A shipwreck has been found in Lake Michigan. This is not to be mistaken for the city of Detroit, which is a complete trainwreck.
Judge Judy fell ill during a taping of her show and was hospitalized after starting talking gibberish. If you hospitalize people for talking gibberish during a show, someone better inspect the set of Maury Povich.
A town in Ohio has taken the word “Easter” out of its annual egg hunt. Who comes and hides the eggs? The non-denominational man in the bunny suit?
A woman is suing a plastic surgeon because she can’t close her eyes completely following surgery. Someone should enter that chick in a staring contest.
A new website helps college students arrange for casual sex hookups. The website is called "Meetmeontheroof.com".
The CEO of GoDaddy is being criticized for killing elephants. In a related story, Oprah has gone into hiding.
A survey says that 85% of women are annoyed by their Facebook friends. The other 15% of women don't have friends on Spring Break.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Detroit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Detroit. Show all posts
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
"Unusual Visitors"
Nancy Pelosi says Bill O’Reilly’s question to President Obama regarding his feelings over how many people hate him was inappropriate. This, coming from the person in America who the most people hate.
In New Mexico today, they are celebrating Extraterrestrial Culture Day, where they honor strange, odd-looking, and unusual visitors. No, it's not an entire day dedicated to Lady Gaga.
President Obama scolded American businessmen Monday and told them to “get in the game”. I think that American businessmen do worse in the game than Ben Roethlisberger.
There’s a new iPhone game that lets you drive a pick up truck with illegal aliens in the back across the desert. There's actually a special cheat code that gives you papers to show to the Arizona police.
Sunday’s Super Bowl game was the most watched TV show in American history with 111 million viewers. Hey Roethlisberger, you picked a great day to fail.
The statue outside Wrigley Field of legendary Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray has been vandalized. The criminals thought about vandalizing the Cubs' legacy, but they figured that it couldn't get any worse.
Detroit Mayor Dave Bing is planning to offer renovated homes for $1,000 to get police and firefighters to live in the city. The hard part is finding anyone who wants to live in Detroit.
A proposal in Texas would punish parents of sexting teens. Since it's Texas, I'm sure the punishment is that they have to look at the pictures.
Egypt has announced a raise for government employees. Because nothing deserves a raise like running a country where people hate you.
Marijuana smoking is being linked to an earlier onset of mental illness. Isn't that called "being high"?
A Chilean woman was arrested after calling in a bomb threat “out of love” to stop her boyfriend from leaving to take a job in another country. In America, this is actually considered normal.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
In New Mexico today, they are celebrating Extraterrestrial Culture Day, where they honor strange, odd-looking, and unusual visitors. No, it's not an entire day dedicated to Lady Gaga.
President Obama scolded American businessmen Monday and told them to “get in the game”. I think that American businessmen do worse in the game than Ben Roethlisberger.
There’s a new iPhone game that lets you drive a pick up truck with illegal aliens in the back across the desert. There's actually a special cheat code that gives you papers to show to the Arizona police.
Sunday’s Super Bowl game was the most watched TV show in American history with 111 million viewers. Hey Roethlisberger, you picked a great day to fail.
The statue outside Wrigley Field of legendary Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray has been vandalized. The criminals thought about vandalizing the Cubs' legacy, but they figured that it couldn't get any worse.
Detroit Mayor Dave Bing is planning to offer renovated homes for $1,000 to get police and firefighters to live in the city. The hard part is finding anyone who wants to live in Detroit.
A proposal in Texas would punish parents of sexting teens. Since it's Texas, I'm sure the punishment is that they have to look at the pictures.
Egypt has announced a raise for government employees. Because nothing deserves a raise like running a country where people hate you.
Marijuana smoking is being linked to an earlier onset of mental illness. Isn't that called "being high"?
A Chilean woman was arrested after calling in a bomb threat “out of love” to stop her boyfriend from leaving to take a job in another country. In America, this is actually considered normal.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
"Filed The Paperwork"
Actors January Jones and Jason Sudeikis split up. Jason reportedly has a thing for Jones' sister, February.
Brett Favre filed the paperwork with the NFL to formally retire from professional football. Right after that, he filed the paperwork to become a Medicare member.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs is taking another medical leave. What happened to the saying, "An Apple a day keeps the doctor away"?
The Golden Globes ceremony was seen on TV Sunday by almost 17 million viewers. Of course, Ricky Gervais thought it was a Comedy Central Roast.
Detroit public schools could shut down half their campuses next year. It makes me wonder, how do you split one school campus in half?
A study says that beautiful people are more likely to be smarter with higher than average IQs. Especially when it comes to picking up the opposite sex.
Some century old scotch was returned to Scotland that was left behind on a 1907 expedition to Antarctica. Since it went to Scotland, it probably didn't last very long.
UBS has revised a 44 page employee dress code that brought widespread criticism. Maybe they should spend less time making a dress code and more time working.
A survey says that 1 in 16 surgeons say they have contemplated suicide. Who else thinks a suicidal guy with a scalpel is a bad idea?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Brett Favre filed the paperwork with the NFL to formally retire from professional football. Right after that, he filed the paperwork to become a Medicare member.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs is taking another medical leave. What happened to the saying, "An Apple a day keeps the doctor away"?
