Bristol Palin calls the night she drunkenly lost her virginity “the deep quicksand of sexual sin”. And since she was talking about quicksand, I think the sex involved a lot of sucking.
Crime boss James “Whitey” Bulger was arrested in Santa Monica. Whitey Bulger is what I call Kirstie Alley's stomach.
A new large species of crab has been found in Costa Rica; it’s almost 16 inches across. I haven't heard of crabs and 16 inches in the same sentence since Snooki's last boyfriend.
A study says an aspirin a day may fight skin cancer. Take that, apples!
Scientists were able to determine a dinosaur's blood temperature through an analysis of a tooth. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, "And...".
France has endorsed President Obama's plan to withdraw from Afghanistan. And who knows more about the military than the French?
An Arizona TV pitchman failed to show at an arraignment for fraud. Coincidentally, the trial was set for 3:00 in the morning.
Kim Kardashian got her butt X-rayed to prove it was real. It's a big anniversary for Kardashian too. It was the 1 millionth that has featured her ass.
The cast of Jersey Shore is going to be replaced. In fact, I saw some scouts at the annual Douchebag Convention.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Saturday, April 10, 2010
"A Burrito And A Bag of Funyuns"
Joke of the Day: Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens has announced his retirement at age 90. If I didn't say his name, you would have thought I meant Brett Favre.
Tiger Woods was tied for third at the end of the first round of the Masters yesterday. Tiger was tied? If I had a nickel...
Authorities said a man helped himself to a burrito and a bag of Funyuns snacks at a gas station food store in Hastings, Michigan, then told the clerk to call police because he had no money to pay. When you eat a burrito and Funyuns at the same time, oh, you'll be paying for it alright.
Advocates say doctors in Montana have helped at least one patient commit suicide since a court ruled it wasn't illegal. This actually brought the Montana population down to 5 people.
The FDA said Thursday it is taking a close look at an anti-bacterial chemical called Triclosan, which may disrupt the body's hormonal system. The FDA then called the investigation unimportant when they realized that nobody washes their hands anymore.
One team looking to improve this NFL offseason is the Detroit Lions. They have filled major holes on their team. If only they could get rid of that hole on their side of the scoreboard.
A study says that more people would rather be without their TV sets than the Internet. Mostly because you can now watch TV on the Internet.
During its four year run on ABC, "Ugly Betty" paved the way to help society accept Latinos and gays. We already had that show. It's called "Dancing With The Stars".
Police say a Pennsylvania father went to his son's elementary school to retrieve nearly four ounces of marijuana from the kindergartner's Sesame Street backpack. Hey, now I know why the Cookie Monster eats so many cookies.
That's all I have! More tomorrow!
Tiger Woods was tied for third at the end of the first round of the Masters yesterday. Tiger was tied? If I had a nickel...
Authorities said a man helped himself to a burrito and a bag of Funyuns snacks at a gas station food store in Hastings, Michigan, then told the clerk to call police because he had no money to pay. When you eat a burrito and Funyuns at the same time, oh, you'll be paying for it alright.
Advocates say doctors in Montana have helped at least one patient commit suicide since a court ruled it wasn't illegal. This actually brought the Montana population down to 5 people.
The FDA said Thursday it is taking a close look at an anti-bacterial chemical called Triclosan, which may disrupt the body's hormonal system. The FDA then called the investigation unimportant when they realized that nobody washes their hands anymore.
One team looking to improve this NFL offseason is the Detroit Lions. They have filled major holes on their team. If only they could get rid of that hole on their side of the scoreboard.
A study says that more people would rather be without their TV sets than the Internet. Mostly because you can now watch TV on the Internet.
During its four year run on ABC, "Ugly Betty" paved the way to help society accept Latinos and gays. We already had that show. It's called "Dancing With The Stars".
Police say a Pennsylvania father went to his son's elementary school to retrieve nearly four ounces of marijuana from the kindergartner's Sesame Street backpack. Hey, now I know why the Cookie Monster eats so many cookies.
That's all I have! More tomorrow!
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