Steve Jobs died of respiratory arrest caused by a pancreatic tumor. Apparently there wasn't an app for that.
A study says that selfish and aggressive behavior is perceived as strength in the office. Isn't that called "Wall Street"?
Rihanna says that she's happy for Chris Brown's success. And that was this week's installment of "Riiiiiiight...".
Three people were hospitalized after pot-laced brownies were served at a funeral. Weirdly enough, they washed them down with Coke.
A woman gave birth after running a marathon. Running a marathon while pregnant? Top that, Kenya!
LeBron James is considering joining the NFL. Maybe he should take his talents to South Beach. They actually need him.
Scientists say they are 95% sure that Bigfoot lives in the Russian tundra. I think I speak for the entire world when I say, "Like seriously. Give it up."
Two men have been hospitalized after a fight over a dead deer in northeastern Pennsylvania. Yeah, Alex, I'll take "White Trash" for a thousand.
An official at the CDC was arrested molesting a 6-year-old boy and bestiality. If this guy works for the CDC, then I should be a trainer on "The Biggest Loser".
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label LeBron James. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LeBron James. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
"A Jail Visit"
A Phoenix suburb is experimenting with using dog poop as a power source. Of course, they're going to get it from the number one place that it exists: the bottoms of people's shoes.
LeBron James' popularity is at an all time low. To give you an idea of how low it is, even President Obama is laughing at him.
"Celebrity Rehab" star Kari Ann Peniche says she is pregnant and divorcing, with her husband claiming the child isn't his. This has "Maury Povich" written all over it.
Casey Anthony refused a jail visit from her mother. When Casey Anthony doesn't like you as a mother, you're probably doing something wrong.
Research says that people with wide faces are more likely to cheat and lie. And after years of watching Family Guy, they are more likely to want to achieve world domination.
The bikini has turned 65 years old. Hopefully the first one purchased isn't still in use by the same person.
A study says that schools that give report cards about kids' weight made no difference in the problem. In fact, the overweight boys have D's. Oh, and their report cards aren't so hot, either.
Albertson's grocery stores are doing away with their self checkout lines. This would be a bigger news story if they had more than four customers.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
LeBron James' popularity is at an all time low. To give you an idea of how low it is, even President Obama is laughing at him.
"Celebrity Rehab" star Kari Ann Peniche says she is pregnant and divorcing, with her husband claiming the child isn't his. This has "Maury Povich" written all over it.
Casey Anthony refused a jail visit from her mother. When Casey Anthony doesn't like you as a mother, you're probably doing something wrong.
Research says that people with wide faces are more likely to cheat and lie. And after years of watching Family Guy, they are more likely to want to achieve world domination.
The bikini has turned 65 years old. Hopefully the first one purchased isn't still in use by the same person.
A study says that schools that give report cards about kids' weight made no difference in the problem. In fact, the overweight boys have D's. Oh, and their report cards aren't so hot, either.
Albertson's grocery stores are doing away with their self checkout lines. This would be a bigger news story if they had more than four customers.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
"Environmental Literacy"
General Mills reported that its 4th quarter profits rose 51%. In other words, General Mills is a polar opposite of LeBron James.
June 30 is National Handshake Day. Or as people that meet Anthony Weiner call it, "Just Wave Hello Day".
Charlie Sheen says he took steroids for 6 or 8 weeks during the filming of the 1989 movie “Major League”. Seriously, what drug hasn't this guy taken?
Turtles crossing a runway at JFK International Airport in New York caused flight delays. Have you ever been on the runway at an airport? The airplanes ARE the turtles.
A man is blaming Jerry Seinfeld and the show “The Marriage Ref” for breaking up his marriage. I blame the man for taking advice from Jerry Seinfeld.
Maryland schools are adding environmental literacy to their graduation requirements. Environmental literacy; isn't that called "science class"?
Norma Lyon, the butter sculptor for Iowa State Fair, has died at age 81. She will be buried on the shelf of her refrigerator.
