"Signs Of Being In Love"

Justin Bieber spent $75k at a Miami strip club in one night. Really? All that in one night? Wow, those guys must have been really good.

A speechwriter for President Bush said President Obama plagiarized the SOTU address. It showed when Obama talked about his knowledge of shapes.

Cincinnati was named the least happy place to work in by Forbes. This is mainly because at two of those places, people have to work with me.

An 8th grade blind kid in Vermont made a shot in a basketball game. After the game, he beat Dwight Howard in a free throw shooting contest.

A new bra opens only when a woman’s body shows signs of being in love. If that bra could hold cases of things, a woman in my presence could be trusted with the Mona Lisa.

A man in Florida was arrested for attacking his wife with a banana. As to why he used a banana, the man said, "I was out of turtle shells."

A study says that bad memories can be erased by electroconvulsive therapy. When I read that I was shocked, then for some reason I forgot about the study.

George Zimmerman is now on Twitter. I follow his account, but I'm following it from 20 feet behind because it's wearing a hoodie and I'm suspicious.

A Utah polygamist with five wives and 24 children is getting a reality show on TLC. I'm just surprised he can tell them apart.

\A four year old boy in England has an IQ of 160. In fact, he's currently working with top scientists to develop a cure for cooties.

A school in Texas has banned red and green from its winter party. They should also ban white people because as far as I know, Santa is white.

That's all I have for right now. Well damn, I had my surgery, and I'm basically fully recovered. I feel fantastic (and yes, that's your cue to stop asking how my GOT DAMN JAW IS). Now, if only there was a surgery that could make my jokes funnier because damn I need help. Anyway, more to come soon!

"GPS Shoes"

President Obama is going to appear on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. However, due to major budget cuts at the White House, he will be appearing next week on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.

Lindsay Lohan fired her manager. Manager? How about her publicist?

Jamie Moyer, who turns 49 next month, says he hopes to pitch at least one more year. I'd be surprised if he's able to live one more year.

Coldplay was picked by Q Magazine as the best act in the world right now. In other news, Q Magazine has lost 93% of its subscribers.

A study says that the speech patterns of psychopaths give them away. Like when they say, "Winning!".

Smart phone sales are reportedly down for the first time ever. That's because everyone who used to buy them got into car accidents.

Steve Jobs said that Bill Gates was unimaginative and should have taken LSD. How is this guy still talking?

GPS shoes for Alzheimer’s patients will soon be available. We already have something to help Alzheimer's patients get around. It's called a personal assistant.

A study says that playing outdoors makes for better eyesight for children. How could they do this study? No children play outside anymore.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Sentenced To Death"

There will be not be any No. 1 seeds in this year’s NCAA Final Four. In fact, my bracket is more screwed up than Gary Busey's face.

A Louisiana man convicted of murder was sentenced to death after saying he wanted to kill the jury. I have never seen so much love.

The Japan earthquake and tsunami is set to be the world’s costliest disaster. Of course, not counting "Two and a Half Men".

Doctors say that there is a link between Facebook use and teenage depression. Especially if the teen doesn't have any friends.

President Obama said that standardized testing can make education boring for kids. He's doing a good job trying to care about the people in order to win the next election, but he needs to know one thing: kids can't vote.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Harry Baals"

First Lady Michelle Obama says her two daughters do not have accounts on Facebook. She added that they do not have Myspace accounts, which disappointed thousands of middle-aged perverts.

Italian prosecutors pushed for a quick trial of Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi on charges he had sex with an underage prostitute. Yeah, just what this guy needs. Another quickie.

Fort Wayne in Indiana may name its new government center after former mayor Harry Baals. It was a better alternative than their other former mayor, Michael Thatswhatshesaid.

Fort Wayne in Indiana may name its new government center after former mayor Harry Baals. If this guy got in a sex scandal, that would be the worst newspaper headline in history. "Harry Baals linked to Las Vegas prostitute".

Fort Wayne in Indiana may name its new government center after former mayor Harry Baals. I'm sure the only reason he was voted in was so people could make fun of his name.

Two grandparents are accused of locking their 9-year-old granddaughter in a small bathroom every night for six years. That's what you get when you take parenting classes taught by Britney Spears.

An Arizona woman who tried to swap her 2-year-old child for a gun was sentenced to prison. The two-year-old and the gun are very different. One is small, problematic, and loud when it snaps, and the other is a gun.

