Gay marriage has been legalized in New York. Finally, some good news for A-Rod and Jeter.
Two Kansas golfers scored back to back holes in one on the same hole. Do you know what perverts call this? A threesome.
Lady Gaga is urging tourists to visit Japan despite the recent earthquake, tsunami and nuclear disasters. At least Japan is less of a disaster than her music.
Saab is out of money to pay their worker's wages. Don't worry, it's just a Saab story.
Scientists say they are close to developing an artificial pancreas. An artificial pancreas? I thought hips don't lie.
Priests are being encouraged to interact with people online. They already do. It's called chatroulette.com.
Ted Turner says that climate change is the most serious problem that humanity has ever faced. Then he saw the Cincinnati Bengals practice and he said, "Okay, scratch that".
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label New York Yankees. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New York Yankees. Show all posts
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
"A Black Eye"
Actor Hugh Jackman got a black eye while doing a stunt on the Oprah Show taping in Australia. In fact, Oprah was feeling generous that day, so she gave everyone in the audience a black eye.
Media mogul Ted Turner says he’s “almost to the edge of poverty”. Gosh, give one red-haired crazy guy a show on your network and this happens.
The wife of Cliff Lee, who just signed a big contract with the Phillies, said she was insulted by rude Yankees fans while in New York. If she didn't know Yankees fans were rude, she must be from another planet.
The game show “Jeopardy” will pit two human contestants against an IBM computer. You know how to beat that computer? Forget to program the words "what is" into the computer.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time Magazine's Person of the Year. To which Zuckerberg said, "Umm... Like!".
Elin Nordegren reportedly has a new boyfriend. Fortunately for the new boyfriend, he doesn't golf.
Cincinnati Bengals WR Terrell Owens is blaming the coaches for their 2-11 start. Here's my question: are the coaches the ones on the field?
The Minnesota Vikings are hoping that Brett Favre can return this season. So are all of his opponents.
Chicago Cubs legend Ron Santo has died at the age of 70. "Chicago Cubs legend" is one of those ironies, like "Charlie Sheen's sobriety".
Larry King is in his final week of his show at CNN. That's what his viewers have been thinking for years.
There's a new iPhone app that helps report “suspicious behavior”. It's called "Your Internet History".
French authorities have seized 354 fake Faberge eggs. They knew the eggs were fake when they didn't have any salmonella.
A global study says that money doesn't buy happiness. Try telling that to the people on MTV Cribs.
Less education and income is linked with obesity in women and not men. Also linked with less educaation and income: an appearance on COPS.
A study says that wearing ugly underwear can ruin a woman's day. Especially when they meet men.
A study says that lack of sleep can hurt a person's looks. You know what that means? I haven't had a wink of sleep in months.
That's all for right now! More later!
Media mogul Ted Turner says he’s “almost to the edge of poverty”. Gosh, give one red-haired crazy guy a show on your network and this happens.
The wife of Cliff Lee, who just signed a big contract with the Phillies, said she was insulted by rude Yankees fans while in New York. If she didn't know Yankees fans were rude, she must be from another planet.
The game show “Jeopardy” will pit two human contestants against an IBM computer. You know how to beat that computer? Forget to program the words "what is" into the computer.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time Magazine's Person of the Year. To which Zuckerberg said, "Umm... Like!".
Elin Nordegren reportedly has a new boyfriend. Fortunately for the new boyfriend, he doesn't golf.
Cincinnati Bengals WR Terrell Owens is blaming the coaches for their 2-11 start. Here's my question: are the coaches the ones on the field?
The Minnesota Vikings are hoping that Brett Favre can return this season. So are all of his opponents.
Chicago Cubs legend Ron Santo has died at the age of 70. "Chicago Cubs legend" is one of those ironies, like "Charlie Sheen's sobriety".
Larry King is in his final week of his show at CNN. That's what his viewers have been thinking for years.
There's a new iPhone app that helps report “suspicious behavior”. It's called "Your Internet History".
French authorities have seized 354 fake Faberge eggs. They knew the eggs were fake when they didn't have any salmonella.