Chicago has adopted a new tourism slogan, “Second to none”. I think "Second to last" sounds more appropriate.
That's all I have for today! Well, this was my 400th post! Yay me! And personally, I think this was a good bunch of jokes for an anniversary post like this. Anyway, more tomorrow!
June 30 is National Handshake Day. Or as people that meet Anthony Weiner call it, "Just Wave Hello Day".
Charlie Sheen says he took steroids for 6 or 8 weeks during the filming of the 1989 movie “Major League”. Seriously, what drug hasn't this guy taken?
Turtles crossing a runway at JFK International Airport in New York caused flight delays. Have you ever been on the runway at an airport? The airplanes ARE the turtles.
A man is blaming Jerry Seinfeld and the show “The Marriage Ref” for breaking up his marriage. I blame the man for taking advice from Jerry Seinfeld.
Maryland schools are adding environmental literacy to their graduation requirements. Environmental literacy; isn't that called "science class"?
Norma Lyon, the butter sculptor for Iowa State Fair, has died at age 81. She will be buried on the shelf of her refrigerator.
Chicago has adopted a new tourism slogan, “Second to none”. I think "Second to last" sounds more appropriate.
That's all I have for today! Well, this was my 400th post! Yay me! And personally, I think this was a good bunch of jokes for an anniversary post like this. Anyway, more tomorrow!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
"Better Than Anyone Else"
The fiancée of 85-year-old Hugh Hefner, 24-year-old Crystal Harris, called off the wedding, scheduled for Saturday. Well gee, I wonder what would incline a 24-year-old Playboy model to not want to marry an 85-year-old vegetable.
HeroBuilders, a Connecticut toy company, has come out with the new Anthony Weiner doll. An Anthony Weiner doll coming from a place called HeroBuilders is like a Mel Gibson doll coming from a place called ToleranceBuilders.
A new survey says Los Angeles has more sex than any other US city. Without Paris Hilton, Los Angeles would rank 37th.
Facebook has lost an estimated 6 Million users in America, many who fear of a loss of privacy. Unfortunately for the people who left, Facebook has information on every single one of them.
A report says that American students don’t know much about U.S. history. The report was done by people who listen to Sarah Palin.
The BBC aired an assisted suicide on TV. Apparently it was Jack Kevorkian's memorial video.
The CEO of Dow Chemical says there are plenty of jobs available for people with the right skills. It doesn't take a CEO to figure that out.
LeBron James says his comments after the NBA Finals were not meant to say he is better than anyone else. After watching him in the 4th quarter, he isn't better than anyone else at all.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
HeroBuilders, a Connecticut toy company, has come out with the new Anthony Weiner doll. An Anthony Weiner doll coming from a place called HeroBuilders is like a Mel Gibson doll coming from a place called ToleranceBuilders.
A new survey says Los Angeles has more sex than any other US city. Without Paris Hilton, Los Angeles would rank 37th.
Facebook has lost an estimated 6 Million users in America, many who fear of a loss of privacy. Unfortunately for the people who left, Facebook has information on every single one of them.
A report says that American students don’t know much about U.S. history. The report was done by people who listen to Sarah Palin.
The BBC aired an assisted suicide on TV. Apparently it was Jack Kevorkian's memorial video.
The CEO of Dow Chemical says there are plenty of jobs available for people with the right skills. It doesn't take a CEO to figure that out.
LeBron James says his comments after the NBA Finals were not meant to say he is better than anyone else. After watching him in the 4th quarter, he isn't better than anyone else at all.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
"Simpsonese"
Charlie Rangel is being tried by a jury of his peers for violating Congressional ethics. I have never heard of such a thing. Congressional ethics?
Actress/singer Jessica Simpson says she will be riding in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. In Simpsonese, that means "I'm having sex on a Thanksgiving float".
A Florida truck dealership is offering customers a free AK-47 with the purchase of a new vehicle. What could possibly go wrong?
