Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband Jesse James is engaged to marry “LA Ink” tattoo star Kat Von D. I wonder what would incline a man like Jesse James to marry a person known for tattoos.
A woman who regained her voice through a rare larynx transplant says she never wants to stop talking. Do you know what Americans call a woman who never wants to stop talking? A wife.
January 21st is International Hugging Day. Meanwhile, girls I talk to today are going to celebrate Get The Hell Away From Me Day.
In the FBI’s big Mafia bust, guys named Bobby Glasses, Vinny Carwash, and Junior Lollipops were arrested. Their new names are going to be Nerd, Scrub, and Sucker.
A Swiss collector returned four pre-Columbian mummies to Chile. You know, those weird people who were enclosed in a dark space for an extended period of time. Well, they're getting mummies.
An Arizona restaurant will start offering African lion meat tacos. And for dessert, you can eat Latinos pulled over by Arizona police.
Kobe Bryant is on pace to set a record for most missed field goals in NBA history. He has enough bricks to build a house fit for Kobe Bryant.
Paul the World Cup Oracle Octopus has been memorialized with a plastic statue with its tentacles wrapped around a soccer ball. It also has a vuvuzela lodged in its mouth.
A report says that “Angry Birds” will be made into an animated TV series. Each episode will last four hours long, and for some reason, you can't stop watching.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Jesse James. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesse James. Show all posts
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday, October 8, 2010
"Intelligence Leaks"
The musical comedy show "Glee" has bested The Beatles record for the most hit singles. Of course, those singles were sung by other artists.
Kim Kardashian and her sister Kourtney are in New York to promote their next show, Kourtney and Kim take New York. A show with all three sisters would never work. If Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe are all in a show together, the show would be called KKK.
The Social Security Administration says that 89,000 stimulus checks for $250 each were sent to people who were either dead or in jail. They spent money that turned out useless? It must have been by force of habit.
A poll says that 25% of college students would be relieved to not be so connected to the Internet and their cell phones. These people are commonly referred to as "liars".
According to a new study, poor health care is shortening American lives. Well gee, I could have thought of that.
Sandra Bullock is in negotiations to star in the movie “Gravity”. If it's a movie about things that are scientifically forced to the ground, it must be a documentary about her marriage to Jessie James.
Sunday’s date of 10/10/10 is attracting a rush of people to get married. The exact opposite thing happened on 6/6/06.
Michelle Obama has been picked as the world’s most powerful woman by Forbes. Coming in a close second place: Justin Bieber.
A new book says that nine out of ten Americans believe in God. The other person is what most Americans call "a scientist".
A poll says that 50% more Americans are voting early. In that case, when's Election Day?
President Obama is reportedly upset with intelligence leaks to the media. He's also upset over media reports leaking that he's upset.
Lady Gaga finished ahead of Nancy Pelosi on the Forbes list of most powerful women. Nancy Pelosi is furious over the decision, and I agree. Lady Gaga doesn't really qualify as a "woman".
Tourism to Mexico is up 20% this year. You know the economy sucks when more people are going to Mexico than from Mexico.
The 14 year old girl who was the voice of “Dora The Explorer” is suing Nickelodeon, saying they cheated her out of millions of dollars of royalties. Because every bilingual 8-year old deserves to be a multimillionaire.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Kim Kardashian and her sister Kourtney are in New York to promote their next show, Kourtney and Kim take New York. A show with all three sisters would never work. If Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe are all in a show together, the show would be called KKK.
The Social Security Administration says that 89,000 stimulus checks for $250 each were sent to people who were either dead or in jail. They spent money that turned out useless? It must have been by force of habit.
A poll says that 25% of college students would be relieved to not be so connected to the Internet and their cell phones. These people are commonly referred to as "liars".
According to a new study, poor health care is shortening American lives. Well gee, I could have thought of that.
Sandra Bullock is in negotiations to star in the movie “Gravity”. If it's a movie about things that are scientifically forced to the ground, it must be a documentary about her marriage to Jessie James.
Sunday’s date of 10/10/10 is attracting a rush of people to get married. The exact opposite thing happened on 6/6/06.
Michelle Obama has been picked as the world’s most powerful woman by Forbes. Coming in a close second place: Justin Bieber.
A new book says that nine out of ten Americans believe in God. The other person is what most Americans call "a scientist".
A poll says that 50% more Americans are voting early. In that case, when's Election Day?
President Obama is reportedly upset with intelligence leaks to the media. He's also upset over media reports leaking that he's upset.
Lady Gaga finished ahead of Nancy Pelosi on the Forbes list of most powerful women. Nancy Pelosi is furious over the decision, and I agree. Lady Gaga doesn't really qualify as a "woman".