A global study says that money doesn't buy happiness. Try telling that to the people on MTV Cribs.
Less education and income is linked with obesity in women and not men. Also linked with less educaation and income: an appearance on COPS.
A study says that wearing ugly underwear can ruin a woman's day. Especially when they meet men.
A study says that lack of sleep can hurt a person's looks. You know what that means? I haven't had a wink of sleep in months.
That's all for right now! More later!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
"A Bomb Scare"
Apple says iTunes will start selling music from The Beatles. The reason it took them so long was because Steve Jobs was waiting for approval from John Lennon.
The New York Yankees are raising some ticket prices next season. For example, it will cost $10,000 to sit in a seat where your view is obstructed by crazed fans.
Penn State running back Silas Redd was arrested at 4:13am for urinating in public. I guess he puts the "P" in Penn State.
Ohio State evacuated four buildings due to a bomb scare. It turns out, it was only their football team.
Former Virginia Senator George Allen says that politicians can learn from sports. Of course, politicians and athletes are very different. One group of people are overpaid attention whores that don't perform to their expectations, and the other people are athletes.
Former Virginia Senator George Allen says that politicians can learn from sports. The one thing I have learned from both: it doesn't matter how you perform, as long as you have a lot of money.
New York Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli says Wall Street’s profit could hit $19 Billion for 2010. That's barely enough to cover the executive businesses.
A study says a small percentage of teens actually have a problem with video game addiction. That's like saying Charlie Sheen enjoys the occasional glass of wine.
Us Weekly Magazine says that Kate Gosselin sometimes feeds her kids week old food. And that's on a day when she's feeling generous.
Carnival says all cruises on the ill-fated Splendor will be scrubbed until January. It's not like anyone would want to go on that ship anyway.
The “Harry Potter” series is poised to pass “Star Wars” as the biggest movie franchise in history. This is especially amazing, because for both of these franchises, not a single movie-goer brought a date.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
The New York Yankees are raising some ticket prices next season. For example, it will cost $10,000 to sit in a seat where your view is obstructed by crazed fans.
Penn State running back Silas Redd was arrested at 4:13am for urinating in public. I guess he puts the "P" in Penn State.
Ohio State evacuated four buildings due to a bomb scare. It turns out, it was only their football team.
Former Virginia Senator George Allen says that politicians can learn from sports. Of course, politicians and athletes are very different. One group of people are overpaid attention whores that don't perform to their expectations, and the other people are athletes.
Former Virginia Senator George Allen says that politicians can learn from sports. The one thing I have learned from both: it doesn't matter how you perform, as long as you have a lot of money.
New York Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli says Wall Street’s profit could hit $19 Billion for 2010. That's barely enough to cover the executive businesses.
A study says a small percentage of teens actually have a problem with video game addiction. That's like saying Charlie Sheen enjoys the occasional glass of wine.
Us Weekly Magazine says that Kate Gosselin sometimes feeds her kids week old food. And that's on a day when she's feeling generous.
Carnival says all cruises on the ill-fated Splendor will be scrubbed until January. It's not like anyone would want to go on that ship anyway.
The “Harry Potter” series is poised to pass “Star Wars” as the biggest movie franchise in history. This is especially amazing, because for both of these franchises, not a single movie-goer brought a date.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
"The Most Important Job"
Joke of the Day: A study says that Botox may temporarily paralyze a person’s emotions. It also paralyzes their facial expression.
Scientists say that it is the very small creatures who will take the brunt of the Gulf oil spill. I thought BP said they cared about the small people.
President Obama says that being a good father is “the most important job”. Considering all the crap that's going on in our country, I think that being President should be "the most important job".
British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward says the Gulf oil spill could last another two to four years. When you spend a weekend watching your yacht race in Europe, that's not out of the realm of possibility.
A study says that chimpanzees in the wild will kill other chimps for land. Or, as humans call it, real estate.
A 56 year old Tennessee man has won the AARP Spelling Bee. He won by correctly spelling all the conditions he suffers from.