Vikings owner Zygi Wilf says he is not considering firing coach Brad Childress. He will fire Childress when someone can correctly pronounce Zygi Wilf.
A new Japanese canned drink vending machine uses facial recognition technology to "recommend" drinks based on the customer's age and gender. I went to that vending machine, and I was recommended the dietary drink.
Scientists are proposing sending older people to colonize Mars on a one way mission where they would never come back. This is exactly what Brett Favre needs.
A Florida executive says she was fired for having “distracting” breasts. Doesn't that usually get you a promotion?
The U.S. says South American gangs are buying jets, filling them with cocaine and flying them to Europe to sell. The part of this that was least difficult for South Americans: finding pilots.
A study says teenagers who can’t see other people’s points of view will get better with age. This study was conducted by a bunch of old politicians.
Bill Clinton will have a part in the movie “The Hangover 2” which will film in Thailand. Apparently "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" turned into "I didn't git nun".
LeBron James is reportedly a finalist for Time’s “Person of the Year”. Who knew Miami Heat fans worked for Time?
A prank in Arizona resulted in a road sign warning people of zombies. I feel like Arizona thinks they are in a sci-fi movie. They are warning their citizens about zombies and aliens.
What do Barack Obama and Tiger Woods have in common? They are both incapable of pulling out.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Actress/singer Jessica Simpson says she will be riding in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. In Simpsonese, that means "I'm having sex on a Thanksgiving float".
A Florida truck dealership is offering customers a free AK-47 with the purchase of a new vehicle. What could possibly go wrong?
Vikings owner Zygi Wilf says he is not considering firing coach Brad Childress. He will fire Childress when someone can correctly pronounce Zygi Wilf.
A new Japanese canned drink vending machine uses facial recognition technology to "recommend" drinks based on the customer's age and gender. I went to that vending machine, and I was recommended the dietary drink.
Scientists are proposing sending older people to colonize Mars on a one way mission where they would never come back. This is exactly what Brett Favre needs.
A Florida executive says she was fired for having “distracting” breasts. Doesn't that usually get you a promotion?
The U.S. says South American gangs are buying jets, filling them with cocaine and flying them to Europe to sell. The part of this that was least difficult for South Americans: finding pilots.
A study says teenagers who can’t see other people’s points of view will get better with age. This study was conducted by a bunch of old politicians.
Bill Clinton will have a part in the movie “The Hangover 2” which will film in Thailand. Apparently "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" turned into "I didn't git nun".
LeBron James is reportedly a finalist for Time’s “Person of the Year”. Who knew Miami Heat fans worked for Time?
A prank in Arizona resulted in a road sign warning people of zombies. I feel like Arizona thinks they are in a sci-fi movie. They are warning their citizens about zombies and aliens.
What do Barack Obama and Tiger Woods have in common? They are both incapable of pulling out.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
"Working While Sick"
Police in North Dakota arrested a woman who allegedly walked into a drugstore wearing only a thong, pasties, a small towel and whipped cream. It turns out, it was just Paris Hilton looking for more prescription pain killers.
The American woman released by Iran after more than a year in prison said she was grateful to Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for her freedom. Of course, saying that was a part of her plea deal.
A firm handshake could be a sign of a longer life expectancy, according to British researchers. Unless you happen to introduce yourself to Mr. Death.
Justin Bieber is reportedly "trying to stay single". In an unrelated story, the suicide rate of desperate teenage girls has sharply increased.
A new study says that doctors are actually working while sick. Isn't that like an obese nutritionist?
Researchers say that cancer patients who die at home do so more peacefully. Coincidentally, the researchers are the ones paying for the treatment.
A University of Delaware graduate student has become the biggest one-day winner in the history of the game show "Jeopardy!". This is sure to be a huge hit in the Guinness Book Of Nerd Records.
A study says that more popular people tend to catch the flu before others because they are around so many people. In that case, why are the nerds always sick?
