An 11-year-old “mayor for a day” in Forney, TX renamed part of Main Street after Justin Bieber. That must be awkward for teenage drivers. "Hey where are you?" "I'm on Justin Bieber."
Scientists say the earth is not expanding. Considering the size of people now, it really should expand before it's too late.
Tuesday was the anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death. In honor of Elvis, I refused to sit on the toilet.
The Alaska woman who punished her child by making him stand naked in a cold shower is on trial for abuse. May I call to the stand, the smallest penis in the history of mankind.
Abercrombie & Fitch has asked The Situation to stop wearing its clothes. I wouldn't be surprised if they asked me to do the same thing.
A Chicago woman is suing a bathtub manufacturer after she got stuck in a tub for 30 hours. If anything, the bathtub should sue the woman for 30 hours of hell.
Estimates say that Japan is the nation with the most debt. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, "HOW?!?!?".
A study says that moderate drinking can fight dementia. And heavy drinking can encourage it.
French actor Gerard Depardieu was thrown off an Air France flight after peeing on the plane’s floor. The weird part: that actually made the plane smell better.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Japan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Japan. Show all posts
Friday, August 19, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
"Abducted By Aliens"
Tuesday is International Goof-Off Day. I plan to celebrate by doing nothing.
The Nuclear Regulatory Commission says US nuclear reactors are safe. Unfortunately, they said that in Japan, too.
Rocker Sammy Hagar says he was abducted by aliens. Of course, it was a misunderstanding. He tried to say that he was the singer for Van Halen.
The star of ABC’s “The Bachelor”, Brad Womack, was rushed to a Texas hospital. Please tell me that they're going to put him to sleep.
A San Antonio man fired shots at a Taco Bell because the price of its Beefy Crunch Tacos rose from 99 cents to $1.49. And you thought the speeding bullet at Taco Bell was the food going through your digestive system.
A 400 pound Sumo wrestler finished the L.A. Marathon in 9 hours. I knew he was coming when I saw the trail of sweat on the ground.
CBS reportedly wants Charlie Sheen to come back to “Two and a Half Men”. CBS now stands for "Complete Bull Shit".
A survey by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation says the wealthiest people are concerned about being ungrateful, having bratty children and failing to meet expectations. So, like Charlie Sheen.
A study shows that more men are undergoing plastic surgery. When they are finished, the doctors say, "He/she looks fantastic".
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
The Nuclear Regulatory Commission says US nuclear reactors are safe. Unfortunately, they said that in Japan, too.
Rocker Sammy Hagar says he was abducted by aliens. Of course, it was a misunderstanding. He tried to say that he was the singer for Van Halen.
The star of ABC’s “The Bachelor”, Brad Womack, was rushed to a Texas hospital. Please tell me that they're going to put him to sleep.
A San Antonio man fired shots at a Taco Bell because the price of its Beefy Crunch Tacos rose from 99 cents to $1.49. And you thought the speeding bullet at Taco Bell was the food going through your digestive system.
A 400 pound Sumo wrestler finished the L.A. Marathon in 9 hours. I knew he was coming when I saw the trail of sweat on the ground.
CBS reportedly wants Charlie Sheen to come back to “Two and a Half Men”. CBS now stands for "Complete Bull Shit".
A survey by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation says the wealthiest people are concerned about being ungrateful, having bratty children and failing to meet expectations. So, like Charlie Sheen.
A study shows that more men are undergoing plastic surgery. When they are finished, the doctors say, "He/she looks fantastic".
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
"Common Forgetfulness"
A poll says 37% of Americans believe the economy will get worse in the next year. How could the economy get worse when it's already hit rock bottom?
A California man sentenced to jail smuggled in a cell phone, MP3 player, marijuana, tobacco and $140 in his rectum. And that was only the second weirdest thing to be in his butt all day.
Bret Michaels says he taught Charlie Sheen how to trash a hotel room. Is it really that hard to figure out?
Scottish scientists are set to launch a study on what causes common forgetfulness. I think that it's... wait, what was I just talking about?
Tonight’s full Moon will be the biggest in appearance in the past 18 years as the moon will be unusually close to the Earth. Scientists say it is the biggest moon they've ever seen since the last episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
406 pound Sumo wrestler Kelly Gneiting says he hopes to become the heaviest man to ever finish a Marathon race. At that weight, he'd be lucky to run 26.2 feet.
Wal-Mart stores in California have reached a goal of sending only 20% of their waste to landfills. You know what I call trash at Wal-Mart? The greeter.
Japanese officials said that they have found radiation in their spinach. Hey, at least nobody in America is going to be affected by this.
