Texas is about to pass legislation that will allow college students to carry concealed weapons on campus. This is terrible news for classmates of the person that gets pissed off easily.
On Saturday in Washington, DC, the wind blew down the National Christmas Tree. The last time something was blown down in Washington, I believe Clinton was president.
Los Angeles Clippers PF Blake Griffin jumped over a car to win the NBA Slam Dunk Competition. Clippers fans everywhere are confused as to what a "win" is.
Dennis Rodman may get nominated to the NBA Hall of Fame. Rodman not only played for the Bulls, but his nose ring and hot temper proves that he was literally a bull.
The NCAA has deadened aluminum baseball bats used by college teams to make them behave more like wood. Of course, they are completely ignoring the other option: giving them wood bats.
Justin Bieber played in the NBA All-Star celebrity game and was named MVP. I wonder if desperate teenage girls had anything to do with the voting.
Malaysian Police have arrested three men in connection with the theft of 725,000 condoms. At least they are prepared for prison.
7’2” pitcher Frank Szczepanik of Barry University in Florida is the tallest college baseball player ever. Not surprisingly, everyone on the team looks up to him.
A video game developer proposed to his co-worker girlfriend by writing “Will you marry me?” in a game he designed. It's the first time I have seen "Video game developer" and "girlfriend" in the same sentence.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Dennis Rodman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dennis Rodman. Show all posts
Monday, February 21, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
"Toxic Ingredients"
The L.A. TV reporter who broke down into gibberish on air at the Grammys was suffering a migraine headache. She must have heard Justin Bieber's performance.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says that President Obama can’t spell his own name. Speaking of Presidents who can't spell their own name, President Bush is doing great.
A gang attacked a 21 year old man in Ireland and forced him to eat his own ear. His new nickname is "Beethoven".
A German study says there are toxic ingredients in tattoo ink. In an unrelated story, Dennis Rodman has been admitted to the hospital.
Researchers at UCLA have reportedly found the cure for baldness. It's called a wig.
A new study says that people who smoke and have head and neck cancers are more likely to have more health problems than people who don't. Because if I have cancer, the first thing I want to do is smoke.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says that President Obama can’t spell his own name. Speaking of Presidents who can't spell their own name, President Bush is doing great.
A gang attacked a 21 year old man in Ireland and forced him to eat his own ear. His new nickname is "Beethoven".
A German study says there are toxic ingredients in tattoo ink. In an unrelated story, Dennis Rodman has been admitted to the hospital.
Researchers at UCLA have reportedly found the cure for baldness. It's called a wig.
A new study says that people who smoke and have head and neck cancers are more likely to have more health problems than people who don't. Because if I have cancer, the first thing I want to do is smoke.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Monday, August 30, 2010
"Closer To Stalling"
Joke of the Day: A massacre caused by a mushroom hunter in Italy has caused 18 deaths. Or, as we call that in America, "Super Mario Brothers".
Justin Bieber postponed his performance Sunday at the New York State Fair. Let me be the first to say, "Thank God!".
Twenty two Komodo dragons hatched from eggs at the Los Angeles Zoo. I don't know what makes them scarier: the fact that they are dragons or the fact that they came from eggs.
More than 500 National Guard troops are being deployed to Arizona to help with border security. Apparently our government has never heard the common saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".
The government says the economy is getting closer to stalling. If the economy stalls any longer, it could be mistaken for President Obama.
A California man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing an acquaintance who complained about his singing. In related news, Simon Cowell has gone into hiding.
Jay Leno raised $100,000 to go towards Gulf Coast recovery from the oil spill. Apparently he has too many jokes in his routine, so he's eliminating some of them.
John Lennon's toilet was sold at an auction for $14,700. Unfortunately, Elvis Presley's toilet didn't sell for quite as much; mainly because it was haunted.
Dennis Rodman claims to have had sex with 2,000 women, and said he was not impressed with the way their parents raised them. If anything, I'm not too thrilled about how Dennis Rodman's parents raised him.
Nike has patented a self lacing shoe. Five-year-olds are calling it, "The greatest invention ever".
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Unless they get behind the wheel of a car.
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. This is great news if you are Lindsay Lohan.
That's all for now! More later!
Justin Bieber postponed his performance Sunday at the New York State Fair. Let me be the first to say, "Thank God!".
Twenty two Komodo dragons hatched from eggs at the Los Angeles Zoo. I don't know what makes them scarier: the fact that they are dragons or the fact that they came from eggs.
More than 500 National Guard troops are being deployed to Arizona to help with border security. Apparently our government has never heard the common saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".
The government says the economy is getting closer to stalling. If the economy stalls any longer, it could be mistaken for President Obama.