Tourism to Mexico is up 20% this year. You know the economy sucks when more people are going to Mexico than from Mexico.
The 14 year old girl who was the voice of “Dora The Explorer” is suing Nickelodeon, saying they cheated her out of millions of dollars of royalties. Because every bilingual 8-year old deserves to be a multimillionaire.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
"Six Cups Of Tea"
Joke of the Day: Former NBA star Manute Bol, who was 7 feet and 7 inches tall, has died at the age of 47. His casket came with a note that read, "Good Luck".
BP CEO Tony Hayward is being relieved of the day to day responsibilities of managing the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. How does that make things different from before?
A 27 year old woman drinking a beer in a Maryland bar was mistaken for Justin Bieber. Apparently the other people in the bar had way to much to drink.
A study says that six cups of tea and two to four cups of coffee a day can be good for your heart. This is also called, "The average daily drink consumption of a senior citizen".
A study says that smoking marijuana can worsen a person’s schizophrenia. Trust me, I know that. No, I don't. Yes I do. There's no way. Wait, what?
Apple says iPhone sales could top the 100 Million mark by 2011. Little did most Americans know he was talking about the iPhone 8.
Many stock experts still believe that British Petroleum is still a good investment. Yeah, if you want to become completely broke.
The Obama Administration is setting up a “do not pay” list to keep shady contractors from getting paid when they haven’t earned it. In a related story, players for the New York Mets have filed for bankruptcy.
Jesse James has reportedly moved to Texas to be closer to Sandra Bullock. He wants to be closer to Sandra Bullock? That's a first.
A Kentucky man credits a state revenue employee with saving his life when he had a heart attack during a phone call about his income tax bill. Apparently the cause of the heart attack was his discovery about how much he owed.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
BP CEO Tony Hayward is being relieved of the day to day responsibilities of managing the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. How does that make things different from before?
A 27 year old woman drinking a beer in a Maryland bar was mistaken for Justin Bieber. Apparently the other people in the bar had way to much to drink.
A study says that six cups of tea and two to four cups of coffee a day can be good for your heart. This is also called, "The average daily drink consumption of a senior citizen".
A study says that smoking marijuana can worsen a person’s schizophrenia. Trust me, I know that. No, I don't. Yes I do. There's no way. Wait, what?
Apple says iPhone sales could top the 100 Million mark by 2011. Little did most Americans know he was talking about the iPhone 8.
Many stock experts still believe that British Petroleum is still a good investment. Yeah, if you want to become completely broke.
The Obama Administration is setting up a “do not pay” list to keep shady contractors from getting paid when they haven’t earned it. In a related story, players for the New York Mets have filed for bankruptcy.
Jesse James has reportedly moved to Texas to be closer to Sandra Bullock. He wants to be closer to Sandra Bullock? That's a first.
A Kentucky man credits a state revenue employee with saving his life when he had a heart attack during a phone call about his income tax bill. Apparently the cause of the heart attack was his discovery about how much he owed.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
"Consumed By A Star"
Joke of the Day: The Hubble telescope discovered a planet in our galaxy that was in the process of being consumed by a star. To which Al Gore said, "The planet is Earth, the star is the Sun, and the process is called Global Warming!".
The new president of the Philippines says he is not going to give up his smoking habit because it will affect his decision making. Apparently when he doesn't smoke, he makes good decisions.
The US Congress declared May 25 “National Tap Dance Day”. Next, they are going to declare May 26 "National Wear Earplugs Day".
A West Virginia man set his house on fire after he returned home to find his wife did not have dinner ready for him. To which his wife said, "I hope you like burnt pork roast".
The Supreme Court ruled that the National Football League consists of 32 separate professional teams. This is the clearest example ever of old people that just found something out.
Police in Chicago say an elderly couple was found buried in trash for three weeks. It turns out, Lou Piniella and his wife were locked in the Cubs locker room.
Hollywood studios are considering renting new films within thirty days of their release. Hollywood has now decided to change their name to "China".
Jesse James says he “wanted to be caught” cheating by Sandra Bullock. And with a woman who stands out as much as "Bombshell McGee", he did a good job of that.
Jesse James says he “wanted to be caught” cheating by Sandra Bullock. And, of course, not by Elin Nordegren with a nine-iron in her hand.
The CEO of British Petroleum says he is “Devastated by what I have seen” with the Gulf oil spill. This has devastated him so much that he hasn't been able to do anything in weeks.
Sarah Palin says Rand Paul is finding out what it is like to be her. Suicide Prevention programs have been asked to intervene.
