Today, July 4th, is Independence Day. Or, as George Bush calls it, "The day where we celebrate people who are neither Democrats or Republicans".
The BBC has come up with a grunt control device for people who want to turn down the volume of women tennis players’ grunting. I hope the Porn Channel doesn't find out about this.
A Nigerian man flew from New York to Los Angeles with an invalid boarding pass and fake ID. They knew the man was Nigerian because his name didn't fit on the ID.
A motorcyclist participating in a protest ride against helmet laws in New York died after he hit his head on the pavement. Karma's a bitch, isn't it?
Ohio governor John Kasich signed a law that allows people to bring guns into places where alcohol is served. What could possibly go wrong?
Taylor Swift cancelled her concert in Louisville because she was sick. Apparently she heard herself sing.
The FOX News Twitter feed was hacked, and the hacker said that President Obama was assassinated. However, upon reading this, the people at the FOX News 4th of July party got a lot happier.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Bad Ideas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Ideas. Show all posts
Monday, July 4, 2011
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
"Paid Less"
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange suggests that President Obama should resign from office. That's like Mel Gibson calling you a racist.
Kate Gosselin and her brood made a very special visit to “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” cable show. Gosselin is glad to know that her show isn't the only piece of crap on TLC.
The Supreme Court will consider throwing out a case against Wal-Mart claiming women are paid less than men. Wal-Mart workers were stunned upon hearing the fact that women get paid.
Walmart has teamed up with the Department of Homeland Security to implement a program called "if you see something say something" which is aimed at reporting suspicious or terrorist activities. If you ask the terrorists about it, they are going to defend themselves by saying, "Don't ask, and don't tell".
The Census Bureau projects the population of the U.S. to be between 305-312 Million people. That's not even counting the number of Levi Johnston's children.
A study says that country boys are more well endowed than city boys. How would you like to be one of the city boys who participated in that study?
A private school in Florida is letting students set their own agenda with no teachers, lesson plans or homework. In other news, student enrollment at that school has gone up 97%.
A musical production of “American Psycho” is in the works for a run on Broadway. In fact, Mel Gibson has already sent in an audition tape.
AOL is planning a possible merger with Yahoo!. Apparently these people haven't realized that when you mix crap with crap, it's still crap.
An Australian study says that one in five men approaching 100 still consider sex important. The Australian University credited: the Tasmanian Medical Institute, or T.M.I.
President Obama says the U.S. is facing a new “Sputnik moment” in the world of science. What does that mean? Is Russia beating us again?
A study says that men become nicer after they are married. This study was not conducted by married women.
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has undergone surgery for a broken nose. Women all across America were excited to hear "Ben Roethlisberger has a broken bone" until they found out it was just his nose.
A study says that organized sports don’t give kids enough exercise. The participants in this study included benchwarmers.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Kate Gosselin and her brood made a very special visit to “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” cable show. Gosselin is glad to know that her show isn't the only piece of crap on TLC.
The Supreme Court will consider throwing out a case against Wal-Mart claiming women are paid less than men. Wal-Mart workers were stunned upon hearing the fact that women get paid.
Walmart has teamed up with the Department of Homeland Security to implement a program called "if you see something say something" which is aimed at reporting suspicious or terrorist activities. If you ask the terrorists about it, they are going to defend themselves by saying, "Don't ask, and don't tell".
The Census Bureau projects the population of the U.S. to be between 305-312 Million people. That's not even counting the number of Levi Johnston's children.
A study says that country boys are more well endowed than city boys. How would you like to be one of the city boys who participated in that study?
A private school in Florida is letting students set their own agenda with no teachers, lesson plans or homework. In other news, student enrollment at that school has gone up 97%.
A musical production of “American Psycho” is in the works for a run on Broadway. In fact, Mel Gibson has already sent in an audition tape.
AOL is planning a possible merger with Yahoo!. Apparently these people haven't realized that when you mix crap with crap, it's still crap.
