Actor Hugh Jackman got a black eye while doing a stunt on the Oprah Show taping in Australia. In fact, Oprah was feeling generous that day, so she gave everyone in the audience a black eye.
Media mogul Ted Turner says he’s “almost to the edge of poverty”. Gosh, give one red-haired crazy guy a show on your network and this happens.
The wife of Cliff Lee, who just signed a big contract with the Phillies, said she was insulted by rude Yankees fans while in New York. If she didn't know Yankees fans were rude, she must be from another planet.
The game show “Jeopardy” will pit two human contestants against an IBM computer. You know how to beat that computer? Forget to program the words "what is" into the computer.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time Magazine's Person of the Year. To which Zuckerberg said, "Umm... Like!".
Elin Nordegren reportedly has a new boyfriend. Fortunately for the new boyfriend, he doesn't golf.
Cincinnati Bengals WR Terrell Owens is blaming the coaches for their 2-11 start. Here's my question: are the coaches the ones on the field?
The Minnesota Vikings are hoping that Brett Favre can return this season. So are all of his opponents.
Chicago Cubs legend Ron Santo has died at the age of 70. "Chicago Cubs legend" is one of those ironies, like "Charlie Sheen's sobriety".
Larry King is in his final week of his show at CNN. That's what his viewers have been thinking for years.
There's a new iPhone app that helps report “suspicious behavior”. It's called "Your Internet History".
French authorities have seized 354 fake Faberge eggs. They knew the eggs were fake when they didn't have any salmonella.
A global study says that money doesn't buy happiness. Try telling that to the people on MTV Cribs.
Less education and income is linked with obesity in women and not men. Also linked with less educaation and income: an appearance on COPS.
A study says that wearing ugly underwear can ruin a woman's day. Especially when they meet men.
A study says that lack of sleep can hurt a person's looks. You know what that means? I haven't had a wink of sleep in months.
That's all for right now! More later!
Showing posts with label Wealth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wealth. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
"Drove Off A Cliff"
There are several highly recognized species on the endangered list. One of the endangered species: straight Republican senators.
President Obama was upset he didn’t get to blow anything up while appearing on TV’s “MythBusters”. Let's be fair, Mr. President. You blew up the economy.
Sarah Palin hinted to a crowd in Reno that she may run for president in 2012. As a comedian, she certainly has my vote.
Former Patriots linebacker Junior Seau drove off a cliff on Monday, but was unhurt. I guess he didn't have to Seau.
China moved into the lead of team qualifying Tuesday at the world gymnastics championships. The gymnasts will be disappointed when they find out that the gold medals they receive will not be filled with chocolate.
A man is under arrest after allegedly stealing a bag of Cheetos and some Ho Hos from a Hess gas station and stuffing them down his pants. I knew all along that Cheetos and Ho Hos go right to your thighs.
Sir Elton John says that songwriters today are "awful". He got this idea after listening to Fergie.
A Vatican minister says that Homer Simpson is a Catholic. Bart is praying that he doesn't become a priest.
There are rumors surfacing that Mel Gibson is going to make a cameo in "Hangover 2". I guess it's going to be footage of him in real life.
Canadian police are investigating a case of assault at an arcade that involved teen idol Justin Bieber. Police knew something was up when they saw Bieber hiding in the crane machine.
A woman whose home was destroyed by a fire last month won $80,000 Thursday in the Kentucky Lottery. This takes "I have good news and bad news" to a whole new level.
A woman arrested in Florida told police officers she was “too rich” to go to jail. Ironically, she couldn't post bail.
That's all I have for right now! More later!
President Obama was upset he didn’t get to blow anything up while appearing on TV’s “MythBusters”. Let's be fair, Mr. President. You blew up the economy.
Sarah Palin hinted to a crowd in Reno that she may run for president in 2012. As a comedian, she certainly has my vote.
Former Patriots linebacker Junior Seau drove off a cliff on Monday, but was unhurt. I guess he didn't have to Seau.
China moved into the lead of team qualifying Tuesday at the world gymnastics championships. The gymnasts will be disappointed when they find out that the gold medals they receive will not be filled with chocolate.
A man is under arrest after allegedly stealing a bag of Cheetos and some Ho Hos from a Hess gas station and stuffing them down his pants. I knew all along that Cheetos and Ho Hos go right to your thighs.
Sir Elton John says that songwriters today are "awful". He got this idea after listening to Fergie.
A Vatican minister says that Homer Simpson is a Catholic. Bart is praying that he doesn't become a priest.
There are rumors surfacing that Mel Gibson is going to make a cameo in "Hangover 2". I guess it's going to be footage of him in real life.
Canadian police are investigating a case of assault at an arcade that involved teen idol Justin Bieber. Police knew something was up when they saw Bieber hiding in the crane machine.
