"Harry Baals"

First Lady Michelle Obama says her two daughters do not have accounts on Facebook. She added that they do not have Myspace accounts, which disappointed thousands of middle-aged perverts.

Italian prosecutors pushed for a quick trial of Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi on charges he had sex with an underage prostitute. Yeah, just what this guy needs. Another quickie.

Fort Wayne in Indiana may name its new government center after former mayor Harry Baals. It was a better alternative than their other former mayor, Michael Thatswhatshesaid.

Fort Wayne in Indiana may name its new government center after former mayor Harry Baals. If this guy got in a sex scandal, that would be the worst newspaper headline in history. "Harry Baals linked to Las Vegas prostitute".

Fort Wayne in Indiana may name its new government center after former mayor Harry Baals. I'm sure the only reason he was voted in was so people could make fun of his name.

Two grandparents are accused of locking their 9-year-old granddaughter in a small bathroom every night for six years. That's what you get when you take parenting classes taught by Britney Spears.

An Arizona woman who tried to swap her 2-year-old child for a gun was sentenced to prison. The two-year-old and the gun are very different. One is small, problematic, and loud when it snaps, and the other is a gun.

A Little League coach was charged Wednesday with sexually abusing boys on his baseball team, and prosecutors said he videotaped some of the acts. This guy was meant to be a priest.

First Lady Michelle Obama says that President Obama doesn’t dye his hair. I mean seriously, who would ever dye their hair gray?

A new iPhone app helps Catholics go through the confession process. What? Was the little window in the confessional not small enough?

A 7 year old boy accidentally bought a fighter jet on eBay. Maybe Justin Bieber has a little too much money.

Miley Cyrus says she “made a mistake” by using a bong to smoke the herb salvia. Now she will go back to becoming high when she usually does. Right before her concerts.

New York Congressman Christopher Lee has resigned after being caught answering a personal ad on Craigslist. Usually, Congressmen are the ones that post the personal ads.

An Iranian man accused of developing porn web sites has been sentenced to death. Iran drew the line when one woman revealed her entire face.

A New York college professor says that prostitutes are now selling sex on Facebook. That's what Myspace is for.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!