In the California prison system, there are reports of 54 people sharing a single toilet. At the same time.
Radio evangelist Harold Camping says he was off by five months with his Rapture prediction; now, it will happen on October 21. In fact, his predictions are so bad, he has already scheduled a radio interview for October 22.
60 Minutes reported that cyclist Lance Armstrong encouraged doping among his fellow cyclists. God, talk about encouraging a stereotype.
A Canadian couple is keeping their baby’s gender a secret. I haven't heard about a Canadian baby with an unknown gender since Justin Bieber.
A study says that the way people make their vowel sounds can reveal their sexual orientation. I thought it was the way they pronounced their S's.
Health experts say that vuvuzelas may spread diseases. Like contagious ear ringing.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Vuvuzelas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vuvuzelas. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
"Junior Lollipops"
Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband Jesse James is engaged to marry “LA Ink” tattoo star Kat Von D. I wonder what would incline a man like Jesse James to marry a person known for tattoos.
A woman who regained her voice through a rare larynx transplant says she never wants to stop talking. Do you know what Americans call a woman who never wants to stop talking? A wife.
January 21st is International Hugging Day. Meanwhile, girls I talk to today are going to celebrate Get The Hell Away From Me Day.
In the FBI’s big Mafia bust, guys named Bobby Glasses, Vinny Carwash, and Junior Lollipops were arrested. Their new names are going to be Nerd, Scrub, and Sucker.
A Swiss collector returned four pre-Columbian mummies to Chile. You know, those weird people who were enclosed in a dark space for an extended period of time. Well, they're getting mummies.
An Arizona restaurant will start offering African lion meat tacos. And for dessert, you can eat Latinos pulled over by Arizona police.
Kobe Bryant is on pace to set a record for most missed field goals in NBA history. He has enough bricks to build a house fit for Kobe Bryant.
Paul the World Cup Oracle Octopus has been memorialized with a plastic statue with its tentacles wrapped around a soccer ball. It also has a vuvuzela lodged in its mouth.
A report says that “Angry Birds” will be made into an animated TV series. Each episode will last four hours long, and for some reason, you can't stop watching.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A woman who regained her voice through a rare larynx transplant says she never wants to stop talking. Do you know what Americans call a woman who never wants to stop talking? A wife.
January 21st is International Hugging Day. Meanwhile, girls I talk to today are going to celebrate Get The Hell Away From Me Day.
In the FBI’s big Mafia bust, guys named Bobby Glasses, Vinny Carwash, and Junior Lollipops were arrested. Their new names are going to be Nerd, Scrub, and Sucker.
A Swiss collector returned four pre-Columbian mummies to Chile. You know, those weird people who were enclosed in a dark space for an extended period of time. Well, they're getting mummies.
An Arizona restaurant will start offering African lion meat tacos. And for dessert, you can eat Latinos pulled over by Arizona police.
Kobe Bryant is on pace to set a record for most missed field goals in NBA history. He has enough bricks to build a house fit for Kobe Bryant.
Paul the World Cup Oracle Octopus has been memorialized with a plastic statue with its tentacles wrapped around a soccer ball. It also has a vuvuzela lodged in its mouth.
A report says that “Angry Birds” will be made into an animated TV series. Each episode will last four hours long, and for some reason, you can't stop watching.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
"Scaled Back"
Wrangler Jeans has scaled back on their TV ads featuring Brett Favre. Mainly because Brett Favre isn't known for wearing pants anymore.
French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s approval ratings have dropped to an all time low. What's the deal with Presidents and low ratings these days?
The CDC says that up to one third of American adults could have diabetes by 2050. Or at least it would seem that way.
A California woman drove several months with the dead body of a homeless woman in her passenger seat. And she still had new car smell.
South Africa is considering banning vuvuzelas after fans threw some onto the field at a soccer game. Who would have thought in a million years that vuvuzelas would be banned for a reason different than people being annoyed?
A study says that clenching your muscles can help boost willpower to achieve certain goals. This study was conducted by old guys on the toilet.
The creators of “South Park” have apologized for using other writers’ lines. Haha! That's what she said!
400.000 leaked government documents about the War in Iraq portray a nation that is weak and divided. The real question is, which nation is that: Iraq or the US?
MySpace admits sharing user data with advertisers. Who do they think they are, Facebook?
The cast of “Jersey Shore” fought on a recent show over which of them is the most fake. In the end, everybody won.
A new blood test may help detect schizophrenia. Here's how it works: if you have more than one blood type, you are schizophrenic.
A new book explains why overachievers tend to choke under pressure. This book is entitled "New York Yankees".
Scientists at UCLA are developing a battery that is smaller than a grain of salt. Talk about a salt and battery.
Scientists in Israel have developed material that could lead to the toughest body armor ever. In America, we call that "Body fat".
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s approval ratings have dropped to an all time low. What's the deal with Presidents and low ratings these days?
The CDC says that up to one third of American adults could have diabetes by 2050. Or at least it would seem that way.
A California woman drove several months with the dead body of a homeless woman in her passenger seat. And she still had new car smell.
South Africa is considering banning vuvuzelas after fans threw some onto the field at a soccer game. Who would have thought in a million years that vuvuzelas would be banned for a reason different than people being annoyed?
A study says that clenching your muscles can help boost willpower to achieve certain goals. This study was conducted by old guys on the toilet.
The creators of “South Park” have apologized for using other writers’ lines. Haha! That's what she said!
400.000 leaked government documents about the War in Iraq portray a nation that is weak and divided. The real question is, which nation is that: Iraq or the US?