A poll says investors are wary of stock trading and feel that the market is not a fair place to put their money. The same poll said that french fries are bad for you.
The Pentagon says they will start weighing whether something is affordable before buying it. If it works, President Obama said that he may even try it.
President Obama is telling students to ignore bullies and to treat each other with kindness and respect. Unfortunately, that was the speech he was going to deliver to FOX News.
A study says that a gloomy personality may increase the risk of heart problems. Well that ought to cheer them up.
A study says that selfish people can actually benefit society overall. That's what Wall Street has been telling us all along.
LeBron James is listed as the sixth most unpopular professional athlete. Apparently this poll was not given in Miami.
A study by the University of Rochester says that people who play action video games tend to be better at making quick and accurate decisions. Except when it comes to women.
That's all for today! More coming tomorrow!
The American woman released by Iran after more than a year in prison said she was grateful to Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for her freedom. Of course, saying that was a part of her plea deal.
A firm handshake could be a sign of a longer life expectancy, according to British researchers. Unless you happen to introduce yourself to Mr. Death.
Justin Bieber is reportedly "trying to stay single". In an unrelated story, the suicide rate of desperate teenage girls has sharply increased.
A new study says that doctors are actually working while sick. Isn't that like an obese nutritionist?
Researchers say that cancer patients who die at home do so more peacefully. Coincidentally, the researchers are the ones paying for the treatment.
A University of Delaware graduate student has become the biggest one-day winner in the history of the game show "Jeopardy!". This is sure to be a huge hit in the Guinness Book Of Nerd Records.
A study says that more popular people tend to catch the flu before others because they are around so many people. In that case, why are the nerds always sick?
A poll says investors are wary of stock trading and feel that the market is not a fair place to put their money. The same poll said that french fries are bad for you.
The Pentagon says they will start weighing whether something is affordable before buying it. If it works, President Obama said that he may even try it.
President Obama is telling students to ignore bullies and to treat each other with kindness and respect. Unfortunately, that was the speech he was going to deliver to FOX News.
A study says that a gloomy personality may increase the risk of heart problems. Well that ought to cheer them up.
A study says that selfish people can actually benefit society overall. That's what Wall Street has been telling us all along.
LeBron James is listed as the sixth most unpopular professional athlete. Apparently this poll was not given in Miami.
A study by the University of Rochester says that people who play action video games tend to be better at making quick and accurate decisions. Except when it comes to women.
That's all for today! More coming tomorrow!
Monday, July 12, 2010
"Thirteen Yellow Cards"
Joke of the Day: Thirteen yellow cards were handed out in the World Cup championship game between Spain and the Netherlands. Hey, they may not be great at soccer, but at least they'd be really good at Uno.
An Orange County, CA woman was sentenced to jail for texting threatening messages to herself. Now she has every right to be mad at herself.
Workers in Cleveland dismantled a ten story high mural of LeBron James after his announcement to go to Miami. That poster went down faster than Cleveland's playoff chances.
A study says that creativity among American children is declining. Now for this news story, I have decided not to write a punchline.
The Pentagon says a survey asking military people their feelings about homosexuals is not gay. I thought the policy was called, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".
A British company has gotten the go ahead to sell gum in the U.S. that doesn't stick to pavement or shoes. Now does it stick to the bottom of picnic tables?
A vibrating car seat could give drivers an early warning of an impending accident. However, it may be hard to notice over the driver's vibrating cell phone.
An Orange County, CA woman was sentenced to jail for texting threatening messages to herself. Now she has every right to be mad at herself.
Workers in Cleveland dismantled a ten story high mural of LeBron James after his announcement to go to Miami. That poster went down faster than Cleveland's playoff chances.
A study says that creativity among American children is declining. Now for this news story, I have decided not to write a punchline.
The Pentagon says a survey asking military people their feelings about homosexuals is not gay. I thought the policy was called, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".
A British company has gotten the go ahead to sell gum in the U.S. that doesn't stick to pavement or shoes. Now does it stick to the bottom of picnic tables?
