"Banished Words"

It is officially 2011. People think this will be a year of promise. That is, until an attention-seeking dumbass screws it all up.

A new report says that one-third of 9-month-olds are obese or overweight. You know that cute baby you call chubby? Well, you're wrong. It's just fat.

Lake Superior State University has come up with a list of "banished words", which consists of words that they call "misused". This story is completely true. I googled it.

This just in: the "Coptic" Church has been renamed the "Coptic-tic-tic-tic-tic" Church.

New reports are saying that children think marriages are not meant to last very long due to all the celebrity divorces. In fact, this is having such a drastic effect on the children that they want divorces from their pedophile spouses.

Haiti has reportedly suffered a year of crisis with nobody in charge. Kind of like the Gosselin household.

Discovery Channel has indefinitely postponed the broadcast of a show that was going to re-enact Michael Jackson's autopsy. Discovery Channel added that they wanted to air a show that was bearable to watch.

Oprah Winfrey's new channel, OWN, has been launched. Critics say that viewers of the channel will be on the edge of their seats. They will also be looking under them.

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson has refused a pardon for outlaw Billy the Kid. Billy the Kid died 120 years ago. How is it going to matter?

Pittsburgh University fired football coach Mike Haywood on Saturday after he was arrested for domestic violence. Who does this guy think he is, an NFL star?

Slugger and first baseman Derrek Lee has signed a contract with the Baltimore Orioles. He is obviously not looking to win a World Series.

TCU has defeated Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. Take that, BCS!

That's all I have for today! Well, one down, 364 to go. More tomorrow!