An Australian study says that one in five men approaching 100 still consider sex important. The Australian University credited: the Tasmanian Medical Institute, or T.M.I.
President Obama says the U.S. is facing a new “Sputnik moment” in the world of science. What does that mean? Is Russia beating us again?
A study says that men become nicer after they are married. This study was not conducted by married women.
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has undergone surgery for a broken nose. Women all across America were excited to hear "Ben Roethlisberger has a broken bone" until they found out it was just his nose.
A study says that organized sports don’t give kids enough exercise. The participants in this study included benchwarmers.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Monday, October 11, 2010
"Three Errors"
GOP strategist Karl Rove says the Obama White House has developed an “enemies list”. Okay, Karl, let's be fair. It's not like Dick Cheney didn't do the same thing.
A new study says living under a flight path may be bad for your heart. The best place to live: the runways where airplanes are actually supposed to land.
A survey in Britain found that people over the age of 52 are grumpy. Especially when people tell them that they should go to the dentist.
Atlanta Braves second baseman Brooks Conrad’s three errors Sunday against the Giants cost the Braves the game. The last person with that many errors within a span of three hours: President George W. Bush.
Wal-Mart is ending their profit sharing plan with employees. This marks the first time in history that "Wal-Mart", "profit", and "employees" have all been used in the same sentence.
A Michigan man is planning to ride a Harley-Davidson motorcycle 300 miles with no hands. Funeral arrangements have been set for Thursday.
Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman were downing shots of Tequila at a Hispanic award gala. Apparently it was a drinking game. They would take shots for every time they saw one of Meg Whitman's employees.
A study says that poverty is growing in American suburbs. Who knew poverty could get worse?
The PBA is planning to start using instant replay in its matches. This is expected to have a profound effect on both people who still watch the PBA.
A survey by Fidelity Investments says that one quarter of investors would now be happy to break even. Isn't that called "playing in a casino"?
A study says that 18% more people are taking painkillers at work. Apparently these people just found out what it's like to have a boss.
That's all I have for now! More later!
A new study says living under a flight path may be bad for your heart. The best place to live: the runways where airplanes are actually supposed to land.
A survey in Britain found that people over the age of 52 are grumpy. Especially when people tell them that they should go to the dentist.
Atlanta Braves second baseman Brooks Conrad’s three errors Sunday against the Giants cost the Braves the game. The last person with that many errors within a span of three hours: President George W. Bush.
Wal-Mart is ending their profit sharing plan with employees. This marks the first time in history that "Wal-Mart", "profit", and "employees" have all been used in the same sentence.
A Michigan man is planning to ride a Harley-Davidson motorcycle 300 miles with no hands. Funeral arrangements have been set for Thursday.
Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman were downing shots of Tequila at a Hispanic award gala. Apparently it was a drinking game. They would take shots for every time they saw one of Meg Whitman's employees.
A study says that poverty is growing in American suburbs. Who knew poverty could get worse?
The PBA is planning to start using instant replay in its matches. This is expected to have a profound effect on both people who still watch the PBA.
A survey by Fidelity Investments says that one quarter of investors would now be happy to break even. Isn't that called "playing in a casino"?
A study says that 18% more people are taking painkillers at work. Apparently these people just found out what it's like to have a boss.
That's all I have for now! More later!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
"A Carnival Attraction"
Joke of the Day: Yesterday, Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens celebrated his 90th birthday. Do you have any idea how old he is? The candles cost more than the actual cake.
The U.S. military says childhood obesity is a threat to national security because kids can’t stand the rigors of military service. Obese children can barely stand period.
The Supreme Court, on an 8-to-1 vote, killed a law making it a crime to sell videos depicting animal cruelty. At least now Michael Vick has a new highlight reel.
Nadya Suleman, the CA woman who gave birth to octuplets last year, says the nickname “Octomom” makes her feel like a “carnival attraction”. She really is a carnival attraction. Her vagina is like the clown pulling out the endless bow out of his mouth.