Vuvuzela inventor Neil Van Schalkwyk is cashing in at the World Cup. Mainly because everywhere else, he's getting death threats.
A poll says that Michael Vick is still the most hated man in sports. This poll was taken entirely by dogs.
A proposed new tax could raise the price of cigarettes in New York up to $10 a pack. The bill is called, "We only want the Yankees to smoke".
That's all for now, everybody! More later!
Scientists say that it is the very small creatures who will take the brunt of the Gulf oil spill. I thought BP said they cared about the small people.
President Obama says that being a good father is “the most important job”. Considering all the crap that's going on in our country, I think that being President should be "the most important job".
British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward says the Gulf oil spill could last another two to four years. When you spend a weekend watching your yacht race in Europe, that's not out of the realm of possibility.
A study says that chimpanzees in the wild will kill other chimps for land. Or, as humans call it, real estate.
A 56 year old Tennessee man has won the AARP Spelling Bee. He won by correctly spelling all the conditions he suffers from.
Vuvuzela inventor Neil Van Schalkwyk is cashing in at the World Cup. Mainly because everywhere else, he's getting death threats.
A poll says that Michael Vick is still the most hated man in sports. This poll was taken entirely by dogs.
A proposed new tax could raise the price of cigarettes in New York up to $10 a pack. The bill is called, "We only want the Yankees to smoke".
That's all for now, everybody! More later!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
"Awarded To Kansas City"
Joke of the Day: Tennessee Titans running back Chris Johnson says he can't play for $550,000 a year. I mean come on, the guy's gotta eat.
The chairman of the BP oil company said his company “cares about the small people”. The question is: do they care about the small animals in the Gulf?
The Walt Disney Company adopted a new policy allowing employees to have bare legs when wearing skirts, instead of the previously required panty hose. Who knew Disney used to be Amish?
The 2012 MLB All-Star Game has been awarded to Kansas City. Of course, this will be the first game at Kauffman Stadium without a single Kansas City Royals baseball player.
A rising number of Americans say they work out at least an hour a day. These are people I like to call, "Liars".
U.S. college enrollment is at its highest in forty years. The number of students going to class, now that's a different story.
Experts are arguing that the Utah death sentence by firing squad is more humane than other methods. For instance, an inhumane method that has been outlawed is death by Lady Gaga music.
Dating site cupidtino finds romance between people who have Mac computers. And on their first date, they will both brag about how great their computers are.
Oprah Winfrey gave her staff at O Magazine each a $10,000 bonus and an iPad. They found them under their spinning chairs.
Jamie Moyer became the oldest pitcher to ever beat the Yankees. Of course, it helps that half the people on the Yankees are twice his age.
Christina Aguilera sang the national anthem before game seven of the NBA Finals. And when she was finished, six Celtics players ran up and gave her child support checks.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
The chairman of the BP oil company said his company “cares about the small people”. The question is: do they care about the small animals in the Gulf?
The Walt Disney Company adopted a new policy allowing employees to have bare legs when wearing skirts, instead of the previously required panty hose. Who knew Disney used to be Amish?
The 2012 MLB All-Star Game has been awarded to Kansas City. Of course, this will be the first game at Kauffman Stadium without a single Kansas City Royals baseball player.
A rising number of Americans say they work out at least an hour a day. These are people I like to call, "Liars".
U.S. college enrollment is at its highest in forty years. The number of students going to class, now that's a different story.
Experts are arguing that the Utah death sentence by firing squad is more humane than other methods. For instance, an inhumane method that has been outlawed is death by Lady Gaga music.
Dating site cupidtino finds romance between people who have Mac computers. And on their first date, they will both brag about how great their computers are.
Oprah Winfrey gave her staff at O Magazine each a $10,000 bonus and an iPad. They found them under their spinning chairs.
Jamie Moyer became the oldest pitcher to ever beat the Yankees. Of course, it helps that half the people on the Yankees are twice his age.