A Little League coach was charged Wednesday with sexually abusing boys on his baseball team, and prosecutors said he videotaped some of the acts. This guy was meant to be a priest.

First Lady Michelle Obama says that President Obama doesn’t dye his hair. I mean seriously, who would ever dye their hair gray?

A new iPhone app helps Catholics go through the confession process. What? Was the little window in the confessional not small enough?

A 7 year old boy accidentally bought a fighter jet on eBay. Maybe Justin Bieber has a little too much money.

Miley Cyrus says she “made a mistake” by using a bong to smoke the herb salvia. Now she will go back to becoming high when she usually does. Right before her concerts.

New York Congressman Christopher Lee has resigned after being caught answering a personal ad on Craigslist. Usually, Congressmen are the ones that post the personal ads.

An Iranian man accused of developing porn web sites has been sentenced to death. Iran drew the line when one woman revealed her entire face.

A New York college professor says that prostitutes are now selling sex on Facebook. That's what Myspace is for.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Gay HIV Transmission"

KFC plans to double its presence in Africa, expanding up to 1200 locations. Meanwhile, in America, KFC has doubled the presence of most Americans.

Former “Baywatch” star and Playboy Playmate Donna D’Errico claims a male TSA agent singled her out for a full body scan at LAX. I wonder what would give that man the idea to do that.

Scientists in Kenya found a rare and very odd-looking fly, called the “terrible hairy fly”. Doesn't that sound like what a five-year old would call it?

A German man is under arrest after police found a 6-foot-tall marijuana plant disguised as a Christmas tree. One thing's for sure: those cookies weren't making it to Santa.

Iowa’s Derrell Johnson-Koulianos was suspended from the team due to charges he maintained a drug house. Isn't that called a college dorm room?

Texas defensive end Sam Acho won the award for college’s top scholar athlete. He absolutely deserves to win. At one point, his GPA was above 2.0.

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan buried the game ball after an embarrassing loss to the Patriots. After a game like that, who in their right mind would give the game ball to the Jets?

Singer Aretha Franklin reportedly has cancer. Did she not read the health warning on her hats?

Cats reportedly help kids avoid skin disease. Unless they are allergic.

A new study says that circumcision may not cure gay HIV transmission. Thanks for the tip!

A poll says that nearly half of Americans think China has the world’s strongest economy. The other half don't shop at Walmart.

A report says that one in four people released from Guantanamo Bay prison return to terrorist activities. I'm glad these people are learning their lesson.

A poll says that tax cuts for the wealthy are only supported by one third of voters. These voters are called "the wealthy".

Snooki from “Jersey Shore” will be inside the ball that will be dropped at Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Hopefully they leave her in there forever.

That's all I have for right now! More later!

"Wine Grape Crop"

US Marshals will auction off some of Bernie Madoff’s personal items, including his velveteen slippers with the “BLM” embroidery. That's weird; I didn't know snakes wore shoes period.

In France, a woman woke up after being declared “clinically dead”. Isn't that called "a coma"?

Magic Johnson sold his 105 Starbucks locations back to the company for about $100 million. He can finally afford a cup of Starbucks coffee.

In Peru, a soccer team claims its opponent snuck a depressant drug into their water bottles. In fact, the water made the Peru soccer team as depressed as the average Detroit Lions fan.

The U.K. is reportedly going to cut 500,000 government jobs over the next few years in a plan to cut spending by $131 Billion. The U.S. has responded, "What does it mean when you cut spending?".

A report says the California marijuana crop is worth $14 Billion, which is more than the wine grape crop value of $2 Billion. In a related story, the car that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan share has been valued at $16 Billion.

A New Jersey toll worker made an annual salary of $321,000 after bonuses and payouts. Most of that money came from people who wanted to leave New Jersey.

A prosecutor in Detroit is proposing that parents who do not attend at least one parent-teacher conference during the year will serve jail time. Or at least a time out.

A Belgian skydiver was convicted of tampering with a romantic rival's parachute which resulted in the rival's death. As a result, the skydiver's career will hit the ground harder than his opponent.

The Federal Reserve says the U.S. economy is expanding at a "modest pace". Prove it.

The Federal Reserve is planning to buy $500 Billion in U.S. debt. Considering our crappy economy, where do they get the money?

A survey says that one in six students reports being bullied. The other five are at least five feet tall.

An eleven year old teenager in Nebraska was kicked off her cheerleading squad for refusing to "shake her booty" in a routine. The question is, what coach would actually force an eleven year old to shake their booty?

