"Ecstasy And Cocaine"

The NFL lockout is officially over. Oh god, what is SportsCenter going to talk about NOW?

Amy Winehouse was found dead over the weekend. Her death is expected to take a huge toll on the cocaine industry.

A report says that 150 human and animal hybrids have been created in British laboratories. This might explain their teeth.

Harry Reid criticized the House for taking off for the weekend, saying they were “untoward”. Who knew Sarah Palin taught him grammar?

A New York man was arrested for trying to force his iPhone down his girlfriend’s throat during a fight. That was only the second thing shoved down her throat that night.

A survey says that bosses are more likely to be mad about meetings that don’t start or end on schedule than those that have no purpose. I believe both of these problems can be found in Congress.

A study says that low-information voters are more likely to cast their votes based on a candidate’s looks. This explains how Sarah Palin got the VP nomination.

I'm assuming the party to celebrate gay marriage in New York will be held on Broadway.

Amy Winehouse reportedly bought ecstasy and cocaine before her death. And you expect me to be surprised?

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!