That's all I have for today everyone! More coming tomorrow!
The new president of the Philippines says he is not going to give up his smoking habit because it will affect his decision making. Apparently when he doesn't smoke, he makes good decisions.
The US Congress declared May 25 “National Tap Dance Day”. Next, they are going to declare May 26 "National Wear Earplugs Day".
A West Virginia man set his house on fire after he returned home to find his wife did not have dinner ready for him. To which his wife said, "I hope you like burnt pork roast".
The Supreme Court ruled that the National Football League consists of 32 separate professional teams. This is the clearest example ever of old people that just found something out.
Police in Chicago say an elderly couple was found buried in trash for three weeks. It turns out, Lou Piniella and his wife were locked in the Cubs locker room.
Hollywood studios are considering renting new films within thirty days of their release. Hollywood has now decided to change their name to "China".
Jesse James says he “wanted to be caught” cheating by Sandra Bullock. And with a woman who stands out as much as "Bombshell McGee", he did a good job of that.
Jesse James says he “wanted to be caught” cheating by Sandra Bullock. And, of course, not by Elin Nordegren with a nine-iron in her hand.
The CEO of British Petroleum says he is “Devastated by what I have seen” with the Gulf oil spill. This has devastated him so much that he hasn't been able to do anything in weeks.
Sarah Palin says Rand Paul is finding out what it is like to be her. Suicide Prevention programs have been asked to intervene.
That's all I have for today everyone! More coming tomorrow!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
"Exclusive To Porsche Owners"
An investigation has begun at one of Britain's most prestigious private schools after a member of staff was arrested on suspicion of trying to poison the pupils' soup. This poisonous substance is harmful in food yet unknown to Britain. It's called toothpaste.
Porsche's subsidiary, Porsche Design, is marketing a mobile phone that's exclusive to Porsche owners. A car company making a mobile phone? That's like an airline company making bombs.
The nation's largest association of doctors and the AARP senior citizens' lobby are endorsing President Barack Obama's revised health overhaul legislation. This marks the first time in history that John McCain has ever supported President Obama.
Kraft Foods Inc. said Wednesday that it will cut the salt in its products that are sold in North America by an average of 10 percent over the next two years to appeal to health-conscious consumers. This will affect as many as four people.
The 13th seeded Murray State Racers upset the 4th seeded Vanderbilt Commodores, 66-65. Someone should tell Vanderbilt that only one group of Commodores plays "Brick House".
A former porn actress says she may reveal more potentially embarrassing information about Tiger Woods after releasing sexually graphic text messages that she claims prove her affair with the golfer. This would have been put in Tiger's sexual resume, but there's no room.
Jesse James publicly apologized to wife Sandra Bullock and his three children Thursday amid reports of infidelity. In a related story, Tiger Woods has sued Jesse James for plagiarism.
President Barack Obama followed through on his hockey bet with Canada, sending beer to the prime minister. I thought he would have invited the prime minister and Sidney Crosby to the White House to drink it.
The GOP says that President Obama’s health care proposal gives the IRS too much power. Because after all, nothing goes hand in hand like health care and foreclosed houses and cars.
That's it for now. More tomorrow!
Porsche's subsidiary, Porsche Design, is marketing a mobile phone that's exclusive to Porsche owners. A car company making a mobile phone? That's like an airline company making bombs.
The nation's largest association of doctors and the AARP senior citizens' lobby are endorsing President Barack Obama's revised health overhaul legislation. This marks the first time in history that John McCain has ever supported President Obama.
Kraft Foods Inc. said Wednesday that it will cut the salt in its products that are sold in North America by an average of 10 percent over the next two years to appeal to health-conscious consumers. This will affect as many as four people.
The 13th seeded Murray State Racers upset the 4th seeded Vanderbilt Commodores, 66-65. Someone should tell Vanderbilt that only one group of Commodores plays "Brick House".
A former porn actress says she may reveal more potentially embarrassing information about Tiger Woods after releasing sexually graphic text messages that she claims prove her affair with the golfer. This would have been put in Tiger's sexual resume, but there's no room.
Jesse James publicly apologized to wife Sandra Bullock and his three children Thursday amid reports of infidelity. In a related story, Tiger Woods has sued Jesse James for plagiarism.
President Barack Obama followed through on his hockey bet with Canada, sending beer to the prime minister. I thought he would have invited the prime minister and Sidney Crosby to the White House to drink it.
The GOP says that President Obama’s health care proposal gives the IRS too much power. Because after all, nothing goes hand in hand like health care and foreclosed houses and cars.
That's it for now. More tomorrow!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
