"Bomb-Resistant Boxers"

A study says that alcohol abuse is responsible for 4% of the deaths world wide every year. It would really be ironic if someone gave a toast at that funeral.

Arnold Schwarzenegger says he plans to return to make movies. This is great news for both of his movie fans.

A poll says that 35% of Americans say the country’s most important problem is unemployment. The other 65% have a job.

The Department of Agriculture says the cost of raising a child is $286,000, not including college. And for me, that's just the cost of food.

Charlie Sheen talked to the UCLA baseball team and told them to “stay off crack and drink chocolate milk.” In Charlie Sheen language, that means "Don't do anal and have sex with a black chick".

Lindsay Lohan says she was not raised to lie, cheat or steal. If that's the case, her parents did one crappy job.

Moody’s has given Playboy’s corporate debt a B-2 rating. When Hugh Hefner heard the rating, he thought he got bingo.

Bomb resistant boxers are being manufactured by a New York company. Aren't those called "diapers".

Two horses collapsed and died under mysterious circumstances Saturday before a race. At least they didn't die a painful death. Their jockeys were going to be Oprah Winfrey and Kirstie Alley.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Quidditch Lingerie"

English turkey tycoon Bernard Matthews died on Thanksgiving Day at age 80. That's like Santa Claus dying on Christmas.

A Florida man was killed on a golf course after being hit by a golf ball. His last words were "Four what?".

Jobless flight attendants in Mexico are getting attention after posing for a sexy calendar. The calendar was called, "Twelve months of going through the TSA".

Doctors are warning of the dangers of possible infections spread during TSA patdowns. Didn't they used to be called "STDs"?

A Florida lesbian resort is welcoming men guests because of the bad economy. In fact, every single male guest that went to that resort had a video camera.

A Spanish woman claims to own the sun and says she will charge everyone for its use. What's she going to do if nobody pays? Is she going to just take it away?

A Michigan man will stand trial in the sodomy of his pet pit bull. And Michael Vick was doing so well.

A survey says that 9 in 10 students admit to texting while in class. The other student does not own a cell phone.

Apple has put a stop to a company making dolls in the likeness of Steve Jobs. Mainly because they haven't come out with a newer doll of him in three months.

Fran Drescher says she is considering a run for Congress. Who knew Congress could get more annoying?

An Australian entrepreneur has developed odor trapping underwear. Isn't that called a diaper?

Warner Brothers is trademarking "Quidditch lingerie". To which most Harry Potter watchers ask, "What's lingerie?".

Reports are saying that a San Diego drug tunnel had a railcar and tons of pot. It bore a striking resemblance to Willie Nelson's tour bus.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!