MySpace admits sharing user data with advertisers. Who do they think they are, Facebook?
The cast of “Jersey Shore” fought on a recent show over which of them is the most fake. In the end, everybody won.
A new blood test may help detect schizophrenia. Here's how it works: if you have more than one blood type, you are schizophrenic.
A new book explains why overachievers tend to choke under pressure. This book is entitled "New York Yankees".
Scientists at UCLA are developing a battery that is smaller than a grain of salt. Talk about a salt and battery.
Scientists in Israel have developed material that could lead to the toughest body armor ever. In America, we call that "Body fat".
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
"Dead Last In Health Care"
Joke of the Day: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has offered to rebuild a lightning-struck 62-foot-tall Jesus statue in Ohio as long as it carries a message about vegetarianism. Isn't it weird how an advertisement on vegetarianism would be displayed on a man who fed fish to five thousand people?
The Society for Invertebrate Conservation wants the bumblebee in southern Oregon added to the endangered species list. For once, I'd be glad to see an animal on the endangered species list.
A poll says 62% of Americans say the country is headed in the wrong direction. The other 38% of Americans don't follow the news.
Health officials are advising against swimming in the water off Pensacola, Florida because of the Gulf oil spill. They also advised against putting a key in a light socket.
A report says the U.S. is dead last in health care, spending more while getting less. They got this idea from going to a major league baseball game.
A man who apparently passed out drunk on a pool float at a Tampa area beach ended up drifting about a mile into the Gulf of Mexico before being rescued by the Coast Guard. Ironically, the last people to hear about this story: BP.
Post office officials in Germany have reduced dog attacks on mailmen by using animal psychologists to help them think like dogs. Strangely enough, now all they do is bite themselves.
The Naked Cowboy, who performs in a cowboy hat and briefs on Times Square in New York, is suing a woman who calls herself the Naked Cowgirl and performs in a bikini. The judge has ruled that neither one of them are actually naked.
A South Carolina town is considering a law that would make it illegal to sing, yell, shout, whistle, hoot or holler on public streets if it is annoying nearby people. Or, as I call them, vuvuzelas.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
The Society for Invertebrate Conservation wants the bumblebee in southern Oregon added to the endangered species list. For once, I'd be glad to see an animal on the endangered species list.
A poll says 62% of Americans say the country is headed in the wrong direction. The other 38% of Americans don't follow the news.
Health officials are advising against swimming in the water off Pensacola, Florida because of the Gulf oil spill. They also advised against putting a key in a light socket.
A report says the U.S. is dead last in health care, spending more while getting less. They got this idea from going to a major league baseball game.
A man who apparently passed out drunk on a pool float at a Tampa area beach ended up drifting about a mile into the Gulf of Mexico before being rescued by the Coast Guard. Ironically, the last people to hear about this story: BP.
Post office officials in Germany have reduced dog attacks on mailmen by using animal psychologists to help them think like dogs. Strangely enough, now all they do is bite themselves.
The Naked Cowboy, who performs in a cowboy hat and briefs on Times Square in New York, is suing a woman who calls herself the Naked Cowgirl and performs in a bikini. The judge has ruled that neither one of them are actually naked.
A South Carolina town is considering a law that would make it illegal to sing, yell, shout, whistle, hoot or holler on public streets if it is annoying nearby people. Or, as I call them, vuvuzelas.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
"The Most Important Job"
Joke of the Day: A study says that Botox may temporarily paralyze a person’s emotions. It also paralyzes their facial expression.
Scientists say that it is the very small creatures who will take the brunt of the Gulf oil spill. I thought BP said they cared about the small people.
President Obama says that being a good father is “the most important job”. Considering all the crap that's going on in our country, I think that being President should be "the most important job".
British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward says the Gulf oil spill could last another two to four years. When you spend a weekend watching your yacht race in Europe, that's not out of the realm of possibility.
A study says that chimpanzees in the wild will kill other chimps for land. Or, as humans call it, real estate.
A 56 year old Tennessee man has won the AARP Spelling Bee. He won by correctly spelling all the conditions he suffers from.
Vuvuzela inventor Neil Van Schalkwyk is cashing in at the World Cup. Mainly because everywhere else, he's getting death threats.
A poll says that Michael Vick is still the most hated man in sports. This poll was taken entirely by dogs.
A proposed new tax could raise the price of cigarettes in New York up to $10 a pack. The bill is called, "We only want the Yankees to smoke".
That's all for now, everybody! More later!
Scientists say that it is the very small creatures who will take the brunt of the Gulf oil spill. I thought BP said they cared about the small people.
President Obama says that being a good father is “the most important job”. Considering all the crap that's going on in our country, I think that being President should be "the most important job".
British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward says the Gulf oil spill could last another two to four years. When you spend a weekend watching your yacht race in Europe, that's not out of the realm of possibility.
A study says that chimpanzees in the wild will kill other chimps for land. Or, as humans call it, real estate.
A 56 year old Tennessee man has won the AARP Spelling Bee. He won by correctly spelling all the conditions he suffers from.
Vuvuzela inventor Neil Van Schalkwyk is cashing in at the World Cup. Mainly because everywhere else, he's getting death threats.
A poll says that Michael Vick is still the most hated man in sports. This poll was taken entirely by dogs.
A proposed new tax could raise the price of cigarettes in New York up to $10 a pack. The bill is called, "We only want the Yankees to smoke".
That's all for now, everybody! More later!
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