A woman whose home was destroyed by a fire last month won $80,000 Thursday in the Kentucky Lottery. This takes "I have good news and bad news" to a whole new level.
A woman arrested in Florida told police officers she was “too rich” to go to jail. Ironically, she couldn't post bail.
That's all I have for right now! More later!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
"A Second Shot"
So far, Meg Whitman has spent $140 million of her own money to run for governor of California. If she loses, consider it a good investment.
Jack Camp, a 67-year-old judge from Atlanta, was caught in a drug and prostitution sting. What was this guy doing in Las Vegas in the first place?
New Yorkers’ income dropped for the first time in 70 years. Finally, some good news for people who hate Wall Street.
Goldman Sachs says the economy will be in “fairly bad” or “very bad” shape for the next six months. Mainly because they have a CEO who is still taking in bonuses.
A poll says that working class whites are leaving the Democratic Party. Who knew there were working class whites there in the first place?
A report says even the wealthy are nervous about retirement, with one in ten who have $15 Million or more feeling they don’t have enough money to retire. Look, if you have $15 Million and you are afraid you won't have enough money to retire, it's time to make some cutbacks.
A study says the U.S. is unprepared to care for kids in a major disaster. The study was conducted while scientists watched Jon and Kate Plus 8.
Philadelphia pitcher Roy Halladay threw the second no-hitter in playoff history against the Cincinnati Reds. In fact, it was so bad that I only tuned in for the Conan commercials.
The Washington Post revealed that it paid $1 to buy Newsweek earlier this year. And it was still a risky investment.
A study says that regularly eating walnuts can reduce stress. In an unrelated story, Mel Gibson has been told that he has a walnut allergy.
Angelina from “Jersey Shore” says after she left the show she was never given a second shot. Didn't the problem start with them getting too many shots?
A poll says that two thirds of Americans support raising the minimum wage to $10 an hour. The other one third said, "What's minimum wage?".
A Kenyan polygamist who married more than 100 women and fathered more than 160 children died at age 94. Who knew there was a Tiger Woods in Africa?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Jack Camp, a 67-year-old judge from Atlanta, was caught in a drug and prostitution sting. What was this guy doing in Las Vegas in the first place?
New Yorkers’ income dropped for the first time in 70 years. Finally, some good news for people who hate Wall Street.
Goldman Sachs says the economy will be in “fairly bad” or “very bad” shape for the next six months. Mainly because they have a CEO who is still taking in bonuses.
A poll says that working class whites are leaving the Democratic Party. Who knew there were working class whites there in the first place?
A report says even the wealthy are nervous about retirement, with one in ten who have $15 Million or more feeling they don’t have enough money to retire. Look, if you have $15 Million and you are afraid you won't have enough money to retire, it's time to make some cutbacks.
A study says the U.S. is unprepared to care for kids in a major disaster. The study was conducted while scientists watched Jon and Kate Plus 8.
Philadelphia pitcher Roy Halladay threw the second no-hitter in playoff history against the Cincinnati Reds. In fact, it was so bad that I only tuned in for the Conan commercials.
The Washington Post revealed that it paid $1 to buy Newsweek earlier this year. And it was still a risky investment.
A study says that regularly eating walnuts can reduce stress. In an unrelated story, Mel Gibson has been told that he has a walnut allergy.
Angelina from “Jersey Shore” says after she left the show she was never given a second shot. Didn't the problem start with them getting too many shots?
A poll says that two thirds of Americans support raising the minimum wage to $10 an hour. The other one third said, "What's minimum wage?".
A Kenyan polygamist who married more than 100 women and fathered more than 160 children died at age 94. Who knew there was a Tiger Woods in Africa?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
"Hung Parliament"
Joke of the Day: A report says that one in five men around the world may have fertility problems. The other four have already had "the talk" with their doctor.
The Minnesota State Senate has voted to increase taxes on the wealthy. Wealthy people are furious. They will go from multimillionaires to just millionaires.
The number of Americans moving into new homes has increased to 12.5% of the population. Of those 12.5%, 99.9% of those homes were previously foreclosed on.
Coca-Cola is going high tech with a machine that allows people to mix up to 104 different drinks. This machine is called, "A five-year old's dream".
German scientists say they have found sunken islands in the Caribbean Sea. Um yeah, don't many people call that Atlantis?
A man in India claims he hasn’t had food or water in the past 70 years. The National Enquirer was the first to report.
The South Pole reported its warmest year on record, averaging -54.2 degrees Fahrenheit. As a matter of fact, the CEO of Goldman Sachs just visited there so he could warm up.
In Britain, since no political party won an outright majority of seats in last week’s election, the result is a “hung Parliament”. You know, kind of like the government we have right here in the US.
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced that he will resign his position. He will go back to his first job: a marshmallow on a S'more.