President Obama said that if Libyan President Moammar Qaddafi does not stop killing his own people, there will be consequences. For instance, U.S. officials are going to send Qaddafi to Japan without any clothes.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A California man sentenced to jail smuggled in a cell phone, MP3 player, marijuana, tobacco and $140 in his rectum. And that was only the second weirdest thing to be in his butt all day.
Bret Michaels says he taught Charlie Sheen how to trash a hotel room. Is it really that hard to figure out?
Scottish scientists are set to launch a study on what causes common forgetfulness. I think that it's... wait, what was I just talking about?
Tonight’s full Moon will be the biggest in appearance in the past 18 years as the moon will be unusually close to the Earth. Scientists say it is the biggest moon they've ever seen since the last episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
406 pound Sumo wrestler Kelly Gneiting says he hopes to become the heaviest man to ever finish a Marathon race. At that weight, he'd be lucky to run 26.2 feet.
Wal-Mart stores in California have reached a goal of sending only 20% of their waste to landfills. You know what I call trash at Wal-Mart? The greeter.
Japanese officials said that they have found radiation in their spinach. Hey, at least nobody in America is going to be affected by this.
President Obama said that if Libyan President Moammar Qaddafi does not stop killing his own people, there will be consequences. For instance, U.S. officials are going to send Qaddafi to Japan without any clothes.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Monday, March 8, 2010
"Destroyed By Fire"
A historic metal forge in Pennsylvania that made ashtrays for the Hinderberg was destroyed by fire. That's like the local fireworks factory being destroyed by random explosions.
Armed robbers stormed a televised poker tournament in Germany and stole the $1.36 Million pot. Police were then baffled when the robbers were caught and they said, "Hit me".
A Washington man suffered minor injuries when the steering wheel came off his 1978 Buick. It's official. I'm traveling by bicycle from now on.
A Japanese Princess has been having problems being bullied at her elementary school. The problem is that she isn't actually a princess, she just dresses like one.
An 11 year old boy in Azerbaijan bought nine homes in Dubai for $44 Million. The sad part: an 11 year old boy from Azerbaijan has more money than the entire United States.
The Knicks missed all 18 three point shots they attempted in an NBA game last week. Strangely enough, that's the best they've played all season.
The football coach at Texas A&M-Commerce, Guy Morris, says he is "proud" of his players who took all the campus newspapers that had an article about drug abuse by the football team. Apparently they needed all those newspapers because all the coffee tables were taken.
Golfer Mark Calcavecchia says Tiger Woods changed his cell phone number five times last year. Calcavecchia also said that Woods had to change his Fave 5 every week.
This is National School Breakfast Week. This makes the other 51 weeks of the year "National Skip Breakfast Week".
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been accused, for the second time in a year of sexual misconduct. I guess he's doing a good job of living up to the name "Steelers".
March 9th is "Get Over It Day". Oh, it's not that bad. Stop whining.
Australia is producing underwear with 27% banana fiber. Don't men already have a banana in their pants?
Well, these are some great jokes (I think), so I hope you enjoyed.
Armed robbers stormed a televised poker tournament in Germany and stole the $1.36 Million pot. Police were then baffled when the robbers were caught and they said, "Hit me".
A Washington man suffered minor injuries when the steering wheel came off his 1978 Buick. It's official. I'm traveling by bicycle from now on.
A Japanese Princess has been having problems being bullied at her elementary school. The problem is that she isn't actually a princess, she just dresses like one.
An 11 year old boy in Azerbaijan bought nine homes in Dubai for $44 Million. The sad part: an 11 year old boy from Azerbaijan has more money than the entire United States.
The Knicks missed all 18 three point shots they attempted in an NBA game last week. Strangely enough, that's the best they've played all season.
The football coach at Texas A&M-Commerce, Guy Morris, says he is "proud" of his players who took all the campus newspapers that had an article about drug abuse by the football team. Apparently they needed all those newspapers because all the coffee tables were taken.
Golfer Mark Calcavecchia says Tiger Woods changed his cell phone number five times last year. Calcavecchia also said that Woods had to change his Fave 5 every week.
This is National School Breakfast Week. This makes the other 51 weeks of the year "National Skip Breakfast Week".
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been accused, for the second time in a year of sexual misconduct. I guess he's doing a good job of living up to the name "Steelers".
March 9th is "Get Over It Day". Oh, it's not that bad. Stop whining.
Australia is producing underwear with 27% banana fiber. Don't men already have a banana in their pants?
Well, these are some great jokes (I think), so I hope you enjoyed.
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