A vibrating car seat could give drivers an early warning of an impending accident. However, it may be hard to notice over the driver's vibrating cell phone.
Friday, July 2, 2010
"Not Always Bad"
Joke of the Day: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadenijad said that he'll ban Coca-Cola from Iran. That's like playing the Los Angeles Lakers and double-teaming the waterboy.
Joran van der Sloot is reportedly looking for a $1 Million TV deal to tell his story. Unfortunately for Joran, it won't be easy to spend $1 Million in prison.
A study says that divorce is not always bad for kids. Unless your parents are Jon and Kate.
July is National Ice Cream Month. Which means that the 4th of July will be even more American.
Toyota says it has 270,000 vehicles with faulty engines. All their other cars have faulty accelerators and brakes.
President Obama is pushing for immigration reform citing that "the system is broken". The system? More like the fence.
Yesterday, LeBron James met with the New York Knicks, New Jersey Nets, and Los Angeles Clippers to discuss a possible signing. Yesterday was known as "Operation: We Need Help Now Play For Us".
The National Federation of the Blind and Virginia Tech plan to demonstrate a prototype vehicle next year equipped with technology that helps a blind person drive a car independently. Because if someone who is texting can drive with one hand on the wheel, I'm sure a blind person can drive with both hands on the wheel.
UFC fighter War Machine has been sentenced to a year in jail for violating probation after he assaulted people at two San Diego bars. What do you expect from a guy from the UFC?
The 2-year-old son of former NFL Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Randall Cunningham has died in an apparent backyard hot tub accident. Usually when a Philadelphia Eagles quarterback has a death in their backyard, it probably involved a dog.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Joran van der Sloot is reportedly looking for a $1 Million TV deal to tell his story. Unfortunately for Joran, it won't be easy to spend $1 Million in prison.
A study says that divorce is not always bad for kids. Unless your parents are Jon and Kate.
July is National Ice Cream Month. Which means that the 4th of July will be even more American.
Toyota says it has 270,000 vehicles with faulty engines. All their other cars have faulty accelerators and brakes.
President Obama is pushing for immigration reform citing that "the system is broken". The system? More like the fence.
Yesterday, LeBron James met with the New York Knicks, New Jersey Nets, and Los Angeles Clippers to discuss a possible signing. Yesterday was known as "Operation: We Need Help Now Play For Us".
The National Federation of the Blind and Virginia Tech plan to demonstrate a prototype vehicle next year equipped with technology that helps a blind person drive a car independently. Because if someone who is texting can drive with one hand on the wheel, I'm sure a blind person can drive with both hands on the wheel.
UFC fighter War Machine has been sentenced to a year in jail for violating probation after he assaulted people at two San Diego bars. What do you expect from a guy from the UFC?
The 2-year-old son of former NFL Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Randall Cunningham has died in an apparent backyard hot tub accident. Usually when a Philadelphia Eagles quarterback has a death in their backyard, it probably involved a dog.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
"Bob Dylan's Lyrics"
Joke of the Day: A college professor in New York is teaching Bob Dylan's lyrics as literature. That's like recommending Kirstie Alley's diet in health class.
A study says that video gamers can control their dreams. Like they wish they could be that soldier in Call of Duty.
British Petroleum admits that their decision to proceed with a flawed oil rig was a “fundamental mistake”. You know, like all their other methods of stopping the oil spill.
Researchers say that playing in the dirt can make people smarter because of bacteria in the environment. Hopefully it will make them smart enough to take a bath once their done.
President Bush’s new book will begin with his decision to quit drinking. Why didn't he quit drinking when he got into the White House?
Country singer Willie Nelson cut off all his hair. This is a terrible idea. Where can he hide all his drugs?
A “carpet of frogs” shut down a major highway in Greece for two hours. And no, Andy Dick has not taken a European vacation.
