"Dark Chocolate"

China is pushing to ban indoor smoking in most places by May 1. The only place that allows indoor smoking will now be your grandparents' house.

According to the latest census statistics, one-sixth of all Americans is Hispanic. The other five don't live in Los Angeles.

Phillies right-hand pitcher Roy Oswalt said he felt good a day after being hit in the head by a line drive. But to be fair, he did announce in the locker room that he was the best pitcher named Roy in baseball.

Ralph Nader is calling for an end to athletic scholarships in college. And you thought he couldn't get anyone to vote for him before.

A man in China reportedly bought 6.5 tons of salt. To put that in perspective, 6.5 tons of salt accounts for one french fry at Wendy's.

A group of transgender New Yorkers are suing because they are being forced to change the gender on their birth certificate. I say that next to gender on their birth certificate, they put a question mark.

Authorities in Mali have arrested four people after an aircraft loaded with 10 tons of cocaine crashed in 2009. By force of habit, Paris Hilton said that she had 10 tons of chewing gum.

A Chinese news agency that more than 100 eastern Chinese villagers have suffered lead poisoning. Chinese officials are calling this horrible, while Americans call this a stereotype.

A new study says that children with Tourette syndrome have better motor control than kids who don't. How bad is it when a kid who twitches 24/7 has better motor control than you do?

That's all I have for right now! More later!

"Diseased Lungs"

The federal government has proposed placing graphic images of diseased lungs on packages of cigarettes. They could also just ban cigarettes.

Researchers say Neanderthals had a raucous and promiscuous sex life. In fact, it was reported that Regis Philbin had seven mistresses.

The new French fries at Wendy’s now have sea salt. Unfortunately, so does their water.

The tuberous bushcricket has the largest testicles in relation to its body size of any known creature. That's ironic for a creature with "bush" in its name.

Two sisters in Oklahoma playing for their school golf team got holes-in-one during the same round. And they also kicked ass on the golf course, too.

Sears stores will stay open on Thanksgiving Day for the first time in their 124 year history. In fact, every Sears store combined is expected to get at least two customers.

Presumptive House Speaker John Boehner says he will travel between home and Washington, D.C. on commercial flights. I'm not sure Joe Biden got the message when he heard "Boehner coming and going".

A sex shop in Alabama offers a drive through window to buy sex toys. What do you get when you cross a drive thru with a sex shop? "Would you like fries ... with this shake?".

President Bush says he has a “clean conscience” when it came to recognizing the problems that led to the financial crisis. No, Mr. President, it wasn't your conscience that was clear. It was your brain.

Former NFL quarterback Jim McMahon says he is suffering memory loss at age 51. The real question is: how does he know what he's suffering from?

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Explicit Lyrics"

Joke of the Day: Police said four customers in a vehicle at a Wendy's drive-thru lane midday Saturday claimed their order was incorrect, so they hurled drinks, hamburgers and fries at an employee inside. The customers have been charged with a salt.

A strike by Spirit Airlines pilots shut down the discount carrier on Saturday, stranding thousands of travelers. Or, as Spirit Airlines calls it, "Any other day".

The fast food-chain Wendy's has pulled a disco CD included in kids' meals because of explicit lyrics in one of the songs. Apparently you could buy one of these off of the 50 Cent menu.

I know, yes, only three jokes. However, I believe they are all of good quality. Lots more tomorrow!