"The Bush Tax Cuts"

President Obama met last week with former President Bill Clinton. This was a meeting of the two people in America that can't pull out to save their lives.

Liberal Democrats will grudgingly pass President Obama’s extension of the Bush tax cuts they call a giveaway to the rich. Aren't those called "bailouts"?

Singer Miley Cyrus was photographed smoking the herb salvia in a bong on her 18th birthday. This is an odd twist. Usually, she's smoking before her musical performances.

A poll says that 68% of people say that parents are to blame for what’s wrong with the nation’s education system. The other 32% blame the students who are actually the ones doing the work.

The Golf Channel will start a morning show in January. Great, now they wanna bore people to death before they go to work.

The State Department says it regrets the patdown of the Indian Ambassador at a Mississippi airport. It's the only time that "regrets the patdown" has ever been used in a sentence.

Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders bashed the proposed tax cut bill with an eight and a half hour filibuster. Because if anybody has any influence in politics, it's that guy from Vermont.

A document released by WikiLeaks says the Vatican tried to stop an investigation by Ireland into child molestations by Catholic priests. WikiLeaks also released a document saying that Bill Clinton was a horny president.

Winona Ryder says in an interview that she doesn’t use the Internet. In fact, she recently proved that with her most recent Twitter update.

That's all for today! More tomorrow!

"Giving Shoes"

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange is in a British jail. You know Americans can't control things when the most hated man in America is arrested by the British.

The New York Yankees’ Derek Jeter is angry at the way his $51 million contract deal came down. As a matter of fact, Jeter was so angry that he tried to throw a baseball at GM Brian Cashman. Of course, it sailed five feet over his head.

Sylvester Stallone had been elected to the International Boxing Hall of Fame. It's marks the first time in history that an English speaking man has ever needed a translator.

U.S. teens are ranked 25th globally in math. Even worse, there were only 24 ranks.

The U.S. will host the World Press Freedom Day in 2011. News reporters have been banned from the event.

A study says that coffee and donuts can give the brain a boost. In that case, why is America's educational system so bad?

Barefoot singer Michael Franti is performing concerts with the goal of giving shoes to the needy around the world. That's like the singer for Barenaked Ladies holding a clothes drive.

That's all I have for today! Sorry, I am really tired. More tomorrow

"Writing A Memoir"

Dec. 1, 1891, James Naismith invented basketball.  Basketball has existed for 121 years, and the Nets still don't know how to play.

A Harvard University doctor has shown that aging can be reversed in mice.  In Los Angeles, they call that "Plastic surgery".

Snoop Dogg will perform at Prince William’s bachelor’s party.  It's a good idea.  The person in the world with nothing better to do will host Snoop Dogg at his wedding.

Tony Parker’s attorney quit in the middle of his divorce from Eva Longoria.  It's like he plays for the Cincinnati Bengals.

No major hurricanes hit the U.S, mainland for the fifth straight year, despite twelve hurricanes forming in the Atlantic Basin.  So despite several signs that something major would happen, nothing really did.  Kind of like Obama's presidency.

More than eight million people stopped using credit cards last year.  What use do credit cards have if they don't have any money?

Guns will soon be allowed on Amtrak trains.  Or, as people who are full of themselves call them, arms.

An economist says that house prices will “bounce along the bottom” for most of next year.  Kind of like the economy.

A report says that more teens are getting their high school diplomas.  Of course, a high school diploma now is the equivalent of an elementary school education thirty years ago.

The UK is going to limit the export of a drug that is used in executions in the U.S.  Instead of the drugs, the UK is going to send the US their food.

Tiger Woods’ story is going to be dramatized on NBC’s “Law & Order”.  "Law & Order": the two things most lacking in the NFL.

A study says that good looks may actually hurt women in a job interview.  Unless you work in porn.

Kara DioGuardi is writing a memoir of her time as a judge on “American Idol”.  This is another step in the "Anybody Can Write A Book" list.

Kid Rock says that scalpers are ruining his birthday party by buying tickets and reselling them for a higher price.  Of course, how do we know that Kid Rock tickets have any value?

That's all I have for today!  More tomorrow!

"Electric Taxis"

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg wants big cities to start using electric taxis. How about cleaner taxis?

Medical researchers have figured out a way to turn a person’s skin into blood. It's called a mosquito.

LA Lakers star Kobe Bryant stars in a new TV ad for the video game “Call Of Duty”. You know what the difference is between Kobe and COD players? Kobe has actually had a girlfriend.

A study says good conversation boosts a person’s brain power. You know what this means? Guests on the Maury Povich show are mentally retarded.

Fox has ordered a new show where contestants are given $1 Million and have it slowly taken away. The title of the show: American Stock Market.

Pennsylvania may outlaw cakes, cookies and candy at school birthday parties. And who says Pennsylvania is doing nothing about the educational system?

Filmgoers have been reportedly fainting during the self-amputation scene in the movie “127 Hours”. You know what Jeffrey Dahmer calls this scene? A huge turn-on.

Charlie Sheen brushed aside questions from his latest meltdown, saying “Can’t a guy have one bad night?”. Everyone in America has had the same response: "Just one?".

President Bush says the financial crisis “blindsided” him. I don't think he knows what "blindsided" is. Bush said it "blindsided" him like that Ravens football player.

Doctors say they are close to making STD tests available through cell phones. This sounds a little confusing. I mean, I can barely fit my cell phone charger in the slot.

A study says that working for food makes it taste better. This means that 10% of Americans hate their food.

That's all for today! More tomorrow!