Recently fired Cleveland Cavaliers coach Mike Brown thanked the team for letting him coach there the last 5 years. Strangely enough, LeBron James said the exact same thing.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
A study says that video gamers can control their dreams. Like they wish they could be that soldier in Call of Duty.
British Petroleum admits that their decision to proceed with a flawed oil rig was a “fundamental mistake”. You know, like all their other methods of stopping the oil spill.
Researchers say that playing in the dirt can make people smarter because of bacteria in the environment. Hopefully it will make them smart enough to take a bath once their done.
President Bush’s new book will begin with his decision to quit drinking. Why didn't he quit drinking when he got into the White House?
Country singer Willie Nelson cut off all his hair. This is a terrible idea. Where can he hide all his drugs?
A “carpet of frogs” shut down a major highway in Greece for two hours. And no, Andy Dick has not taken a European vacation.
Recently fired Cleveland Cavaliers coach Mike Brown thanked the team for letting him coach there the last 5 years. Strangely enough, LeBron James said the exact same thing.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Monday, May 24, 2010
"The Youngest Climber Ever"
Joke of the Day: A government report says that one in eight public pools were shut down two years ago because of dirty water. In fact, they were so dirty that the pools considered relocating to the Gulf of Mexico.
Sarah Palin accused Pres. Obama of being in bed with the big oil companies. She also accused her daughter of being in bed with everybody.
A Massachusetts cleaning man was taken to the hospital after being sucked into a sausage-making machine. After the man was proven to be just fine, the hospital celebrated with a nice sausage barbecue.
A thirteen-year-old California boy became the youngest climber ever to reach the top of Mt. Everest. At least, that's what he told his parents.
Pres. Obama said that if LeBron James is looking for a new team, he would fit in well with Obama’s favorite Chicago Bulls. This is exactly like a bailout, but no money is involved.
A Virginia man has been sentenced to three months for disrupting an AirTran flight. The pilots were disappointed and called the man obnoxious, while the passengers called it, "The most pleasant AirTran flight in years".
The BP executive in charge of fighting the Gulf of Mexico oil spill said Monday his company knows people are frustrated by its failure to plug the well that has been gushing for more than a month. And yet, he hasn't done anything about it.
A judge on Monday ordered Lindsay Lohan to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. How about a bracelet for all the other stuff she does?
A new study says that many girls are addicted to Facebook. The same study conducted that Tiger Woods was addicted to sex.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Sarah Palin accused Pres. Obama of being in bed with the big oil companies. She also accused her daughter of being in bed with everybody.
A Massachusetts cleaning man was taken to the hospital after being sucked into a sausage-making machine. After the man was proven to be just fine, the hospital celebrated with a nice sausage barbecue.
A thirteen-year-old California boy became the youngest climber ever to reach the top of Mt. Everest. At least, that's what he told his parents.
Pres. Obama said that if LeBron James is looking for a new team, he would fit in well with Obama’s favorite Chicago Bulls. This is exactly like a bailout, but no money is involved.
A Virginia man has been sentenced to three months for disrupting an AirTran flight. The pilots were disappointed and called the man obnoxious, while the passengers called it, "The most pleasant AirTran flight in years".
The BP executive in charge of fighting the Gulf of Mexico oil spill said Monday his company knows people are frustrated by its failure to plug the well that has been gushing for more than a month. And yet, he hasn't done anything about it.
A judge on Monday ordered Lindsay Lohan to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. How about a bracelet for all the other stuff she does?
A new study says that many girls are addicted to Facebook. The same study conducted that Tiger Woods was addicted to sex.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Monday, May 17, 2010
"Another Player's Shoe"
Joke of the Day: An immigrant won Sunday night's Miss USA pageant. One thing's for sure: She wasn't Miss Arizona.
A mile-long tube installed by BP is sucking away the oil that has been gushing out of the broken pipeline in the Gulf of Mexico. BP is also sucking money out of our wallets by raising gas prices by $2.00 a gallon.