Christina Aguilera sang the national anthem before game seven of the NBA Finals. And when she was finished, six Celtics players ran up and gave her child support checks.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
"Kids Using Smokeless Tobacco"
Joke of the Day: New York City's oldest library says one of its ledgers shows that George Washington has racked up 220 years' worth of late fees on two books he borrowed, but never returned. As a method of showing off his fame, George will pay his late fees entirely in one dollar bills.
Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his 83rd birthday with a cake. And priests celebrated with a nice sandwich.
Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his 83rd birthday with a cake. All the choir boys were on hand to sing Happy Birthday. And I'm N' Luv.
7-11 will start selling its own private label beer called “Game Day”. It's the perfect way to tell your friends, "I'm a sports fan. And completely broke."
An army medic successfully performed the Heimlich Maneuver on a woman at a Yankees baseball game. And yet, the medic couldn't stop the Yankees from choking.
Larry King has allegedly had an affair with his wife’s sister for years, according to staffers. This is being described as the "It's not my fault" maneuver.
A judge has ruled that a National Day of Prayer is unconstitutional. Atheists are calling this a miracle.
Health experts say that Major League Baseball is to blame for kids using smokeless tobacco. This is not true at all. The MLB is using it all.
Organizers of the Tea Party demonstrations on tax day say they wanted to keep the group from presenting a message of extremism. Well that worked out well.
A U.N. commission blames bad security on the assassination of Pakistan Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto in 2007. This is odd. Who knew the US had security working in Pakistan.
The Obamas earned $5.5 Million in 2009. And they don't even have to pay for a house.
The NFL is helping to produce a Broadway play about Vince Lombardi. To which married men everywhere said, "I'm not buying it".
Volcanic ash from Icelandic eruptions have grounded flights across Europe. This has gotten so bad that in Europe, Southwest Airlines is only able to make three stop-offs per trip.
Thai troops armed with assault rifles have moved to block Bangkok's prime business district from thousands of anti-government protesters. I'm guessing when you think of the prime business of Bangkok, would prostitution come to mind?
New York City's oldest library says one of its ledgers shows that George Washington has racked up 220 years' worth of late fees on two books he borrowed, but never returned. And thus, national debt was born.
A San Francisco crime lab is at the center of a growing scandal after a woman who worked there snorted cocaine that was supposed to be evidence. And as punishment, Lindsay Lohan has been fired.
President Barack Obama's spokesman says Twitter site is an "amazing tool" and a "fabulous medium." You know, like Monica Lewinsky.
That's all for now! More upcoming.
Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his 83rd birthday with a cake. And priests celebrated with a nice sandwich.
Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his 83rd birthday with a cake. All the choir boys were on hand to sing Happy Birthday. And I'm N' Luv.
7-11 will start selling its own private label beer called “Game Day”. It's the perfect way to tell your friends, "I'm a sports fan. And completely broke."
An army medic successfully performed the Heimlich Maneuver on a woman at a Yankees baseball game. And yet, the medic couldn't stop the Yankees from choking.
Larry King has allegedly had an affair with his wife’s sister for years, according to staffers. This is being described as the "It's not my fault" maneuver.
A judge has ruled that a National Day of Prayer is unconstitutional. Atheists are calling this a miracle.
Health experts say that Major League Baseball is to blame for kids using smokeless tobacco. This is not true at all. The MLB is using it all.
Organizers of the Tea Party demonstrations on tax day say they wanted to keep the group from presenting a message of extremism. Well that worked out well.
A U.N. commission blames bad security on the assassination of Pakistan Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto in 2007. This is odd. Who knew the US had security working in Pakistan.
The Obamas earned $5.5 Million in 2009. And they don't even have to pay for a house.
The NFL is helping to produce a Broadway play about Vince Lombardi. To which married men everywhere said, "I'm not buying it".
Volcanic ash from Icelandic eruptions have grounded flights across Europe. This has gotten so bad that in Europe, Southwest Airlines is only able to make three stop-offs per trip.
Thai troops armed with assault rifles have moved to block Bangkok's prime business district from thousands of anti-government protesters. I'm guessing when you think of the prime business of Bangkok, would prostitution come to mind?
