"Water And Trail Mix"

South Korean researchers have developed a new technology that converts soundwaves into electrical energy. Because of this, Mel Gibson could generate his neighborhood for an entire week.

Police in Illinois have seized an alligator being kept by a man in order to attract women. If I have anything to say to that guy, I'm gonna say, "Can I borrow that please?".

Al-Qaeda was reportedly planning a train attack in the U.S. on 9/11 of this year. With bin Laden dead, al-Qaeda pretty much IS the train wreck.

Charlie Sheen says that “Two and a Half Men” was getting “a little stale”. Well that makes it unanimous.

Videos reveal that Osama Bin Laden’s medicine chest at his hideout show someone there suffered from ulcers, high blood pressure and nerve pain. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, "So what?".

Donny and Marie Osmond are releasing their first studio album in 30 years. Middle aged women could not be happier.

A woman was rescued after surviving seven weeks stranded in the Nevada mountains on just water and trail mix. What do you call a woman who survives seven weeks while barely eating anything? A supermodel.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Chocolate Covered Bacon"

George W. Bush says that faith helped him through the tough times in his presidency. Unfortunately, not even a prayer could increase his approval rating.

A study says that parents are choosing less common names for their children. The study is entitled, "Think of one other person named Bronx-Mowgli".

Rickey Henderson has been hired to teach the Oakland A's baseball team how to steal bases. I think they need to hire someone to teach them how to get on base.

Nike says it will continue to support Tiger Woods. I mean who better to support a company whose slogan is "Just Do It" than Tiger Woods?

According to an article in USA Today, Florida is the deadliest state for walkers and cyclists. That article is based on the fact that the people walking and cycling are in retirement.

Marie Osmond's 18 year old son has committed suicide. This came about when the boy realized that he was an Osmond.

According to sources close to Phil Jackson, LeBron James has expressed interest in joining the Los Angeles Lakers. LeBron should realize that if he joins a team like the Lakers, he can't score all the points. That's Kobe's job.

The NHL is considering keeping their players out of the Olympics in 2014. I guess that means no team Canada.

A minor league baseball stadium in Michigan is selling chocolate-covered bacon and foot long hotdogs served in Twinkies. Apparently their goal is for fans to die as soon as possible.

That's it for today. Definitely more tomorrow!