A Dutch woman has been charged with calling her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in the past year. When hearing of the allegations, the man said, "Hold on. I gotta take this."
Texas has set a record for the hottest summer of any state in U.S. history. Maybe they should give those gas chambers a break.
Twitter says it now has 100 Million monthly users. And 99% of them are either celebrities, black people, or Justin Bieber fans.
The son of a millionaire in Virginia won $107 million in the Megamillions lottery. That voice you just heard is a poor person's voice saying, "You've gotta be kidding me".
CBS News mistakenly tweeted that former Apple CEO Steve Jobs had died. They retracted the tweet a minute later, only to release the second version of the tweet.
Actor Cliff Robertson, who played John F. Kennedy in the movie "PT-109", has died at the age of 88. I knew I shouldn't have bought him that convertible...
That's all I have for today! Let's all remember the innocent victims of 9/11. I'm glad Obama took out bin Laden before the anniversary.
Showing posts with label Texas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Texas. Show all posts
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
"Unusual Visitors"
Nancy Pelosi says Bill O’Reilly’s question to President Obama regarding his feelings over how many people hate him was inappropriate. This, coming from the person in America who the most people hate.
In New Mexico today, they are celebrating Extraterrestrial Culture Day, where they honor strange, odd-looking, and unusual visitors. No, it's not an entire day dedicated to Lady Gaga.
President Obama scolded American businessmen Monday and told them to “get in the game”. I think that American businessmen do worse in the game than Ben Roethlisberger.
There’s a new iPhone game that lets you drive a pick up truck with illegal aliens in the back across the desert. There's actually a special cheat code that gives you papers to show to the Arizona police.
Sunday’s Super Bowl game was the most watched TV show in American history with 111 million viewers. Hey Roethlisberger, you picked a great day to fail.
The statue outside Wrigley Field of legendary Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray has been vandalized. The criminals thought about vandalizing the Cubs' legacy, but they figured that it couldn't get any worse.
Detroit Mayor Dave Bing is planning to offer renovated homes for $1,000 to get police and firefighters to live in the city. The hard part is finding anyone who wants to live in Detroit.
A proposal in Texas would punish parents of sexting teens. Since it's Texas, I'm sure the punishment is that they have to look at the pictures.
Egypt has announced a raise for government employees. Because nothing deserves a raise like running a country where people hate you.
Marijuana smoking is being linked to an earlier onset of mental illness. Isn't that called "being high"?
A Chilean woman was arrested after calling in a bomb threat “out of love” to stop her boyfriend from leaving to take a job in another country. In America, this is actually considered normal.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
In New Mexico today, they are celebrating Extraterrestrial Culture Day, where they honor strange, odd-looking, and unusual visitors. No, it's not an entire day dedicated to Lady Gaga.
President Obama scolded American businessmen Monday and told them to “get in the game”. I think that American businessmen do worse in the game than Ben Roethlisberger.
There’s a new iPhone game that lets you drive a pick up truck with illegal aliens in the back across the desert. There's actually a special cheat code that gives you papers to show to the Arizona police.
Sunday’s Super Bowl game was the most watched TV show in American history with 111 million viewers. Hey Roethlisberger, you picked a great day to fail.
The statue outside Wrigley Field of legendary Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray has been vandalized. The criminals thought about vandalizing the Cubs' legacy, but they figured that it couldn't get any worse.
Detroit Mayor Dave Bing is planning to offer renovated homes for $1,000 to get police and firefighters to live in the city. The hard part is finding anyone who wants to live in Detroit.
A proposal in Texas would punish parents of sexting teens. Since it's Texas, I'm sure the punishment is that they have to look at the pictures.
Egypt has announced a raise for government employees. Because nothing deserves a raise like running a country where people hate you.
Marijuana smoking is being linked to an earlier onset of mental illness. Isn't that called "being high"?
A Chilean woman was arrested after calling in a bomb threat “out of love” to stop her boyfriend from leaving to take a job in another country. In America, this is actually considered normal.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
"The Creepy Line"
What's the difference between Charlie Sheen's wife and baseballs pitched to the Cincinnati Reds? Charlie Sheen's wife actually gets hit.
Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell’s new TV ad says, “I’m not a witch; I’m you”. She isn't me. She would have killed herself by now.
Donald Trump is thinking about running for president. Of course, he is the one guy with approval ratings below President Obama.
The Obama Administration says it will install two solar panels on the White House. This idea is expected to backfire, as the White House always has a dark cloud over it.
The CEO of Google says the company will “get right up to the creepy line” but not cross it. Who does the CEO of Google think he is, Al Gore?
Forecasters say Europe could be in for the coldest winter in 1,000 years. Nobody knew the forecasters were talking about the terrorist plots.
Frito Lay is pulling its biodegradable packing from some corn chips because the bags are too noisy. In that case, can we do something about those commercials?
A study says that 199 Los Angeles County workers are making more than $250,000 a year in salary. These people are called "celebrities".
A study says that mental health issues double for people who smoke marijuana. In other words, if you live in Los Angeles, look out.
A study says that people working at noisy places are at a higher risk for heart attacks. In a related story, a defibrillator has been put on the set of The View.
An island resort in the Maldives run by Olialia will be staffed by only blondes. People could either go there or to Las Vegas and get the same experience.
A study says that depression during pregnancy can lead to a low birth weight. Who knew the Octomom's babies were anorexic before they exited the womb?
The CDC says that binge drinking is becoming a “huge health problem” for the U.S. I guess these people spend too much time with Lindsay Lohan.
A study says that sleeping in can help people lose weight. In that case, why am I still a tub of lard?
A man arrested in Florida told police that the bag of marijuana they found in his buttocks was his but the bag of cocaine was not. He won the award for "Best Paris Hilton impression".
A Texas dentist is being sued by parents who claim their young son swallowed a piece of dental equipment during an exam. Wait, there are dentists in Texas?
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell’s new TV ad says, “I’m not a witch; I’m you”. She isn't me. She would have killed herself by now.
Donald Trump is thinking about running for president. Of course, he is the one guy with approval ratings below President Obama.
The Obama Administration says it will install two solar panels on the White House. This idea is expected to backfire, as the White House always has a dark cloud over it.
The CEO of Google says the company will “get right up to the creepy line” but not cross it. Who does the CEO of Google think he is, Al Gore?
Forecasters say Europe could be in for the coldest winter in 1,000 years. Nobody knew the forecasters were talking about the terrorist plots.
Frito Lay is pulling its biodegradable packing from some corn chips because the bags are too noisy. In that case, can we do something about those commercials?
A study says that 199 Los Angeles County workers are making more than $250,000 a year in salary. These people are called "celebrities".
A study says that mental health issues double for people who smoke marijuana. In other words, if you live in Los Angeles, look out.
A study says that people working at noisy places are at a higher risk for heart attacks. In a related story, a defibrillator has been put on the set of The View.
An island resort in the Maldives run by Olialia will be staffed by only blondes. People could either go there or to Las Vegas and get the same experience.
A study says that depression during pregnancy can lead to a low birth weight. Who knew the Octomom's babies were anorexic before they exited the womb?
The CDC says that binge drinking is becoming a “huge health problem” for the U.S. I guess these people spend too much time with Lindsay Lohan.
A study says that sleeping in can help people lose weight. In that case, why am I still a tub of lard?
A man arrested in Florida told police that the bag of marijuana they found in his buttocks was his but the bag of cocaine was not. He won the award for "Best Paris Hilton impression".
A Texas dentist is being sued by parents who claim their young son swallowed a piece of dental equipment during an exam. Wait, there are dentists in Texas?
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
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