New York City's oldest library says one of its ledgers shows that George Washington has racked up 220 years' worth of late fees on two books he borrowed, but never returned. And thus, national debt was born.
A San Francisco crime lab is at the center of a growing scandal after a woman who worked there snorted cocaine that was supposed to be evidence. And as punishment, Lindsay Lohan has been fired.
President Barack Obama's spokesman says Twitter site is an "amazing tool" and a "fabulous medium." You know, like Monica Lewinsky.
That's all for now! More upcoming.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
"Ticketed For Speeding"
Joke of the Day: Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee says the effort to allow gays and lesbians to marry is like allowing incest, polygamy, and drug use. So basically he compared the gay marriage issue to Alabama, Utah, and California.
In Argentina, two escaped convicts hid from authorities by disguising themselves as sheep. If you are in Argentina, the sheep really can hit the fan.
Forty-seven year old former NFL star Jerry Rice says he’s going to try to play professional golf. It sounds like somebody has a little trouble meeting the ladies.
Ministers and legislators in Lebanon played soccer together Tuesday to mark a special anniversary in that country. If that same thing happened in America, we'd almost be celebrating anti-celibacy.
Members of the New York Yankees were presented their championship rings Tuesday for winning last season’s World Series. The scary part of this: This was followed by Yankees players handing the presenters checks.
The "Twilight" book series is on a list of challenged books. No teenage girl has confirmed submitting a complaint about it.
A new study says that frequent password changes are useless and a big waste of time. You know, like the modern-day KKK.
Actor Aiden Turner of "All My Children" was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. Turner can now go back to "All My Children", unlike Kate Gosselin.
28 states are considering expanding the authority of nurse practitioners. In a related story, Bill Clinton has announced that he is still extremely sick.
A new study says that the quality of nurse care is equal to that of doctor care. However, the nurses get the nod when it comes to guys getting a physical.
Sarah Palin truly is a hockey mom. In fact, all her children play the same position: Right Wing.
A driving instructor in France has been ticketed for speeding. Really? That's like the President of "Say No!" being arrested in a major drug ring.
Trash collected from the world’s waterways in one day last year netted 26,000 condoms and two million cigarette butts. And that was just from the Jersey Shore.
Toyota will stop selling its Lexus GX 460 SUV. Toyota finally realized that the last thing drivers want on the road is another Toyota.
These jokes were pretty good! More coming later!
In Argentina, two escaped convicts hid from authorities by disguising themselves as sheep. If you are in Argentina, the sheep really can hit the fan.
Forty-seven year old former NFL star Jerry Rice says he’s going to try to play professional golf. It sounds like somebody has a little trouble meeting the ladies.
Ministers and legislators in Lebanon played soccer together Tuesday to mark a special anniversary in that country. If that same thing happened in America, we'd almost be celebrating anti-celibacy.
Members of the New York Yankees were presented their championship rings Tuesday for winning last season’s World Series. The scary part of this: This was followed by Yankees players handing the presenters checks.
The "Twilight" book series is on a list of challenged books. No teenage girl has confirmed submitting a complaint about it.
A new study says that frequent password changes are useless and a big waste of time. You know, like the modern-day KKK.
Actor Aiden Turner of "All My Children" was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. Turner can now go back to "All My Children", unlike Kate Gosselin.
28 states are considering expanding the authority of nurse practitioners. In a related story, Bill Clinton has announced that he is still extremely sick.
A new study says that the quality of nurse care is equal to that of doctor care. However, the nurses get the nod when it comes to guys getting a physical.
Sarah Palin truly is a hockey mom. In fact, all her children play the same position: Right Wing.
A driving instructor in France has been ticketed for speeding. Really? That's like the President of "Say No!" being arrested in a major drug ring.
Trash collected from the world’s waterways in one day last year netted 26,000 condoms and two million cigarette butts. And that was just from the Jersey Shore.
Toyota will stop selling its Lexus GX 460 SUV. Toyota finally realized that the last thing drivers want on the road is another Toyota.
These jokes were pretty good! More coming later!