Kate Gosselin has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. She was eliminated on the basis that she wasn't an actual celebrity.
Among things recently inducted into various US halls of fame were cowboys, croquet, and insurance. Uhh, FAME?
An elderly Des Moines woman used a handgun to ward off a man who bashed in the front door of her home. The man immediately surrendered after the elderly woman flashed him.
A 39-year-old driver was pulled over in Connecticut this weekend where police said he was doing 5 mph in a 40 mph zone. The driver is being described as "a non-Toyota driver.
Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has guest hosted U.S. television network ABC's The View, CNN's Larry King Live and is a special correspondent for NBC's Today show, but now she wants her own American television program. I'm not sure that's a good resume, though.
A poll says that legalizing marijuana won’t boost the economy. Maybe in Los Angeles, but not anywhere else.
A poll says that only 33% of Americans are in favor of legalizing marijuana. The other 67% are not teenagers.
A survey says that teenagers love their cell phones more than they like school. This is way too obvious. Teens use their cell phones during school.
A survey says that teenagers love their cell phones more than they like school. The same survey found that teenagers love pizza more than peas.
A survey says that three fourths of American teenagers have cell phones. The other fourth? We call them "Amish".
The Octomom told Oprah she will never do a reality TV show. That's like Oprah telling Octomom that she will never eat another cheeseburger.
The Defense Department says that an Iranian missile could hit the U.S. by 2015. In a related story, Iranians disagree with the Mayans.
A survey says that Microsoft employees use Facebook and Twitter the most. Coming in a distant third, their beds.
L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa says he will have to cut thousands of jobs because of the budget shortfall. In fact, Villaraigosa says that the only job remaining in L.A. will be his own.
That's all for now. More later!
The U.S. military says childhood obesity is a threat to national security because kids can’t stand the rigors of military service. Obese children can barely stand period.
The Supreme Court, on an 8-to-1 vote, killed a law making it a crime to sell videos depicting animal cruelty. At least now Michael Vick has a new highlight reel.
Nadya Suleman, the CA woman who gave birth to octuplets last year, says the nickname “Octomom” makes her feel like a “carnival attraction”. She really is a carnival attraction. Her vagina is like the clown pulling out the endless bow out of his mouth.
Kate Gosselin has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. She was eliminated on the basis that she wasn't an actual celebrity.
Among things recently inducted into various US halls of fame were cowboys, croquet, and insurance. Uhh, FAME?
An elderly Des Moines woman used a handgun to ward off a man who bashed in the front door of her home. The man immediately surrendered after the elderly woman flashed him.
A 39-year-old driver was pulled over in Connecticut this weekend where police said he was doing 5 mph in a 40 mph zone. The driver is being described as "a non-Toyota driver.
Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has guest hosted U.S. television network ABC's The View, CNN's Larry King Live and is a special correspondent for NBC's Today show, but now she wants her own American television program. I'm not sure that's a good resume, though.
A poll says that legalizing marijuana won’t boost the economy. Maybe in Los Angeles, but not anywhere else.
A poll says that only 33% of Americans are in favor of legalizing marijuana. The other 67% are not teenagers.
A survey says that teenagers love their cell phones more than they like school. This is way too obvious. Teens use their cell phones during school.
A survey says that teenagers love their cell phones more than they like school. The same survey found that teenagers love pizza more than peas.
A survey says that three fourths of American teenagers have cell phones. The other fourth? We call them "Amish".
The Octomom told Oprah she will never do a reality TV show. That's like Oprah telling Octomom that she will never eat another cheeseburger.
The Defense Department says that an Iranian missile could hit the U.S. by 2015. In a related story, Iranians disagree with the Mayans.
A survey says that Microsoft employees use Facebook and Twitter the most. Coming in a distant third, their beds.
L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa says he will have to cut thousands of jobs because of the budget shortfall. In fact, Villaraigosa says that the only job remaining in L.A. will be his own.
That's all for now. More later!
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