The current flight of the space shuttle Atlantis is scheduled to be its final flight. It will land underwater where it will stay for the rest of eternity.
A 94-year-old California woman graduated from Mills College in Oakland, finally earning her college degree. The other thing that woman just crossed off her bucket list: host Saturday Night Live.
A California high school girl’s softball coach forced 8 players who struck out during a recent game to drink soda from another player’s shoe. Their choices were to drink soda from the shoe or drink Diet Coke from the can.
Rumors on the Internet say that one of LeBron James’ Cavaliers teammates has been sleeping with his mother. Even more reason for him to leave Cleveland.
A new study says that burgers and fries worsen asthma. The conductors of the study apparently made the participants walk to and from McDonald's.
BP says the Gulf oil spill cleanup has cost the company $450 Million so far. Or, as BP calls it, one fill-up.
Las Vegas is reacting to the housing bust by building thousands of new homes. That's like trying to cure the obesity epidemic by doubling production at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
The Kansas City Royals have fired third base coach Dave Owen. The Royals didn't think he was necessary because, of course, nobody on the Kansas City Royals can get to third base.
A survey says small business owners are more upbeat about the economy. That's because they are still among the very few Americans who actually has a job.
A group of unhappy Facebook users are promoting a “Quit Facebook Day” on May 31 to protest the latest changes to the Facebook privacy policy. To those unhappy Facebook users, there's this crazy thing called "Deleting Your Account".
Some scientists are estimating that the oil leak in the Gulf has sent a miles-long underwater plume of oil heading straight for the Florida Keys. In a related story, the Cubans have found a shortcut to Miami.
That's all I have for right now. More later!
A mile-long tube installed by BP is sucking away the oil that has been gushing out of the broken pipeline in the Gulf of Mexico. BP is also sucking money out of our wallets by raising gas prices by $2.00 a gallon.
The current flight of the space shuttle Atlantis is scheduled to be its final flight. It will land underwater where it will stay for the rest of eternity.
A 94-year-old California woman graduated from Mills College in Oakland, finally earning her college degree. The other thing that woman just crossed off her bucket list: host Saturday Night Live.
A California high school girl’s softball coach forced 8 players who struck out during a recent game to drink soda from another player’s shoe. Their choices were to drink soda from the shoe or drink Diet Coke from the can.
Rumors on the Internet say that one of LeBron James’ Cavaliers teammates has been sleeping with his mother. Even more reason for him to leave Cleveland.
A new study says that burgers and fries worsen asthma. The conductors of the study apparently made the participants walk to and from McDonald's.
BP says the Gulf oil spill cleanup has cost the company $450 Million so far. Or, as BP calls it, one fill-up.
Las Vegas is reacting to the housing bust by building thousands of new homes. That's like trying to cure the obesity epidemic by doubling production at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
The Kansas City Royals have fired third base coach Dave Owen. The Royals didn't think he was necessary because, of course, nobody on the Kansas City Royals can get to third base.
A survey says small business owners are more upbeat about the economy. That's because they are still among the very few Americans who actually has a job.
A group of unhappy Facebook users are promoting a “Quit Facebook Day” on May 31 to protest the latest changes to the Facebook privacy policy. To those unhappy Facebook users, there's this crazy thing called "Deleting Your Account".
Some scientists are estimating that the oil leak in the Gulf has sent a miles-long underwater plume of oil heading straight for the Florida Keys. In a related story, the Cubans have found a shortcut to Miami.
That's all I have for right now. More later!
Monday, March 1, 2010
"Chocolate Covered Bacon"
George W. Bush says that faith helped him through the tough times in his presidency. Unfortunately, not even a prayer could increase his approval rating.
A study says that parents are choosing less common names for their children. The study is entitled, "Think of one other person named Bronx-Mowgli".
Rickey Henderson has been hired to teach the Oakland A's baseball team how to steal bases. I think they need to hire someone to teach them how to get on base.