Monday, March 29, 2010
"Arrested In Bakersfield"
A study in New York City tried to find out what smells people like and dislike. I'm pretty sure one of the smells they didn't like was New York City.
America's first legal male prostitute has left the brothel he worked at in Nevada after attracting fewer than ten paying customers. Strangely enough, three of those customers were Eric Massa, Larry Craig, and Roy Ashburn.
A study says that Yankees players are the highest paid athletes in the world. I totally agree. Their infielders made enough money to make Bill Gates cry.
The Washington Wizards say they will bring back Gilbert Arenas next year. Are they also bringing back the name "Washington Bullets"?
Toyota will stop production in their factories in France and the U.K. for nine days. The employees of Toyota don't think it's fair that the inspection department gets all this time off.
Toyota will stop production in their factories in France and the U.K. for nine days. "Toyota" and "stop" will likely never be used in the same sentence ever again.
A study says that boys’ bad behavior can be linked to poor parenting. This study was conducted in a place called "The DUHpartment".
A coalition of health professionals and others are calling for Ronald McDonald to retire, saying he has too much influence over kids. George Bush said he would have joined if he knew which company Ronald McDonald worked for.
Ben Curtis says Tiger Woods played well in a practice round but looked nervous. I'm confused? What was he practicing?
A New Jersey woman needed stitches after being hit by a battery during an episode of road rage. The other driver was convicted of assault WITH a battery.
In Nevada, Sarah Palin told thousands of Tea Party activists that they should not “sit down and shut up”. While everybody else is telling Sarah Palin to "sit down and shut up".
The animated film “How To Train Your Dragon” was No. 1 at the box office with receipts of over $43 million. Tiger Woods was surprised when he saw this movie. At first, he thought it was going to be a two-hour Viagra commercial.
A federal survey says we may have a summertime grasshopper infestation in Wyoming, Montana, South Dakota and Nebraska. This survey would be important, you know, if anybody actually lived in any of those states.
NFL linebacker Joey Porter was arrested in Bakersfield on suspicion of drunk driving and resisting arrest. When asked why he did this, Porter said, "I've always wanted to play for the Cincinnati Bengals".
Well, I know that was a while, but that's all I have for right now. Today, I get to meet Jay Leno! I'm so excited!
America's first legal male prostitute has left the brothel he worked at in Nevada after attracting fewer than ten paying customers. Strangely enough, three of those customers were Eric Massa, Larry Craig, and Roy Ashburn.
A study says that Yankees players are the highest paid athletes in the world. I totally agree. Their infielders made enough money to make Bill Gates cry.
The Washington Wizards say they will bring back Gilbert Arenas next year. Are they also bringing back the name "Washington Bullets"?
Toyota will stop production in their factories in France and the U.K. for nine days. The employees of Toyota don't think it's fair that the inspection department gets all this time off.
Toyota will stop production in their factories in France and the U.K. for nine days. "Toyota" and "stop" will likely never be used in the same sentence ever again.
A study says that boys’ bad behavior can be linked to poor parenting. This study was conducted in a place called "The DUHpartment".
A coalition of health professionals and others are calling for Ronald McDonald to retire, saying he has too much influence over kids. George Bush said he would have joined if he knew which company Ronald McDonald worked for.
Ben Curtis says Tiger Woods played well in a practice round but looked nervous. I'm confused? What was he practicing?
A New Jersey woman needed stitches after being hit by a battery during an episode of road rage. The other driver was convicted of assault WITH a battery.
In Nevada, Sarah Palin told thousands of Tea Party activists that they should not “sit down and shut up”. While everybody else is telling Sarah Palin to "sit down and shut up".
The animated film “How To Train Your Dragon” was No. 1 at the box office with receipts of over $43 million. Tiger Woods was surprised when he saw this movie. At first, he thought it was going to be a two-hour Viagra commercial.
A federal survey says we may have a summertime grasshopper infestation in Wyoming, Montana, South Dakota and Nebraska. This survey would be important, you know, if anybody actually lived in any of those states.
NFL linebacker Joey Porter was arrested in Bakersfield on suspicion of drunk driving and resisting arrest. When asked why he did this, Porter said, "I've always wanted to play for the Cincinnati Bengals".
