"Neck Cancers"

Rep. Dennis Kucinich is suing the Congressional cafeteria for an olive pit that he found in a sandwich. He's also pissed because the sandwich is taller than he is.

Singer Jimmy Buffett fell off the stage during a concert in Australia and was rushed to the hospital. That's the last time he ever drinks a margarita during Margaritaville.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says he’ll reduce his salary to $1 if there is a work stoppage next season. Meanwhile in Chicago, Jay Cutler's salary is going to be reduced to $1 regardless of whether he plays or not.

Utah state lawmakers may name the Browning M1911 the official state gun. Utah naming a state gun is like Kentucky naming a state rocket scientist.

Scientists believe they have found the world's oldest galaxy, and it is described as a small, hot affair that blazed to life during the childhood of the cosmos. Like Larry King's first marriage.

The body of former Italian quiz show host Mike Bongiorno was stolen from its grave. Bongiorno hosted numerous Italian quiz shows, while the thief was playing "Press Your Luck".

Snooki from "Jersey Shore" admitted her failed hookup with Jersey Shore's Vinny Guadagnino is one of her biggest regrets. Really, Snooki? Three drunken years on an MTV show and THAT'S one of your biggest regrets?

A new study says that the rise in head and neck cancers is a result of more oral sex. In a related story, Paris Hilton is undergoing chemotherapy.

A new study says that unhealthy eating can lead to depression. Which leads to more unhealthy eating, which leads to more depression...

Nintendo's profit has gone down 74%. It's so bad, their new currency is shiny stars with faces on them.

A study says that people sleep better when their bedroom is clean and comfortable. This study was conducted by moms everywhere.

An Arkansas supermarket has changed its decision to hide a magazine cover which features Elton John, his partner and their baby. What? It's not like anyone's going to buy it.

That's all I have for today! More later!