"She Is Bored"

Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler will join Randy Jackson as “American Idol” judges next season. This once again proves that you don't need talent to judge other people's singing.

A pain management doctor testified that the 1,500 pills Anna Nicole Smith took in one month did not constitute an addiction. If that isn't an addiction, what is?

The author of a new book says the Titanic hit an iceberg and sank in 1912 because of a steering error. Well duh, they hit an iceberg.

The owner of one of the Iowa egg farms linked to massive salmonella illnesses refused to testify before congress. In this case, the chicken came after the egg.

Jimmy Carter says he has had the best post-presidential career. Yes, because the most important thing in a President is what you do while you aren't in office.

Housing concerns have passed childcare as reasons for family stress, according to family assistance programs. Unless you are the Octomom.

Airlines say that if late term pregnant women want to fly, they can hide their condition. Good luck with that.

The Green Party candidate for Senate in Maryland was struck and killed by an SUV while riding her bike. That's like a germophobe coming down with a cold.

A friend says that Lindsay Lohan uses drugs because she is bored. Of course she's bored; she isn't working at all.

A report says that the Internet population will reach 5 Billion people by 2025. In other words, 5 Billion people by 2025 will have heard of porn.

That's all I have for right now! More coming later!

"Ejected After One Pitch"

Joke of the Day: Senator Christopher Dodd says that Wall Street is detached from the “real economy”. Considering this economy, isn't that kind of a good thing?

A British family was rescued after their yacht hit an iceberg. Strangely enough, the name of their boat was "Titanic".

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke gave the commencement address at the University of South Carolina and told the students that money can’t buy happiness. How would he know? It's not like he still has money.

A group of mothers in Denver is pushing for the legalization of marijuana. That's like the KKK pushing for Civil Rights.

Since the four-story dome that BP thought would stop the Gulf oil leak has failed, they think clogging the pipe with useless scrap material may work. Look, if a four-story dome can't stop a leak, I'm not sure useless scrap material will be much better.

The young adult vampire-romance series “Twilight” inspired the most popular baby names for both boys and girls in 2009. The most popular boy name was Jacob, while the most popular girl name was Edward.

Will Ferrell recently pitched in a minor league baseball game, and he was ejected after one pitch. Sounds like a remake of "Semipro".

That's all for now! More tomorrow!