"Common Forgetfulness"

A poll says 37% of Americans believe the economy will get worse in the next year. How could the economy get worse when it's already hit rock bottom?

A California man sentenced to jail smuggled in a cell phone, MP3 player, marijuana, tobacco and $140 in his rectum. And that was only the second weirdest thing to be in his butt all day.

Bret Michaels says he taught Charlie Sheen how to trash a hotel room. Is it really that hard to figure out?

Scottish scientists are set to launch a study on what causes common forgetfulness. I think that it's... wait, what was I just talking about?

Tonight’s full Moon will be the biggest in appearance in the past 18 years as the moon will be unusually close to the Earth. Scientists say it is the biggest moon they've ever seen since the last episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

406 pound Sumo wrestler Kelly Gneiting says he hopes to become the heaviest man to ever finish a Marathon race. At that weight, he'd be lucky to run 26.2 feet.

Wal-Mart stores in California have reached a goal of sending only 20% of their waste to landfills. You know what I call trash at Wal-Mart? The greeter.

Japanese officials said that they have found radiation in their spinach. Hey, at least nobody in America is going to be affected by this.

President Obama said that if Libyan President Moammar Qaddafi does not stop killing his own people, there will be consequences. For instance, U.S. officials are going to send Qaddafi to Japan without any clothes.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"His Opponent's Stench"

Billy Ray Cyrus and his wife are getting a divorce. Mainly because Billy Ray had feelings for another woman. His daughter.

A Colorado man told police he shot himself while sleepwalking and remembered nothing about it. I'm no Albert Einstein, but if you can describe what happened, you clearly remembered something about it.

A California congressional candidate mailed a scratch-and-sniff ad representing his opponent’s stench in Washington. Come on, dude. That idea stinks.

Arizona executed a guy on Tuesday. The crime? Not showing his papers to the police.

The head of British Airways blasted U.S. airport security as being “useless”. He's just finding this out?

NASA is proposing a mission where astronauts would be flown to Mars and left there forever. The person most suggested: Nancy Pelosi.

15 people were killed in a car wash shooting in Mexico. 15 people in Mexico? That's like an entire Toyota Prius.

Archaeologists claim they have found the site of the wedding of Pocahontas in 1614. This comes as a shock to both people that actually care.

The original Darth Vader costume from “Star Wars” will be up for auction. The buyer may be single, but ladies, at least he's got a lot of money.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!