Nike says it will continue to support Tiger Woods. I mean who better to support a company whose slogan is "Just Do It" than Tiger Woods?
According to an article in USA Today, Florida is the deadliest state for walkers and cyclists. That article is based on the fact that the people walking and cycling are in retirement.
Marie Osmond's 18 year old son has committed suicide. This came about when the boy realized that he was an Osmond.
According to sources close to Phil Jackson, LeBron James has expressed interest in joining the Los Angeles Lakers. LeBron should realize that if he joins a team like the Lakers, he can't score all the points. That's Kobe's job.
The NHL is considering keeping their players out of the Olympics in 2014. I guess that means no team Canada.
A minor league baseball stadium in Michigan is selling chocolate-covered bacon and foot long hotdogs served in Twinkies. Apparently their goal is for fans to die as soon as possible.
That's it for today. Definitely more tomorrow!
A study says that parents are choosing less common names for their children. The study is entitled, "Think of one other person named Bronx-Mowgli".
Rickey Henderson has been hired to teach the Oakland A's baseball team how to steal bases. I think they need to hire someone to teach them how to get on base.
Nike says it will continue to support Tiger Woods. I mean who better to support a company whose slogan is "Just Do It" than Tiger Woods?
According to an article in USA Today, Florida is the deadliest state for walkers and cyclists. That article is based on the fact that the people walking and cycling are in retirement.
Marie Osmond's 18 year old son has committed suicide. This came about when the boy realized that he was an Osmond.
According to sources close to Phil Jackson, LeBron James has expressed interest in joining the Los Angeles Lakers. LeBron should realize that if he joins a team like the Lakers, he can't score all the points. That's Kobe's job.
The NHL is considering keeping their players out of the Olympics in 2014. I guess that means no team Canada.
A minor league baseball stadium in Michigan is selling chocolate-covered bacon and foot long hotdogs served in Twinkies. Apparently their goal is for fans to die as soon as possible.
That's it for today. Definitely more tomorrow!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
"A Crazy 2009"
Joke of the Day: It has been a crazy 2009. There were several crazy news stories like Tiger Woods, balloon boy, and Jon and Kate. There was also a major increase in the number of people who use Facebook and Twitter, and a huge boost in the number of people who text message. Considering all of these things, I think we can say that 2009 was "the year of WTF!".
LeBron James and Tiger Woods both celebrated birthdays yesterday. Tiger spent his birthday doing god knows what, and LeBron was mad at God because he just HAD to have the same birthday as Tiger.
Rush Limbaugh was taken to a hospital on Wednesday in Hawaii while he was vacationing there. He almost died of shock when he heard that President Obama was planning to do the same thing he was for once.
It's almost the new year! It's hard to understand how we got to 2010 so fast, and it will be especially hard to understand since Dick Clark is the one who will tell me that it's the new year.
Many people are saying that the 2000's was "the rise of the reality show". In a related story, those same people are calling 2009 "the fall of the reality show".
Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller reportedly want to reconcile, but it may cost Charlie at least $1 million. Hey, it could have been worse for Charlie. At least he didn't have to pay an extra million bucks to keep any mistresses quiet.
LeBron James and Tiger Woods both celebrated birthdays yesterday. Tiger spent his birthday doing god knows what, and LeBron was mad at God because he just HAD to have the same birthday as Tiger.
Rush Limbaugh was taken to a hospital on Wednesday in Hawaii while he was vacationing there. He almost died of shock when he heard that President Obama was planning to do the same thing he was for once.
It's almost the new year! It's hard to understand how we got to 2010 so fast, and it will be especially hard to understand since Dick Clark is the one who will tell me that it's the new year.
Many people are saying that the 2000's was "the rise of the reality show". In a related story, those same people are calling 2009 "the fall of the reality show".
Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller reportedly want to reconcile, but it may cost Charlie at least $1 million. Hey, it could have been worse for Charlie. At least he didn't have to pay an extra million bucks to keep any mistresses quiet.
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