The Golden Globes ceremony was seen on TV Sunday by almost 17 million viewers. Of course, Ricky Gervais thought it was a Comedy Central Roast.
Detroit public schools could shut down half their campuses next year. It makes me wonder, how do you split one school campus in half?
A study says that beautiful people are more likely to be smarter with higher than average IQs. Especially when it comes to picking up the opposite sex.
Some century old scotch was returned to Scotland that was left behind on a 1907 expedition to Antarctica. Since it went to Scotland, it probably didn't last very long.
UBS has revised a 44 page employee dress code that brought widespread criticism. Maybe they should spend less time making a dress code and more time working.
A survey says that 1 in 16 surgeons say they have contemplated suicide. Who else thinks a suicidal guy with a scalpel is a bad idea?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
"Taking Up Pigeon Racing"
Today is Saint Patrick's Day. It's a day that Irish people celebrate that includes binge drinking and not going to work. Or, as Conan O' Brien calls it, any other day.
The world’s smallest man at 2’5” has died in Italy at age 21. His body will lie in state in a shoebox.
The FBI is using Facebook to communicate with criminal suspects. They also use Myspace, but those are specifically for the pedophiles.
A study says that for a happier romance, be yourself. This study does not apply to Rush Limbaugh.
The CEO of The Tribune Company has banned broadcasters from using cliches on Chicago-based WGN-AM. The most used cliche on that station: Cubs lose.
A study says that workers are looking for jobs they can stay at for their entire career. Hollywood has even made a movie about this study. It's called Mission: Impossible.
Mike Tyson is taking up pigeon racing for a show on Animal Planet. Consider this a waste of time. That's like Congress taking up bipartisanship.
Singer/actress Miley Cyrus is planning to take a hiatus from her music career. And I thought ten year old girls were crying nonstop before...
Singer/actress Miley Cyrus is planning to take a hiatus from her music career. She made a huge impact on the music industry. She made everyone else sound really good.
A Michigan man says he was fired from his Walmart job for using medical marijuana. This just goes to show: When you work at Walmart, don't steal the manager's belongings.
Detroit will close 44 public schools and a support building in June as the district addresses budget issues. The Big Three automakers have filed a copyright claim.
Ozzie Guillen has created a new style of play he calls "Ozzie Ball" which relies on pitching, defense and running. As in, pitching a quote full of swears, defending what he said, and running away from cops who try to arrest him.
The French military will no longer be issuing rifles to their infantry. I agree with this move. Giving the French rifles is like giving baseball bats to the Washington Nationals.
That's it for today, everyone! Thanks for all your support!
The world’s smallest man at 2’5” has died in Italy at age 21. His body will lie in state in a shoebox.
The FBI is using Facebook to communicate with criminal suspects. They also use Myspace, but those are specifically for the pedophiles.
A study says that for a happier romance, be yourself. This study does not apply to Rush Limbaugh.
The CEO of The Tribune Company has banned broadcasters from using cliches on Chicago-based WGN-AM. The most used cliche on that station: Cubs lose.
A study says that workers are looking for jobs they can stay at for their entire career. Hollywood has even made a movie about this study. It's called Mission: Impossible.
Mike Tyson is taking up pigeon racing for a show on Animal Planet. Consider this a waste of time. That's like Congress taking up bipartisanship.
Singer/actress Miley Cyrus is planning to take a hiatus from her music career. And I thought ten year old girls were crying nonstop before...
Singer/actress Miley Cyrus is planning to take a hiatus from her music career. She made a huge impact on the music industry. She made everyone else sound really good.
A Michigan man says he was fired from his Walmart job for using medical marijuana. This just goes to show: When you work at Walmart, don't steal the manager's belongings.
Detroit will close 44 public schools and a support building in June as the district addresses budget issues. The Big Three automakers have filed a copyright claim.
Ozzie Guillen has created a new style of play he calls "Ozzie Ball" which relies on pitching, defense and running. As in, pitching a quote full of swears, defending what he said, and running away from cops who try to arrest him.
The French military will no longer be issuing rifles to their infantry. I agree with this move. Giving the French rifles is like giving baseball bats to the Washington Nationals.
That's it for today, everyone! Thanks for all your support!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
"33,000 Empty Homes"
A late-night confession by Utah's House majority leader about sitting nude in a hot tub with a minor 25 years ago has shocked this conservative state's political establishment. A man in Utah did that with only one person?
Men are more likely than women to be interested in sex, have sex and enjoy sex, according to new scientific research. Wait, this research is new?
Simon Cowell’s engagement apparently came as a surprise to many of his associates. Especially Ryan Seacrest, who was seriously heartbroken.
Orange County, California has filed a lawsuit against Toyota for making unsafe vehicles. So has the entire world.
Detroit has 33,000 empty homes inside the city limits. This is due in large part to a migration known as "Operation What Are We Doing In Detroit".
