"Away From Soccer"

ABC’s “Good Morning America” invited singer Chris Brown back to their show after he angrily trashed his dressing room and broke a window. Hopefully to clean all that mess up.

New research says sex and exercise can trigger heart attacks in people who get little of either one. How about people like me, who get none of either?

A 92-year-old Florida woman fired four shots at a man’s house after the 53-year-old neighbor refused to kiss her. Hey, Betty White, go for men your own age.

Inspired by Jerry Perisho: "Tiger Woods is offering a new mobile phone app that provides golf lessons. The problem is that every four swings it loudly blurts out “Fuck”." But considering Tiger's past, could "Fuck" have a double meaning?

NFL star Chad Ochocinco says his grandmother is the one who pointed him toward football and away from soccer. As a Bengals fan, I have to ask his grandma, "Why?".

Frank Neuhauser, the first National Spelling Bee champ has died at age 97. His last words were, "B-E-E-P BEEEEEEEEEEP".

A study says that sleep deprivation makes people more hungry. All those years of failed diets, and all Kirstie Alley needed was a nap.

A gym in Houston is offering “pole dancing for Jesus” classes. Because nothing goes together like pole dancing and Christianity.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!