A California man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing an acquaintance who complained about his singing. In related news, Simon Cowell has gone into hiding.
Jay Leno raised $100,000 to go towards Gulf Coast recovery from the oil spill. Apparently he has too many jokes in his routine, so he's eliminating some of them.
John Lennon's toilet was sold at an auction for $14,700. Unfortunately, Elvis Presley's toilet didn't sell for quite as much; mainly because it was haunted.
Dennis Rodman claims to have had sex with 2,000 women, and said he was not impressed with the way their parents raised them. If anything, I'm not too thrilled about how Dennis Rodman's parents raised him.
Nike has patented a self lacing shoe. Five-year-olds are calling it, "The greatest invention ever".
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Unless they get behind the wheel of a car.
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. This is great news if you are Lindsay Lohan.
That's all for now! More later!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
"A High School Prom"
Holy crap! Today's my birthday! You don't have to worry about sending me birthday wishes. Both of my friends will take care of that. Anyway, here are today's jokes!
In an interview with People magazine, Elin Nordegren says she never hit Tiger Woods with a golf club and had no idea he was cheating on her. That sounds like an interview you would see on Maury.
Heidi Montag now says she wants her old D-cup implants back because her G-cups make it impossible to hug her four dogs. The number is down from five, as she divorced Spencer.
Alan Simpson, co-chair of President Obama's deficit commission, is in hot water for referring to Social Security as “a milk cow with 310 million tits.” He made a huge mistake. He actually intended to refer to Rush Limbaugh.
A woman on probation in Pennsylvania who failed a blood-alcohol test blamed it on gin-soaked raisins, an old folk remedy for arthritis. The police officer said, "You have one of two options. You could go to jail or you could walk all the way home".
Arizona Senator John McCain clinched the GOP nomination in the state’s primary election on Tuesday. At least there's one election where McCain doesn't have to choose Sarah Palin as his running mate.
Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren told People magazine that she “has been through hell”. Yes, even though he cheated on you, it wasn't hell. You're a Swedish supermodel married to a billionaire golfer.
Golfer Tiger Woods says his divorce is a sad time in his life. At least now, it's okay for him to sleep with other women.
Former NBA star Dennis Rodman told a reporter he’d had sex with 2,000 women. Now we know why he's the all-time leader in rebounds.
A study says the average teenager sends 3,000 text messages each month, which is an average of 100 per day. Who knew teens spend that much time driving?
A survey says that a lack of skilled workers threatens the global economic recovery. This is a message that Wall Street should take to heart.
California has traced the salmonella infections back to a high school prom in Santa Clara. Who knew salmonella was an STD?
A Detroit Lions fan walked 400 miles to attend a preseason game to bring his team luck. The whole Lions organization was shocked. The Detroit Lions have somebody who believes in them?
That's all for today!
In an interview with People magazine, Elin Nordegren says she never hit Tiger Woods with a golf club and had no idea he was cheating on her. That sounds like an interview you would see on Maury.
Heidi Montag now says she wants her old D-cup implants back because her G-cups make it impossible to hug her four dogs. The number is down from five, as she divorced Spencer.
Alan Simpson, co-chair of President Obama's deficit commission, is in hot water for referring to Social Security as “a milk cow with 310 million tits.” He made a huge mistake. He actually intended to refer to Rush Limbaugh.
A woman on probation in Pennsylvania who failed a blood-alcohol test blamed it on gin-soaked raisins, an old folk remedy for arthritis. The police officer said, "You have one of two options. You could go to jail or you could walk all the way home".
Arizona Senator John McCain clinched the GOP nomination in the state’s primary election on Tuesday. At least there's one election where McCain doesn't have to choose Sarah Palin as his running mate.
Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren told People magazine that she “has been through hell”. Yes, even though he cheated on you, it wasn't hell. You're a Swedish supermodel married to a billionaire golfer.
Golfer Tiger Woods says his divorce is a sad time in his life. At least now, it's okay for him to sleep with other women.
Former NBA star Dennis Rodman told a reporter he’d had sex with 2,000 women. Now we know why he's the all-time leader in rebounds.
A study says the average teenager sends 3,000 text messages each month, which is an average of 100 per day. Who knew teens spend that much time driving?
A survey says that a lack of skilled workers threatens the global economic recovery. This is a message that Wall Street should take to heart.
California has traced the salmonella infections back to a high school prom in Santa Clara. Who knew salmonella was an STD?
A Detroit Lions fan walked 400 miles to attend a preseason game to bring his team luck. The whole Lions organization was shocked. The Detroit Lions have somebody who believes in them?
That's all for today!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