A study says a child’s waist size can indicate their future health risks. Experts have just discovered this? Really?

Starbucks is introducing their own digital network that will greet customers as they connect with their Wi-Fi system. This system is called the "We-Are-Too-Lazy-To-Actually-Greet-You-In-Person-omatic 5000".

NPR fired longtime analyst Juan Williams after he said on Fox News that, when he is on a plane with Muslims, “I get nervous". Aren't these the same people that were attacking President Obama for potentially being a Muslim?

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Taking Tests"

Scientists say a humpback whale traveled more than 6,000 miles, from Brazil to the Indian Ocean, searching for a mate. Unfortunately for the whale, it was a creepy old fat guy who turned out to be a predator.

Oklahoma was rattled by a 5.1 earthquake. In fact, almost everything was destroyed in the middle of nowhere.

A music band blocked the 101 freeway in Los Angeles and performed on top of their truck as part of a publicity stunt. The song they performed: On The Road Again.

New York’s anti-gay Republican gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino once collected rent from two gay clubs located in buildings he owned in downtown Buffalo. Note to self: if a Republican takes a stance against gays, he's gay.

Health officials estimate that 1 in 22 black Americans will be diagnosed with the AIDS virus in their lifetime. These are people I call "guests on the Maury Povich show".

According to a new study, taking tests is better for kids' brains than simply studying. This study was not conducted by schoolkids.

Justin Bieber is reportedly making fun of Tom Brady's hair. To which Brady responded, "Grow a pair and then we'll talk".

That's all I have for today! I wish I could have more, but I don't. More coming tomorrow!

"Food Porn"

The Senate passed a bill requiring TV stations to make the sound levels of commercials the same as the shows they interrupt. Okay, exactly what significance does this have?

The Census says that family and friends are moving in together more during the bad economy. Except for the Octomom, who recently put a sign on her front porch that said, "No vacancy".

Secretary of Defense Robert Gates says the military faces strains after a decade of war. Well, Mr. Gates, let's do something about that.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s negative ratings rival that of BP. "I don't want to be brought down to that level", said both of them.

House Minority Leader John Boehner says the House is “broken”, and that it is nearly impossible to cut spending. Doesn't that sound like something your wife would say when she's mad?

The CDC says that 9% of U.S. adults are depressed occasionally. The other 91% of adults haven't had kids yet.

The head of the Washington State Potato Commission will go on a potato only diet for 60 days. Whose crazy idea was this? I mean, a Potato Commission?

A Los Angeles real estate broker was found after being lost in the desert for six days. Now he knows what it's like to be the average homeowner.

Gillette is introducing a razor that will sell for eleven cents a blade in India. The emo people of India are going ecstatic.

Ines Sainz, the reporter who complained about the treatment she received from the New York Jets players, has received an offer to appear nude in Playboy. That's like being called fat and getting a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.

A nutritionist ate a diet of steak and Twinkies for a month and claims to have lost 15 pounds. How fat do you have to be to eat nothing but steak and Twinkies, and then lose 15 pounds?

A nutrition group has described Olive Garden’s deep-fried Lasagna Fritta as “food porn.” To be fair, they are eating meat and spilling the sauce all over themselves.

The head of the Washington State Potato Commission will go on a potato only diet for 60 days. Whose crazy idea was this? I mean, a Potato Commission?

Wauwatso, Wisconsin, has decided to allow the opening of a men's salon and spa featuring scantily clad female employees. Isn't that called a brothel?

Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell says God is guiding her campaign. In that case, why is she being compared to Sarah Palin?

A German art student has developed a video game where players portray East German border guards shooting at people trying to climb the Berlin Wall. I'm sure the game is good, but it seems weird that the US border patrol can't get past level 2.

Opponents of a clown running for parliament in Brazil say he should be ineligible because he can't read and write. You know you're horrible in politics when people vote for a clown who can't read or write instead of you.

That's all for today! More tomorrow!

"Kicked The Habit"

Joke of the Day: A NASCAR reality show will be coming to BET. That's like having a porno series on the Disney Channel.

The maker of Botox settled a federal investigation into its marketing practices. They did this by keeping a smile on their face the entire time; mainly because they couldn't help it.

An 18-year-old South Dakota student who stockpiled bombs in his bedroom wanted to be “the world’s most infamous sociopath.” Yes, every teenage boy's dream is to be a sociopath.

Tiger Woods has reportedly taken out a $54 Million mortgage on his house to pay off his ex-wife Elin. For once, Tiger Woods paid off a woman for a reason other than hush money.

