Joke of the Day: A massacre caused by a mushroom hunter in Italy has caused 18 deaths. Or, as we call that in America, "Super Mario Brothers".
Justin Bieber postponed his performance Sunday at the New York State Fair. Let me be the first to say, "Thank God!".
Twenty two Komodo dragons hatched from eggs at the Los Angeles Zoo. I don't know what makes them scarier: the fact that they are dragons or the fact that they came from eggs.
More than 500 National Guard troops are being deployed to Arizona to help with border security. Apparently our government has never heard the common saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".
The government says the economy is getting closer to stalling. If the economy stalls any longer, it could be mistaken for President Obama.
A California man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing an acquaintance who complained about his singing. In related news, Simon Cowell has gone into hiding.
Jay Leno raised $100,000 to go towards Gulf Coast recovery from the oil spill. Apparently he has too many jokes in his routine, so he's eliminating some of them.
John Lennon's toilet was sold at an auction for $14,700. Unfortunately, Elvis Presley's toilet didn't sell for quite as much; mainly because it was haunted.
Dennis Rodman claims to have had sex with 2,000 women, and said he was not impressed with the way their parents raised them. If anything, I'm not too thrilled about how Dennis Rodman's parents raised him.
Nike has patented a self lacing shoe. Five-year-olds are calling it, "The greatest invention ever".
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Unless they get behind the wheel of a car.
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. This is great news if you are Lindsay Lohan.
That's all for now! More later!
Showing posts with label Drinking and Driving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drinking and Driving. Show all posts
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
"A Reality Show For Alaska"
The FAA is investigating an air traffic controller who brought his two children in to work and let them transmit directions to pilots. A pilot would only do that if he was really drunk, and we know that would never happen.
Jay Leno beat David Letterman soundly in his return to the "Tonight Show" with his guest Sarah Palin. Yeah, after the joke about Palin's daughter, I don't think Letterman is ever going to have Sarah Palin as a guest.
McDonald's and Weight Watchers are teaming up to help kids in New Zealand lose weight. Weight Watchers plans to use the slogan, "Eat our food, not theirs".
Scientists wants to give the name "Hella" to a number that is represented by a 1 followed by 27 zeros. Hella is actually the abbreviated version. The long version is "That's one hella number".
Captain "Sully" Sullenberger piloted his final flight on U.S. Airways, from Florida to North Carolina. Passengers were confused when Sully said he would land in the Atlantic Ocean.
Tiger Woods' caddy Steve Williams says he is mad at Tiger over his sex scandal. He added, "Really Tiger, you are much better than that. I mean a Perkins waitress, really?"
A study says that ads trying to get people to stop drinking and driving or stop smoking may have the opposite effect because they use guilt and shame. And a car full of olives and red wine.
Continental Airlines will let passengers buy extra legroom for a $59 fee. In addition, if the passengers pay an extra $20, the stewardesses will steal a laptop from one of the pilots.
New York Gov. David Paterson is accused of accepting free Yankees tickets to the 2009 World Series. Paterson is being sued for $100,000, which coincidentally was the value of one of the tickets.
The head of the Russian Olympic Committee resigned following their worst-ever Winter Olympics showing. That guy should be happy that Joseph Stalin isn't alive. He would have been killed before he could quit.
Sarah Palin is trying to go to the producer of "Survivor" to pitch an idea for a reality show for Alaska. However, wasn't Palin kind of already on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here: Alaskan Government Edition"?
More than 250 silver coins dating back to the time of Alexander the Great were unearthed in northern Syria. These coins are going to be donated to the disaster relief efforts. That is, our government.
A woman in New Jersey made a snow sculpture of a naked woman, then was forced to clothe it after complaints that it was offensive. After all, the citizens didn't want to tarnish the reputation of New Jersey.
That's it for today, I hope to have better ones tomorrow. I felt I was a little off today.
Jay Leno beat David Letterman soundly in his return to the "Tonight Show" with his guest Sarah Palin. Yeah, after the joke about Palin's daughter, I don't think Letterman is ever going to have Sarah Palin as a guest.
McDonald's and Weight Watchers are teaming up to help kids in New Zealand lose weight. Weight Watchers plans to use the slogan, "Eat our food, not theirs".
Scientists wants to give the name "Hella" to a number that is represented by a 1 followed by 27 zeros. Hella is actually the abbreviated version. The long version is "That's one hella number".
Captain "Sully" Sullenberger piloted his final flight on U.S. Airways, from Florida to North Carolina. Passengers were confused when Sully said he would land in the Atlantic Ocean.
Tiger Woods' caddy Steve Williams says he is mad at Tiger over his sex scandal. He added, "Really Tiger, you are much better than that. I mean a Perkins waitress, really?"
A study says that ads trying to get people to stop drinking and driving or stop smoking may have the opposite effect because they use guilt and shame. And a car full of olives and red wine.
Continental Airlines will let passengers buy extra legroom for a $59 fee. In addition, if the passengers pay an extra $20, the stewardesses will steal a laptop from one of the pilots.
New York Gov. David Paterson is accused of accepting free Yankees tickets to the 2009 World Series. Paterson is being sued for $100,000, which coincidentally was the value of one of the tickets.
The head of the Russian Olympic Committee resigned following their worst-ever Winter Olympics showing. That guy should be happy that Joseph Stalin isn't alive. He would have been killed before he could quit.
Sarah Palin is trying to go to the producer of "Survivor" to pitch an idea for a reality show for Alaska. However, wasn't Palin kind of already on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here: Alaskan Government Edition"?
More than 250 silver coins dating back to the time of Alexander the Great were unearthed in northern Syria. These coins are going to be donated to the disaster relief efforts. That is, our government.
A woman in New Jersey made a snow sculpture of a naked woman, then was forced to clothe it after complaints that it was offensive. After all, the citizens didn't want to tarnish the reputation of New Jersey.
That's it for today, I hope to have better ones tomorrow. I felt I was a little off today.
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