Well, I know that was a while, but that's all I have for right now. Today, I get to meet Jay Leno! I'm so excited!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
"A Reality Show For Alaska"
The FAA is investigating an air traffic controller who brought his two children in to work and let them transmit directions to pilots. A pilot would only do that if he was really drunk, and we know that would never happen.
Jay Leno beat David Letterman soundly in his return to the "Tonight Show" with his guest Sarah Palin. Yeah, after the joke about Palin's daughter, I don't think Letterman is ever going to have Sarah Palin as a guest.
McDonald's and Weight Watchers are teaming up to help kids in New Zealand lose weight. Weight Watchers plans to use the slogan, "Eat our food, not theirs".
Scientists wants to give the name "Hella" to a number that is represented by a 1 followed by 27 zeros. Hella is actually the abbreviated version. The long version is "That's one hella number".
Captain "Sully" Sullenberger piloted his final flight on U.S. Airways, from Florida to North Carolina. Passengers were confused when Sully said he would land in the Atlantic Ocean.
Tiger Woods' caddy Steve Williams says he is mad at Tiger over his sex scandal. He added, "Really Tiger, you are much better than that. I mean a Perkins waitress, really?"
A study says that ads trying to get people to stop drinking and driving or stop smoking may have the opposite effect because they use guilt and shame. And a car full of olives and red wine.
Continental Airlines will let passengers buy extra legroom for a $59 fee. In addition, if the passengers pay an extra $20, the stewardesses will steal a laptop from one of the pilots.
New York Gov. David Paterson is accused of accepting free Yankees tickets to the 2009 World Series. Paterson is being sued for $100,000, which coincidentally was the value of one of the tickets.
The head of the Russian Olympic Committee resigned following their worst-ever Winter Olympics showing. That guy should be happy that Joseph Stalin isn't alive. He would have been killed before he could quit.
Sarah Palin is trying to go to the producer of "Survivor" to pitch an idea for a reality show for Alaska. However, wasn't Palin kind of already on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here: Alaskan Government Edition"?
More than 250 silver coins dating back to the time of Alexander the Great were unearthed in northern Syria. These coins are going to be donated to the disaster relief efforts. That is, our government.
A woman in New Jersey made a snow sculpture of a naked woman, then was forced to clothe it after complaints that it was offensive. After all, the citizens didn't want to tarnish the reputation of New Jersey.
That's it for today, I hope to have better ones tomorrow. I felt I was a little off today.
Jay Leno beat David Letterman soundly in his return to the "Tonight Show" with his guest Sarah Palin. Yeah, after the joke about Palin's daughter, I don't think Letterman is ever going to have Sarah Palin as a guest.
McDonald's and Weight Watchers are teaming up to help kids in New Zealand lose weight. Weight Watchers plans to use the slogan, "Eat our food, not theirs".
Scientists wants to give the name "Hella" to a number that is represented by a 1 followed by 27 zeros. Hella is actually the abbreviated version. The long version is "That's one hella number".
Captain "Sully" Sullenberger piloted his final flight on U.S. Airways, from Florida to North Carolina. Passengers were confused when Sully said he would land in the Atlantic Ocean.
Tiger Woods' caddy Steve Williams says he is mad at Tiger over his sex scandal. He added, "Really Tiger, you are much better than that. I mean a Perkins waitress, really?"
A study says that ads trying to get people to stop drinking and driving or stop smoking may have the opposite effect because they use guilt and shame. And a car full of olives and red wine.
Continental Airlines will let passengers buy extra legroom for a $59 fee. In addition, if the passengers pay an extra $20, the stewardesses will steal a laptop from one of the pilots.
New York Gov. David Paterson is accused of accepting free Yankees tickets to the 2009 World Series. Paterson is being sued for $100,000, which coincidentally was the value of one of the tickets.
The head of the Russian Olympic Committee resigned following their worst-ever Winter Olympics showing. That guy should be happy that Joseph Stalin isn't alive. He would have been killed before he could quit.