A NASCAR reality show will be coming to BET. Why? Was Larry The Cable Guy not available?

President Obama says that peace in the Middle East is doable in a year. Then Paris Hilton interrupted President Obama and said, "Like hell it is".

A study says that CEOs who laid off more people made more money since the economy crashed. The study was coordinated at the Lehman Brothers headquarters.

A study says that young women make more money than their male co-workers. They do the same amount of work. I wonder how they earn that...

A study says that coffee may combat high blood pressure. In the end, both of these things lead to the same thing: going absolutely crazy.

Stephen Hawking said that God did not create the universe. Excuse me, my bad. Stephen Hawking's speech synthesizer said that God did not create the universe.

A two-year-old Indonesian boy who smoked about 40 cigarettes a day has kicked the habit after receiving intensive specialist care. Intensive care? How about a key and lock?

Older people prefer to read negative news stories about the young, possibly because it makes them feel better about themselves, a new study suggests. Based on what has happened recently, the older people should feel like children again.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Concussion Rates"

Lindsey Lohan's dad is planning to open up a rehab center in California. He's only doing this so Lindsay Lohan gets in free.

Pittsburgh Steeler's Troy Polamalu has insured his long hair for $1 million dollars. It's already worth more than Ben Roethlisberger.

Texas Representative Ron Paul is questioning whether there is any gold at all in Ft. Knox. He first made this assumption when someone compared Ft. Knox to Russia's Olympic medals.

While mass-market retailers have seen revenue drop the past several months, luxury retailers are experiencing high growth. This is what some people like to refer to as, "The United States Economy".

President Obama has embarrassed his older daughter Malia by revealing that she wears braces on her teeth. Malia then embarrassed President Obama by showing him the blank sheet of paper listing all of his accomplishments.

A New Hampshire high school student is suing his shop class teacher for not warning him of the dangers of attaching electrical clamps to his nipples and shocking himself. If you aren't smart enough to know that shocking your nipples is a bad thing, you should probably drop out of high school.

Concussion rates are soaring among younger kids. This must explain their performance in school.

Eating a variety of fruits and vegetables may decrease the risk of some kinds of lung cancer for smokers, according to a study released Monday. Also decreasing the risk of some kinds of lung cancer for smokers: not smoking.

Teachers in Milwaukee are fighting to get Viagra drug coverage back. Gee, I wonder why teachers would need Viagra.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Closer To Stalling"

Joke of the Day: A massacre caused by a mushroom hunter in Italy has caused 18 deaths. Or, as we call that in America, "Super Mario Brothers".

Justin Bieber postponed his performance Sunday at the New York State Fair. Let me be the first to say, "Thank God!".

Twenty two Komodo dragons hatched from eggs at the Los Angeles Zoo. I don't know what makes them scarier: the fact that they are dragons or the fact that they came from eggs.

More than 500 National Guard troops are being deployed to Arizona to help with border security. Apparently our government has never heard the common saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".

The government says the economy is getting closer to stalling. If the economy stalls any longer, it could be mistaken for President Obama.

A California man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing an acquaintance who complained about his singing. In related news, Simon Cowell has gone into hiding.

Jay Leno raised $100,000 to go towards Gulf Coast recovery from the oil spill. Apparently he has too many jokes in his routine, so he's eliminating some of them.

John Lennon's toilet was sold at an auction for $14,700. Unfortunately, Elvis Presley's toilet didn't sell for quite as much; mainly because it was haunted.

Dennis Rodman claims to have had sex with 2,000 women, and said he was not impressed with the way their parents raised them. If anything, I'm not too thrilled about how Dennis Rodman's parents raised him.

Nike has patented a self lacing shoe. Five-year-olds are calling it, "The greatest invention ever".

A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Unless they get behind the wheel of a car.

A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. This is great news if you are Lindsay Lohan.

That's all for now! More later!

"Locks For Honda"

Joke of the Day: British Petroleum executives gave a pep talk to cleanup workers in Louisiana. You know you are bad cleaners when even BP gives you a pep talk about cleaning up.

Workers at a factory in China that makes locks for Honda cars are on strike. They will either be punished by a pay cut or a time-out.

A California couple was married at a Home Depot where they work. They also had the wedding reception at a local Waffle House.

The weight loss industry in China is a growing business. This is the first time that "Weight loss" and "Growing" have been used in the same sentence.

