Joke of the Day: The White House Budget Director will be leaving his job next month. Wait, he's still there?
A study says that three out of ten teens chat with strangers online. The other seven teens actually have friends.
Despite the recession, the world's wealthiest people have gotten richer. That ought to cheer up some blue collar workers.
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford went on vacation without briefing the Lt. Governor of his whereabouts. Hey Mark, let me ask you, is this going to be a regular thing?
Joran Van Der Sloot is reportedly getting letters in prison from women who want to marry him. These women are called "suicidal".
In Berlin, a German student who flipped off a group of Hell’s Angels tried to get away by throwing a puppy at them and then escaping on a bulldozer. Or, as we call that in America, "Michael Vick".
That's all for today! More coming tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Mark Sanford. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mark Sanford. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
"Cures For Jet Lag"
Joke of the Day: A researcher has infected himself with a computer virus. The first sign of this: every six seconds, the researcher thinks he's won a free XBOX360.
May 28 is South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s 50th birthday. He celebrated with a trip to the Appalachian Mountains, and then another trip to Argentina.
At his press conference, President Obama related a story where his daughter Malia asked him one morning, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”. To which President Obama said, "No, Malia, you have it all wrong. I said plug the damn hole, not just the hole."
At his press conference, President Obama related a story where his daughter Malia asked him one morning, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”. To which President Obama said, "Well, not yet Malia, I have time. Biden doesn't have to give a speech until next week".
A new fad with young people in England has them pouring vodka directly into their eyes. Apparently a lot of young people in England prefer torture in their spare time.
Willie Nelson has cut his waist long braids off in favor of a shorter hair style. This marks the first time in history that Willie Nelson's bong has been longer than his hair.
Researchers say that cures for jet lag include coffee and sunlight. This is also known as "not flying Southwest".
President Obama’s border plan is said to be similar to that of President Bush’s. Let me be the first to say, "Oh God!".
A Chinese factory is asking for employees to sign a “no suicide” vow after twelve people have thrown themselves off buildings. This plan is expected to backfire. Six-year-olds probably don't know what the word "Suicide" is.
A study says that heavier girls are more likely to have early unprotected sex. That's because the heavy girls are too fat and lazy to get a condom.
A two year old Sumatran child smokes two packs of cigarettes a day. The child will most likely reunite with their British twin on "The Parent Trap".
That's all for now, my faithful reader! More coming up tomorrow!
May 28 is South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s 50th birthday. He celebrated with a trip to the Appalachian Mountains, and then another trip to Argentina.
At his press conference, President Obama related a story where his daughter Malia asked him one morning, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”. To which President Obama said, "No, Malia, you have it all wrong. I said plug the damn hole, not just the hole."
At his press conference, President Obama related a story where his daughter Malia asked him one morning, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”. To which President Obama said, "Well, not yet Malia, I have time. Biden doesn't have to give a speech until next week".
A new fad with young people in England has them pouring vodka directly into their eyes. Apparently a lot of young people in England prefer torture in their spare time.
Willie Nelson has cut his waist long braids off in favor of a shorter hair style. This marks the first time in history that Willie Nelson's bong has been longer than his hair.
Researchers say that cures for jet lag include coffee and sunlight. This is also known as "not flying Southwest".
President Obama’s border plan is said to be similar to that of President Bush’s. Let me be the first to say, "Oh God!".
A Chinese factory is asking for employees to sign a “no suicide” vow after twelve people have thrown themselves off buildings. This plan is expected to backfire. Six-year-olds probably don't know what the word "Suicide" is.
A study says that heavier girls are more likely to have early unprotected sex. That's because the heavy girls are too fat and lazy to get a condom.
A two year old Sumatran child smokes two packs of cigarettes a day. The child will most likely reunite with their British twin on "The Parent Trap".
That's all for now, my faithful reader! More coming up tomorrow!
Monday, February 8, 2010
"International Flirting Week"
Hello everyone! Here are my jokes for today, February 8th.
The Saints defeated the Colts in Super Bowl XLIV by a score of 31-17. By force of habit, the Lombardi trophy put on an 'Aints paper bag.
Government owned GMAC lost $5 Billion in the 4th quarter. The loss is largely due to the fact that their name starts with GM.
Golfer Phil Mickelson's bid to buy 105 Nashville area Waffle Houses for $20 Million was turned down. Apparently Mickelson isn't their type.
A judge threatened to handcuff a former John Edwards aide if he did not turn over the former senator’s sex tape. Either way, John's favorite fantasy is going to be played out.
Monday is the first day of International Flirting Week. Or, in Mark Sanford's case, "Flirting International".
Many government employees get Monday off in honor of Abe Lincoln's birthday. Wait, since when does the government have on-days?
A 3-year old with a prosthetic leg has donated it to Haiti. Ironically, the three year old will be rewarded with breakfast at IHOP.
There is a new Brett Favre Wrangler Jeans commercial for the Super Bowl. In it, Favre says that he is comfortable in Wrangler, yet completely uncomfortable in the pocket.
Former child television star Gary Coleman is scheduled for appearance in a Utah court. I am positive he's going to be in the court that day, but I still wonder if he'll appear.
-How did "The Who" come up with their name?
-Their guitarist's hearing aid broke while someone was making a suggestion, and he said, "Wait, the who?"
A new study suggests that beer may be good for your bones. And if you drink enough, your b***r.
Well, that's it for now. More to come tomorrow!
The Saints defeated the Colts in Super Bowl XLIV by a score of 31-17. By force of habit, the Lombardi trophy put on an 'Aints paper bag.
Government owned GMAC lost $5 Billion in the 4th quarter. The loss is largely due to the fact that their name starts with GM.
Golfer Phil Mickelson's bid to buy 105 Nashville area Waffle Houses for $20 Million was turned down. Apparently Mickelson isn't their type.
A judge threatened to handcuff a former John Edwards aide if he did not turn over the former senator’s sex tape. Either way, John's favorite fantasy is going to be played out.
Monday is the first day of International Flirting Week. Or, in Mark Sanford's case, "Flirting International".
Many government employees get Monday off in honor of Abe Lincoln's birthday. Wait, since when does the government have on-days?
A 3-year old with a prosthetic leg has donated it to Haiti. Ironically, the three year old will be rewarded with breakfast at IHOP.
There is a new Brett Favre Wrangler Jeans commercial for the Super Bowl. In it, Favre says that he is comfortable in Wrangler, yet completely uncomfortable in the pocket.
Former child television star Gary Coleman is scheduled for appearance in a Utah court. I am positive he's going to be in the court that day, but I still wonder if he'll appear.
-How did "The Who" come up with their name?
-Their guitarist's hearing aid broke while someone was making a suggestion, and he said, "Wait, the who?"
A new study suggests that beer may be good for your bones. And if you drink enough, your b***r.
Well, that's it for now. More to come tomorrow!
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