"Consumed By A Star"

Joke of the Day: The Hubble telescope discovered a planet in our galaxy that was in the process of being consumed by a star. To which Al Gore said, "The planet is Earth, the star is the Sun, and the process is called Global Warming!".

The new president of the Philippines says he is not going to give up his smoking habit because it will affect his decision making. Apparently when he doesn't smoke, he makes good decisions.

The US Congress declared May 25 “National Tap Dance Day”. Next, they are going to declare May 26 "National Wear Earplugs Day".

A West Virginia man set his house on fire after he returned home to find his wife did not have dinner ready for him. To which his wife said, "I hope you like burnt pork roast".

The Supreme Court ruled that the National Football League consists of 32 separate professional teams. This is the clearest example ever of old people that just found something out.

Police in Chicago say an elderly couple was found buried in trash for three weeks. It turns out, Lou Piniella and his wife were locked in the Cubs locker room.

Hollywood studios are considering renting new films within thirty days of their release. Hollywood has now decided to change their name to "China".

Jesse James says he “wanted to be caught” cheating by Sandra Bullock. And with a woman who stands out as much as "Bombshell McGee", he did a good job of that.

Jesse James says he “wanted to be caught” cheating by Sandra Bullock. And, of course, not by Elin Nordegren with a nine-iron in her hand.

The CEO of British Petroleum says he is “Devastated by what I have seen” with the Gulf oil spill. This has devastated him so much that he hasn't been able to do anything in weeks.

Sarah Palin says Rand Paul is finding out what it is like to be her. Suicide Prevention programs have been asked to intervene.

That's all I have for today everyone! More coming tomorrow!