A study says that extroverted men and neurotic, anxious, needy, depressed women make more babies. That ought to be a happy couple.

An 87-year-old San Antonio man is attempting to break his age group record in the pole vault. However, I'm not even sure that 1 foot and 2 inches is much of a challenge.

Police are searching for a burglar who stole a box of cookies from a north Florida discount store. The burglar is expected to be between the ages of 4 and 7.

That's all for today! More upcoming tomorrow!

"Her Luggage Was Lost"

AT&T is now charging people who terminate their iPhone contracts nearly $325. Or, for $325 dollars less, you could throw your iPhone in a lake.

Yao Ming has become a father for the first time. His child will look up to him. Literally.

A study says that depression can affect children as young as three. Uh yeah, it's called "crying".

A survey ranks South Korea’s Asiana as the best airline in the world. Apparently North Korea was not allowed to take this survey.

A study says that entrepreneurship may be in a person’s genes. To which Levi Strauss' son said, "Yeah. Literally".

Sarah Palin had to borrow an outfit for a political rally after her luggage was lost. Well seriously, because somebody had a $150,000 outfit just laying around.

Movie tickets in some cities for the new “Shrek” movie have gone up to $20. Or, for about five dollars less, you could buy the DVD.

Arizona is threatening to cut off electricity to Los Angeles if LA continues its boycott of the illegal immigration law. And they are threatening all the Mexicans who live in LA back to Mexico.

Half of all American parents polled say they would like to be able to communicate with their child's physician via the Internet, a new survey reveals. The other half would like their doctor to get off the computer and actually do their job.

That's all for today! More tomorrow!

"Backing Wii Video Games"

Joke of the Day: A study says that men taking Viagra are at risk of hearing loss. This mysterious ailment is called "Becoming old".

A study says that eating processed meats like hot dogs, bacon and sausage is unhealthy. The study was conducted at the Department of Unhealthy Habits, or D.U.H. for short.

A study says that mothers kissing their kid’s “owies” may have long lasting effects on their health as an adult. The study was conducted by 4-year-olds who want to sound smart.

A Chinese Billionaire was sentenced to 14 years in prison for illegal business dealings, insider trading and corporate bribery. He was given another 3 years for stealing the U.S.'s formula.

The American Heart Association is backing Wii video games that promote exercise by the users. I would support the alternative way to exercise: actually doing that activity.

Wal-Mart pulled an entire line of Miley Cyrus jewelry from its shelves because it contains the dangerous metal cadmium. And because it was made by Miley Cyrus.

John Shepherd-Barron, the inventor of the ATM, has died at the age of 84. His body will be located at eight different places throughout Six Flags for your convenience.

Justin Bieber received a nomination for a 2010 Black Entertainment Television award. The award: worst performance by a female singer.

A Dutch sex shop is giving away 2,000 “Pope condoms”, this weekend. The only problem: They only work when you have sex with choir boys.

That's all for now. More later!

"Hung Parliament"

Joke of the Day: A report says that one in five men around the world may have fertility problems. The other four have already had "the talk" with their doctor.

The Minnesota State Senate has voted to increase taxes on the wealthy. Wealthy people are furious. They will go from multimillionaires to just millionaires.

The number of Americans moving into new homes has increased to 12.5% of the population. Of those 12.5%, 99.9% of those homes were previously foreclosed on.

Coca-Cola is going high tech with a machine that allows people to mix up to 104 different drinks. This machine is called, "A five-year old's dream".

German scientists say they have found sunken islands in the Caribbean Sea. Um yeah, don't many people call that Atlantis?

A man in India claims he hasn’t had food or water in the past 70 years. The National Enquirer was the first to report.

The South Pole reported its warmest year on record, averaging -54.2 degrees Fahrenheit. As a matter of fact, the CEO of Goldman Sachs just visited there so he could warm up.

In Britain, since no political party won an outright majority of seats in last week’s election, the result is a “hung Parliament”. You know, kind of like the government we have right here in the US.

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced that he will resign his position. He will go back to his first job: a marshmallow on a S'more.

An Australian TV channel is teaching the Noongar Aboriginal language to young children to help keep it from being lost. The show has already come up with its main character: Muzzy.

A new study finds that the rewards portion of a gambler’s brain considers “near misses” as wins. Or, as CitiGroup calls them, "Executive bonuses".

The June issue of Playboy will feature a 3-D centerfold picture. Don't get ahead of yourself. It's just Scott Brown with a stick coming out of the staples.

