"Fashion Faceoff"

Ron Paul says he is “trying to save the Republican Party”. From what? Youth?

A Texas hospital says it will not hire overweight people with a BMI of more than 35. So we know where I'm not gonna work.

A study proves that “beer goggles” actually exist, and that drinking alcohol can make people look more desirable. Now I have an excuse to buy beer.

Amanda Bynes was recently arrested for DUI. She was so drunk, she thought she saw real dancing lobsters.

Heidi Klum has filed for divorce from Seal, citing "irreconcilable differences". Like the fact that Heidi Klum's face is good looking.

I just read an article called "Mila Kunis vs. Kate Upton Fashion Faceoff". Goddamnit, now my computer is all sticky.

NASA has recently discovered the quietest room on Earth. It's a comedy club after I tell a joke.

A report says that a British sperm clinic founder may have fathered as many as 600 children. And here, I thought the dudes on the Maury Povich show were out of control.

Anchorage, Alaska has broken a 57 year old snow total record for the year with 133.6 inches. Also known as Adele's waistline.

A report says that Americans’ favorite chocolate to eat is Snickers. Americans' least favorite chocolate to eat: Oprah Winfrey.

Baseball announcer Tim McCarver says that social networking is “disturbing”. Well Mr. McCarver, get off my Twitter and Facebook pages.

Chris Daughtry has been sued by former bandmates. If I was forced to listen to Daughtry's music every fucking night, I think I'd deserve a reward.

An ex-teacher in Modesto has been arrested for sexual abuse of one of his students. Can we rename that city Molesto?

George Zimmerman has launched a website to help pay for his legal expenses. He has received countless donations - from white people.

That's all I have for right now! More later!