A study shows why some people are able to quickly get over fighting with a spouse. It's called a divorce.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Saturday she's confident the House will pass health care legislation. She hasn't stopped smiling because of her confidence. And because she's Nancy Pelosi.
According to a study, a student who sees the letter “A” before an exam will do better on a test. In other words, if a student sees the letter A before a test, odds are they are going to see the letter A when they get it back.
Larry King is really starting to get into Twitter. He wonders why something like this wasn't around when he was a child. Of course, it would have helped if paper was invented back then.
A study says that the risk of heart attacks goes up if the stock market goes down. This study is being referred to as "The End of the Human Race".
A study says that the risk of heart attacks goes up if the stock market goes down. The only people who are unaffected by this statistic are people that work on Wall Street. None of those people even have a heart.
Howard Stern is under heavy criticism for his fat jokes about Gabourey Sidibe. Of course, Howard Stern referred to the criticism as "Gabourey Sidibe Criticism".
A man in Korea recently married his pillow. When asked why, the man said, "I may as well. I mean, I have slept with her every night."
Jets coach Rex Ryan underwent a weight-loss procedure Saturday to help him fight obesity. So I guess the Jets aren't the only "Biggest Losers".
That's it for today, everyone! I hope to have more jokes soon!
Men are more likely than women to be interested in sex, have sex and enjoy sex, according to new scientific research. Wait, this research is new?
Simon Cowell’s engagement apparently came as a surprise to many of his associates. Especially Ryan Seacrest, who was seriously heartbroken.
Orange County, California has filed a lawsuit against Toyota for making unsafe vehicles. So has the entire world.
Detroit has 33,000 empty homes inside the city limits. This is due in large part to a migration known as "Operation What Are We Doing In Detroit".
A study shows why some people are able to quickly get over fighting with a spouse. It's called a divorce.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Saturday she's confident the House will pass health care legislation. She hasn't stopped smiling because of her confidence. And because she's Nancy Pelosi.
According to a study, a student who sees the letter “A” before an exam will do better on a test. In other words, if a student sees the letter A before a test, odds are they are going to see the letter A when they get it back.
Larry King is really starting to get into Twitter. He wonders why something like this wasn't around when he was a child. Of course, it would have helped if paper was invented back then.
A study says that the risk of heart attacks goes up if the stock market goes down. This study is being referred to as "The End of the Human Race".
A study says that the risk of heart attacks goes up if the stock market goes down. The only people who are unaffected by this statistic are people that work on Wall Street. None of those people even have a heart.
Howard Stern is under heavy criticism for his fat jokes about Gabourey Sidibe. Of course, Howard Stern referred to the criticism as "Gabourey Sidibe Criticism".
A man in Korea recently married his pillow. When asked why, the man said, "I may as well. I mean, I have slept with her every night."
Jets coach Rex Ryan underwent a weight-loss procedure Saturday to help him fight obesity. So I guess the Jets aren't the only "Biggest Losers".
That's it for today, everyone! I hope to have more jokes soon!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
"The Best Since 2003"
Several dating web sites are matching up couples who have the same illness. Their slogan: "The gift that keeps on giving will now be the gift that your partner already has".
Airline on time arrivals in 2009 were the best since 2003. In the eyes of comedy writers, they really were the best.
Just hours after a bipartisan jobs bill was unveiled in Washington, Thursday, Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid killed it. I guess he was mad because the paper the bill was printed on was white and with no negro dialect.
One in six US adults carried a smart phone, last year. However, while the adults were driving, those numbers rose to five in six.
A Web designer is hawking square inches of an empty lot in Detroit for a dollar each to show what can be done with vacant spaces. He may as well have sold the entire city of Detroit.
Some mental health advocates are pushing to have "orthorexia", which is classified as an obsession with eating only healthy foods. This is also being classified as the rarest disease in the history of America.
New York City could raise $222 million a year from a proposed new tax on sugary soft drinks. $222 million dollars? That's like an entire New York Yankee.
Have you seen the men's speedskating for the Olympics? That's the fastest thing I've seen on NBC since Leno's career in Primetime.
Sorry it was so late! My parents were being stupid about this. More tomorrow.
Airline on time arrivals in 2009 were the best since 2003. In the eyes of comedy writers, they really were the best.
Just hours after a bipartisan jobs bill was unveiled in Washington, Thursday, Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid killed it. I guess he was mad because the paper the bill was printed on was white and with no negro dialect.
One in six US adults carried a smart phone, last year. However, while the adults were driving, those numbers rose to five in six.
A Web designer is hawking square inches of an empty lot in Detroit for a dollar each to show what can be done with vacant spaces. He may as well have sold the entire city of Detroit.
Some mental health advocates are pushing to have "orthorexia", which is classified as an obsession with eating only healthy foods. This is also being classified as the rarest disease in the history of America.
New York City could raise $222 million a year from a proposed new tax on sugary soft drinks. $222 million dollars? That's like an entire New York Yankee.
Have you seen the men's speedskating for the Olympics? That's the fastest thing I've seen on NBC since Leno's career in Primetime.
Sorry it was so late! My parents were being stupid about this. More tomorrow.
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