First lady Michelle Obama on Tuesday unveiled a 70-point plan for reducing childhood obesity within a generation, including a call for marketing healthier food. Obese kids plan to protest, but getting them off the couch could be a major issue.

That's all for today! More tomorrow!

"A Lifeless Man"

Joke of the Day: Next week is "Idol Gives Back", where American Idol donates food and money to the needy. Or, as Taylor Hicks calls it, "Payday".

According to court records, 76-year-old CNN talk show host Larry King filed for divorce from his 7th wife. He was apparently influenced by his childhood friend, King Henry VIII.

British researchers say they are close to developing a type of “Viagra for women”, which would help with female sexual arousal. The pill is apparently called, "Make your husband look like George Clooney".

A study says that children as young as 21 months of age care if people try to help them. Which means that Justin Bieber won't be taking advice anytime soon.

A study says that television networks have snubbed and maligned the Tea Party. That's because when 7-year olds think that the Tea Party means something totally different.

New York City carriage horses have been ordered by city council to be given larger stalls, more vacation time and blankets in cold weather. Los Angeles has done the same thing. With Oprah Winfrey.

A dead man has been elected mayor of Tracy City, Tenn. A lifeless man is now a politician. Welcome back, Al Gore!

Britain is closing its airspace after a huge volcano began to erupt in Iceland. Nothing says "irony" like a volcanic eruption in a place called "Iceland".

New York City plans to stop paying teachers who do nothing. They figure they lose enough money when they pay the President for doing nothing.

Authorities said a man who escaped from the back of a police car in New Jersey tried to gnaw off his fingerprints. On the plus side, the police station was able to save money on fingerprint ink.

An Erie County judge has thrown out a lawsuit filed by the guardian of a 12-year-old girl who claimed the girl was burned and traumatized when a convenience store clerk allegedly aimed a hand-held price scanner at her face. Then, things got really interesting when the scanner beeped.

Two Chinese singers have become the first people in the country to fall foul of new rules banning lip-syncing. At the scene, authorities said, "You have the right to remain silent, Miss Spears..."

Israel has banned imports of the iPad, citing concerns the powerful gadget's wireless signals could disrupt other devices. America should do the same with the iPad because it disrupts other devices. Like cars.

Children who engage in creative and active play may grow up to be healthier adults, suggests a British study. Apparently the Britains dug up a time capsule with the study included in it.

For children at higher-than-average risk of asthma, having a dog around the house may increase the chances of developing the lung disease, a new study suggests. Man, I didn't know that when a dog pants, that means he's having an asthma attack.

That's it for now! More later!

"Live Fish In Barber Shops"

A California woman went into labor unexpectedly and gave birth with the help of her own children. The children called it "Talking poo-poo".

A New York man proposed to his fiancee on a bus to New Jersey. What's next? A McDonalds wedding with the onion ring bearer and the lettuce girl?

Nintendo is aiming to get game consoles into schools across the country as an educational tool. This will give children a good reason to go to school.

A huge sandstorm has turned the sky over Beijing orange. This sandstorm was so bad that most 6-year old workers actually got the day off.

The UNC college men’s basketball team is the most valuable program in the country, worth an estimated $29 Million. Yeah, I'd totally pay $29 million for a basketball team that didn't even make the NCAA Tournament.

The Tennessee Senate has approved having live fish in barber shops. Well, it beats the heck out of the Big Mouth Bass.

The Tennessee Senate has approved having live fish in barber shops. Tennessee wants to make sure that people are satisfied if they ever get hungry.

A Yemeni girl has written a book about being forced into marriage at ten years old and getting divorced at eleven. Britney Spears has sued this girl for copyright issues.

Blockbuster Video is hinting at a possible bankruptcy. This bankruptcy claim will affect their loyal customers. All three of them.

Parents of twins or triplets are more likely to get divorced, according to a study. The lone source of the study: Jon and Kate Plus 8.

A study says that video games can hurt a student’s schoolwork. This study is called "Well Duh!"

It was 117 years ago today, on March 22, 1893, that the first collegiate women’s basketball game was played. That was also the day that UConn's winning streak began.

In a TV interview that aired Sunday, golfer Tiger Woods admitted “I have done some very bad things”. Strangely enough, Tiger's mistresses said the exact same thing while he was with them.

In a recently televised interview on ESPN, golfer Tiger Woods says of his return, “It would be nice to hear a couple of claps.” No problem. He already has THE clap.