Joke of the Day: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has offered to rebuild a lightning-struck 62-foot-tall Jesus statue in Ohio as long as it carries a message about vegetarianism. Isn't it weird how an advertisement on vegetarianism would be displayed on a man who fed fish to five thousand people?
The Society for Invertebrate Conservation wants the bumblebee in southern Oregon added to the endangered species list. For once, I'd be glad to see an animal on the endangered species list.
A poll says 62% of Americans say the country is headed in the wrong direction. The other 38% of Americans don't follow the news.
Health officials are advising against swimming in the water off Pensacola, Florida because of the Gulf oil spill. They also advised against putting a key in a light socket.
A report says the U.S. is dead last in health care, spending more while getting less. They got this idea from going to a major league baseball game.
A man who apparently passed out drunk on a pool float at a Tampa area beach ended up drifting about a mile into the Gulf of Mexico before being rescued by the Coast Guard. Ironically, the last people to hear about this story: BP.
Post office officials in Germany have reduced dog attacks on mailmen by using animal psychologists to help them think like dogs. Strangely enough, now all they do is bite themselves.
The Naked Cowboy, who performs in a cowboy hat and briefs on Times Square in New York, is suing a woman who calls herself the Naked Cowgirl and performs in a bikini. The judge has ruled that neither one of them are actually naked.
A South Carolina town is considering a law that would make it illegal to sing, yell, shout, whistle, hoot or holler on public streets if it is annoying nearby people. Or, as I call them, vuvuzelas.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label PETA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PETA. Show all posts
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
"Contraband French Fries"
Joke of the Day: A PETA activist dressed up in a chicken suit and asked people to boycott fast food restaurant KFC. However, if you take a guy from PETA wearing a chicken suit seriously, you may have some problems.
It has been reported that Amy Winehouse has been taking acting lessons and wants to be an actress. She can't sing, she has been to rehab, and she focuses way too much on her looks. She's already worthy of being an actress.
Researchers say that 97.5% of all Scots are either smokers, heavy drinkers, physically inactive, overweight or on a bad diet. In other words, 97.5% of Scots live in America.
Researchers say a 13th Century Italian Saint likely died from a heart defect. Let me be the first to say, "So what?".
The Democratic Senate Candidate from South Carolina, Alvin Greene has only $114 in his bank account. He's already making our economy jealous.
Red Sox outfielder Daniel Nava has hit the first pitch he saw in the big leagues for a grand slam. The pitcher has been put under suicide watch.
Minnesota wildlife managers are asking drivers to brake for turtles. And nine years later after they finish crossing the street, people can resume driving again.
The United States training session ahead of Saturday's World Cup Group C opener with England was briefly delayed after an elephant blocked the route of the team bus. To be fair, Kirstie Alley just wanted some autographs.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is offering parents a cure for children who don't want to go to sleep - having them watch his televised speeches. The parents want their children to sleep, not kill themselves.
Swiss customs officers seized one ton of contraband french fries near the French border on Thursday, authorities said. The customs officers called them toxic, while al-Qaeda called them, "The new way for us to defeat the Americans".
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
It has been reported that Amy Winehouse has been taking acting lessons and wants to be an actress. She can't sing, she has been to rehab, and she focuses way too much on her looks. She's already worthy of being an actress.
Researchers say that 97.5% of all Scots are either smokers, heavy drinkers, physically inactive, overweight or on a bad diet. In other words, 97.5% of Scots live in America.
Researchers say a 13th Century Italian Saint likely died from a heart defect. Let me be the first to say, "So what?".
The Democratic Senate Candidate from South Carolina, Alvin Greene has only $114 in his bank account. He's already making our economy jealous.
Red Sox outfielder Daniel Nava has hit the first pitch he saw in the big leagues for a grand slam. The pitcher has been put under suicide watch.
Minnesota wildlife managers are asking drivers to brake for turtles. And nine years later after they finish crossing the street, people can resume driving again.
The United States training session ahead of Saturday's World Cup Group C opener with England was briefly delayed after an elephant blocked the route of the team bus. To be fair, Kirstie Alley just wanted some autographs.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is offering parents a cure for children who don't want to go to sleep - having them watch his televised speeches. The parents want their children to sleep, not kill themselves.
Swiss customs officers seized one ton of contraband french fries near the French border on Thursday, authorities said. The customs officers called them toxic, while al-Qaeda called them, "The new way for us to defeat the Americans".
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
"PETA Has Nixed A Plan"
The IOC may take back a bronze medal won by the Chinese Gymnastic team in 2000. Apparently one of the team members was too young. To which the 2008 Olympics stood up and said, "Just one? Amateurs."
Barry Bonds' wife has filed for divorce after twelve years of marriage. Talk about a shot in the arm that he didn't want.
Joe Biden was overheard at the Health Care Summit saying that it is easy to be Vice President because "You don't have to do anything." Strangely enough, George Bush said the exact same thing about being President.
Bill Clinton reportedly called Tiger Woods before his news conference. During the phone conversation, Clinton asked Tiger, "Hillary isn't here. Can I borrow one of your mistresses?"
Gatorade has dropped Tiger Woods as a spokesman. When asked why, Gatorade said, "Tiger thought the slogan was "Is it in somebody else?"".
I think the NCAA Basketball plumbing system is finally working. How do I know? Number 1 and Number 2 went down the crapper on Saturday.
Wide receiver Terrell Owens will not be offered a new contract by the Buffalo Bills. Wait, he got paid last year?!?!? In Buffalo?!?!?
Dominican pitcher Maximo Nelson has been arrested by Japanese police after a live bullet was found in his bag at an airport in Okinawa. In his defense, Nelson claimed that the bullet in his bag was just his fastball.
Their is a new iPhone app that stops people from snooping through your iPhone. I came up with that app the day the iPhone came out. It's called "My Pocket".
PETA has nixed a plan to use Tiger Woods' image on a billboard urging people to spay and neuter their pets. The billboard will say, "If your dog has as much sex as this person, odds are that your dog is going to be a daddy".
Barry Bonds' wife has filed for divorce after twelve years of marriage. Talk about a shot in the arm that he didn't want.
Joe Biden was overheard at the Health Care Summit saying that it is easy to be Vice President because "You don't have to do anything." Strangely enough, George Bush said the exact same thing about being President.
Bill Clinton reportedly called Tiger Woods before his news conference. During the phone conversation, Clinton asked Tiger, "Hillary isn't here. Can I borrow one of your mistresses?"
Gatorade has dropped Tiger Woods as a spokesman. When asked why, Gatorade said, "Tiger thought the slogan was "Is it in somebody else?"".
I think the NCAA Basketball plumbing system is finally working. How do I know? Number 1 and Number 2 went down the crapper on Saturday.
Wide receiver Terrell Owens will not be offered a new contract by the Buffalo Bills. Wait, he got paid last year?!?!? In Buffalo?!?!?
Dominican pitcher Maximo Nelson has been arrested by Japanese police after a live bullet was found in his bag at an airport in Okinawa. In his defense, Nelson claimed that the bullet in his bag was just his fastball.
Their is a new iPhone app that stops people from snooping through your iPhone. I came up with that app the day the iPhone came out. It's called "My Pocket".
PETA has nixed a plan to use Tiger Woods' image on a billboard urging people to spay and neuter their pets. The billboard will say, "If your dog has as much sex as this person, odds are that your dog is going to be a daddy".
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