Sarah Palin is trying to go to the producer of "Survivor" to pitch an idea for a reality show for Alaska. However, wasn't Palin kind of already on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here: Alaskan Government Edition"?
More than 250 silver coins dating back to the time of Alexander the Great were unearthed in northern Syria. These coins are going to be donated to the disaster relief efforts. That is, our government.
A woman in New Jersey made a snow sculpture of a naked woman, then was forced to clothe it after complaints that it was offensive. After all, the citizens didn't want to tarnish the reputation of New Jersey.
That's it for today, I hope to have better ones tomorrow. I felt I was a little off today.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
"The Best Since 2003"
Several dating web sites are matching up couples who have the same illness. Their slogan: "The gift that keeps on giving will now be the gift that your partner already has".
Airline on time arrivals in 2009 were the best since 2003. In the eyes of comedy writers, they really were the best.
Just hours after a bipartisan jobs bill was unveiled in Washington, Thursday, Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid killed it. I guess he was mad because the paper the bill was printed on was white and with no negro dialect.
One in six US adults carried a smart phone, last year. However, while the adults were driving, those numbers rose to five in six.
A Web designer is hawking square inches of an empty lot in Detroit for a dollar each to show what can be done with vacant spaces. He may as well have sold the entire city of Detroit.
Some mental health advocates are pushing to have "orthorexia", which is classified as an obsession with eating only healthy foods. This is also being classified as the rarest disease in the history of America.
New York City could raise $222 million a year from a proposed new tax on sugary soft drinks. $222 million dollars? That's like an entire New York Yankee.
Have you seen the men's speedskating for the Olympics? That's the fastest thing I've seen on NBC since Leno's career in Primetime.
Sorry it was so late! My parents were being stupid about this. More tomorrow.
Airline on time arrivals in 2009 were the best since 2003. In the eyes of comedy writers, they really were the best.
Just hours after a bipartisan jobs bill was unveiled in Washington, Thursday, Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid killed it. I guess he was mad because the paper the bill was printed on was white and with no negro dialect.
One in six US adults carried a smart phone, last year. However, while the adults were driving, those numbers rose to five in six.
A Web designer is hawking square inches of an empty lot in Detroit for a dollar each to show what can be done with vacant spaces. He may as well have sold the entire city of Detroit.
Some mental health advocates are pushing to have "orthorexia", which is classified as an obsession with eating only healthy foods. This is also being classified as the rarest disease in the history of America.
New York City could raise $222 million a year from a proposed new tax on sugary soft drinks. $222 million dollars? That's like an entire New York Yankee.
Have you seen the men's speedskating for the Olympics? That's the fastest thing I've seen on NBC since Leno's career in Primetime.
Sorry it was so late! My parents were being stupid about this. More tomorrow.
Monday, February 1, 2010
"Drivers Distracted By Cell Phones"
A study says that laws that are aimed at drivers distracted by cell phones and other devices don't prevent crashes. The study was conducted in China.
The Yankees are taking the World Series Trophy with them on their trip to Asia. They will tell possible future Yankees, "Look, we have credentials".
The winner of the Miss USA pageant went to Miss Virginia. This marks the first time in history that a Miss USA pageant winner had anything to do with "Virgin".
There were 53 contestants in this year’s Miss America Pageant. Or, as George Bush called it, "One for every state".
Miley Cyrus and Megan Fox are nominated in the Razzies' worst-actress category. The runaway winner: Both of them.
Well, that's all, everyone! Come back tomorrow for even more!
The Yankees are taking the World Series Trophy with them on their trip to Asia. They will tell possible future Yankees, "Look, we have credentials".
The winner of the Miss USA pageant went to Miss Virginia. This marks the first time in history that a Miss USA pageant winner had anything to do with "Virgin".
There were 53 contestants in this year’s Miss America Pageant. Or, as George Bush called it, "One for every state".
Miley Cyrus and Megan Fox are nominated in the Razzies' worst-actress category. The runaway winner: Both of them.
Well, that's all, everyone! Come back tomorrow for even more!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
