looking for the "Botox Bandit", who has passed bad checks in order to get Botox. In related news, Joan Rivers now has a criminal record.
A government report says that 1.6 Million more Americans did volunteer work in 2009. Or, as Walmart calls those workers, "Employees".
A study says that obese women have more trouble finding a sex partner than obese men. This is mainly because men are more willing to pay for it than women.
People in Miami are worried that the Gulf oil spill may scare away foreign visitors. For one thing, it's scared off British Petroleum.
AND FINALLY, FROM COMEDY WRITER FRIEND JIM BARACH
Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem at Game 6 of the NBA Championship. Apparently the U.S. has found its own version of the vuvuzela.
That's all for now, everybody! More coming tomorrow!
CNN news host Anderson Cooper attacked executives from BP for staying away from his news broadcasts. Cooper also stated that BP stayed away from his broadcasts just like they stayed away from the Gulf of Mexico.
North Korea has threatened military action in response to any United Nations censures regarding the sinking of a South Korean ship. However, the North Koreans are going to respond with something not very threatening: their soccer team.
The system designed to accommodate orders for the new 4G iPhone was so overwhelmed Tuesday that calls could not go through. There's AT&T for ya.
A six-story statue in Cincinnati known as "Touchdown Jesus" was struck by lightning and the foam components burned to the ground. This is a sad ending. This statue was the closest Cincinnati has ever come to a touchdown.
A restaurant in Pittsburgh is now selling food from countries that don't like the U.S. Because when I think of a way to unwind, it's a steaming plate of Iraqi food.
The Indonesian boy who is addicted to smoking has now cut down from 40 cigarettes a day to just 15. Probably because the factory he works at limited his smoke breaks.
The longest traffic light has been discovered in New Jersey, and it's 5 minutes long. It's so long and boring, you almost feel like you're at a Nets game.
Researchers at the University of Minnesota have linked tanning beds to brain damage. Otherwise known as "Jersey Shore".
In a recent USA poll, only 58% of Americans would give CPR to their boss. The other 42% of Americans already feel like they have given mouth to mouth to their boss.
On E! News, Ryan Seacrest was talking about Kim Kardashian frolicking with Justin Bieber. Of course, Seacrest was heartbroken.
Police in New York are looking for the "Botox Bandit", who has passed bad checks in order to get Botox. In related news, Joan Rivers now has a criminal record.
A government report says that 1.6 Million more Americans did volunteer work in 2009. Or, as Walmart calls those workers, "Employees".
A study says that obese women have more trouble finding a sex partner than obese men. This is mainly because men are more willing to pay for it than women.
People in Miami are worried that the Gulf oil spill may scare away foreign visitors. For one thing, it's scared off British Petroleum.
AND FINALLY, FROM COMEDY WRITER FRIEND JIM BARACH
Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem at Game 6 of the NBA Championship. Apparently the U.S. has found its own version of the vuvuzela.
That's all for now, everybody! More coming tomorrow!
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