"Symptoms Of Depression"

January 4 is World Hypnotism Day. Today, for some reason, I have been getting very sleepy.

Goldman Sachs has invested $500 Million in Facebook. I'm shocked that the old people at Goldman Sachs know what Facebook actually is.

More than 500 Russian seamen are stranded in the Sea of Okhotsk by ice that is 6 feet thick. Meanwhile, immature Americans are laughing at the word "seamen".

It snowed along the Las Vegas Strip on Monday. In fact, it's so cold, men are being poked during lap dances at strip clubs.

Users of iPhones are angry that a software glitch rendered their alarm functions unusable early in 2011. They were as non-functional as an Amish electrical outlet.

Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis broke up after being together 8 years. Now, Macaulay really is Home Alone.

On his last day as California’s governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger commuted sentences on several criminals. Celebrities all across LA have said, "So? That happens to us all the time".

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is leaving office with a 22% popularity rating. To give you an idea about how bad that is, even Wall Street is laughing at them.

The Seattle Seahawks have won the NFC West with a 7-9 record. In an unrelated story, the Bengals have asked for a playoff spot.

A Christian group is saying that Biblical prophesies say the end of the world will begin in May. I'm sure what most people care about is when the world actually ends.

A poll says that most Americans want to tax the rich to balance the budget. I'm sure that'll go along great with the rich people.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s 33 year old Peugeot has received a bid of $1 Million in an auction. Really? I didn't even know anybody in Iran had that much money to begin with.

A record number of deaths in Japan have spurred hotels for the dead, where bodies are stored prior to funerals. Who would pay for that?

A study says that bright light may ease symptoms of depression in the elderly. That is, if they know how to turn it on.

David Arquette is in rehab for drinking and depression. Given those two things, he better have a room on the first floor.

A Florida man says he will spend the next 30 days in a fenced enclosure with two African lions. The funeral is tomorrow.

Brett Favre has officially announced his retirement. He says that he needs more time to text.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!