An Australian TV channel is teaching the Noongar Aboriginal language to young children to help keep it from being lost. The show has already come up with its main character: Muzzy.
A new study finds that the rewards portion of a gambler’s brain considers “near misses” as wins. Or, as CitiGroup calls them, "Executive bonuses".
The June issue of Playboy will feature a 3-D centerfold picture. Don't get ahead of yourself. It's just Scott Brown with a stick coming out of the staples.
First lady Michelle Obama on Tuesday unveiled a 70-point plan for reducing childhood obesity within a generation, including a call for marketing healthier food. Obese kids plan to protest, but getting them off the couch could be a major issue.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
The Minnesota State Senate has voted to increase taxes on the wealthy. Wealthy people are furious. They will go from multimillionaires to just millionaires.
The number of Americans moving into new homes has increased to 12.5% of the population. Of those 12.5%, 99.9% of those homes were previously foreclosed on.
Coca-Cola is going high tech with a machine that allows people to mix up to 104 different drinks. This machine is called, "A five-year old's dream".
German scientists say they have found sunken islands in the Caribbean Sea. Um yeah, don't many people call that Atlantis?
A man in India claims he hasn’t had food or water in the past 70 years. The National Enquirer was the first to report.
The South Pole reported its warmest year on record, averaging -54.2 degrees Fahrenheit. As a matter of fact, the CEO of Goldman Sachs just visited there so he could warm up.
In Britain, since no political party won an outright majority of seats in last week’s election, the result is a “hung Parliament”. You know, kind of like the government we have right here in the US.
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced that he will resign his position. He will go back to his first job: a marshmallow on a S'more.
An Australian TV channel is teaching the Noongar Aboriginal language to young children to help keep it from being lost. The show has already come up with its main character: Muzzy.
A new study finds that the rewards portion of a gambler’s brain considers “near misses” as wins. Or, as CitiGroup calls them, "Executive bonuses".
The June issue of Playboy will feature a 3-D centerfold picture. Don't get ahead of yourself. It's just Scott Brown with a stick coming out of the staples.
First lady Michelle Obama on Tuesday unveiled a 70-point plan for reducing childhood obesity within a generation, including a call for marketing healthier food. Obese kids plan to protest, but getting them off the couch could be a major issue.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"Blamed It On Diarrhea"
Joke of the Day: Kirstie Alley has confirmed that her 17-year-old son is engaged to be married. This wedding is expected to break a world record. The world's fastest eaten wedding cake.
A new porn magazine is coming out for the blind in Braille. Seriously, that's as useless as an iPod for the deaf.
An Iowa teenager will attend her high school prom wearing a dress she made out of Wrigley’s gum wrappers. Chances of this girl having a date are pretty small.
New York Yankees relief pitcher Chan Ho Park had a terrible outing in his first appearance this season and blamed it on diarrhea. In other words, his bad outing has been blamed on the runs.
A good-looking significant other will cause other potential mates to find you more desirable, new research suggests. The research has been entitled, "Must be his wallet".
Derek Lowe has called rookie outfielder Jason Heyward a young Alex Rodriguez. Unfortunately, he wasn't talking about what he does on the field.
Hank Aaron believes batters shouldn't try to hit a homerun every time they're at bat. That's like Lindsay Lohan telling everyone to "Say No!"
A Swedish man who flew passenger jets in countries around Europe for more than a decade without a license was let off with a light fine by a Dutch court on Tuesday. Now would be a good time for the "But everyone's doing it" excuse.
Recently, Ellen DeGeneres asked Eva Longoria Parker to strip on her show. You don't have to be lesbian to do that, Ellen.
That's all for now! More tomorrow!
A new porn magazine is coming out for the blind in Braille. Seriously, that's as useless as an iPod for the deaf.
An Iowa teenager will attend her high school prom wearing a dress she made out of Wrigley’s gum wrappers. Chances of this girl having a date are pretty small.
New York Yankees relief pitcher Chan Ho Park had a terrible outing in his first appearance this season and blamed it on diarrhea. In other words, his bad outing has been blamed on the runs.
A good-looking significant other will cause other potential mates to find you more desirable, new research suggests. The research has been entitled, "Must be his wallet".
Derek Lowe has called rookie outfielder Jason Heyward a young Alex Rodriguez. Unfortunately, he wasn't talking about what he does on the field.
Hank Aaron believes batters shouldn't try to hit a homerun every time they're at bat. That's like Lindsay Lohan telling everyone to "Say No!"
A Swedish man who flew passenger jets in countries around Europe for more than a decade without a license was let off with a light fine by a Dutch court on Tuesday. Now would be a good time for the "But everyone's doing it" excuse.
Recently, Ellen DeGeneres asked Eva Longoria Parker to strip on her show. You don't have to be lesbian to do that, Ellen.
That's all for now! More tomorrow!
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