"Mental Disorders"

“Jackass” pulled in $50 million over the weekend. A jackass hasn't pulled in this much money since Joe Biden's campaign dinner.

Sen. John McCain’s daughter Meghan called Delaware GOP Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell a “nut job”. You know you're messed up when your dad's running mate is Sarah Palin and you're the nut job.

Switzerland has successfully created the world’s longest tunnel. In fact, it was such a long tunnel that Super Mario almost got lost.

A study shows that Americans take 5,117 steps every day, about half that of people in other countries. What's worse: Americans gets twice as winded.

A study says one in five U.S. teens suffer mental disorders. The other four teens are called "not teens".

A Vermont man has settled a suit with Burger King after claiming he found a condom in a Whopper. But chances are that if you eat at a Burger King, you won't be needing the condom.

The FDA has approved Botox to treat migraine headaches. No wonder Joan Rivers has never purchased Advil.

The Chilean miners were freed after being trapped for 69 days. What do Chile and Priests have in common? They both have "miners" and "69" in the same sentence.

Keith Richards’ new book about his life is 527 pages long. One for every year he has been alive.

A British designer has created the world's most expensive mobile phone – an iPhone 4 covered with over 500 diamonds worth almost $8 million. No, it's not the diamonds that make it so valuable. This iPhone actually can make calls.

Barbara Soper of Rockford, Michigan, has three children born on 10/10/10, 09/09/09 and 08/08/08. Unfortunately, she got married on 06/06/06.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Intelligence Leaks"

The musical comedy show "Glee" has bested The Beatles record for the most hit singles. Of course, those singles were sung by other artists.

Kim Kardashian and her sister Kourtney are in New York to promote their next show, Kourtney and Kim take New York. A show with all three sisters would never work. If Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe are all in a show together, the show would be called KKK.

The Social Security Administration says that 89,000 stimulus checks for $250 each were sent to people who were either dead or in jail. They spent money that turned out useless? It must have been by force of habit.

A poll says that 25% of college students would be relieved to not be so connected to the Internet and their cell phones. These people are commonly referred to as "liars".

According to a new study, poor health care is shortening American lives. Well gee, I could have thought of that.

Sandra Bullock is in negotiations to star in the movie “Gravity”. If it's a movie about things that are scientifically forced to the ground, it must be a documentary about her marriage to Jessie James.

Sunday’s date of 10/10/10 is attracting a rush of people to get married. The exact opposite thing happened on 6/6/06.

Michelle Obama has been picked as the world’s most powerful woman by Forbes. Coming in a close second place: Justin Bieber.

A new book says that nine out of ten Americans believe in God. The other person is what most Americans call "a scientist".

A poll says that 50% more Americans are voting early. In that case, when's Election Day?

President Obama is reportedly upset with intelligence leaks to the media. He's also upset over media reports leaking that he's upset.

Lady Gaga finished ahead of Nancy Pelosi on the Forbes list of most powerful women. Nancy Pelosi is furious over the decision, and I agree. Lady Gaga doesn't really qualify as a "woman".

Tourism to Mexico is up 20% this year. You know the economy sucks when more people are going to Mexico than from Mexico.

The 14 year old girl who was the voice of “Dora The Explorer” is suing Nickelodeon, saying they cheated her out of millions of dollars of royalties. Because every bilingual 8-year old deserves to be a multimillionaire.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!